Twenty-five Shades of Darkness
by Hot4Gerry
Summary: Marcus Devlin, a man very much like his friend Christian Grey, finds himself drawn to a woman against his will. A less suitable companion would be hard to find. She's uneducated, one step from being homeless, collects recyclable items and begs for handouts to make ends meet. Marcus needs a special type of woman. One willing to play his games. OC/OC Christian/Ana
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm very nervous about posting this. It is a departure from my usual writing. For a long time my friend tried to get me to read the ff version of Fifty Shades of Grey. I read the first three or four chapters several different times with no interest. So finally she challenged me. Told me to read at least ten chapters then if I wasn't interested she'd drop the subject. **

**Well, I went into our deal thinking I'd read those few chapters then put the matter to rest. I didn't see the light of day for over four days. I read steadily at first, over 24 hours with no sleep. To say I was hooked is to put it mildly and it isn't that it's a really well written book. It's just interesting and when you wade through all the unnecessary explicit sex we get a half decent story. Sure there had to be sex and kinky f**kery sex. We just didn't need it every five minutes. I may make the same mistake myself so tell me if I do. **

**If I had to read about one more of her inner goddesses moods I would have reached into my computer and strangled her. **

**If anyone saw the movie The Secretary there are similarities between that movie and this book. The male characters name is Edward Grey. In the ff version Christian's name is Edward. In the movie his last name is Grey and Christian's last name in the book is Grey. Too many coincidences. Nothing wrong with it just some FYI. **

**Now, on with the show. Please review. **

**Summary: Marcus Devlin, a man very much like his friend Christian Grey, finds himself drawn to a woman against his will. A less suitable companion would be hard to find. She's uneducated, one step from being homeless, collects recyclable items and begs for handouts to make ends meet. Marcus needs a special type of woman. One willing to go beyond what society deems acceptable sexual practices. Marcus may just be very surprised by Sonny's dark side barely kept at bay. Will he unleash her demons even as she helps chase his away? **

**Marcus Devlin aka The Walstreet Devil or Cobra to some/33/Irish/ Coal black hair with penetrating cold dark brown eyes/look almost black/obsidian **

**Sonja Donatella/22 aka Sonny of Russian/Italian origin/blond/jade green eyes**

**Libby Lane/Elizabeth/20 Sonny's friend/petite with soft wavy brown hair and light blue eyes/Pollyanna outlook on life**

**Story starts in late spring **

**Twenty-five Shades of Dark**

**Chapter One**

**Dark Desires**

**Marcus' POV**

The grand opening of my new restaurant went well, better than I expected. No last minute problems cropped up to ruin the night. This place compliments the hotel I built last year. I officially opened the doors to The Palms Court last spring. This spring I opened The Breeze. Next spring I hope to break ground on the new high rise of luxury condos I plan to build on the block where a bunch of homes and apartments now stand. All of them are in disrepair. Many already have condemned notices on them.

If I have my way that whole block will be leveled in a couple of months. They are an eyesore and need to come down. I don't know where the people will go and frankly, I don't care. I know there are a few good people in there that may have been given some hard knocks. So what? For the first twelve years of my life I lived with two drugged out parents neither of them knowing or caring if I had food to eat, if I was okay or even if I was still living.

When they died from an overdose when I was twelve I went to live with an old friend of my mom's. She wasn't wealthy but she lived well off her dead husband's life insurance and pension.

You know how you think that things can't get any worse and then they do? Well that's how I felt when Carrie Reynolds came to get me from DCF. Back when my parents still had a few useable brain cells they thought it wise to draw up a will so I'd be taken care of if something happened to them. At that time they still gave me a fleeting thought now and then.

Well, something happened and I was taken care of, just not in the way they had in mind. Would it have made any difference if they had known? They were barely hanging on by the time the will came into being.

Now here I am with more money than I can spend and new properties with my name on the deed. To celebrate I had my driver take the long way around the city. Screw all those people trying to make nice with me because someday down the road they will need something I have, something in great abundance, cash. I wasn't born into money. I earned every penny I have now by sheer determination and absorbing information concerning every subject imaginable. I didn't go to college. I did take some classes at the local high school. I studied the finacial sections of newspapers and paid attentoin to Wall Street.

The woman at my side won't mind if we detour. She likes to fuck in cars, planes, restaurants and yes, even in my playroom. I don't know about beds as that isn't my thing. We can have some warm up practice for the main event later on the way home. She would like to come home with me but I'm not in the mood for company tonight. If this wasn't my restaurant opening up I'd be at home going over plans for my next project. I certainly have come a long way from that poor boy I used to be.

After I made my first million dollar deal I hired a life coach, John Ward, to teach me about how to deal with the world around me. There wasn't much that son-of-a-bitch didn't know. Damn fucker tried to fuck me every chance he got and I don't mean figuratively, I mean he literally wanted to fuck me in the ass with his sixty something shriveled up cock. If I hadn't needed him I'd have cut him loose within the first couple of months. I kept him around for six months until I found a suitable replacement. Jack Hale, John's replacement is now my right hand man. He's thirty and chases anything female just short of those looking like a baboons butt.

Getting out of the car tonight an odd thing happened. There was this girl at the restaurant not that there is anything unusual in that. What made her noteworthy is she appeared to be homeless, a panhandler to boot. I am still reeling from the jolt I got when I first saw her. If lightening struck I couldn't have been more surprised.

Every fiber, every hair on my body seemed to vibrate with something I've never felt before. I don't like it because it made me lose control with Daniela. One instant my eyes locked with this strange girl throwing me off balance. I like control. In my anger over losing control in such a ridiculous way I took it out on Daniela. Shit, I nearly opened her up. I shouldn't have brought her home, not in the state I was in.

Sitting here in my living room I feel shy or some such thing. Letting her stay after our encounter is proof I'm not feeling myself. I want to make sure she's okay. Why the hell she didn't use the safe word I'm going to find out. This can't happen again.

To soften my mood I use my pet name for her as I ask, "Danny, what happened in there? I could have really hurt you."

She smiles as she tilts her butt to one side. I imagine it hurts like hell. "You were getting so turned on and that made me get hotter than hell. I nearly came before you fucked me. Don't worry about it sweetie. I'm tough as old boots back there."

"Danny, your ass is like marshmallows, soft, squishy and good to eat. In fact, I'd like to take a bite of you again. Please, don't let me go that far again," I say tilting up her chin with two fingers. I'm not a cruel person, just sadistic with my sex partners. Last night a certain blond girl drove me to do something I swore I never would, I lost control of the whip.

Danny left with an extra spring in her step. Whether from the hard fucking climax we shared or the $2000 in cash I gave her is hard to say. She certainly didn't want to leave even with me dangling the cash as incentive. I'm not into having my women stay long after the sex is over. Usually I just let them find their own way out. Lingering leads to tears, long goodbyes and me losing my patience.

During the next few days my concentration at work is to the point that everyone is giving me strange looks. This has got to stop. I haven't so much as spoken to her and yet she fills every moment of leisure time I have. Working, when I buckle down and really focus helps keep my mind off her. It's while I'm asleep and unguarded that her image creeps in. I must say her face is a welcome change from my customary night terrors.

In order to drive one woman out of my mind I fill my nights with as many different women as I can manage to service. It's a fucking inconvenience. I'd much rather be looking at the plans for my new high-rise.

Giving in to weakness isn't something I encourage in others and deplore in myself. Finding I am unable to resist returning to The Breeze just in case I might catch a glimpse of that fucking girl is annoying to say the least. I find I am now looking for a woman who looks like her. Shit, what the fuck is happening to me? Whatever it is it had better stop.

Christian is no help as he is busy with family things. Ana keeps him on a short leash and the poor bastard doesn't even realize it. I don't think he'd change a thing if he did. That woman and his two kids can work him like putty. He isn't weak, just, content.

Taking up skydiving gets rid of some of my restlessness. There's something about plunging toward the ground at a high rate of speed with only a few yards of silk to save your ass from being splattered over half the county that puts things into perspective for a while anyway. I'm considering buying my own plane so I can take to the skies whenever I feel the need.

Fucking three to four times a day is draining my reserves. Add to that the punishment and we have a very whipped Marcus, literally.

What the fuck am I doing? I've come to eat at The Breeze restaurant three times this week. The food isn't that spectacular. What draws me is the irresistible attraction I feel for that young woman, the one who is essentially a homeless panhandler as far as I can tell.

I don't fuck cheap women. I fuck only upper class women who fit well in the circles I must travel due to my business connections. Occasionally I need a female for window dressing to silence unwanted speculation about my sexual preferences.

She looks clean enough but who knows what diseases she might be carrying around that she will pass on to some unsuspecting fool willing to take her to bed?

My lips quirk in a sardonic smile at that thought. No woman ever comes to my bed. I don't sleep in beds with women. I play my games with them, fuck them in my special way and then send them home with a smile on their faces. They are also considerably richer than when they came.

The bed thing is no problem but her personal hygiene habits are likely not up to my standards. I'd have to clean her up. Imagining her all wet and slippery in my bath is not something I'd normally fantasize about. No woman other than my housekeeper Mrs. Harper has ever stepped foot in my bedroom or master bath. In my playroom there is a full bath. Just the idea of this woman in my special room is enough to bring another surge of desire below my waist.

What is it about this blond that makes my body hum with such desire when as far as I know she hasn't paid any attention to me at all? That is a sore point with me. Usually I have to practically beat women off me with a stick. The thought of beating her bare buttocks swells my dick with need. I'd also like to blindfold her then fuck her sweet mouth.

I watch my blond siren all the while pretending not to notice her and the others leaning against the wall of the restaurant. If she didn't have this damned pull on me I'd have called the cops to chase the whole fucking group away. It's bad for business. My manager Diego has asked if he should get rid of them. Why I told him not to bother with them unless someone complains isn't any complicated reason. I want her but won't go after her. I can imagine her doing things to me just as I imagine doing things to her. Her presence is a test of my resolve. Denial of things you want gives you an appreciation for those things when you do get them, or so Christian says.

I can get fucked any day of the week any time of the day or night. What I can't and won't do is approach that damned beggar. Not that she's asked me for anything or any of the others for that matter. I suppose I do look intimidating with my black hair and dark brown eyes. I've been told they are an eerie shade that looks obsidian. My enemies compare me to a snake. Some even go so far as to call me Cobra. I don't mind. In fact I rather like that comparison. I can be deadly all the while I am lulling them with my hypnotic words and soft voice. Women tell me I can be irresistible when I put some effort into being a kinder, softer person. To hell with softness for softness sake. I use their weakness as one of my strengths.

I hadn't planned on taking Rebecca, my date, home tonight but feeling as if I'm going to explode is not something I am willing to let continue without seeking release. Pulling the redhead closer to me I whisper in her ear.

She looks at me in shock for a moment then smiles wickedly back at me. I'll be giving her desert before we have dinner. I'll be getting sucked dry beneath the table. How we'll manage that is a thrilling challenge. My table is always the one in the darkest corner of the room. Yes, I'll have her on her knees within fifteen minutes. I feel the surge against my zipper as my heart begins to thump a thunderous rhythm in my chest.

Fuck the blond. What do I need with a lowlife indigent who is likely a whore? Besides, my women need to have special skills, special desires that match my own. I'm not like other men. I don't make love to a woman, I fuck them. The other things I do in order to achieve a climax is not something all women are willing to share with anyone. It takes a special sort of woman, not some homeless whore from the streets.

I order drinks briskly, wanting to shove Rebecca beneath the table. I'm hot with desire, ready to shoot off at the slightest touch but I have to look and act civilized until our drinks are on the table. I can then tell the waiter not to disturb us for at least twenty minutes. My interest isn't in eating it is in fucking Rebecca's luscious mouth. I want to feed her my hard cock. The table cloth will act as a blindfold since I don't carry one in my pocket.

I'd prefer to be able to deliver some pain along with my pleasure but here that isn't going to be possible. The risk of getting caught is enough to take me over the edge.

She likes to be choked when we fuck so maybe I can give her some incentive to make this very good for me. To hell with the other patrons. If they don't like it then they can fucking leave. I own this joint so if I want I can clear it out then lay Rebecca face down on a table so I can beat her soft flesh then fuck us both to hell and back.

Rebecca slides down beneath the table. Her hands grasp my knees. Widening the space between my legs she crawls forward on her knees. When she touches my zipper I have to swallow a groan. My breathing is labored. Closing my eyes I wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze gently. Taking me into her mouth I feel her teeth graze along the length of my dick. Shit, I'm about to come and I haven't even gotten fully into her warm moist mouth.

Wanting to thrust my length down her throat I settle for a hard push on the back of her head with one hand so I force my length all the way in. Tangling my fingers in her hair I push down harder. She gets the idea that I want to go deep in her mouth so I can use both hands to encircle the thin column of her neck.

I wish I'd thought to take off my tie. Maybe I'll start carrying a spare. This is a new experience for me, one I am finding very stimulating. I've never thought of myself as an exhibitionist. I'm more of a sadist with a little masochism thrown in. I also like bondage and disciplining my partner. The things I can do with a whip lashing out against soft flesh while they are tied up is so damn exciting there are times my partners have had to use our safe word to keep me from going too far.

Rebecca is digging her nails into my thighs adding power to my thrusts into her mouth. I've turned the lamp on the table off so we are almost in total darkness. Being so far from everyone else it is likely we are not being observed.

Opening my eyes I catch a very pretty woman staring at me with wide eyes. Her mouth is open with her tongue running along her bottom lip. One hand is on her throat and the other is below the table. Flushed skin with the dew of perspiration on an upper lip tells me that our performance has an audience, one turned on by what she sees. I give her one of my come fuck me looks which causes her to jolt in her chair. I see a flurry of movement in her upper arm that shocks even me. She's masturbating in the middle of the crowded restaurant. Now that is perverted. I would laugh if I wasn't so fucking turned on. I am conflicted how I should feel to know there are other people just as fucked up as I am. It's a sick world with so many sick minded people in it. I wonder what drives those other poor fuckers to do the things they do. I know my secrets but I'm not sharing. I have with Christian but I know I can trust him to keep my confession to himself.

Rebecca has to tap both my legs to signal I am squeezing too tight. I want to bring her near fainting, not kill her. This sort of thing is a regular practice for her which is why she always wears designer scarves around her neck. People think it is a fashion statement. What would they say if they knew it is just a means to cover the evidence of her depravity? Being a teacher of young minds her sexual deviation would shock the parents of her students. Being that it is a prestigious private school the fallout from such a revelation would have far-reaching consequences.

With a restrained groan I stiffen then spill into her mouth with one last thrust. In less than a minute she is sitting beside me holding her menu as if nothing has happened. That's what I like about my fuck women; they know that after I come there is no intimacy, no tender cuddling, and no kissing. In fact I rarely kiss any of my women. I only do it if that will make them more compliant to my wishes.

Throughout dinner it is hard to keep from seeing that blond witch in my mind. I have to suffer a hard on so powerful I fear my zipper will rip apart. Well, that settles it, Rebecca will be coming home with me. I am not into denial.

Christian says denial can make the end climax so much more intense but I say fuck that, I get enough intensity doing what I do to women and what they do to me. I don't need anything more. I especially don't need any damn blond nobody worming her way into my mind.

Again I consider having them all run off. What stops me from doing what I would like to do I won't examine too closely. Sooner or later they'll move on to another business. I can dismiss her until she is but a blip on my memory screen, at least I thought I could.

Finding myself on yet another date at The Breeze a couple days later annoys me and yet I feel my pulse rate increase and I feel an odd eagerness. The bulge in my trousers is evidence how badly I want that fucking blond homeless tramp.

With Honey beside me in the car I can't let my odd feelings show. I'm good at hiding my emotions. Hiding what I'm thinking serves me well in the business world. I've beaten so many worthy opponents by keeping an unreadable expression on my face. Ana, Christian's wife tells me all the time I am just as unreadable as he is at times. I take that as a compliment as Christian is a very astute and successful businessman. I am grateful we are not in competition even if a few of our companies go after the same acquisitions and companies we wish to merge. So far we've kept the rivalry friendly. It might be different if one of us didn't make the list of top ten billionaires in the world.

When the car stops I tell Ted not to bother getting out. When Honey and I are on the pavement I send her in with the excuse it is too windy for her to wait while I issue instructions to Ted about when to come back. I could use the phone and if she was a bit more intelligent she'd bring that up. She's so…I hate use the cliché of the dumb blond but…she's only slightly more intelligent than a teenager. She gives great head and fucks like a chimpanzee on steroids. She's compliant and only wants the pretty baubles I buy for her. We have a perfect fucking relationship.

Christian and I are different in that he only had one sub at a time while I have anywhere from five to six women at my beck and call. His wife is now his only sub although he'd knock my teeth out if I refer to Ana as his submissive. Come to think about it, Ana wouldn't be too happy to have that label assigned to her, at least not by anyone other than Christian. She loves Christian so much she is willing to do anything for him. It is the same for him. Willingly he gave up some of his toys and sexual inclinations. Ana would kill Christian if she knew how open he is with me. I get more than I want to know at times. He's just so enamored with her and their children he forgets to curb his tongue at times. I get that he's not used to speaking openly with anyone. I also get for so many years he shut himself off from his family and the world other than business and what he got from his submissives. I'm a loaner too. I have no family and Christian is my one and only true friend.

I could blackmail him with all that I know about him. His pictures he keeps as insurance would not save him against me as I'm not in any of them and he is. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall the day he and Ana discussed whether to keep them or not. Ana had to view all of them to assess if they were indeed useful as weapons against Christian's former subs. Apparently Ana discovered those pictures quite some time ago. What with all that happened during that time the photos were left in a drawer until Ana rediscovered them. Stupidly Christian kept them in the same dresser drawer that Ana found them in the first time. He was supposed to have destroyed them.

Ana was not pleased. Christian got the cold shoulder for all of a day. Ana can't keep her hands off him long enough to really punish the lucky fuck. They have kept the pictures although Ana made him put them in her hands for safe keeping. She's a jealous woman.

I have a stable of loyal fuck mates. I take care of them they take care of me. Doesn't give me the warm and fuzzies but then I don't like warm and fuzzy. I like cold calculating consensual sadomasochistic acts with some BD thrown in.

With Honey out of the way I am free to take my fill of my blond siren. My siren being blond and having such an effect on me I suppose is why I found Honey and brought her into my stable. Usually I go for dark haired women or red heads. Why the fuck I'm all of a sudden salivating over this fucking blond nobody is driving me crazy.

Tossing a glacial look in the general direction of the group of young people I force myself only to single her out briefly. I want to rip the clothes from her then shove her against the wall so I can fuck her so hard her teeth rattle. I think I can even forgo my usual foreplay I am so horny. For Christ's sake this has to stop.

I have a very real fear that if she approaches me I'd be tempted to offer her everything I own for a night of sexual depravity with me. Everything about her shouts innocence but that can't be. She has to be in her early twenties. That alone should turn me off. She's too young for me and not only in age but in experience. She's of an age when she should either be in college or holding down a job and yet she relies on begging for support.

The whole week after my date with Honey I try to get in touch with Christian. I need his advice before I fuck up all I've built just for a night of fucking some young sweet thing. I don't know how she'd ruin me I just feel it in my bones that if I spend a night with her nothing will be the same. How fucking stupid is that? I'm not a romantic man. I don't send my women special gifts for birthdays or any other special day. Once a month I send them a check and pay off their credit cards. They can spend their money any way they wish they just don't expect me to help them pick anything out. That would be too personal.

I only take them out on dates so I can be seen with a female once in a while. I don't want any speculation about being gay like they did about Christian. Christian dating Ana then marrying her shocked the hell out of a lot of people who firmly believed he was gay. Hell, for a while I thought so too. After I met him and we let our hair down during a drunken moment we told each other intimate details of our sexual inclinations.

It is because of Christian that I now have signed documents preventing my women from discussing our relationship or anything to do with me. If they do everything they received during our time together will be returned to me and payment for any monetary compensation they got must be returned post haste. I have a very good and discreet lawyer.

For this concession of silence I agree to a $50,000 severance when our partnership ends. That fifty thousand gets spread out over time in $5,000 increments. Hopefully this ensures their silence.

I suppose there are worse things than a guy liking to give and receive pain before fucking a woman. There are other things I do that might go beyond what anyone can accept other than another deviant like Christian Grey.

Brusquely I walk into the restaurant. I've spent too much time thinking about a woman so far beneath my notice I should be flogged for just thinking about doing anything with her. That brings me right back to the brink of climax as I imagine the whip hitting virgin skin. When I'm on the brink a soft warm had wraps tightly around my swollen cock. At this point I have to firmly halt any further thoughts along this line or else I'll take that bitch in the street.

Being hedonistic it is easy to dismiss my inner voice shaking a finger at me for prejudging someone I haven't even spoken to. Thinking of her in negative terms makes it easier to dismiss her and the aggravating attraction I feel toward her.

If I don't speak to Christian soon I may well do something I'll later regret, like speak to her and offer her the key to all I own. Not my heart but all my worldly goods. This woman has me thinking some fucked up shit. If I believed in such things I'd think she put a voodoo hex on me or cast a spell. All I know is what I feel for her is so compelling I am just able to refrain from committing an act of idiocy by speaking to her thus letting her know how she affects me. Big mistake. I won't let it happen. _I_ control my emotions they _do not_ control me.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: No kinky in this chapter. **

**I'm glad to know I have followers. It would be greatly appreciated to have reviews. It is gratifying to see the numbers rise. I do hope everyone continues to enjoy this. **

**Chapter Two**

**Forbidden Desires**

**Sonny's POV**

Sun greets me as I step out onto the cracked sidewalk. Libby is waiting with a small cup of coffee, hash brown and Egg McMuffin she bought from the golden arches. This is our ritual on our collection days. Libby has a mothering tendency. It is her goal in life to try to feed the world. She can barely feed herself.

"Libby, I appreciate the food and coffee but you shouldn't be spending your money on me. You should be saving for a place to live," I say through a muffled mouth filled with hot muffin and sausage. I don't protest too much as my stomach is so empty it thinks I cut my throat. I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast yesterday and that was only the crackers I had left with the last of my jelly.

"What, you want me to live in a luxury condo like you do? Why, whatever would the gang say? They'd think I'd put on airs of grandeur," she laughs as she prances up and down with one hand on her hip and the other bent at the wrist. The actress is in full swing today.

"Seriously though Libby, I hate you having to live in that abandoned warehouse. I'd let you stay with me but the asshole who owns this luxurious piece of real estate would charge me extra. When Teddy got married his rent went up $100." Teddy's place does have a separate bedroom and a bathroom with a sink and toilet. I have one room with no bathing facilities or toilet. I share the bath down the hall with the other four apartments on this floor.

This building was once an elegant single family home. There are rumors some big hotshot bought the block so he can level the houses and build high-rises with apartments and condos selling in the neighborhood of $1,000,000 or more. Where the people will go is anyone's guess. Me, I'll be back sleeping wherever I can find a safe spot at night to lay my head. Reclamation of the neighborhoods is all well and good but what about the displaced people?

"All this chit chat isn't making us money. Finish your breakfast so we can hit the pavement. I have a feeling today is going to be a stellar day for collecting," Libby says, ever the optimist.

Four hours later Libbby's smug look is irritating but I can't resist grinning back as we split the $40 we earned from all our cans, glass and plastic bottles. Praise God for lazy careless slobs who don't know what a trashcan is for or if they do don't care enough about the piddley few coins they'd get if they recycled.

It's not enough for my rent but it will buy me some food. To celebrate this windfall I invite Libby over for pizza. I cross my fingers that the oven decides tonight is one of the times it will work. It's a crap shoot in this dump whether something works or not.

In the winter we have to use kerosene heaters because the boiler breaks down and doesn't get fixed right away if at all. A month of last winter it remained cold and useless.

I swear I've seen rats as big as Chihuahuas. Don't get me started on the roaches. I think they could be saddled and ridden around the city. Maybe I should capture a few of the critters roaming around and train them to pull our shopping cart. Let them pay for their keep like the rest of us. They sure do eat enough of my food if I'm not careful.

Letters to the owner are met with cold replies speaking about the high cost of maintenance and the low return on rent. The threat of raising our rent was enough to silence any further complaints. Everyone toughed it out. I felt like a living Popsicle.

We can't go collecting every day as there are too many of us doing that to make it worthwhile on a daily basis. We all agreed to split the days so one or two make the rounds each day. Keeps the weaker ones from getting their collection stolen, most of the time anyway. There are always people invading our turf, desperate people from other neighborhoods.

There are ten of us in our gang as the guys like to refer to us but I prefer family as we've been together for half our lives. We call ourselves The Avengers. Matt saw the movie and now everything is about comic book heroes. Beats the hell out of reality. If he wants to believe there are heroes out there then who am I to disabuse him? The guy is eighteen but acts about twelve. His development was hampered when his dad and mom beat the living shit out of him then left him in Seattle all alone because they were afraid of going to jail.

Lucky for him we found him and not one of those creepy perverts preying on young boys and girls. Once they get their vile hands on a child the journey into hell begins in earnest. Drugs, sex, making porn movies and so many other sickening things happen to those poor children. Apathy keeps most people here silent. For others it is fear of retaliation as some of those perverted freaks have some heavy muscle and gun power backing them up. Me, I am overwhelmed with a need to do something but feel powerless to help.

Libby and I do what we can. Any lone child we see we make it our mission to get them to a safe place. Several churches have open door policies, meaning you can come in out of the cold and get a meal and sleep in a warm bed. Nothing fancy but better than the alternative. It's a shame they have a limited space as so many get turned away. It is things like this that anger me and brings out my resentment for all those who have wealth in abundance but do nothing to help those less fortunate.

The following week I'm grumpy as nothing is working in this fucking building. The water is now only a trickle. My stove has no working burners and no oven. Sparks came out of the outlet I plugged mu toaster in. I'm wearing my last clean pair of jeans and the washer takes a buck and a quarter to wash one tiny load and fifty cents to dry. It doesn't dry very well. If I blew on my clothes they might be dryer than using that dratted worthless piece of crap in the basement.

How I wish I lived in a fairytale where the handsome prince comes riding in to save the day. My days of believing in fairytales are long gone. No one is going to come save me. This is all there is and the day I accepted my lot in life is the day I could stop looking for my Mr. Right. I don't even have a Mr. Right Now.

Libby kind of likes Matt even though she's a couple years older than him and he is sort of challenged mentally. He is a handsome fellow. Dark brown hair with waves women pay hundreds of dollars to achieve frame his face. His warm brown eyes remind me of the eyes of the deer I see in the denser part of the park. If you are quiet and sit very still they will pass by close enough to touch. Just looking at those magnificent creatures is enough.

Knowledge can be found in the world around us and also in books. The library is not only a source of entertainment and learning, it also is a safe warm place to spend the day. Not having attended school since I left home at twelve, I try to read as much as I can. Not having a particular interest in any one thing my reading habits are eclectic. If knowledge is power then I want all the knowledge the world has to offer.

I've even researched tenant/landlord disagreements trying to find answers to the dilemma that is fast approaching us. The other tenants and I have tried to form a committee but no one wants to be the leader. The risk of losing our home is too great so no one wants any focus on them when our letters are mailed. We sign everything simply, "from concerned tenants". That's innocuous enough.

If we create too much friction this place gets condemned and we're out on the streets. In my opinion that's what the owner is hoping for. That way, he looks good in the press as he got everyone out of this shitty place.

He gets deniability as this place was a dump long before he bought it. On paper I can see how it wouldn't be worth pouring money into this bottomless pit but try to explain the bottom line to a family with small children with no food in their bellies or roof over their heads. Every person having an overabundance of money should be required to spend one night, just one frigging night in a place like this. See if their attitude adjusts or not.

A week later my life took an unexpected turn when I laid eyes on Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome. Tom, one of our youngest members, heard about the opening of a new restaurant, The Breeze. It's supposed to be some tropical themed place that goes along with the new hotel built last year, The Palms Court. This is the same person buying up real estate all over Seattle.

Trying to envision what this greedy money monger looks like I come up with a man in his late fifties, slack jawed with evidence of overindulgence in food and drink by his overweight figure. He'll have rings on every finger, possibly studs in his ears. Some slinky model or actress will be clinging to his arm pretending not to be repulsed by his less than attractive appearance. They say love is blinding. I think money is often the blinders put on by humanity so the harsh realities are not seen.

Do I feel like a hypocrite when I come begging from rich people? No I do not. I din't sign up for any of this but it's what I have to deal with so I deal. There are supposed to be some local celebrities and perhaps some film and music personalities here tonight. That means money, especially if we catch them on the way out after a night of inebriation and good food.

Collecting recyclables is only slightly less degrading than panhandling. I hate the looks I get as I stand begging for a handout. Approaching those cold people isn't easy. Many prefer to ignore us even when we speak directly to them.

On occasion some make rude suggestions how we can make larger amounts of money. Politely we refuse with a smile all the while mentally kicking them in a place that would bring them to their knees. It scares me at times when I can see me hurting someone in a violent way. The things my mind conjures up is unsettling.

Needing to bring in some cash we all took up spots along the wall trying to look as if we belonged and not succeeding. Our clothes are too shabby and we don't look like we spend thousands of dollars on our hair, manicures and pedicures. Half the guys trim their hair with a knife that they also use on finger nails and toenails. Let's see one of those fancy mannequins try that and come away with all their appendages intact. Now that's some crazy skills.

Libby, being the extrovert, sees nothing wrong in going up to complete strangers to make some comment about their attire, jewelry or their general appearance. Not many are able to resist her charm. Her reward is always more than ours.

During a lull of customers a black Mercedes pulls up. Out comes this gorgeous man wearing a tux that I guess cost enough to feed and house the gang for a month. I caught a flash of a watch that I assume is something along the lines of a Rolex. Light hits diamond studded cufflinks at his wrist. Those shoes are probably specially made by little tiny elfin cobblers he keeps locked in cages. I like to joke when I get nervous.

He is sporting a fashionable light scruffy beard that looks perpetually like a day's growth. Black glossy hair is mussed so it looks as if he just got out of bed. I can only imagine that look costs him enough that he should feel shame when he looks at himself in a mirror.

All we get from him is a cold glare that even stops Libby in her tracks. The dark haired woman at his side curls her lips in disgust as she catches sight of us. We are not a welcome addition to the opening if that cold glare and disdain from both of them is an indication of our reception.

Our eyes collide. For a few heart stopping seconds, I cannot breathe. I feel captured and held by his eyes alone. This must be what women in those vampire books feel, the unspoken command to surrender to his mastery. Before I make the colossal mistake of actually taking a step in his direction he looks me up and down then turns away dismissing me without so much as a word. I've been put in my place and it isn't anywhere within miles of Mr. Iceman. I feel a chill run through my entire body. I feel as if I've been possessed then abandoned with something left unfinished. Thinking like that is the road to disappointment.

As the evening wears on our take is enough so I can give Harry a few bucks toward what I owe on rent. It is only a small dent in the amount I still owe. He still gets paid a paltry salary whether we pay or not. If the owner ever caught wind of how poorly Harry runs his property, well, we'd not be seeing Harry again. That's what's wrong with being so wealthy; you have so much it's hard to keep track of it all.

Everyone wants to get some pizza from Dino's. I'm hungry but I want to stay so I can catch another glimpse of Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome. I am having fun thinking up names for his different personalities. How many will there be?

Telling everyone to go on ahead I wait to see my mystery man. It's stupid to think he'll even notice me other than in that same disdainful way he did earlier. It doesn't matter. I have to see him. It feels that if I don't I won't really be alive until I am in his presence again.

It is useless for me to recite all the reasons any type of relationship between us is ridiculous, I am smitten and I don't want to see reason. I want to fly into the sun and feel the heat of passion if only in my mind. The real thing would scare the daylights out of me. I shudder as dark memories return to chill me to the bone.

There is pain, lots of pain. A menacing shadowy figure hovers over me. Then there is blood, so much blood. Then there is only running. My lungs freeze as fear overtakes me. He isn't here Sonja, he can't hurt you. Never again will he touch you.

As badly as I want to see my mystery man the terror my memories instill in me overpower all other emotions. I feel helpless now just as I did then. Is there anything worse than not being able to control the world around you? If I could I'd control every aspect of my life. I'd live in a bubble, a sterile bubble.

Forcing those terrifying memories back where they belong I ignore the more sensible part of my brain and stay so I can get at least another glimpse of him. If I were ever to have a Prince Charming, he would be mine.

When he finally comes out I wish I'd gone home. Standing on the curb waiting for his car to arrive I am blessed with a floorshow, one rated XXX.

They don't kiss. He grabs her roughly around the waist and pulls her tightly against him, her back to his front. Brazen as can be he inserts his hand inside the top of her dress. Not to be outdone in the brazen department his lady friend reaches down and grabs his crotch.

Shrinking up against the wall I try to make myself as small as possible so I won't be seen. I'll die if he sees me. He does see me and I don't die.

I'm not sure but when he spies me it seems like a calculating look comes over his face. I wasn't shocked by the breast thing or the crotch grabbing. Not much anyway. Lord above when he pulls her dress up and puts his hand in her barely there thong underwear my whole system shuts down.

Strange as it may be, I feel hurt and something like betrayal. Dumb assed emotions, they'll get you every time.

Now I want to run but can't move a muscle. I am forced to watch as he mauls another woman. If his car hadn't pulled up just then I wonder if they'd have dropped to the sidewalk and gone at it like rabbits. Now I don't know how rabbits do it but it's a point of reference. It is a measure of my disgust and disappointment.

Just before he enters the car he tosses me a look that curls my toes. That smoldering look kept me warm all the way home. I think that look was meant to put me in my place not set my hormones raging out of control.

Nothing will come of it. Even though I am not homeless as he likely assumes, he and I couldn't have an intimate relationship, shit, we couldn't have any relationship. I'm so fucked up it would take years of therapy just to get me to a place I could accept his hand on me. If he kissed me I might run him through with my knife. I'm a cheap low class nobody and he's solid gold.

It's good to know I can daydream and fantasize about doing intimate things even if the reality is those things are lost to me. Any sexual desire got killed off long ago. I'll never be more than half a woman. I envy those women he keeps company with and all the ways he makes love to them. Even the taste of a lover's lips is denied me. I want all those things I just know it isn't possible. The wounds are too deep.

Depressing as it is that's my reality. My one ace in the hole is my daily visits to The Devlin Tower. That place is to me like Mecca is to the Muslims. Each day I go, I sit on the ledge, I come back. The day I don't come back is the day I've had enough of this half life I am cursed to live. I could stand the poverty if I at least had what makes being a woman worthwhile.

Libby has a go at me when I am in one of these moods feeling worthless. She can make me see sense usually. The feeling of worth only lasts until I see a couple sharing the closeness denied me or parents with their children. I'll never hold a child, my child in my arms let alone feel it growing inside me.

That cut I think is the deepest of all. It is my belief a child would be my savior. Loving a child would of necessity drive all the inner hatred from me leaving a wealth of love behind. Now, there is mostly hatred. Contrary to what the medical community believes I know I will never do to anyone let alone a child what was done to me.

I dismiss Libby's arguments that I am so willing to give my last piece of bread to someone who is hungry while I suffer the gnawing pangs of hunger. Food is easier to give than emotion. I could love my child, at least I hope so. I haven't been shown what love is or how people show it to each other. All I see is sexual fondling and lovemaking turned into something depraved. That isn't love at all.

Going about my routine I force any lingering ideas about that man from my mind. That road leads to a dead end. The two times he looked at me I felt as if an Arctic wind blasted into me. I'm lucky to not have suffered frost bite.

The day after setting eyes on him Libby comes over so we can plot out our route for collections. Looking at headlines is a good way to find out where the largest crowds have been or will be. Lots of people mean lots of trash. Their trash is our treasure.

The headline is in big bold letters about the plans for developing my neighborhood. The developer, one Mr. Marcus Devlin will not confirm or deny the truth in the rumors concerning his plans. Libby's arrival prevents me from reading the whole article or catching a glimpse of the great man himself. I'll look later unless we recycle the paper as well. If we find enough newspapers we turn them into cash too.

"So, Sonny, did you dream about him?" Libby asks in a deceptively innocent tone.

"Dream about who?" I also can be deceptive. My strategy is to play dumb.

Smacking my arm playfully she says, "Sonja Donatella, don't give me that crap. You know very well who I mean."

"Oh, so now you can read my mind. I'm an open book am I?" If I keep avoiding an answer I know from past conversations she will lose interest in a matter of minutes. Her attention span is shorter than a playful puppy.

"Sonny, why don't you like to be called Sonja? What is the origin of your name?" she asks just as if we haven't had this discussion before either. Like I said, short attention span. She also doesn't pay attention long enough to listen to answers to her questions. She'd try the patience of a saint but I love her.

"_As I told you before_," I stress each word, "_Sonja comes from my Russian mother_. _The Donatella comes from my…my Italian father_." My mouth feels dirty claiming out loud he is connected to me.

Sensing my changing mood Libby a puts comforting hand on my shoulder. If things were different Libby would be a wonderful counselor. When listening to others release some inner pain she gives her full attention. Most of the time some pearl of wisdom manages to leave her usually smiling lips. When she gets all serious she looks years older.

There are times when I think Libby is more intelligent than she shows outwardly. She always seems to have money, food, and adequate clothing, nothing elaborate, always just enough.

If someone is in need Libby gives all she can. Libby has rubbed off on me. Her version is I've rubbed off on her. The two of us are willing to share what we have.

Not wanting to spoil our day I shake off my gloomy mood. The sun is shining, the lock on my front door actually worked and I'm with my best friend, what more do I need?

Is asking for a toilet that flushes without running over too much to hope for? I ask myself this, just moments after thinking I didn't need anything more than my good friend Libby.

Okay, Libby and a working toilet and my life is good.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'd be so happy to get a few more reviews. Reviews are the jam on a writer's toast. They're the good stuff. **

**Chapter Three **

**Ships That Pass in the Night**

**Marcus's POV**

Thank God for business and its demands. I've been able to stay away from My Golden Siren for two days. I'd like to say it's been easy but it's been damn hard. I've been damn hard. One happy side effect is that now I dream of her and not…well not other crap I'd rather forget.

I haven't called one of my women to come see me. I woke on Monday with this stupid notion I'd be committing some heinous act that would later come back to bite me in the ass. I think I had a dream, not a nightmare but an actual dream about that. It left an unusual sweet taste in my mouth I didn't want to spoil with my depravity.

Well, two days of celibacy feels like two hundred to me. Have I ever gone longer than a day without some sort of sexual release? If so I can't think when.

It's two in the morning. I could call someone but even I am not that demanding. It is times like this that I can see the advantage of having a ready and willing woman under my roof. I can see some possibilities for a penthouse when I build The Devlin Tower West. The woman wouldn't have to be in the same space, maybe down one floor, an easy elevator ride. Of course that might lead to unscheduled visits.

I'm not usually the restless type of person. I expel any excess I have on wine, women and hobbies that are just short of an open invitation to death. Christian understands why I defy fate or whatever to try and take me. I'll not go quietly. I wonder at times if this need to come close to death is something in my DNA or simply formed as a way to affirm I am alive and in control. I am obsessive about control which is why I've delayed putting together a board of directors. It will happen, just not now.

Grabbing my keys I go down to the parking garage. The only noise is the humming of the fluorescent lighting. I'll go for a quick drive to clear my head. Revving the motor of my 2012 black Vette I peel out rocketing onto the street. Dangerous but then I'm in the mood for danger. The deep throated rumble as I change gears delivers an adrenaline rush making me feel as if the cars power and mine are connected. I am one with this spectacular machine, if only while I am behind the wheel. Going this fast gives one a sense that you can take flight at any second.

Many nights I've come out to the lonely streets either in my Vette or on my restored 1937 Knucklehead motorcycle. When I found the bike it was rusting in an old barn on a property I bought at auction. The grandfather had been a motorcycle enthusiast but none of his children or grandchildren were, so they didn't even know what a gem they had in that barn. Damned if I was going to tell them.

It took me two years to find all original parts. Many times my eagerness to finish the job almost had me giving in and using manufactured parts. I'm glad I kept to my plan and restored it back to what it was when it first came off the line. To me it is a beautiful machine. It means more to me than the Corvette or any of my other cars. The Knucklehead was my baby from beginning to end. I wouldn't take a million dollars for it, in fact I wouldn't accept any amount of money for it. That says a lot as I am a man firmly believing everything has a price.

Without any clear direction in mind I find myself on the block where my new project will begin in a few months if everything stays on track. While I'm here I might as well have a look at the condition of some of the properties. Complaints from tenants have passed my desk. I turn them over to my staff. My time is better spent focusing on the day to day running of my company. I have so many irons in the fire all over the world that a few disgruntled tenants are the least of my worries.

What I see as I coast along is so depressing even I have a hard time keeping my feelings out of my inspection. How can people live like this? Does she live like this, My Blond Siren? If she's homeless she lives in a worse environment.

Something that feels almost like anger boils up in me. Damn it, I've managed to keep her pretty much in the back of my mind while I'm awake and now here she is drawing all this emotional crap out of me. Emotions are not something to be encouraged. I learned that the hard way. Carrie

Pulling the car over I park beneath a streetlight that is broken. I like the dark, it hides so much. Sometimes I think it hides more from me than from other people. The total silence mixed with this eerie half-light is unnerving. It reminds me too much of…nope, I won't be visiting that old memory. Back in the hell you came from I silently command it.

A door opening down the street draws my attention. There is only one light on that side of the street some distance from where I heard the door creaking open. The city should see about replacing those lights. When my construction crew comes in every light damn well will be fixed and lit every night. Maybe someone should mention buying those new lights one of my companies developed that is surrounded by a metallic mesh. It prevents shattering the glass by projectiles thrown by thugs and people who don't have enough to do so they destroy out of boredom or misplaced anger.

The development division of my company invented an alloy that is light weight yet very strong. They are experimenting with different applications where this metal can be used cheaply and efficiently. Getting it approved for use by the public is painstaking and expensive. I'll get what I want in the end, it just doesn't always come as fast as I'd like. Another trait Christian and I share. If I didn't know for a fact I am an only child, I'd be wondering about Christian being a long lost brother. Damn, wouldn't that be something? I try to quell my childish emotion over this nonsense but it isn't easy. To have a family, one who cares, is something I don't let myself think about too often as it leaves a melancholy sense of aloneness inside me.

I hear the thud of angry footsteps on the pavement. I know they are angry from the fast hard pace the owner sets. I've walked those same angry strides enough to know them when I hear them. A figure passes out from under a tree that blocked the pale light of the moon. It is then I see her, My Blond Siren, or at least I believe it is her. The pace this person sets is too quick and they pass into darkness again too soon for me to be able to know for certain if it is her or some other desolate soul. My gut says it is her. The intellectual part of my brain tells me that's wishful thinking.

I can't see a face but that golden hair is hard to miss. The dark jeans and jacket hide their body so it could just as well have been a man wearing that long gold braid. In my gut I know it was her.

Did I see her or did my mind conjure an illusion because I long to see her as crazy as that sounds. I really do need to see a shrink. I'm losing my sanity. No one becomes this emotionally attached in so short a time. I don't get emotional at all so what is this?

Am I feeling desperate to find what Christian has? I don't want it. If I keep telling myself that maybe I'll believe it again. Life was so much simpler when I didn't care about anything but my next deal and my next fuck. Money and sex have been the main stays of my life since I entered into adulthood, before that I had only sex to drive me on. Sex was a reward, a goal to achieve. Worth as a person depended on how well I played my role. Carrie had a heavy hand on the whip. For her I think it was more about enjoying my pain rather than sharing the pain and sexual pleasure derived from the games we played.

Still, as an adult, remembering the few times Carrie lost control of the whip, instills in me a feeling of being powerless and living out someone else's desires. No one said no to Carrie, least of all me. I dare not unless I was prepared to visit the…that place where no light ever managed to shine even a glimmer to keep the demons at bay. It took me years to conquer my feat of the dark. Now, it is an old friend. I made it so.

All this wallowing in memories best forgotten are her fault. It's all that bitches fault. I felt perfectly happy going along minding my own business until she came along ruining my peaceful existence. Everything was falling into place before her. I have plenty of women to keep me sexually satisfied. Why bring in one sure to complicate matters? For whatever whacked out reason something in her calls to me. When I first saw her it felt as if I already knew her. I didn't want to admit to something so crazy so I dismissed it from my mind. Now, here I am dragging that insanity back to life. I don't believe in reincarnation or any crap like that or souls recognizing their other half. Like I said, the notion that I instantly recognized her is insane. My mind is playing tricks on me.

Sanity wins out in the end. Dismissing the person as of no consequence I get back in my car and head home. I have much to think about, like will I be condemning all of these buildings just before Christmas. From what I've seen tonight I won't have any trouble with the mayor's office or the housing authority. Anyone else can be wined, dined and slipped an inducement to play ball. If that doesn't work then I have all the dirty secrets my private investigator found for me.

I'm glad Mark suggested I retain a private investigator. Rick Jones is an ex cop with years of investigative skills. He gets the job done and isn't squeamish about fighting dirty. Disenchantment tends to make for angry people who once had beliefs and dreams of how things are supposed to be.

I'd like to be able to warn the occupants but that would create undo panic. Protests from all the do-gooders would slow progress. Best to strike like a snake in the grass, swift and deadly. It will be fewer headaches for everyone by keeping things on the QT. I've even been working on compensation packets for all the tenants forced to leave their homes. I may not care about the timing being so close to Christmas but I'm not a complete Grinch.

I'm not doing it personally as I delegated it to Jack and Jack delegated that chore to someone in the legal department. Why have several lawyers on my payroll if I don't intend to use them?

Awake I can dismiss my encounter with My Blond Siren. Asleep it is no holds barred. Strangely I do not dream of whips, chains, shackles or punishment. The woman I made love to in my dream joined with me in a normal front to front joining. We had what Christian refers to as vanilla sex. That isn't the oddest part. What had me breaking out in cold sweats was that we were facing one another and we made love, we did not fuck and I loved every moment of it. That scared me more than any night terror. Those I can handle. The other I'm not equipped to deal with as much as I might like to try.

Being twenty-five shades of fucked up is a crippling affliction. It isn't using the pain to find pleasure that is the problem. I am of the opinion what happens between two consenting adults is no one's business but the two people involved. It isn't depraved behavior unless someone makes it so by using it as a way to deliver real punishment that is meant to hurt in an angry way. I try not to let anger ever enter into any of my sexual games with women. I know what the lash feels like when used in anger. I'd rather never have sexual contact with anyone than take my anger out on a helpless person.

Whatever is happening to me I don't like it. Here I am out in the predawn chilly night hoping to catch a glimpse of a woman who should be a fading memory by now. Unfortunately each feature is like an indelible ink drawing etched on my brain.

Giving a fuck this mental shrug I return to my usual hard ass ways. I don't go one night without a woman sucking my cock or being pleasured in her body in my usual fashion. All that tender crap my head was dishing out was just that, crap. I'm back on track.

I did try to have frontal intercourse with Rebecca but in the end my dick went limp. Shame filled me but she didn't seem to even notice or if she did I saw no evidence of any displeasure in my limp state reflected in her vacant regard. Turning her back to me with a few swats to punish her for not noticing my distress, I then fucked her until I had nothing left to give. That performance was more for her than me. I didn't want her to know I couldn't perform but felt angry because she showed so little interest and didn't notice. And we men say women are complicated and indecisive.

My inbox is filled with the usual business letters and a few from the protesters about my intention to go forward with building The Devlin Tower West. Those I pass off to one of the female typists to send the pat prewritten reply with my stamped signature at the bottom. I don't have time to deal with all these different organizations individually so I have form letters that can be filled in with pertinent information then printed off the computer. What the lawyers can't handle my typing pool can.

Doing form letters saves me time and frustration trying to explain my actions to people who don't understand that some things can't be changed to suit what the few want. The bigger picture needs to be seen and can be if one steps back and looks with an open mind. Someone is going to go forward with this plan of action; it may as well be me. Christian is miffed he didn't get his bid in first. Ana on the other hand is grateful not to be responsible for turning people out of their homes. I always aim to please as long as it doesn't cost me anything I want.

More determined than ever to get started with this new project by spring I begin to wine and dine those with the power to make or break an operation. Anyone in my way better be prepared to be steamrollered over. I can see my worth skyrocketing once this deal is underway. There will be societies elite lining up to pay premium prices for piece of my real estate.

I feel better now that My Blond Siren is a nonissue. I can deal with her in my sleep so long as she doesn't invade my waking hours. I find that easier said than done. The witch won't leave me be.

Christian picked a fine time to take a midweek vacation. Not so long ago Christian wouldn't dream of taking off for a weekend rendezvous, now he does so on a regular basis. He's learned to delegate. My company is too new for me to trust anyone at the helm but me. I share the burden but make all major decisions. The time to have a board is coming and I am not looking forward to that. This company is my baby, likely to be the only child I have.

It hasn't been but a week since I first set eyes on that bewitching woman yet it feels as if a lifetime has passed. I've broken my vow not to seek her out. She's like a drug in my system. I try to resist and when I give in to temptation the reward is all the sweeter until my senses return then the whole damn process starts over.

I don't troll bars looking for a woman to fuck yet here I am eyeing every female as a potential fuck mate. Without even realizing I'm doing it I'm singling out only blonds. Not my usual type. I want to say fuck it and go home but can't.

Catching the eye of a particularly mouthwatering piece of pussy I raise my glass in a beckoning gesture. Immediately she slides out of the booth to come sit with me. She slides in next to me. Some heady fragrance fills my nose with a cloying effect rather than a sexual enticement as it is supposed to be. For me, less is more, when it comes to smells.

'Hi, I'm Honey," she says in a low seductive tone. Her impossibly long lashes flutter as she eyes me from beneath them trying to look coy. Mentally I snort. This fine piece of ass hasn't been coy since the day she left diapers.

Oh man! Honey sure is a fitting name for her. She covers me like warm honey with her mouth. Her tongue is like a slithering snake sliding up, down and all around. Her mouth is almost better than hot juicy woman.

The black domino keeps her in the dark as well as keeping me from having to look into her eyes. When I take her from behind, it's easy to imagine another face to the body beneath me. Sick I know but that's how far down I've fallen. For the first time in a long while I wish I could fuck women like other men do. With the issues I have that isn't ever going to happen.

After a few hours in Honey's company it's become clear that God blessed her with so much beauty because she forgot to stand in the line for brains. While not being classed mentally challenged to the degree of wearing the label special needs she is simple minded in that her needs and goals are simple. Money, sex and someone to take care of those two things is her only ambition in life. Fine with me, makes things simple.

After a particularly vivid dream of a certain blond I bring Honey to my playroom. Usually it takes me a couple of weeks to bring someone new in here.

"Tell me if the cuffs are too tight. Now, what is the safe word?" I demand in a seductive whisper at her ear as I smack her ass with the flogging whip.

She yelps out, "Siren."

"Good girl. For being so attentive to details I'm going to fuck you with my fingers to get you ready for my cock. Then when you're almost there I'm going to whip your ass and pussy. Understand?" I grind my swollen cock into the split in her buttocks.

"Oh please Sir. Please fuck my pussy with your fingers then fuck me with your hot cock," she begs.

"What about the whip on your ass and pussy? Do you not want the whip when you know how it makes me want to fuck you all the harder?" I step back and swing my arm sideways to deliver a stinging blow across her buttocks.

There is a balance between pleasure and pain. A person cannot suddenly embrace the life of giving or receiving pain without learning how much is too much. Control, lose control and there is only pain, sometimes a pain so deeply felt it never goes away completely. I know all the shades of pain. I've lived through and suffered them all. Some I suffered gladly while others…others I try to forget.

"Yes please Sir. Give me pain before the pleasure. I want to serve only you. Make me wet and ready for you. Please, I'm begging you. Give me pain then fuck me hard," she quivers with lust as she speaks. She is so ready for me. Teaching her how to accept and give has been easy. Being a person of simple needs I can bend her to my will with ease.

Running my hand over her plump butt cheek I smack it with my bare hand. She moans. My next blow is from the flogger. I want to bring her to a point of near climax then fuck her from behind, always from behind.

After six strikes I am about to come without entering her wet pussy. Dropping the flogger I step closer to her grabbing her waist I use one hand to push down so she is exposed to me. Thrusting into her I slam in and out as my climax comes closer with every rub of friction. Both of us are sweaty and groaning.

The heady smell of sex increases my lust. Fisting her hair in my hand I pull back, arching her neck backwards drawing a groan from her lips. It is enough to push me over the brink. One last hard thrust and I come.

Wordlessly I unlock the cuffs restraining her hands. I then leave her to shower and gather her clothing. She knows the way out. She'll pick up the envelope sitting on the small table by the front door. I won't see her again until I get the urge to fuck My Blond Siren again.

Some may envy me this life, others may pity me. As for me I am apathetic. This is the life I have such as it is. Finding my niche hasn't been easy but I've come to terms with my lifestyle. It's what I know and what I feel I deserve, nothing more and nothing less.

Knowing Christian has made me see I am not a freak. I may be damaged but not irredeemable. There is some worth in me even if it is hard for me to see it. Being a billionaire is phenomenal but then, any asshole with determination and an understanding of finance and blessed with a little luck could do what I've done. Most people just don't have the balls to strike out like I do. You have to go balls to the wall, take risks, be willing to cut the throat of an opponent. Emotions have to be put away during negotiations. Never let your opponent smell blood in the water.

If I didn't need a clear head I'd succumb to alcoholic induced memory loss or some of the less mind altering drugs. With many irons in the fire resting on my clearheaded decisive judgment I can't afford this distraction My Blond Siren easily inflicts without even being anywhere near me. If I fly halfway across the world it wouldn't be distance enough to keep me from thinking of her.

It isn't normal, it isn't sane. I have repeated such phrases over and over but they do not change what troubles me. I'll keep reminding myself daily why this attraction is ill-advised.

My desperation is such I've taken to driving the neighborhood where I thought I saw her. Not even sure that fleeting glance I had was indeed her, doesn't keep me from traveling the deserted streets night after night. She's an addiction in my blood one with far reaching repercussions, not just physical but mental and financial.

The one place I feel is my best option of seeing her is The Breeze. Feeling out of control does not change my decision to find My Blond Siren. I hope seeing her will be enough. My gut twists at the very idea of letting her into my life even in such a visceral manner. Dreading the moment as much as I long for it keeps me off balance in a way I deplore. This is the reason I have to face her then cut her from my life once and for all.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I know everyone is anxious for our two characters to meet but some things have to happen first. Please be patient as I develop the story. Despite this being a sexual journey I want it to be a journey of discovery too. **

**Chapter Four **

**Awakenings**

It's cold, the dark clouds over head are threatening to open up at any minute although the weatherman predicted the rain wouldn't fall until around eleven. It's only eight now so I have a few hours to beg enough money to at least get a hot meal. If I get desperate I'll flirt with the old rich geezers to make enough for my rent or at least a partial payment.

Harry the super/manager is easy to talk into waiting for the full month's rent especially if I have some money in one hand and a six pack in the other. I've gone as long as two months without paying before. So far I haven't received any eviction notices. The owner, whoever the slum lord is, probably knows if I leave the roaches and rats will take over then no one will rent the shithole I live in.

That one room contains my meager worldly possessions. At least if I have to move I can get out quick as there isn't much that I own. None of the crap furniture is mine. I don't own any appliances, not even a lousy fucking television.

My winter coat got stolen a few months ago. Good thing the weather warmed into the high forties. Libby let me borrow one of her thick sweaters. I can't say I stayed toasty but at least no icicles formed on any of my extremities.

I keep telling myself one day, one day things will change, and I'll get my break. That's the only thing keeping me from jumping off the nearest tall building. I've been on the edge a few times. Something always pulls me back from the tug of the ground beneath me. If I go it will be in that way as once I step out there will be no going back. I don't want to have that option. Basically I'm a coward. Or maybe I have some subconscious desire for life such as it is.

I make daily visits to The Devlin Tower. I think it is to at least let me feel as if I am alive. Being close to death gives one an appreciation of life even if it is a shitty life like mine. Some days it's hard not to take that step into nothingness. I feel the pull of oblivion more with every visit. If Libby knew she'd handcuff me until she could talk some sense into me. I'm afraid not even Libby can cure what ails me. I feel twisted and rotten inside. I feel a darkness that is just waiting for the right moment to take over leaving nothing of me, Sonja, behind.

My greatest fear is becoming like my dad. Sick bastard screwed me up so badly I may never feel normal. What the fuck is normal anyway? I guess Libby is a perfect specimen of normal and yet she should be more fucked up than I am. What secret does she have that keeps her from walking a thin line between light and dark? The urge to smash and destroy is a constant companion in my life. If I ever let that demon loose I shudder to think what I might do.

A black Mercedes pulls up thankfully dragging me from my darkening mood. I know it's _his_ Mercedes. Mr. Dark and Sinfully Handsome. Bet he's a real asshole. Not once, in the month or so the group and I have been panhandling in front of The Breeze restaurant has that man shown he even knows we exist.

So far we've all let him enter without approaching him. He might as well have a big sign hanging around his neck with the words _Don't Bother No Compassion Here_ printed on it. Besides looking drop dead gorgeous he has a mean don't fuck with me air about him. No one has been brave enough to dare ask him for so much as a penny. Well tonight I'm in the mood to chance getting set on fire by his death stare. At least I'll finally get to see what color his eyes are. He looks like a dark angel or maybe one of those sexy vampires I hear females swooning about from movies and books. He sure is devilishly handsome.

Almost I change my mind. His avoidance of even a brief glance in our direction fires my blood. It's so easy to dismiss those less fortunate just by turning your face away. Pretend poverty isn't there maybe it will vanish. It's the same with the homeless. Most people don't want to see them. They rush by without so much as a compassionate glance.

I'm not homeless yet but I'm only one step away. Getting a job isn't easy when you have no skills or a diploma. I don't even have a GED. Since I left home at the tender age of eleven and have lived on the streets in one city or another the last eleven years it's hard to keep body and soul together. Half my life I've been just a day away from having absolutely nothing more than what I carry in my backpack.

The ice queen Mr. Iceman is with goes inside while he gives instructions to the man driving his car. Damn fucker is so lazy he can't even drive his own car. If I had a car like that I'd sleep in it when I wasn't driving it. But then I don't have a wallet filled with credit cards with thousands of dollars worth of credit that is paid off as soon as the bill comes in. I don't even have a social security card.

Before I lose my nerve I step in front of my mark. Stretching out my hand I say, "Can you spare a dollar or two? I'd like to have a hot meal tonight."

Giving him my brightest smile I meet his eyes. They are a glacial cold almost opaque black bottomless pit of nothingness. An iceberg would feel warmer than his eyes. He steps to his right then walks on toward the restaurant door. I've been thoroughly snubbed. With bracdo I don't feel I saunter back to the others. I won't allow myself to feel crushed by his cold brush off.

"Hey Sonny, better luck next time," Libby calls out in sympathy. She knows how I anticipate seeing that man for some stupid reason. I've even imagined I've seen him driving through my neighborhood at night. Sometimes I see a black car parked at the curb where there are only dark shadows. He's possessed my mind to the point I imagine I see him everywhere even in my dreams. At least the dreams of him are better than the ones with…no, I won't go there, not now.

"Win some lose some. I knew Mr. Moneybags wouldn't let loose a penny. Bet he has the very first dollar he earned framed and surrounded by death rays in case someone tries to steal it. He'd need a crowbar to open his wallet to pay for a hot meal. Wonder if his date pays the check," I say loud enough for him to hear. I don't give a fuck. I'm tired, cold and hungry. I refuse to admit to feeling hurt like a damn idiot.

When I join Libby I ask, "Did he look in my direction at all?"

"Not so much as an eye flicker. Damn, that's the coldest dude I've ever seen. Bet when he makes love his woman turns into an ice cube," Libby shivers and laughs to demonstrate her words. She's a born actress or comedian. She makes me laugh.

Thirty minutes later a waiter comes out carrying bags which he hands over to us. He says they are meals sent out by a patron who wishes to remain anonymous. It doesn't take more than a few working brain cells to know who our benefactor is. Guess he did hear me after all.

Holy crap! There is so much food. When no one can eat another bite we divvy up the remains. There is enough for at least two small meals apiece. The only thing I have to drink is the half bottle of water I carry in my backpack. I don't go anywhere without my backpack just in case I don't have a home to return to when I leave in the mornings. You never know, the building might get condemned. It sure isn't fit for humans to live in but then neither is a dirty alley or store doorway. Benches in the park are hell on the back and colder than a witch's titty in the winter.

This place closes at one, it is now ten. Not many customers drifting in. The main invited guests are already inside. I want to stay so I can at least thank him for sending out the food. No one's ever done anything like that before. Usually if they notice us it's when we stand in front of them asking for money. They either give it to us or wave us off with a dismissive wave of a hand and a look of repugnance on their faces.

I waved goodnight to Libby over three hours ago. The rain started shortly after she left. Since I got drenched within a few minutes there wasn't any point in leaving. The eight block walk would not get me any dryer. I'd still be soaking wet and fucking freezing.

Mr. Dark and Handsome comes out just a few minutes after one a.m. I've decided he's Mr. Dark and Handsome when he's not so glacial and Mr. Iceman when his penetrating dark eyes resemble black ice.

It isn't only his date with him. There is another couple. A young woman with brown hair and another drop dead gorgeous red haired man as well as the ice queen he arrived with earlier.

Well I'm not going to debase myself in front of a crowd. I could just about tolerate getting snubbed by the ice queen and given a dark glacial glare from him but four people looking at me as if I'm something they stepped in that a dog left on the sidewalk, well, that is asking too much of me.

The brown haired woman does toss me a sideways glance. I even see a smile. The man with her has his arm wrapped around her like he thinks someone is going to come along and grab her off the sidewalk. He looks as dangerous as Mr. Dark and Handsome does.

Darkly handsome is the last to enter the car. If I thought he might look on me with a kinder eye the cold ice-eyed glare he tossed me just before entering his car left me in no doubt I'm persona non grata. Could be I'm wrong about our benefactor.

Now I'm really cold after that Arctic blast. My teeth are chattering. Well hell, if I'd known it wasn't him who sent out the meals I could have saved myself a long wet walk home. Obviously he hasn't a kind bone in his body. It's a cinch I won't be asking him for any handouts any time soon. He's given me one rejection too many. There are other fish in the sea.

At least the rain eases up around the third block. It doesn't matter much as I slosh when I walk. My clothes are so heavy with water I have to force one foot in front of the other. It's so tempting to say to hell with it and crawl up in one of the doorways. I've done that before, when I didn't have a place to live.

To get my mind off how cold I am I begin to think of ways to earn some money. Prostitution is last on my list, just below drug runner and robbery. I wouldn't have to deal in the drugs just take them from one person to another. No money involved, on my end anyway. Just delivering packages. Since I wouldn't see what's in them I could pretend it is someone's birthday gift or a present from one lover to another. Robbery, well I'd need a gun for that. If I had enough money to buy a gun I wouldn't need to rob anyone. Kind of ironic.

At the top of my list is applying for a job at Sparkle, a gentleman's club that opened up last year. The manager has been after me to come work for him but no fucking way am I working in one of those back rooms. I may be desperate but not that desperate. I've had enough applicants tell me just what crazy whacked out shit goes on behind those red doors. There are twenty private rooms back there. Three times I've asked for an application only to leave it on a table as I run not walk from the gentleman's club. There are no gentlemen in there as far as I'm concerned.

Patrons can drink, enjoy the music and even dance out front. Oddly enough there are the odd couples coming in to soak up the atmosphere. Lots of people come for pre-dinner drinks or before going to one of the many entertainment hot spots around the city. Not everyone is a sex crazed fiend.

For a thousand dollars a customer can get a room and their pick of a companion for the night. They can stay until three when the place closes or have their whacked out party then go home any time they like. Everybody's happy even if they are beat all to hell. What sick mind wants that crap? Not me, I had enough beatings when I was a child. I even have scars on my back, legs and butt as evidence what a sicko my dad was. All the hair on my body stands up straight and not in a good way.

I'm glad I stabbed the fucker. I wish I'd killed him. Maybe someone finished the job for me. Sometimes I feel disturbed as I imagine taking some faceless man into one of those rooms and beating the holy living hell out of him. I can blame my anger against men on my dad but something dark within me carries the fantasy to a level of brutality that frightens me.

I don't like thinking of my life before I left home but sometimes, like now, I don't have any choice. My mind takes me back to my early years when I was only four or five. Dad came to visit his special girl. For a long time he only touched me with his hands then had me touch him. I cringe when I recall how he showed me how to jerk off his tiny prick.

Around about the time I got my period he started telling me I'm a big girl now ready for big girl sex. Graphically he told me what he'd do to me and what I'd have to do to him. It sickened my eleven year old mind.

After his visits I'd throw up until the dry heaves caused my stomach muscles to cramp. Thank God the timing wasn't right for my grownup lessons. My period coincided with overtime at work. I escaped the worst fate imaginable in my girlish mind. Already I'd endured unspeakable acts of depravity that surely warped my mind. That is probably why I do not date or seek sexual pleasures in any form. Sex is equated with my father and all he did to me. I want no part of sex or any memory of my father. If I could I'd cut that part of my brain out. I've thought about acting crazy just so I could get a lobotomy. Do they still do that medieval quackery?

Hell, I'm not even certain I can be called a virgin. I've never been penetrated by a man's penis. Do fingers count? I feel so dirty I can't imagine any man wanting me even if I finally got over my repulsion of being touched. Who wants second hand goods? Maybe Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome knows I'm flawed.

I'd tried telling mom what was going on when I was eight. I got the beating of my life when she told dad what I accused him of. She couldn't make herself believe me. She had no one, no place to go. Without him she'd be homeless. Not once during her angry diatribe did she mention how I would be affected or even how damaged I already was. Selfish bitch that she was I wasn't a good enough reason to risk her meal ticket. Wasn't much of a meal ticket in my opinion.

Thank God for the reprieve of my period and the rush order at the factory. I'd learned to sneak out the window of my bedroom in order to hide from my dad. I would sneak back in just after I knew he left for work. I'd either eat at my friend's house or not eat at all. No way was I going home and sitting at the same table as my rapist. That's what I learned to call what my dad did to me. He raped me every night from the time I was about four until that last night when he broke into my room in a drunken rage.

I'd managed to escape into the kitchen where I took the biggest knife out of the knife drawer. Holding it in a grip that nearly broke my fingers I waited with the knife hanging down at the level of my thigh.

Slowly he crept toward me removing his belt as he came closer with every drunken step ratcheting my fear up another notch. The things he said to me shouldn't have fallen on the tender ears of an eleven year old child. Perhaps they were words that no one should have to hear.

When he got close enough to raise the belt and deliver a stinging blow to my arm that's when I used every bit of strength I had to plunge the blade into his side. I'd wanted to stick it in his chest but couldn't reach that part of him. I settled for his flabby stomach. I left him on the kitchen floor without a backward glance. Running past my mother I didn't even stop, I kept on running until my legs gave out. I didn't look back from that night on if I could help it. Sometimes nightmares or certain events during my day will trigger those buried memories.

It is during those times I go and sit on the ledge of The Devlin Tower. You'd think they'd have better security but then I guess they don't have anything a person can steal worth having unless you're a computer whizz, which I'm not. I do see cameras in strategic places. Perhaps it's more secure than I know. I've only been in the stairwell. Very few people use the stairs. Lazy rich fuckers.

Last night's humiliating debacle drove me here before the sun had even begun to rise. Only the janitorial service workers occupied the building. Everything looks so small from up here. A person might convince themselves this was a play set and if they reach out they could pick up one of the pieces and move it anywhere on the board they wanted.

There's a bit of a wind today. If I hold my arms out will I fly? Will the breeze carry me softly down to the pavement or hasten my fall? How badly will I be broken? I've read articles in the library. It doesn't sound pleasant. If I land right I won't have a worry in the world. Land wrong and I could live as a vegetable for anywhere between a few hours to a few years. Not a pleasant proposition.

Deciding today isn't the day, I climb down. I am going to Sparkle. I'd let Joe know under no circumstances would I be going in any back room. I'd wait tables, clean the bathrooms, whatever needed doing, but no backroom activities for me.

Making the decision to try once more to become one of the gainfully employed I feel relief wash over me. This might be the start of something new and wonderful.

My mind is awash in all the things I will be able to do with a steady income. I can have a bank account, pay my rent on time, and maybe buy a car. Hell, I may even learn to drive. Being among the ranks and file of the working class I will even become a bona fide taxpayer. I'll be one of those people supporting the government. Imagine that, me, able to support myself and the frigging government as well.

My steps are lighter on the return trip than they were coming out today. I have a purpose now, a set goal. One that isn't so out of bounds it can't come true. If I keep reminding myself to seek only simple things then I won't be disappointed like if I expect big things such as, Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome should look at me with anything but contempt.

Oh, I can't wait to tell Libby. I break out in a run dashing toward my future instead of running away from my past. Will it last? That thought plagues me barging its way into my newfound optimism. Like a pen pricking a balloon it stabs at me deflating me little by little.

Is there such a thing as happiness? Is it only meant for the chosen few? Desperately pumping my feet faster I silently pray, "Libby please be at your usual spot. I need you."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews. I figured it out that for some reason the alerts didn't go out for the previous chapter. I've removed the fake chapter 5. Here's the real deal. **

**WARNING: Adult content. Explicit sex scene. Rude language. Hope no one objects to the use of the word P**sy. Frankly there are only so many words to use and I don't think when two people are about to do the deed they think of the clinical terms for body parts. Please let me know if this is offensive. **

**Chapter Five**

**Decisions Made **

**Marcus' Pov**

What the hell did I think would happen tonight? I'd send out some food, she'd be grateful, come to me willing to bow to my commands? Temporary insanity, that's what I blame for this colossal mistake.

Christian and Ana both noticed how distracted I was the moment I sat down at our table. Clever Ana did not miss my whispered conversation with our waiter. Her knowing smile almost had me rescinding my order for meals to be taken to those beggars out front. Not by look or word did the waiter show how he felt about my generosity. Ana and Christian looked on in amusement while Seneca made her opinion known very vocally. A minute of cold silence from me soon put her in her place. All my women know they only offer opinions when I ask for them and generally they know either share my opinion or stay silent, I prefer them silent unless I'm fucking them or punishing them.

During the meal Christian brings up my plans for inner city reclamation. Ana has her own opinion about what should happen and it doesn't include me building places to live only the rich can afford.

"So Devlin, when do you break ground? I've been hearing that your plans for spring are not out of bounds," Christian says as he sips at his wine. I am hopeless when it comes to choosing wine so I leave that to Christian or a wine waiter when I am out without his expert palate. If it tastes good and I want it, that's enough recommendation for me. Years, vintages, clarets and all that stuff just muck up a good glass of booze. I prefer something simpler, like a Heineken. I do like imported beers. Under Christian's guidance I'm trying to refine my palate.

"If everything continues to progress as it is now, then yes, I'll break ground this coming spring." I turn my eyes to Ana knowing what will come out of her mouth.

"And what Marcus, will you do with all the people? Toss them in the streets, children and all? At Christmas time too? Have you no heart, no Christmas spirit?" She glares at me with disapproval.

"Progress can't be halted just because some holiday happens to come around at the same time I'm putting a deal together. Besides, I have a whole department looking into alternative living arrangements and on top of that I am allotting vouchers toward rent, moving expenses and food for up to one month after a tenant is settled. So, you see, I'm not Mr. Scrooge and the Grinch rolled into one," I tease at the end to relieve the serious tone our conversation has taken.

"Well, you might have said something, saved me thinking the worst of you," she scolds me as would a children.

"And miss this angry display that I know Christian loves so well?" Now it is my turn to tease her, make her blush. She isn't sure how much Christian tells me about their sex life or even if he tells me anything. Christian just sits back and smiles with a glint in his eye that I know means he'll be having his wife in some deliciously wicked ways when they get home.

Seneca speaks up with a pout to her lips, "All this talk about those dirty people is boring Marcus. Turn them out of one place they'll move on to another. I'll bet they're only holding out waiting for you to offer more money. Ana, there was this very trashy dirty blond out front probably waiting for some rich John to take her home. Why, she even approached Marcus, can you imagine?" Seneca says in disdain not noticing the glances being passed between us.

Christian raises his eyebrow in question to which I nod my head reluctantly. Now I wish I hadn't told him about My Blond Siren. If I had known there might be a chance of them meeting or of him seeing her I'd have made certain their paths never crossed.

Ana looked from Christian to me. Oh, God, I know that look. She'll be looking for ways to bring me and the siren together. No way, not going to happen. Ana is a nester and thinks everyone should have their own nest to share. She'd love the rags to riches crap.

Hoping to derail this line of conversation I signal for the waiter to come take our order. Once he is gone a different topic is opened up. For the rest of the meal not another word is mentioned about homeless people, one homeless person in particular. I should know by now Ana is like a dog with a juicy bone once something gains her attention. If it's a matter of the heart or correcting some wrong she will not let go until she has her way. A pit bull is less tenacious.

Lingering long after we should have let our table be cleared, I stall, hoping to get my emotions in check before I must face that siren again. What silent song does she sing that beckons me to her side? Even now, with Seneca so willing, so eager to be with me tonight my mind is only on one woman and it is not the redheaded wench sitting at my table.

The Breeze closes at one but everyone knows who I am so they aren't about to ask me to leave. Christian takes out his wallet ready to hand over his credit card when I come to my senses. They are my guests. I will be picking up the tab tonight.

"Christian," I say warningly as I put my own exclusive card on the silver tray with our check resting discreetly between a black satin folder.

He smiles disarmingly then tosses a wad of hundreds on the table for our waiter. It is on the tip of my tongue to tell him that the people outside could make better use of the money. Lucky for me my brain puts a brake on that thought before it can be spoken out loud.

Outside the night air has cooled with a fine mist beginning to come down on us. Letting the others in before me I can't help casting one final glance toward the front wall where the panhandlers were standing when I went into the restaurant.

She's there standing shoved up against the wall. With her flimsy jacket she has to be cold and when it starts to rain in earnest she'll be colder still. If the others weren't here I'd like to think I'd offer her my jacket or even a ride. Both those unwanted ideas anger me. I'm trying to erase her not offer to chauffer her about.

Hoping to discourage her from ever coming here again I give her my blackest look. If I give her the impression I might call the cops maybe that will convince her that her time will be better spent someplace other than The Breeze.

Since she doesn't make a move maybe my cold hard glare did the trick. If anything she seems to move closer to the brick wall behind her. It must be colder than a block of ice. I will her to leave before the rain starts coming down harder. Stupid female stands there as if she's become part of the building.

Sighing angrily I enter the car. Seneca immediately moves closer to me. Whispering in my ear what she will do to me when we arrive at my apartment doesn't faze me. Alarmingly I'm not even hard. A moment ago looking at that young woman I had a stiff cock ready for business and yet now I am limp as a noodle.

Christ! Now she's unmanned me. Dropping Christian and Ana off I don't even try to persuade them to come over for a drink. I have to fix my problem as soon as possible. Twice now I've been with a beautiful woman and not felt any desire, not for the woman with me anyway.

I'm becoming an emotional wreck. I won't fall into this trap. It isn't for me. This, whatever it is, won't last. I can overcome anything if I put my mind to it. I'll drive her out if I have to resort to the law to remove her from being anywhere near me.

Instead of dropping Seneca off, I bring her back to my place. That had been my intention at the beginning of the evening until I saw her, the object of my recent insanity.

I need to fuel my fury. Recalling Seneca's blatant whispers in my ear does it for me. It isn't her place to tell me what she wants to do to me or tell me what to do to her. I am her master and she'll damn well bow to my will. I'll punish her for thinking she has any power over me. I can already feel the power rise in me as I imagine the whip hitting her skin. My cock surges eagerly inside my pants. Oh man, am I going to whip her hard then fuck her twice as hard.

Without ceremony I strip her down then truss her up. I relish the fear I see cross her face. Good, I frighten her. That hardens my cock even more. Picking just the right flogger I return to Seneca. I've removed all of my clothing except my trousers. I want her to know this will be quick and painful. I'll fuck her without letting her come. Teasing her, bringing her to the brink will heighten my pleasure. Her pleas for release will fall on deaf ears.

Coming up behind her I whisper in her ear, "What infraction will I be punishing you for Seneca?"

"I…I spoke without your permission. I told you what I wanted to do to you and what I wanted you to do to me. It isn't my place. Please Marcus, punish me."

"Oh, I'll punish you alright. And for future reference I'll not let you come if you step over the boundary of what is allowed and what isn't. If you come I'll punish you again and it will not be for your pleasure or mine. It will be to teach you to keep your fucking mouth shut and obey me in all things. Understood?"

"Yes." She is panting now in anticipation. She still believes I'll relent and bring her to climax. If I wasn't still thinking of that damn woman I might be less inclined to set her skin ablaze.

Using my fingers I rub across her sex. Finding her clitoris with my middle finger I slid it down then up. Twice more in quick succession I repeat my action. She's moaning, wet and begging me to bring her relief. Would My Siren be this wet just from my touch? This angers me as well as excites me. I'd love to whip then fuck my siren.

Stepping back I raise the flogger and bring it down on her buttocks. The sound of leather on flesh goes all the way to my cock. A couple more like that and I'll come without sliding into her wet pussy. I feel the familiar self-loathing coming to the surface. I push it back by lashing out at my submissive.

Seeing a blond siren beckoning me with a welcoming smile nearly takes me over the edge. Dropping the crop I use my hand to force Seneca's head down which brings her ass up. Too urgent now to be gentle I shove her legs further apart. I want to go deep and hard. It will be quick as I'm halfway there already.

She'll be sore afterward but I don't give a fuck. This is for me. I'll drive that siren out of my head one way or another.

"Please Marcus, make me come."

Seneca's voice is intrusive as I was picturing My Blond Siren being on the receiving end of my hard cock. I have no control where she's concerned and it angers me.

"I told you, this is for me, not for you. If you come, I'll use the cane. We both know how much you dislike the cane." Just imagining bringing the cane down on her is enough to bring me to climax.

Shame immediately follows the pleasure as it always does. For the most part I can usually close it off but tonight as I look at Seneca, cuffed, beaten and left wanting, I want to throw up. I know why I need this but it doesn't make me feel any less shitty to need it and do it with pleasure every single time. In earlier years I used to swear to myself I'd never do it again only to fall prey to my needs. It's what I know, what gives me some connection even if it is a sick way to connect with anyone.

Without having to say the actual words, I'm sorry, I tenderly release Seneca from her bonds then lead her to the bed. I'll give her the release she needs. This is the only way I can express tender emotion, through sexual acts.

I'd like to see her face when she comes but knowing I can't stand having to look at her and her look at me during sex, I'll have to settle for my usual hand manipulation and fucking her with my cock from behind. I've never had a complaint but then, even if they found me wanting, would any of my partners complain? Hell no. They know I'd beat the shit out of them for sure.

One day I'll overcome my aversion to face to face sex and giving oral sex. I've had women beg for it. So far I've been able to pass off my denials as a form of punishment. Since I am a harsh Dominant when delivering punishment, no one dares question me. Even if they suspect something for damn sure they'll keep it to themselves. My contract with all my women guarantees I've bought their loyalty. Money and power, having them both, that is almost better than sex. Not quite but almost. I could live without sex but I wouldn't want to live without money and power. I've done that before and it was hell.

Sliding between her legs I first use my hand and fingers to give her release then just as her orgasm starts I fill her with my cock. Turning us so we are on our sides I can continue my finger manipulation.

I'd like to kiss her but that too is denied me. The few times I've kissed a woman I've had to swallow down the bile so I didn't make a fool of myself. I know why that act makes me feel ill but knowing why and being able to fix the problem is something I haven't been able to do. Dr. Flynn could probably help if I could open up to him. I can't. I won't let anyone know what a weak shit I am and always have been.

Letting Seneca out the front door I promise to deposit the money into her account for her to take a trip to visit her mother in Hawaii. It's the least I can do. Her red eyes twist my gut. I hate this aftermath of loathing and regret that plagues me after nearly every session of role play. How I wish I could be happy doing the vanilla thing. Of course I wouldn't want to give up all my toys, just the ones that are severe, the ones that go beyond mere pleasurable pain.

Alone once more I feel hollow. The silence is deafening. I crank up my surround sound. I hit the button that starts my playlist. Christian would laugh his ass off if he knew some of the songs I like to listen too. I can't do romance with a woman but that doesn't mean I can't listen to songs glorifying love and romance.

In some dark corner of my mind there is a secret I hide from myself. I know what it is and yet I deny it. Love. That word brings cold sweats as well as a yearning for what can never be.

My dreams are filled with Siren. It feels so real I come in my sleep. I haven't done that since I began puberty. I am a man having boyish wet dreams over a woman I should run from and not look back. Why does the thought of never seeing her again fill me with panic?

I've either got to fuck her until I've had enough or find a way to remove her permanently from my life.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: WARNING this chapter contains some very dark thoughts about suicide. Just thoughts not an actual attempt yet. It will get brighter I promise. Have to have the angst so the joy will be all the sweeter. **

**Chapter Six**

**So Now I Die**

**Sonja's Pov**

After several long discussions I finally convinced myself and everyone else seeking a job at Sparkle appeared to be my best and probably my only option of getting honest work. I have to say several nights I woke in a sweat as my dreams were filled with screams coming from behind red doors. They are almost enough to have me going into hiding. Libby gave me moral support. Her age keeps her from being legal so she's spared making the hard decision I had to make. Libby is only twenty and everyone thinks she is several years younger. She has one of those ageless faces. I'll be when she's a doddering old woman she'll still look like a young girl. Nice when you're older, not so good when you'd like to work at a club that serves alcohol.

Damn taxes. Taxes take a big bite out of my paycheck. My tips more than make up for taxes but I'd prefer getting every penny I earn. Show a man a little extra attention and the wallet opens with money falling into my hands. Hundreds sometimes. Usually it's only a twenty but occasionally a fifty or hundred. My account is adding up. It feels like a fortune and to me it is but in the grand scheme it's a pittance.

I've endured more butt pinches these last two weeks than a normal person does in their whole lifetime. Fucking perverts. Joe is after me to work the back rooms. Not tonight, tomorrow or ever. The thought comes to mind that I'd do it if I got to be the one beating the shit out of someone. I might even find using a whip palatable. I could be a fine sadist as long as I imagine my dad receiving the sting of the lash. This disturbs me even as it causes an excited flush on my skin. Who the hell knows what all those other hot flashes are running rampant inside my body. Like I said, it's disturbing.

Since I'm new I have the cheap seats. Serving a table of four men near the entrance gives me a good view of everyone coming and going. Swatting Mr. Crawdad for the hundredth time I nearly faint as in saunters Mr. Dark and Handsome himself. Shit. I struggle to keep my tray of drinks upright. Don't sit at one of my tables, don't sit at one of my tables. I repeat this over and over hoping it will influence the powers that be to have him request a table anywhere but one of the cheap seats at the front, my area.

I realize how stupid my assumption is that he might have come to see me. Shit, he won't sit near the door. He's too stuck on himself to sit anywhere but the best seats in the house. The sudden murmurs of other patrons follow in his wake. I'm not the only one taking notice of him. Of course they take notice, he's rich, powerful, sexy as hell and what the fuck is he doing in a place like this? I guess that explains the iceberg looks. He's cold as hell all through. And there goes my fantasy. Can't fantasize about a perverted human being. Holy shit, what kind of whack job is he?

He passes right by me without so much as a quick look in my direction. Even looking like a hundred dollar an hour call girl I don't rate a glance from him. Whacked out fucker, who cares if he notices me or not. I'd stick the fucker within the first minute I'm sure if he managed to pay attention to me. I could even pull a Lorena Bobbitt and whack off his dick. Perverted bastard. I shudder to think what that makes me.

Well crap. He speaks with the hostess who seats him at a table far from my area but he takes a seat facing me. Those glacial eyes I am sure are trained on me or maybe he likes the picture of the naked lady behind me. It's supposed to be fine art. I say it's porn. I call them like I see them. Hey, with her hand resting suggestively right between her thighs what else can one think about but sex?

Mindy is his waitress. When she comes to take his order he puts his hand on her butt sending her into a stupid giggling fit. Perverted asshole. He moves his hand around bringing a flush to her cheeks. Will she be upgraded to the back room tonight? Perverted sicko. I can't be sure from where I'm standing but it looks like he inserts his hand between her legs. When she accommodates him by spreading her legs further apart I'm sure I'm seeing correctly. Maybe they won't wait to go to the back. Maybe he intends to give us a floor show. Perverted exhibitionist pig.

He raises his eyes to meet mine. The smile drops from his face and his hand is jerked back to land in his lap. He looks like I caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. Well if he will do shit like that in public he has to expect he'll get caught from time to time. Perversion taken to a new level. How depraved is he? Well, he didn't come here for the drinks or crab cake appetizers. He came for the back room with all it entails. I feel like I want to be sick.

A surefire way to take my mind off the iceberg exhibitionist is to pay attention to my tables. Leaving the one with the old geezers I stop by the one with six brawny young men. One of them has a father who has a paid yearly membership. He's paid extra for his son and five of his closest friends to partake of all the club has to offer should that be their desire. So far all they desire is drinking and ogling the waitresses. Aren't I the lucky one to be serving them?

Biff, Bingo, whatever the hell his name is grabs me and pulls me on his lap. My hand inches toward my cleavage, the only place with enough room to put my switchblade. Lucky for grabby fingers I catch Mr. Perverted Exhibitionist scowling at me with what surely is not disapproval. Isn't this exactly what he expects when he comes, freedom to paw, maul, and pinch to his heart's content? Besides, there is the added lure of the back room.

Just to spite my judgmental audience of one I wrap my arms around the young man's neck. He turns beet red. If he gets any redder we may be calling the paramedics. Boldly I kiss his cheek feeling safe now that I know he's more nervous than I am. This is likely his first foray into the world of sex at its most perverted level. He looks no more than nineteen. I know his license said he is twenty-one. I only half believe that. Joe says unless we see a cop or someone who looks like an undercover cop to serve anyone with the cash to pay. An undercover cop will be nursing one drink without even asking about the back room. Joe's been through several busts so he knows his stuff.

"Hey Mike, don't hog the lady. Besides I think she likes me better anyway. Don't you honey?" Well he is handsome and not too obnoxious. He's only playing along and I know this as he gives me a big wink no one else can see.

"Sure honey bear. You're my all time favorite. What's your name sugar?" I say with a southern accent I must have picked up somewhere during my travels. I sound like Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With the Wind. Maybe I'm the actress.

"Why honey, haven't you heard of Jeff Waters, the number one college quarterback in the state?" he says as he pulls me onto his lap. Okay, not Biff or Bingo but Jeff. Since I don't have a television or have even a passing acquaintance with academia I don't know him from Adam. He could be on the ten most wanted list and I wouldn't have a clue.

Jeff whispers in my ear, "Thanks for being such a good sport. I'll make sure we leave an extra large tip. Call it hazardous pay."

He chuckles and I feel it all through my body. It isn't scary nor does it make me want to run and hide. I like it. His big hand is warm on my wrist as is the one against my back. His fingers are stroking my hair. I like that too.

I feel a hot flush on my face. I'm blushing like a schoolgirl. I actually feel something happening between my legs that hasn't ever happened before. I've heard about it, studied about it in the library but never experienced it firsthand. With my past I'd given up on any sexual relationship with anyone. Who knew it just took meeting an iceberg and a college quarterback to get me going?

I'm beginning to feel awkward now with all that's happening to my body and the strange thoughts buzzing around inside my head. Making a move to get up we lock eyes. I forget to breath. Damn, just my luck this would happen in a place where I can't do anything about it other than go in the back room. Not going to happen.

His thumb begins to rub the inner part of my wrist. My pulse jumps up several notches. Well crap, I'm going to have a stroke and die just when I've met someone whose touch doesn't repulse me. In fact I'd say he fires me up like a Bic lighter. Another minute and I'll be a hot blaze of fire.

I've completely forgotten my audience of one. The only one I see and feel is Jeff, Mr. Bic Man. The fire is lit now what do we do about it?

Joe marching up to tell me there are other tables with waiting customers pours water on the flickering flame of my burgeoning desire.

Standing up I catch the evil smile spreading across Mr. Iceman's face. I give him a squinty eyed look wondering if he has anything to do with Joe coming over. Unless the place catches fire Joe doesn't move from the table he sits at every night keeping watch over his minions. He's like a mini despot.

He doesn't visit the perverted rooms as far as I know. Not during working hours anyway. He also doesn't fraternize with the employees during working hours. After three in the morning, I have no clue if he is among the ranks of the perverted path to hell. I dismiss Mr. Iceman as the reason for Joe's sudden first real action as my boss. Mr. Iceman has no reason to complain about me other than I may have ruined his night at The Breeze by daring to ask him for a handout. Perverted exhibitionist.

I'm just coming to the conclusion I am sounding like a religious fanatic. I have a right to dislike what happens behind those doors but not the right to prejudge those who partake of its pleasures. Maybe I wouldn't mind some of those things if my dad hadn't fucked my psyche up so badly. Off and on I think about getting counseling but can't afford private sessions and have no wish to air my dirty secrets to people I don't know and likely are more fucked up than I am.

What's the big deal, I only have say, sixty or so years left anyway. I can live being celibate. Except for tonight I haven't thought once about climbing on top of anyone. I don't know how I know but I think I'll not like anyone on top of me, smothering me, degrading me, doing all those unspeakable things to me. No, I will definitely be on top if I ever find the courage to attempt a sexual relationship with anyone. Just imagining it I feel the customary bile rising in my throat. I see an ulcer or damaged esophagus in my future.

My first real desire is well and truly killed before it can take life. Philosophically I try to convince myself maybe this is for the best. Why go into something I know will end in pain for me and possibly for my partner? I sure as hell don't want to become one of those sexually fucked up people needing such places as those back rooms just to get aroused. I shake off the voice murmuring in my head about never getting aroused, never seeking any sexual gratification of any kind, I most staunchly ignore the voice murmuring about a lifetime of virginity not givine me the children I want to have some day. Screw the voice, I can adopt. The voice sneers, 'who would let you adopt even a cat or dog? A child? Get real Sonja'.

For the rest of the night Joe is on my ass if I spend more than a few minutes with any one customer. I thought that was the point. Flirt, get them to part with their money, get a little compensation for myself while the house gets an influx of cash through liquor sales and the back rooms.

Avoiding Mr. Iceman isn't easy but I do manage to only look in his direction occasionally instead of constantly as I want to do. I can feel his critical gaze following every move I make. It's not as if he owns the place. Holy shit! What if…no, his being here is just an unlucky coincidence.

By two thirty I'm beginning to get bleary-eyed. There are only a few die hard customers left, Mr. Iceman being one of them. Why is he still here? Why didn't he go into the back? Why the fuck is he singling me out for his undivided glacial glare? Crap if it's because I dared to ask for a handout he's taking disapproval to a whole new level.

When Joe signals me to come to his table I feel a sense of dread. Before I reach him I know what he is going to say. Mr. Iceman must have lodged a complaint. His petty revenge will be taking my livelihood away. Money is not an issue for him so how can he see how losing the source of my income will impact me? Maybe he does see but doesn't give a fuck.

Reaching Joe he is handing me an envelope as he says with a tone of regret, "This is your severance pay. Sorry Sonja, I have to let you go. Your performance hasn't been up to standards. You can use me as a reference when you look for employment." He's looking anywhere but directly at me.

I'm hanging on by a thread as I take the envelope from Joe's hand. How I manage to keep it together is something I can't explain but I'm sure glad I don't give the iceman the satisfaction of seeing me cry. He's lucky I don't plunge my blade in his cold heart. It's likely solid ice too. My blade might shatter unable to penetrate the solid cold mass that is in place of a human beating heart.

Tempting as it is to rip my uniform to shreds I carefully fold it then place it on my dressing table. Crap! I never did get around to buying any makeup or the other hundred and one items needed to make a woman feel feminine and beautiful. All I have is my backpack with my second pair of jeans, tee shirt, bra and underwear. I have a comb, brush and toothbrush at home. Suppose I'd better start carrying them in my backpack as my days having a home are numbered.

I owe most of what I've made so far to my landlord. To use up the food I put in my freezer and cupboards I'll invite the gang over for a losing my home party. I can go out with one last hurrah.

Go out? Is this it then? Have I reached the end to my tolerance of pain and degradation? Is it appealing rather than appalling to think of sweet oblivion? No more pain, no more anything. No more me, Sonja Donatella. Surprisingly I feel only calm acceptance as I consider what I am about to do.

I'll even buy a few bottles of wine to celebrate my going away party. If I'm the only one knowing what we celebrate well, that's okay. Libby would try to talk me out of it, the others would raise their glasses to me giving me their fond best wishes. In their own ways they are as fucked up as I am. What a depressing read our lives would make if we got together and wrote a book. There wouldn't be a dry eye anywhere.

Letting myself into my small room is depressing. It's a piece of shit but it was my piece of shit. It still is until I get kicked out. To hell with paying my rent. Fuck the owner. Let the slumlord take back his room, let the vermin take it over.

Amazingly I do not cry while lying in bed. Perhaps I've depleted my tear reservoir. Maybe it's my near hatred for Mr. Iceman keeping my eyes from letting lose my sorrow. For a couple weeks I felt almost human, almost as if I mattered. He took that from me. What did I do that was so horrible he had to take what little I had?

Only one other person wrung such a hard emotion out of me, my dad. I hated him so much I see red whenever I think of him. I pity anyone who brings that evil force down upon them. I don't know if I will be able to keep from losing me completely to the darkness within. Once unleashed can it be recalled? Can it be buried again? Just how violent am I? Normally I don't feel anything but apathy toward most of humanity. Only those in the gang are safe from my darker side. I suppose we all see that evil lurking just under our skin waiting for permission to bring on a reign of terror. Only Libby is a light among us. Often I've thought she's our anchor. Without her to keep us grounded what would happen? I don't want to know.

I invited everyone over for a get-together. I let them think it is to celebrate my first paycheck. What I don't tell them is I also got a severance pay the same night.

Here we are eating a sumptuous meal. Mentally I scoff at referring to meat loaf, mashed potatoes, peas and salad with fresh baked bread as sumptuous. For once everything worked as it should. Maybe that's fate's way of saying sorry for giving you such a fucking life.

I imagine Mr. Iceman would think of our meal as quaint or middle class hog slop. It's easy to picture him eating gourmet meals with fine wine. Candle sticks with glowing candles lighting the room. Silverware in the proper order for use, plates just so. The guests will all be dressed in designer clothes. The comparison of Mr. Iceman and his guests to my raggedly dressed guests with paper plates, plastic forks and knives is almost laughable if it wasn't so sad.

I push thoughts of him out of my mind. Why ruin my last night on this earthly plane? Tonight I dine in opulence for tomorrow I die. Is it morbid to sit with friends eating a meal while contemplating my demise? If anything I think it's a sad statement about my life until this point. There is nothing worth fighting for. I'm not worthy of life. I'm a waste of space. Mr. Iceman likely knows that as well as I do. Didn't his actions prove how insignificant he thinks I am?

"Libby, if anything happens to me, promise you'll keep my backpack and everything in it. It's not much but I'd like for you to have it," I manage to slur out through my drunken haze. How much have I had to drink? Since I don't normally drink one is likely enough to put me under the table.

"Planning on checking out then Sonja? Should I have them cremate you or would you prefer the company in Potter's Field?" she jokes not realizing the rest of us aren't smiling. Or maybe she did feel something isn't right as she called me Sonja instead of Sonny. I don't feel at all lighthearted as Libby's shortened version of my name is, Sonny.

Lifting my glass I say, "Burn the shit out of me then spread my ashes over the iceman the next time you see him. Wouldn't that piss him off royally? Messing up his five hundred dollar suit with my grey burned to powder bones. Shit, I might come back as a ghost just so I can see that."

Two hours later everyone leaves with full bellies, a smile on their face and the sad knowledge this is the last time, all except Libby knows the horrible truth of this night. One look into my soulless eyes told them the whole story. Is it not theirs as well?

Alone again after everyone leaves, sadness creeps in. Still no relief in tears. Have I forgotten how to cry? How pathetic I am. I don't even have damn tears.

Rage at the world, at my circumstances, at everyone, but especially Mr. Iceman engulfs me. Ripping at my bedding like a madwoman gives me a sense of power. From my bed I move on through the room unleashing my dark demon upon inanimate objects. If I can do this to things imagine what I'd do to a person. I cringe as I think about those back rooms at Sparkle. If I lost control completely could I be one of those perverted pieces of shit humanity?

It feels good as I trash everything around me. Nothing is safe from my red haze of hatred. An image of my father fuels my destruction with a vengeance. I'm like the Hulk on steroids.

Inevitably my energy runs out. Breathing hard with sweat soaking my clothing I look around with satisfaction. It seems my life isn't the only thing to meet its demise today. Since the clock says it is now two in the morning it is today.

Should I leave a note, some explanation or sentiment about how much they all mean to me? Libby has a special place in my heart. She's my friend, my best friend, the only person in the world I can truly call friend. The others are likeable companions but they aren't like Libby.

I hate leaving her alone. Money, I'll be leaving her my money. She can find a place maybe even this place. Glancing around at the carnage, maybe not this place.

Wanting to look my best I bath in the filthy bathroom I share with the other tenants. I wear flip flops in the shower not wanting to catch some kind of fungus. Mentally I give myself a head slap. Does it matter if I am exposed to a foot fungus now? Astoundingly the spray of water turns hot after only a few seconds. I can count on one hand the number of hot showers I've had in this dump.

My hair is brushed dry. I wish Libby was here. I love having my hair brushed. It relaxes me to the point I'm on the verge of sleep. She likes to braid it. Often I believe she's an arrested child and I am her Barbie. Libby always astounds me with her optimistic outlook on life. Her abusive past should have her seeing evil lurking in every corner. Every adult in her life failed her as they did in mine. I only had one abuser. Libby had dozens, all male family members or family friends. At the age of fourteen it finally came to light that this wasn't how it was supposed to be so she left.

For the last six years Libby has been the one light in my dark existence. We grew up together. Without her I'd have taken the plunge long ago. It hurts me to think how much she will grieve my loss. I know it's selfish to do this but I just don't have any fight left in me. I've given it my all and lost the final battle.

Mr. Iceman can now be smug that he won this last and final round. What medal should I give to him? I have noting worthy of even his touch. Well hell, I don't have a way to get anything to him anyway. I don't know what ivory tower he lives in. I don't even know his name. Mr. Iceman suits him. In a whimsical moment I imagine his mother naming him Frosty the Snowman. Slowly my mood begins to nosedive into a sadness so bleak it is as if I am already gone from this world.

Curling up in a miserable ball I wrap my arms around my body folding it into as small a bundle as possible. If I could dissolve into nothingness I would. I am nothing. I am not worthy. Death is a blessing I should have embraced long ago. How much agony could have been avoided if I had taken the plunge on one of my visits to The Devlin Tower? At least tomorrow this terrible despair will end.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is the same night as last chapter but from Marcus's POV. Please review. Thanks for all the ones I got last chapter. **

**Chapter Seven**

**Confusion**

**Marcus' Pov**

I feel morose. I don't do morose. I've been off my game for a while now. I can pinpoint almost to the second when things started going to hell. The tempting piece holding his attention with ease just as she always did. Damn, did I okay those skimpy uniforms? I'd been in before without taking much notice other than it gave me easy access to the wet pearl between the waitresses thighs. I never forced them to accept my lecherous wandering hands. if one refused another came along all too eager to open her treasure chest.

I really didn't want to be here. If I hadn't learned about The Blond Siren working here I would have stayed home. There had been less pep in my step for some time. Just so happened it coincided with a certain female crashing into my well ordered life. Maybe I'm was getting old. Could it mean I'm at last going to grow up and stop trying to bed every female I meet? With business picking up I have to keep fit and alert.

Laughter from one of the larger tables by the front entrance drew my eye just in time to see that neanderthol grab her waist. Restraining the urge to stalk over and yank blond and beautiful from that asshole's lap isn't easily quelled. I'm used to doing what the hell I like when the hell I like. Christian is always telling me I'm due for a fall from my throne. Christian's fall came over two years ago at the hand of the lovely Ana, his wife.

Christian. Man do I need to have a face to face with him. We understand each other. We are very much alike in many ways. Similar backgrounds similar fucked up personalities or as he says fifty shades of fucked up. I may not have fifty shades but I'll concede to twenty-five shades of fucked up. I'm not as perverted sexually as Christian used to be.

How fortunate for both of us to meet over a year ago. I'd been in a bar drinking myself into one of my self-pity stupors when he sat down beside me. Did I recognize a fellow deviant or did he just exude some strength I needed to prop myself up with at a low point in my life?

Hell, most of my life is low points. Work and the money I make are pretty much all I have. Sometimes I'm able to convince myself it's all I need. In fact I did so very well until I met Christian and his wife Ana. Even as fucked up as he is she still loves him. Without going into details too deeply he has told me about their courtship and how she changed him.

Christian even referred me to his shrink. John Flynn. A couple times in that man's office scared the shit out of me. He makes me remember too much, things I unwillingly think about in my nightmares. If I could control that part of me I'd never have another nightmare either.

My Blond Siren is a permanent feature when I fall asleep each night. What is it about her that draws me in a way no one ever has before? One great fear is that if I actually speak to her the illusion will be broken and I'll be left with only my nightmares for company again.

My eyes are trained on the object of my desire. My blood runs hot through my veins as I imagine her naked and chained to my wall in my bedroom. That is a first. My bedroom is sacrosanct; no one is permitted in there but me and my housekeeper. I can hear the lash of the whip as if I'm actually flaying her soft skin. In my mind I can see the pink marks the lash makes. It is so fucking arousing I have to force my ass to stay planted in this chair. If I uncross my legs my big secret will be out.

Why can I not see her in my room in the back? I've had other women in that room, too many faceless women. What's so special about this woman? I'll concede she's knock my socks off gorgeous but then so are thousands of other women and I haven't felt this…well how the fuck do I feel about her other than I know I want to flay the shit out of her then fuck her brains out from behind. I've never had face to face sex unless I count that dream I had about the siren. It's one of my idiosyncrasies. I'll fuck any woman I fancy so long as I don't have to look at her while I'm doing it.

It bothers the shit out of me I can't find any desire to suck a woman's pussy. From what I hear it can be very arousing and it does make your partner awful grateful to reciprocate. I don't mind my cock being sucked dry as long as my partner wears a mask or hood. I can bring a woman all kinds of pleasure with my hands and my hard cock but not my mouth. If I can get away without kissing them so much the better. I swallow bile just thinking about that. Knowing why doesn't change how fucked up I am.

Shit! I hadn't come here to use my back room. I only wanted to see her. She needs some new friends. The boy I gave a hundred bucks to would have told me anything I wanted to know. Fucking moron. I could be a rapist for all he knows. What I am isn't much better but at least I give my women a choice and they can always say no if I get too rough. They are also well compensated for their time and indulging my needs.

While my prey is occupied with the college idiot I signal for Joe to join me. Without ceremony or explanation I say, "Break up her play party. Fire her at the end of the night."

My command is to punish her for what infraction I don't know. Making me horny without even noticing how fucking huge my cock is just by looking at her, maybe that's it.

Joe looks at me curiously. Since I bought this place and had it designed to fit a special clientele Joe's had a free hand in the hiring and firing. I'm only a man seeking pleasure in the back room the few times I've been here. Now I'm giving him orders to fire someone.

It's what the bitch deserves for causing me so much frustration. I'd have fit right in during the dark ages when men took any wench they wanted if they had a place in society, meaning money to toss around or they spent their time plundering their neighbors. I just topped the one billion dollar mark this year. Next year I'll double that. I'm in a race to catch up with Christian. He's a multi multi-billionaire.

Feeling an urgent need to speak to him I take out my new phone. Fucking assistant ordered it then left on vacation without programming any of my information into the damn thing. It pisses me off I still have trouble using it. Child's play my ass and if a monkey can work this thing I'll pay half what I have to see that performance.

After ten frustrating minutes I finally get through to Christian. "Hey Christian how about meeting me for a drink?"

"Devlin, you do realize it's almost one in the morning? Unlike some people I have to get up early. I've spent the evening quieting a sick child, comforting an anxious wife, I have very little left to give you my friend. What's the problem in six sentences or less?" Christian says in a voice sounding on the verge of sleep.

"Man, how the mighty have fallen. Time was you could fuck for hours then close a deal, then fuck some more. I don't know this personally but I heard about you from reliable sources," I tease as we do know some of the same women. He no longer has need of them but I do when I don't want to visit the club. Right now I have two of his former submissives in my stable.

"Now that we've gotten the obligatory crack about my past sexual prowess out of the way let's get down to why you've called," he says on a more serious note.

"I don't know. I just feel, shit, I don't know how to explain it. There's this bitch driving me crazy. She's inappropriate, not acceptable in the least. She's one step from being homeless. I don't even think she's all that attractive," I lie trying to put him off the scent. He knows about My Blond Siren. I've told him every little detail about her. Then, there was the night we met at The Breeze and she was outside.

"Christian, my friend, tell me I should forget her. Tell me this is just some midlife crisis." I don't want to want her. She's someone I shouldn't even notice if we were the only two people in a room. Fact is I have a sinking feeling I could pick her out of a crowded stadium.

"Is she the back room girl?" Christian asks knowing at this time I have a lovely compliant woman at my club willing to take all I can give as long as the cash keeps flowing. He also knows about my stable. Ana has lectured me on the fact that I refer to them as my stable. They are not animals she says. I give her one of my grins and debate the issue with her. She is one sexy woman when she's riled. According to Christian she's hell in the bedroom or playroom when her dander is up. He appreciates my handiwork when Ana and I don't see eye to eye.

I give my forehead a mental swipe with my sleeve. He either doesn't remember the girl from The Breeze or he's too sleepy to be alert. Hoping to cement the idea this isn't about my Siren I say, "Fuck no. Since you haven't met her yet I'll let that slide."

About here my plan begins to derail as I realize the error I made tonight. What the hell have I done?

"Damn it, I haven't even met her, not properly anyway. Shit, I don't even know her name. Christ! I had Joe fire her and I don't even know her name. I paid a kid a hundred bucks just to find out where she was working and I fucking forgot to ask him her name. Man, this is so fucked up." I can feel the panic setting in. This is too intense. I don't do intense unless it's in a sexual way.

I can hear the amusement in Christian's voice as he says, "Let me get this straight. You had a woman working for you that you find attractive and desirable and didn't think to get her name before you had Joe send her packing. Maybe that's a sign you should stay clear of her. Or maybe you could just ask Joe for her information. He does work for you. He won't refuse your request. "

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. I could ask Joe but then…no, I don't plan on getting mixed up with her. I have many beautiful women at my beck and call. What's so special about her? I mean, there are thousands of beautiful women out there, ones who know the score and are willing to play ball. I guess it's best this way. She'd probably run screaming when she learned about my twenty-five shades of fucked up," I say hoping to make light of things.

"Twenty-five shades of fucked up?" he questions with a chuckle.

"Well I'm not as fucked up as you are Christian but give me time. I do believe your crown is slipping. I'm working on the other twenty-five shades of fucked up. You can't rack any more as you are the old married geezer." We are only a couple of months apart but I like to rub it in about being a stodgy old married man. Beneath my teasing is a hint of jealousy for all he has.

"Fuck you Devlin. I'm still getting creative with my wife. She has a very inventive mind. I am a lucky man," he says in a sickening self-satisfied voice.

I hear Ana in the background asking, "Christian! Who are you discussing our love life with over the phone?"

"Devlin."

"That pervert? Tell him I said hi and come to dinner soon."

"Ana says you're a pervert and I shouldn't play with you anymore," he says altering what she said. Does he not know I can hear everything going on in their bedroom? His phone must be on speaker.

"Liar."

From the rustling and moaning I do believe I have become superfluous. Fucking lucky Christian. It's only recently I've come to realize I am jealous of his life. Okay, not his life, just his wife and children.

Pushing the off button I resist listening in on the X rated love fest going on in Christian and Ana's bedroom. I haven't sunk that low yet. Like I told Christian, give me time, I'm working on it.

Closing time approaches and regret eats at me as I see how tired My Blond Siren looks. Since she isn't mine as much as I'd like for her to be I will now think of her only as Siren, less personal that way. I can objectify her without attaching any significance to her. She can be like some faceless woman I take from behind. It is my belief that's why I only have sex from behind, it gives me the illusion my partner is some faceless person without feelings or any expectation of emotional expressions. I shut out the voice trying to whisper truths I am not ready to hear or face.

I do not falsely claim to love any of my women nor do I give them false hope we are anything more than sexual partners. When they show signs of wanting more that is when I show them the way out of my life, kindly but firmly.

I've had so many good things in my life the past few weeks. As much as I want to Siren in the con column for this month she keeps hopping over into the pro column. Man, I do regret getting her fired. Sometimes I'm my own worst enemy.

Throwing myself into work gave me some reprieve but not much. Nearly every night I break my resolve not to seek her out. With hope not realized I return home lower in spirits than when I left. Having experienced so many disappointing nights one would think I'd admit failure but I can't. I want to wash my hands of the whole ordeal but she will not leave me be. Then I came into the club. I actually sought her out.

Going over the last thirty days I list all that should make me a happy man. t feels kind of flat now.

My biggest news is finally getting notice that my plans can now go forward with the demolition of all the buildings located on my property I should feel pride and eagerness to start this venture I've worked so hard to put together. I do feel vindicated in speculating as there is a returning interest in parts of the city long forgotten by mainstream Seattle. An interest in reclamation is driving up the prices on properties that a few years ago would have sold for a song. Smart man that I am I purchased a whole block when prices were rock bottom.

Praise from Christian is rare and when he notices something worth comment then others take heed. Those falling in line behind will now pay premium prices if and when they manage to broker a deal. Instead of large parcels they will now be forced to purchase each individual property.

I didn't stop until I ferreted out the information the banks were chomping at the bit to sell their loans to the highest bidder. At that time I was the only bidder. Only I saw into the future. Now that property is worth billions in future earnings by direct sales and interest bearing loans.

What worked here will work in other states as well. Several deals are already in negotiation. Now I will need to be careful as others will be watching every move I make. Dummy companies have been set up to cover the paper trail leading back to me. When I'm ready for the financial world to know what I'm doing it will be too late for anyone else to move in and snatch my prize.

Now, if only I could dictate order in my private life, one aspect of it anyway, in all other areas I have complete control. It is only with her, the siren, where I am at a loss. Sometimes I wonder if I am upside down or right side up. Lately I am in perpetual confusion.

I hate feeling helpless like this. Being master of my own part of the world is what keeps me going. If I lose control what happens then? I'll lose who I am, I'll lose my identity. I am far from perfect but for the most part I like who I am. I don't know how to be any different than I have always been. I certainly don't want to be that frightened boy I was when I came to live with Carrie Reynolds.

The Siren, with her hold already weaving an invisible strangling vine around me, I wonder if ever I should make the fatal choice of letting her in, will I be able to cut those vines thus setting me free of Siren's choking hold.

Siren is a fitting name for her. Seafaring tales tell of sirens sitting on rocks luring sailors to their deaths with songs so seductive no man could resist their alluring call. That is how I feel whenever I give way and let myself think of her, my illusive siren. If a time comes when I cannot resist her pull I believe I will die, whether from exquisite joy or from horrible disillusion I am uncertain. Dreams are not reality. Dreams are for fools. For once I wish to be a fool.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I am greatly encouraged by my reviewer's comments. I'll try to keep posting at least twice a week. As the chapters will get harder to write because of all that has to happen I may only get one chapter finished per week. I have a few written ahead but don't want to deplete them if I am producing enough to keep ahead of the game. I don't want to keep everyone waiting too long. **

**And so they meet, sort of. **

**Chapter Eight**

**The Final Curtain**

**Sonja's Pov**

Holy Mother of God! Even my planned death doesn't come easy. For one, the condemned notices came out the day after my going away party. Second, since I had no place to go Libby expected me to travel with her. I do love her but being with her is like being trapped in a ray of sunshine when you want to wallow in the dark.

Why I kept the information about the packet secret from Libby I suppose is she'd wonder why I didn't use the voucher to find a new place. The amount of the check would cover first month and last month's rent as well as a deposit. I could afford a one bedroom with my own bath and separate kitchen. Now when I have no desire for such things they are handed to me on a platter. I still have the large manila envelope it came in.

It is so hard to keep looking even remotely interested in anything. All I want is a few seconds to call my own so I can climb those forty or so flights of stairs to the roof of The Devlin Tower. The pain is unbearable.

At least before, I could manage to see the odd glimmer of light. Now all I see is black despair. Cursing against fate does not do me any good. If it hadn't been Mr. Iceman driving me to desperation there would have been something else. This is the path I'm meant to take.

Finally I get my chance. Libby and Matt are going to see the duck hatchlings in the park. How sweet it is to see those two together looking so natural. Matt is like Libby, optimistic. For a time he did hold a job. He even got a driver's license. Gabe's Deli hired Matt to deliver orders to the shops and to the high rise offices filled with hungry people and no time to eat out. The deli got bought out and closed. That should have been our first clue something was going on in the neighborhood. That deli had been here for over fifty years with the same family owning it.

Poor Matt clomped around for days torn apart because he lost his first real job. Libby kept at him wearing him down until out of self defense he had to cheer up. If only Libby could do that for me this time. Nothing can make my life look any brighter. I'm in the last pit before I reach hell.

Finally alone, I waste no time in leaving my note to Libby and one to the rest of my family. I don't want to think of us as a gang in my last hours, so they are family. Placing the notes in my backpack I leave it where Libby is sure to find it.

I did not tell them where I would seek my oblivion in case Libby finds my backpack before the deed is done. I want no slipups. I am resigned.

Wouldn't you know, on my very last climb up these stairs the trip seems to be cut in half? Am I more fit from all my late night walking trying to outrun what I'm not ready to face? I picked a fine time to slim down. When have I ever been this fit? Never, that's when.

Since this is my last time I make a point to count the stairs. Ridiculous as it sounds the song Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin plays inside my head. I even start to hum. So this then will be my requiem.

As usual the door to the roof is not locked. For the first time I see all the cigarette butts among the pea gravel. So, this is where the smokers come to crispy fry their lungs. Someone should suggest bringing up a few ashtrays. Pretty soon this area will begin to look like the floor of a not so clean bar.

Avoiding the edge or even looking at it is a delaying tactic. Now that the moment has arrived I'm in no hurry to swan dive to the pavement. I have some last minute things I need to seek forgiveness from God. How would it look to go to heaven with a load of sh…crap on your conscience? Woo, I almost slipped with the curse word.

Years of thinking and speaking with unfiltered speech has instilled in me a very profane way of speaking. All of us do it. No one told us we shouldn't. With only minutes left to atone for my sins I try to recall every F word, ever T, every H E double hockey sticks, and all the other various words used to express anger or just to refer to something not particularly to our liking.

Okay, I think I've got all the cursing covered, now for all those lecherous thoughts I've had about Mr. Iceman or perhaps I should now refer to him as Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome since this will be the last thought I have of him period.

Glory be, what dirty things my mind created while left to go where it wanted with nothing holding it back. Since I have no picture as a reference how I imagine my dream lover is rather comical. His penis is either so long it could hold the Guinness Book of Records for the world's longest penis or in some dreams he's so huge I can't look at sausages in the store deli without thinking of Mr. Dark and Handsome. I wonder if he could see the humor in being called Sausage Dick. Suppose not. I smile despite myself.

Now I know I'm nervous. My humor is coming out. I'm funny really, at least I think so. Anyone disagree? No? I thought not.

My eyes alight on several cameras screwed into the rooftop walls up high and angled so that the entire roof can be seen.

Fluffing my hair self-consciously I'm glad I decided to buy a new dress. The white cotton eyelet material is thick enough I don't need a slip. If sunlight shines at just the right angle I guess little of me would be left to the imagination. Did I choose this dress with the deliberate intent to perform a dance, one I've always felt I could have performed if my life had gone in a different direction? I do love to dance. I've watched videos at the library. Ballet is so graceful and beautiful I see why there aren't words or songs in ballet performances. They aren't needed. The body is a beautiful creation with a few exceptions. I gag as a picture of my dad flashes across my mental viewing screen.

I took extra special care with my appearance so if there is someone looking at me from those cameras I want them to see me this final time looking my very best, not all scruffy and dirty, dressed in jeans so faded their original dark blue is now faded several shades lighter. If I remember rightly there are a few small holes worn in the knees and one pair has a small tear in the butt that got caught on a nail when I climbed over the fence at the junk yard to "borrow" some copper wiring to recycle. Ah, another sin needing atonement. I'm a bigger sinner than I thought.

From somewhere music comes inside my head. I remember this. It is from Swan Lake. Although I don't remember the story I do remember the music and the movements the dancer made.

Beginning to move I start to immulate that dancer from inside my mind. I am sure I look stupid spinning, jumping and making moves I don't know the names of anymore. I just recall how graceful and lovely the dancer looked. I right myself after a few stumbles. Well, I am not so graceful or light on my feet. If anyone is watching I probably look like a spasmodic crazy escapee from one of our various mental hospitals.

My dance comes to an end as all dances must. Awkwardly I bow to the cameras. I turn toward each one so no one is left out. For all I know the feed goes to one person. Good thing I won't be showing my face around here anymore. After that show of idiocy I'd hate to look anyone in the eye who witnessed that childish display.

Slowly I approach the ledge. Placing my hands on the cold hard surface of the cement top edge I lean over so that I can see below. There are cars and people moving about unaware of what is about to take place. I should be able to fall without hitting anybody. The street is too far out unless I take a running leap, which I'm not.

I do hope there aren't any young impressionable children below. It is a school day so I'm pretty sure I won't be scaring a young mind by my final splat on the pavement. Splat? Could I not think of something…less…graphic? The word does say it all.

Lifting up my right leg I throw it over the ledge so I can sit while I work up my courage. With both feet dangling over the edge I rest my hands on either side of my hips. I could just lean forward. Something Libby said once comes back to me. She said the one sin God can't forgive is taking your own life. Maybe if I stand and try to balance as I walk, then, if I should happen to fall, the responsibility is out of my hands.

Slowly I stand up precariously balancing on the six inch wall beneath me. With arms spread wide I begin to walk, placing one foot then another moving only a few inches at a time. A couple times I make a misstep but manage to regain my footing.

Now I am starting to rethink all this falling to my death crap. At the moment it sounds like a lot of foolish hooey. Imagining what will happen the moment I hit the pavement is enough to make me want to step back on to the roof but I'm paralyzed now. The old saying "act in haste repent at leisure" comes back to haunt me.

I know why I rushed to end things. Nothing new happened in my life other than I met him, Mr. Darkly. I smile as I am still having fun giving him different names. I'd love to label him 'Mine' but that only happens when I close my eyes and the sandman sends me into sleep. He'd never look at me like he does those other women. It was fun for a while dreaming the impossible dream but reality has to be faced.

If I had never seen him, then I'd not know what it is I'm missing by being unable to have a normal relationship. We shared nothing more than a few glares across several feet and yet I felt more connected to him than to anyone I've ever met. Crazy, sure, but true.

How's a person supposed to go on knowing what should be and have to live with what is? If someone asked me to explain how deeply that man affects me without our having exchanged a word, I'd be hard pressed to come up with any sound reason. Sometimes you just know, I know he's the only one for me and for him I'm…less than nothing. I wasn't worth so much as verbal "fuck off". Well darn, another curse word to be forgiven.

Beginning to feel dizzy my body wobbles and I flay back and forth moving my arms to catch my balance. I'm not ready yet. Shoot, I didn't eat breakfast. At the time I had the notion it would be a waste of good food and the money I pay for it would be better spent on Libby. As my stomach rumbles I mentally grumble "Even a condemned person gets a last meal". I haven't planned this event at all well. I gave no thought to it other than I'd be taking the plunge and I'd like to look nice at the very end. Imagining my mangled body after it hits the hard surface below that sort of ruins my fantasy of being a beautiful corpse.

Turning so I am facing outward I lower my arms. Looking down makes my head swim. An after affect of not eating I suppose.

I do have a little regret that my jumping might shed a negative light on The Devlin Tower. People might think I'm jumping because I'm involved with the elusive owner. Dreadful man that he is, the papers and magazines are filled with articles about women chasing after him. He must be stuck on himself to have so many admirers and command so much respect from his peers. I wish now I'd have paid more attention. It would be nice to put a face to such a powerful man. I'll bet he's silver haired and stern. Did Libby ever mention his age? I know she didn't say anything about having seen his picture. Our interest was the fact he was buying up the real estate where we live.

Why is that the minute we are faced with our final few minutes we find all sorts of things we regret and can't do a thing to change? Darn it, maybe my Mr. Dark and Handsome knows the power mad mogul snapping up everything in sight. They might have shared a meal, held meetings to discuss mult-million dollar deals. Nothing less than a few million will interest my Mr. Dark and Handsome, anything less isn't worth his time. I'll bet he spends that just to keep his homes, cars and maybe even a plane ready at all times for his use. It's a little disheartening to imagine him sharing all that but what is worse is imagining him sharing himself with another woman. I endured that in small doses from him and I didn't like it. In fact I'll go so far as to say I hated seeing him with those women. I can't help but think I'm the one who should be at his side not those vampires sucking the life out of him.

Okay, so now I'm officially insane. How pathetic to have such powerful emotions for a person I haven't met in the real sense of the word. We are strangers yet I felt as if I recognized him. When our eyes met, sure there was all that cold indifference but beneath that I saw a flicker of desire, some glimmer of familiarity I'm sure of it, or perhaps that's wishful thinking, something sweet to take with me to the grave.

None of it matters now anyway. I'll be a faded memory except in Libby's case. In Mr. Dark and Handsome's case I won't warrant even a second of interest. I know that in the sane part of my brain but the side that likes mushy romantic nonsense, that side wants to imagine he'll feel a small pang when he doesn't see me outside The Breeze tonight. Did he miss me these past two weeks without seeing me in my customary spot? I missed him, silly I know but what's a girl to do?

Closing my eyes I raise my arms to my side again. Okay, enough stalling Sonja Donatella. Just lean forward, let it happen, once it begins there will be no going back, no changing my mind. I am resigned. I've had enough. I surrender. There isn't one more round in me. I fought against my fate and lost. Defeat is a weight that for some is too heavy to bear. I've tried to push against the burden but it's too much for me. All my life, I've held up that heavy load of shit hanging over me like Atlas shouldering the world on his. I am not a mythical god, I am a mere mortal girl beaten down by life.

With a picture in my head of Mr. Darkly Handsome in my mind I lean forward ready for my freefall of release from constant pain. I feel myself falling. Down, down, down, then a sudden jolt throughout my body. Something slams into my waist. Did I hit a flagpole? I don't remember there being a flagpole.

My head slams down on something hard. Pinpoints of light are flashing in my eyes from the impact. Dear God I hurt. Not as bad as I thought I would but enough to know I would rather have been killed instantly or at least rendered unconscious.

Shouldn't I be dead? Oh God, please don't let me be a vegetable. I don't feel broken. My head hurts as does my body so I'm for sure not dead unless you can feel pain in the afterlife. How would anyone know? If they died they'd have no way to tell us. Here I am, near death and what do I think about, why, dying of course. Maudlin to the end.

I hear someone speaking but they sound as if they are talking with their mouth full of cotton or maybe it's my ears filled with cotton preventing me from hearing them. I'm getting disoriented and my thoughts are not clear, nothing is clear. I can't seem to open my eyes. Trying very hard to open them I find it takes too much effort and it causes a sharp pain at the front of my brain that stabs like a small needle.

I feel myself floating upward. Do I feel arms lifting me? Is an angel taking me toward heaven? If I'm not dead maybe the paramedics arrived already and are taking me to the vegetable farm. Did I just giggle out loud or was that only inside my mind? Oh, well, whoever they are they sure were fast. My head comes to rest against something solid that has a steady thumping noise beating rhythmically in my ear. I've died and gone to heaven surely. I feel safe and cared for as if I am something precious.

My idea of heaven quickly turns into something less heavenly when a voice filled with anger begins to turn the air blue with words strung together in such a way the curse words seem elegantly scolding, or maybe something stronger than a mere scolding. I'm being told what a stupid fucking siren I am even as I am dead or near death. Say, wait a minute. Did I hear the word siren? Siren, me, did that lovely voice, although filled with angry temper, just call me a siren?

Then something magical happens as I hear someone say, "Stupid damn woman. Why pick my building? Well, I have you now and I won't be letting you go."

I could be mistaken given my current condition but I believe I feel lips softly kissing my forehead. The scent of him intoxicates me. Maybe I am in heaven after all. That's my last thought as my mind shuts down and fades to black.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**Rescued Angel**

**Marcus's Pov**

Mason Strong, head of my security bursts into my office barreling by Miss Jenkins the receptionist. Mason has his headquarters here in The Devlin Towers, a convenience to me not him. This better be damn important as I am in a meeting with Jack Hale finalizing a few last minute details of a purchase for a château in France. This purchase isn't for business but for my own amusement.

"Sorry Marcus for bursting in like this but I think we have a situation," he says between gulping in mouthfuls of air. He's usually solid as a rock, more in control than I am. At the moment he sounds as if he might hyperventilate at any second. Offhandedly he apologizes to Patricia Jenkins for shoving his way past her.

"What can be so urgent? I haven't heard any of the alarms go off. So, we're not on fire nor are we under threat of attack. Did some old grandmother forget to check in her umbrella in the lobby?" I tease remembering how rigid he is about security and rightly so. Since one disgruntled visitor wielded an umbrella that had a sword hidden in the handle. Now we check everything, including brief cases and women's purses. No one carries a cane or umbrella without a damn good reason and the approval of Mason's security team.

"Well, you see, there's this girl, she comes in through the stairway then goes to the roof. I haven't bothered her or reported her because she seemed harmless. She's been coming almost daily, only sits on the ledge for an hour or so then leaves the same way she came in," he pauses as I motion for him to take a seat opposite me.

"Go on." I do not like what I'm hearing at all. Normally Mason would have had any unauthorized visitor stopped by guards on the first landing. Now, I'm hearing about him risking everyone's life as well as the building for some mystery girl he took a fancy to.

"Sir, Marcus, I'd rather tell you on the way to the roof. I'm afraid we don't have much time. I think she's going to jump." He stands up abruptly then turns to leave without waiting to see if I'm coming or not.

Wanting to see for myself just how urgent this is, I flip on the monitor that lets me see anywhere in the building except restrooms. Even closets have cameras. Pushing buttons until the correct screen comes up I am shocked to see her, my siren, My Blond Siren.

My heart does a strange dance inside my chest, could this be happiness? I don't have time to even figure out that elusive emotion when I realize she's standing on the ledge with her arms out. When I see her turn and walk along the very thin ledge my heart does a nosedive.

Shit! She's practically begging to be knocked down by the wind. I know it gets breezy up there sometimes. I should have ordered that door be kept locked. As a convenience to our smoking staff I let it be unlocked so they had access to the roof. How was I to know some damn woman would come along wanting to jump over the side? It isn't easy to keep from displaying personal anxiety toward this woman, supposedly a stranger. I want to race up those stairs so I can grab her off that ledge then beat the living daylights out of her. This beating would have nothing sexual about it. Pure fury would put impetus in my hand. Feeling as I do at the moment I dare not touch a whip or anything resembling one. For sure she'd not be able to sit for a week.

I feel Jack behind me. Once I saw the person invading my private space everything else took a back seat. Focusing on her is the only thing I can do at the moment. Every beat of my heart matches a word of prayer in my mind for my lovely Siren. What darkness in her soul drove her to do something like this?

Momentary guilt slows my steps. Remembering the droop of her shoulders when Joe fired her caused bile to rise in my throat. I needn't have been so drastic just because my jealousy got out of hand. It wasn't her fault I'm infatuated and swimming in a pool I am not familiar with, the pool of emotional entanglements.

Because I know what I am I've not pursued her other than behaving like a fanatic stalker watching her from the bushes and dark corners. Any relationship would be insanity to even start. Putting me with someone like her is like putting a shark in a goldfish bowl. I'd eat away at her flesh leaving her torn and bleeding in the end. Although I try not to go beyond what a person can take I have left a few women bleeding. The shame and horror afterward sickens me.

If I hear our chosen safe word I stop. There are times when the dominate and the submissive get lost in the moment taking things too far. I, as the one wielding the whip should see when things have reached a point where real pain is being inflicted. It is dangerous for people like me to lose control. Control keeps the demons on a leash.

Wanting her yet fearing having her drove me to take steps that would drive her out of my life. My emotional boat got rocked the moment I set eyes on her. I felt doomed and could do little to fight against what my heart wanted. This time, I knew something more than a sexual attraction drew me to her.

My mind said no while my heart had me driving around at night on the slightest chance I might see her. That one glimpse of her on a dark night wasn't enough but it's all I had after I forced circumstances to drive her away. Hell, I wasn't even positive the phantom figure I saw was her. I wanted it to be her so convinced myself the mysterious wraith was my Siren.

Now I am taking the steps two at a time. Soon I am passing Mason. I don't know if he senses my desperation or is merely giving way to his boss, at the moment I don't give a fuck why he is letting me by. If he hadn't I might have used force. Considering he's a champion martial arts veteran I'm glad not to have my own lowly black belt tested. I hear Jack coming up behind me.

After forty flights of stairs even I am flagging the last ten or so flights. It would have been easier to use the elevator but much more public also. I don't give a damn about myself but I won't have anyone speculating about Siren. If I hear one word of gossip everyone in that department will be terminated with no reference and no severance packet. Even being in an emotional situation I find my mind making mental notes to send out memos to Mason's department as well as anyone in the head office who knows about our unannounced visitor. Heads will roll if word of this gets into the gossip magazines.

Not wanting to startle her I stop to gain some control when all I want to do is thrust the door open and bring my siren to safety.

Being careful not to dislodge the small gravel beneath my feet my progress is slow. The slightest noise could startle her sending her over the edge. These few seconds that it will take me to reach her will feel like the longest seconds of my life. I take one cautious step at a time all the while wanting to move quickly before she falls and is beyond my reach forever.

I am close enough to grab her. I see the forward movement of her body. Overcoming paralyzing horror I quickly reach out snagging her around the waist with my arm. Pulling back I can do nothing to slow her fall or lessen the impact when she hits the surface of the roof with enough force to knock her out. I pray that's all that is wrong as I lift her into my arms. The loud thud I heard must have been her head hitting the rocks.

"Marcus should I call 911?" Jack asks.

"No. I want this kept private. Call Dr. Lowe. Tell him to clear his office. I'm bringing in a patient with a head wound. I'll bring her in at the rear entrance. Let him know I'd appreciate him being discreet in this matter."

"Will do," Jack says as he opens the door leading back into the building.

"Mason, remove every piece of footage from start to end. Put them in my office. Make sure there aren't any copies on anyone's computers. Get your most efficient and trustworthy techs on this," I tersely order him without so much as looking to see if he is paying attention. I know damn well he is. He has to answer for this recent screw up. I'll leave him hanging while I tend to this situation. Maybe by then I'll have calmed down and won't strangle him with my bare hands or fire him. For many years he's been a good and loyal employee.

My heart has yet to slow its fast paced gallop. It's a wonder I haven't stroked out by now. I can feel the blood pounding in every part of my body. Not in places it usually would when in close proximity to a beautiful woman. That part of me seems to have gone into hibernation during the crisis. I am glad of that as I'd feel such a heel to find pleasure and desire while my siren appears to be suffering some psychotic break and to top it off now suffered an injury when I pulled her back to safety.

As badly as I'd like to throttle her, some sort of tenderness is overtaking that part of me temporarily. I'm not used to such tender emotions and don't know how to act on them.

Gathering her closer to my chest I whisper, "Stupid damn woman. Why pick my building? Well, I have you now and I won't be letting you go."

What exactly my meaning is I don't know. All I can think of at the moment is that she isn't broken on the pavement and out of my life permanently. Confusing as it is, removal of her from my mind is all I've been thinking about and here I am declaring the opposite to an unconscious woman.

Going down I use my private elevator. I head straight for the parking garage. Jack has called ahead and Dale Fields, my driver, has the car parked by the elevator with the motor running. He's standing at attention until he sees me. He opens the back door then slams it shut after I am sitting on the seat beside my companion. Settling her head carefully in my lap I brush aside the soft flyaway tendrils of spun gold surrounding her serene face.

She really is exquisite. Sleeping Beauty would pale in comparison. Frowning at that analogy I try for another. She is by far the fairest in the land, although Snow White had black hair. When the hell did I become so knowledgeable about fairy tales? Some unclear memory is trying to surface but as hard as I try nothing comes but a headache. It's been the same my whole adult life. Every time something triggers a shadowy memory, one that doesn't seem to have nightmarish qualities I get a splitting headache.

Brushing this nonsense aside my focus returns to the woman resting on the seat of my car. She is so pale, so still. With her hands folded on her chest it is easy to picture her in a coffin. I blanch at the very thought. I won't let my thoughts go in a dark direction even though I can recall with crystal clarity the loud thunk of her head when it hit the rocky roof.

Glancing in the rearview mirror Dale says, "Nearly there sir. I took the liberty of having your briefcase sent down. Your phone and wallet are in there too. I hope I haven't overstepped any boundaries Sir."

"Not at all Fields. I appreciate your initiative." I can see by his wrinkling forehead he is frowning. Perhaps initiative isn't the word I should use when speaking to longtime and loyal man like Fields. It's the only way I know how to be, forthright and honest. I don't do emotional.

Now I am the one with a wrinkling forehead. Am I not being tender now? Emotional on some level? Shit! What the hell am I doing? I'll leave her in the care of Dr. Lowe, have Fields take me back to The Devlin Towers. I am more able to cope under my own roof. I feel strength and power surrounded by my possessions.

Instead of having Fields carry her in as I decided moments ago I now bear her weight in my arms. It is worrying that she still has not stirred. My stomach clenches painfully as the implications of what this might mean fills my head with unwanted knowledge.

Emotional distance wars with a need to be close to her. Whatever witchery is at work here I am bound by its spell. That's what she's done, she's bewitched me. I've heard her siren's song and I am now doomed to heed its call.

Dr. Lowe meets us in the back hall. Leading the way an exam room I gingerly lie my burden on the table covered in white paper. It isn't his usual table. This one has rails at the side and wheels at the four corners.

Efficiently an exam is given with a older nurse attending the doctors requests for different instruments. I am told to stay put by the tightlipped harpy hovering over the patient as they wheel her into the room housing an x-ray machine as well as many other testing machines. This is where the good doctor has spent my donations. I own the poor bastard. On top of the money leant for college and med school he now owes me for every item in his clinic as well as the building.

My need to control and keep everyone at arms length won't let me tell him I cancelled his debt ages ago. I shredded every bit of evidence referring to any money going from me to him. That moment of largesse came after news about how the good doctor stormed into a burning building not once but twice saving a young mother and her child.

Kindness isn't something I aspire to have connected to me. I am by and large a selfish hedonist looking out for my own pleasure. Any weak moment of supposed generosity is soon regretted. Softer emotions are perceived as weakness and I am not a weak man.

Waiting is not one of my strong suits either. Pacing around the empty waiting room I glance at my briefcase. I could go over the report detailing my next proposed acquisition of property. Christian might even be interested in going in with me as a partner. I already know his financial dogs are sniffing around the area.

Another large double block of deserted warehouses located within easy access of all the downtown amenities is being wasted. This section is mainly industrial with sporadic single homes and small barely hanging on businesses. The outlying communities were circulating petitions, soliciting support from city councilmen as well as the mayor's office to clean the area up.

Drug dealers conduct business there at night and often even in the daylight. Gang activity is becoming a real concern. I can't foresee any opposition to buying up the whole parcel. The trick is to jump on it before other vultures start circling in waiting for a kill.

Shuffling the papers isn't keeping me as occupied as I'd hoped. Usually business trumps everything, even sexual pleasure. I'd prefer to be above Christian's name on the list of top billionaires but just below him will suffice for now. This deal could put me over the top. Now, if I bring him in my profits will be halved and so will the risk. Something to consider when making my final decision.

The door opens to Dr. Lowe's lab. I stand eager to hear what the prognosis is for our patient.

"She's suffering from a concussion. I didn't find any skull fractures. Her continued unconscious state is not something that can be determined from any tests I took. There appears to be no reason for it other than perhaps the body needing to shut down to heal itself. From what I was told on the phone the poor girl may have suffered a psychotic break. Suicide is often a cry for help. If you need for me to recommend a few very good therapists I can give you a list." For whatever reason, Dr. Lowe is giving me a stern disapproving look. Does he think this is somehow my fault? I discount any of my actions being directly or indirectly responsible for someone else's stupidity.

"No thank you Dr. Lowe. I have a doctor on call should one be needed," I lie through my teeth. I can find one if that becomes necessary. I can even have Christian's Dr. Flynn step in. I shudder.

A thought makes itself known to me that might require some medical advice. Shit! Already I've told him I don't need him and now I have to ask him a question one I could ask my on call doctor, if I had one. Shit and double shit!

Clearing my throat I strive for a firm no-nonsense take no prisoners voice then ask, "While she is unconscious…" Well shit. I haven't felt this awkward about asking a question since I was a young boy.

"Will she need a nurse to…to take care of personal body functions?" Well I've said it and think he gets my drift without me asking if I need to think about how to take care of her when she pees or any other body function and is still oblivious to the world around her.

"Oh, I don't think we need worry about that for a while yet. The body has a way of shutting down during times like this. If she doesn't wake fully within the next 24 hours then we can take matters from there." Damn him. He's enjoying this far too much. Perhaps I should remind him who holds the notes to all his loans. He still thinks I have them. Sometimes I wish that odd kinder me would take a flying leap off a tall building. I blanch even as I think that.

Time to get her home…Not home, to bed. It is not her home, will never be her home and as soon as she's awake I'll boot her suicidal ass out the door.

All the way home my mind is concocting some convoluted idea about my unwelcome houseguest. It wouldn't work. Besides, I already have enough women to serve my needs. I don't need another to complicate my life. She's nobody, a vagrant and surely would stand out like a sore thumb among the social elite I mix with in business and pleasure. Briefly I wonder what my stable would think if I did bring her on board. As a courtesy I inform them when a new woman comes or goes. That way if they happen to meet under social situations they are aware who they are and what is expected of them.

No, Siren, you won't do at all. Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear I cannot help but think at the moment she looks more like an innocent angel than a sultry siren. My chest constricts and I resist rubbing my hand over the place where my heart just received a severe shock. No, no, no.


	10. Chapter 10

** A/N: Our protaganists finally meet. Sonny is in for quite a shock. If I get enough reviews I might be persuaded to post another chapter. At least six will make me happy. More would make me overhoyed. **

**Chapter Ten**

**Propositions and Proposals**

**Sonny's Pov**

Swimming up through a swirling black cloud I try to open my eyes. I can't. They feel weighted down by bricks. Thinking does not come easily either. I imagine the way my head feels now is how a scrambled egg would feel if it could feel. Even that stupid analogy hurts my brain and taxes my ability to put two words together to form a sensible sentence.

Crap! Did I drink too much? Am I ill? Stabbing pain drags me back into the abyss. When next I struggle up from the black nothingness I feel a warm cloth gently wiping my skin. Oh, that feels so nice. It is warm and smells heavenly, like a field of wild flowers. Not that I've had the occasion to smell a field of wildflowers or any other kind.

There is a soothing soft voice whispering something I can't make out. I don't try to hard as I don't want the abyss master to come take me again, not when this feels so wonderful.

The cloth is replaced by a warm palm. Huh? Concentrating I force my fingers on each hand to move. So, it isn't me wiping my face. Am I dreaming? I try to lift my arm so I can pinch myself but it feels like someone is sitting on both of them or maybe like I'm tied down. That isn't right either as I can move them a little just not lift them. All this moving, straining and thinking is tiring. I welcome the abyss master. He looks rather like a certain tall, dark and handsome man I know. Gee, if I'd known he was here all this time I might have come into…into where? Where am I? Oh Lord! My head hurts. Do you hurt when you're dead?

This time when I surface I feel stronger. I pry open my eyes. There before me is Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome himself. Am I still dreaming? When he leans down and puts his hand on my forehead my eyes close from the intense pleasure I feel from that slight touch.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty, have you come back to join the land of the living?" His eyes darken as his mouth presses into an angry thin line also with a hint of censure mixed in with the anger. Not now. Not in my dream too. No, not a dream, his voice speaking confirmed that.

Oh shit! It all comes rushing back to me. Except how he came to be here wherever here is. For that matter how did I get here? This certainly isn't a hospital and I have it on good authority he isn't a doctor. Or maybe he is. There isn't any law saying a sadistic pervert can't also be a doctor, is there?

"Where…how…Who the hell are you and where the hell am I?" Well, my strength revived toward the end if my shouting is any indication. Can't say I like the ringing it causes in my head.

"I am Marcus Devlin and you are in my penthouse suite in The Devlin Tower East."

"You are Devlin Tower?" I ask horrified. He's the so and so responsible for displacing hundreds of people just to erect another God-awful eyesore for wealthy snobs. I feel bitterness rise up as I recall my jobless state due to his interference at Sparkle. I am also certain now he is responsible for me losing my home.

"Well no, I'm not the Tower itself but yes, I'm Marcus Devlin as I said." He speaks slowly and concisely like I am a child and a not too bright one at that.

Horror stiffens every muscle in my body as I realize what I did and that he must have seen me. I will the crimson tide of color not to rise to my face. I don't want to appear to be an even bigger fool by giving him the impression I am in any way intimidated by him or feel inferior to him. I'd rather I died than he see me as anything less than…well shit! Too late to give an impression other than I am a weak feeble suicidal nutcase. And why hasn't he called the men in the white coats to come and get me out of his hair?

"Why am I here and not…not in a hospital? Someone grabbed me and I hit my head. I remember that. I have a splitting headache and a knot the size of Gibraltar on the back of my head. I think I might sue." The last threat I threw in hoping to lead him away from my stupid moment on his roof.

"Well now, I didn't think you'd want the world to know about your…misjudgment. Besides, I don't need the negative publicity right now. If the press got wind that a young woman tried to commit suicide by jumping from my building after I had her fired from my club…well it wouldn't play well for me. Besides some might get the idea that you tried to swan dive off my roof because of something between us. I must warn you I do have video of _all_ your actions on the roof."

Even a halfwit like he believes me to be could glean his meaning and implied threat. That is only a secondary issue. It is learning he owns a vile place like Sparkle that bothers me the most. I shouldn't care but I do. It was bad enough when he was just another customer but to find he owns it, well, that's another kettle of fish, a very rank kettle of fish.

"Oh my God! You are a sicko. You not only frequent the place but own it. Does that give you carte blanche with the women?"

I know I must be mistaken but I believe I see a slight hint of pink around his ears. He has no shame so of course he isn't embarrassed about his lifestyle or that I know of it. He sure didn't have any shame the nights he came to The Breeze with various women or visited his club and fired me. Did he take one of the women home? Why do I care? I don't I argue inside my head.

Angrily he hisses between his teeth, "Watch out Miss Donatella, don't criticize what you don't understand."

Before I can stop it I snort unbecomingly then say with distaste, "I know enough. You either beat the shit out of a woman or she beats the shit out of you. Then you fuck in every way imaginable. Believe me, I know all I want to about that."

I can feel my face twisting into lines of disgust as things I don't care to recall insist on plaguing me. I can feel the burn of hatred firing in my blood. The person I should direct all this black emotion toward isn't here, Mr. Marcus Devlin, screwed up sicko is.

He reaches out his hand to me for what reason I don't know or care. All I feel is a need to be as far from him as possible. If he touches me I think I might shatter just as all my fantasies have been smashed into a thousand shards that can never be put together again. I feel like Humpty Dumpty, cursed to be flawed forever.

"Don't touch me!" I nearly shout.

I realize now just how close that chair is to the bed. Just a short distance from me yet it seems like a wide chasm stretches between us filled with obstacles to keep us apart. One of wealth and the other something dark and sinister and the others are years of his abuse toward women and God only knows what else.

His hand recoils as if pulling away from a flame. Slowly he places it in his lap. Feeling his hot breath blowing across my face is disturbing…stimulating in a pleasant way I have never felt before. I feel hot and flushed. Tingly. Now I'm wondering if I would mind so much having him touch my face. I shiver just imaging it. How many nights did I dream of him? How many nights did I wake flushed, heart pounding, body feeling a desperate need for something and not knowing what. I feel as if I know him but how can I when I've only looked at him from afar?

Relaxing back against the pillow I rack my brain trying to think of a way I might sneak some contact with one of those long fingered hands. It wouldn't have to be much. Just the tip of his finger on mine. I'd be happy with that. That would be enough for me to know if I could tolerate…more. What _more_ meant I have no idea.

Inspiration strikes when I feel a tickle in my throat. "Can I have a glass of water? Please," I add as I've just insulted him by recoiling in terror from his touch.

Actually I need to pee but I can wait until I'm out of here. Asking to pee in his home feels too intimate a subject for us to share. Ridiculous since he saw my dance routine on the roof and witnessed my greatest stupidity thus far in my life.

Giving me a dark look that seems as if a fire is smoldering within the dark brown eyes he raises to his feet then goes into the doorway a few feet from the bed. I hear water running. A bathroom, one not down some dark cold hallway, one not for sharing. How swank is that? It is then I begin to take notice of the luxury around me. Of course he'd be surrounded by luxury. Why not? He's loaded. How many zeros are there in the number representing just how wealthy he is?

Everything is pristine. Cold. Black and white with only a touch of gold in the framed works of art hanging on the stark walls. There are paintings framed in expensive looking wooden frames. I hear him coming back before I've even had time to take it all in.

Instead of sitting down in the chair where he sat before he lowers his tall frame to sit beside me. His hip touches my thigh. There is at least an inch or two of fabric between us and yet I feel the heat from him clear to my bone.

Unable to look away I am captured and held by his dark brown eyes. Dear God! How could I ever think his eyes are cold? I feel as if I may be scorched by that fire in his eyes.

He's holding out the glass toward me wordlessly, I reach out to take it and our fingers touch. I feel that touch everywhere. I feel like I've had an overload of static electricity shot through me. I blink my eyes in confusion. His touch isn't repulsive or frightening at all.

Still staring mindlessly into those dark eyes I am mesmerized. I hear someone take a loud deep breath. It isn't me as I can just barely inhale. I fear my lungs may seize up at any moment.

Movement from his hand draws my attention. I completely forgot about the water. He turns putting the glass on the table next to the bed. He seems to hesitate then moves so he is once again facing me. Raising his hand from his lap I see him reaching out to me slowly. Do I want to recoil as I did before or do I want to feel his skin on mine? I do want his touch, oh so very much.

There is doubt in his eyes as well as fear. He is afraid, of me? Why is he afraid of me? His labored breathing has not slowed, if anything it has quickened. I may have forgotten to breathe altogether. I'm not dead or fainting so I suppose I am taking in air.

At first only his fingertips touch me. I feel them slide down and around my face. It feels as if he's learning my face. Is it possible for his eyes to get any darker? They are nearly black now with some emotion.

As his index finger touches the corner of my mouth I stifle a moan. It doesn't hurt so why am I moaning? Will he stop thinking he's hurt me? He doesn't. Inch by inch I see his head lowering toward me. In movies this is when the man kisses the woman. Do I want that? Can I withstand that? How will I ever know if I don't try? Has anyone ever smelled so good?

His palm slides warmly against my flushed cheek. How utterly exquisite it feels. How amazing. I was afraid of this? Instant fire scorches my lips as his touch mine. Surely I will die from this heat. Another fire ignites in my belly and lower down, in the place between my legs that I do not touch unless absolutely necessary. Is this normal? Is this what I'm supposed to feel? I don't know. I've never shared anything like this with anyone.

Always before when a male tried to get close I either struck out violently or ran from the hounds of hell I thought surely would be nipping at my feet.

Holy shit! I almost bolt upright when his tongue leaves a wet slippery trail across my lips. Did he know about the fire he started there? His thumb and forefinger pinch my chin. He tugs down. I let my mouth fall open. Like an insidious snake his tongue slips into my mouth. Another moan escapes me and I begin to wiggle my body on the bed seeking something…something more.

Do I touch him? I want to but what if I do and he stops? I must find out. Blindly I search with my hand. It lands on a hard muscled chest. Oh, he's so warm, so firm, so touchable and…trembling. Not a slight tremble but the sort I know all too well. This is someone seized by terror.

Just as I feared the moment I touch him he rears back leaving me wanting…more…so much more. The best I can describe the look on his face is horror or maybe, on second thought, maybe it is the terror I felt in him. I am both horrific and frightening. Well, at least now I know. I can but he can't stomach me.

Going for angry I practically yell, "Get away from me you sex fiend. Do you manhandle all your guests this way? I am not one of your bimbos. You haven't paid for my services."

Okay, that last part didn't come out right and I can see instead of being angry by the rest of what I said he is amused by how I ended my objection.

"Bimbo? No Sonja, you aren't a bimbo."

Suddenly there is a sad tilt to his lips then there is distaste curling his lip. Something unpleasant must be coming back to him or…or I'm the unpleasant thing coming back to him or rather my kiss, our kiss.

Apparently even being near me is unbearable as he almost leaps to his feet then takes several strides across the room. Running his fingers through his hair leaves his dark hair spiked, tousled as if from a lover's fingers after being fucked hard. What I know about lovers and how hair looks after fucking either gently or rough will fill a thimble. I'm going on supposition and what I've read. I get an impression he's one to fuck hard, fast and furious when really turned on. All the crap before the fucking I'd rather not waste a second on.

He turns to glare at me. I get a feeling he's sizing me up, trying to make some sort of decision about me. Turning his head to the ceiling he shakes his head no then sighs dropping his shoulders as if he's lost some inner argument. When he looks at me again a change has come over him. This cold dark stare I remember. I've been on the receiving end of it every time our paths have crossed.

Returning to the bed he stands over me as I lie helpless on the bed he says, "I have a proposition, one that will benefit the both of us. Wait here. I'll go get your clothes then take you to the apartment one floor down. I'll leave all the information with you then leave you on your own to think everything over. I'll expect an answer tomorrow by noon. Not one second after twelve."

Before I can assimilate what he's said or make some reply he's gone. After his menacing presence is gone I feel as if I'm able to breathe normally again. My brain begins to function. Then it hits me. He said he'd return with my clothes. I've been so frazzled since I woke my state of dress hasn't registered. As I lift the covers I correct that, my state of undress. I am almost naked. All I have on is my bra and panties. Sliding down so I can pull the covers over my head I groan. I have ugly granny panties and a bra held together on one strap by a pin. Could I look any less appealing? Since I hadn't planned my last day very well I'd forgotten to buy new sexy underwear, thus my old repulsive turn off even a sex fiend bra and granny panties I have on.

I feel the heat flushing my skin and not from Mr. Sexy Lips. How could I have been so overcome by his nearness not to feel the cool air on my shoulders? Every nerve in my body had been on high alert but not from being without clothing but from his touch. I'd been so lost in him that nothing else mattered. My body heat had risen several degrees from his touch and kiss. Holy crap! His kiss is lethal. How many women have fallen prey to his allure? I count myself among that number.

I'm just about to shut down when I recall what he's just said. Proposition? What sort of proposition? My face flames even brighter. He can only mean one kind being the sort of man he is. No fucking way. I squash down the quiver in my belly imagining what being with him might entail. I liked his touch, his lips on mine. Might I not like more? Not the kinky shit but maybe something less…painful? Can I get him to consider something less kinky and initiate me into the world of sexual gratification?

His return freezes all my functioning brain cells. Nothing about him indicates he is about to propose anything remotely intimate. If we were going to discuss mergers and acquisitions this is how he'd look. Is he really that cold, that unfeeling? Is it that coldness that allows him to degrade his partners the way he does? Being so inexperienced in these matters I don't know what prompts men and women into the depraved lifestyle of BDSM. He looks normal, like any other high-powered man of the world. But then, don't all serial killers look like the guy next door?

He tosses me my dress and sets my shoes beside the bed. The large envelop still in his hand draws my focus. This then is the terms of his proposition. Outlined coldly like a contract. Sign, don't sign, it's all the same to him. I've read articles in the paper and they call him Cobra. Yes, he is like a cold blooded snake. He hypnotizes then strikes out dealing his prey a deadly venomous bite.

With him standing over me my nerves jangle unpleasantly. Does he mean for me to dress while he looks on? My face flushes. He smiles devilishly then turns his back. Quickly I slip the dress over my head then smooth it over my hips. Putting my shoes on I'm ready.

"You can turn around now."

Those eyes that looked so cold now seem to have a fire burning in the dark depths. Is that desire? I wish I knew. His arm sweeps out toward the door and he bows slightly at the waist. Somehow the gesture doesn't look ridiculous because it is easy to imagine him in another time when men made such gallant gestures.

We are silent in the elevator. It occurs to me I'm being awful trusting of a man I should fear. I didn't even ask who treated me. I dare not ask who undressed me as I think I already know the answer. His penthouse seemed unoccupied other than the two of us.

There is a ping, the doors slide open and we step out. Again he uses that gallant sweep of his hand. Now I think he is mocking me. There is a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Looking closer I see he is not as calm as he'd like me to believe or as carefree as his playful gestures indicate.

Punching in a code on the keypad he opens the door. Before I cross the threshold he stops me with his next words, "I won't come in. I'll leave this with you and come tomorrow at twelve noon sharp. I prefer punctuality in my…in the people I deal with." Thrusting the manila envelope against my chest he hardly gives me a chance to grab it before he is stalking off toward the elevator. Is it my imagination or does he appear to sag against the wall just before the doors close removing him from my sight.

Well, that is interesting. I'm to be a guest but the host begrudges my presence to the point he can't wait to leave me alone. Wouldn't his behavior be called rude as he didn't show his guest around her new…turning around I can only gape with my mouth open.

This is all for me? True it's only for one night and he hadn't planned on having me thrust on him but still, he could have called a cab or had his driver take me home. Or if he felt altruistic he could just as easily put me up in a hotel.

Feeling the weight in my hands I'm reminded of what he left with me. He wants me to read it but only after he left. That has to be a bad sign. For all I know it could contain an itemized bill for services rendered. I can't imagine him needing my paltry bank account. Not a bill as he said he had a proposition so maybe this outlined his offer. What can we possibly have in common that he could proposition me about? If I wasn't me and he wasn't…well wasn't his oh so rich, handsome totally able to find hundreds of accommodating women, well I might think his proposition is the typical thing men proposition women about.

That envelop begins to feel like something I'd rather not know about. For now I'll set it aside and explore. Who knows when or if ever I'll get this close to such luxury again? Finding the bathroom I pee feeling the relief to empty my bladder.

I'm hungry but a bath sounds better. Surely he means to feed me?

That tub sure looks inviting. Geez, I bet two people could fit in there, maybe three if they were very friendly. Instantly I picture him, Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome in there while I sponge him from top to bottom. Dare I use the tub now? Hell yes!

Feeling like a pampered lady of leisure I return to the bedroom. Wearing only a couple of towels I approach the nefarious looking envelop. I know it's something that will change my life forever but whether in a good way or not I won't know until I open the darn thing and read the contents.

Holy crap! I am shocked, thoroughly shocked as I begin to read. What sort of sick mind thought up this shit? Oh, wait, I know, it's Mr. Iceman. I knew, well I suspected but this, this is so out of my depth, so far beyond anything I could imagine I am thrown into a tizzy. What the hell am I supposed to think?

Okay, here goes. This is Mr. Iceman's proposition, complete with rules and contract. Oh, and let's not forget the NDA whatever the hell that is. I'll save it for later.

At six there is a knock on the door. Is it him? Too anxious to wait? Get a grip. One luxury bath and you think you're a movie star.

Cautiously I approach the door. Standing on my tiptoes I look through the peephole. There is an older woman standing there holding a tray with food. My stomach growls noisily. I sure hope she couldn't hear it.

I do think I see a smile then she looks directly into the peephole so I can get a good look at her.

"Mr. Devlin sent me down with a tray. My name is Rosario. Mr. Devlin said for you to call if you had any doubts. The number is written on the back of the envelop he gave you earlier. May I come in?"

"Yes, but I don't know if the door is set for an alarm. Mr. Devlin left without telling me a thing." Would she be shocked if I told her about his proposition? I couldn't tell her much as I hadn't touched it since I put it back on the table in the dining room. I'd been taking with me from room to room trying to get some courage to open it again to properly read it through without fainting or running for the hills.

"That's alright Miss Donatella. I have the code and the keycard. I am to leave them with you when I am done."

The woman coming in carrying the tray of delicious smelling soup smiled at me in a motherly sort of way or how I imagine a mother is supposed to smile at her children, mine never had.

She has dark hair nearly black. She is serenely pretty more than beautiful. Kindness radiates from eyes as dark as Mr. Iceman's. I felt the pull of that darn envelop just thinking of him.

"I'll just put the tray here on the dining room table if that's alright, or would you prefer the bar?"

I have a choice of where to eat, someone bringing food right to me, I'm in a place more luxurious than even my imagination dreamed up. "The dining room table will be fine."

She begins to put everything on the table. Tomato soup, not the canned kind but homemade and thick slices of bread. On a saucer is the biggest slice of chocolate cake I've ever seen up close. It may seem simple to some but to someone like me it's a feast.

"Come, sit. You need to eat. Mr. Devlin said you had some sort of accident. Here is the code and the card. Put in the code then swipe the card. If you swipe the card without the code the door will open but you only have fifteen seconds to put the code in the keypad inside the door or security comes to check if everything is as it should be."

"Oh, well, I don't expect I'll be here after tonight. Mr…Mr. Devlin is only doing me a favor."

"Pardon me Miss but Mr. Devlin he…he's not one to show emotion or offer kindness openly. All his charitable contributions are made anonymously. Perhaps I'm overstepping my bounds but this…you being here is something he's never done before. None of his women, those…those soul suckers have stayed one night in any apartment here at The Devlin Tower. Not even those in his…his stable." Her cheeks are likely as red as my own. Stable? What? He treats his women like horses, keeping them in a barn? That is beyond mere kink, that's criminal.

"A…a stable?" I stammer wide eyed. "He keeps them housed like horses, does he like…well does his…predilection tend toward playing out animal bestiality fantasies?"I am now horrified. I'm ready to run as fast as I can and not stop until I find some semblance of sanity in a world where I don't see any.

Hastily she pulls out a chair and points to the seat opposite. "I didn't know if you preferred tea or milk so I brought both. If you would like something else please let me know. Please eat before it gets cold."

How bazaar. I'm spooning in soup into my mouth tearing off chunks of bread and drinking tea from a glass filled with ice and a tall glass of cold milk. If this is to be my first and only taste of how the other half lives then I'll be damned if I miss out on this meal even if it isn't a seven course gourmet meal served by snooty waiters or cooked by a world renowned chef.

My bowl is almost empty before she smiles then continues. "Forgive me for being so forward but opportunities like this don't come along every day."

I know she isn't finished she's just regrouping. Trying to sort through what has her so open toward a woman she just met. I could be anyone; instead I'm no one, no one special. She seems to want to unload some pent-up emotions. Me too, but I'll vent alone.

"Oh dear. Where are my manners? Here I am about to air Mr. Devlin's dirty laundry and I've not introduced myself. I'm Rosario Hernandez, Mr. Devlin's housekeeper. I don't live in but have a small apartment on the ground level. He tried to persuade me to take one of the larger apartments but what would I do with three bedrooms and three baths? Too much to clean for just me. Might be nice if ever the grandchildren come up this way. They live in California with my daughter and her husband." She stops to give me a lopsided smile that is slightly rueful.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Sonja Donatella or Sonny to my friends."

"I'll call you Sonny then as I hope we will become friends and you must call me Rosario." Again I receive her wide lipped smile.

"As you might have guessed I am…to put it kindly, open about me and my family, I gossip, just not usually about Mr. Devlin. Mr. Devlin delights in listening to my stories about family since he has none of his own. You wouldn't guess to look at him but he is a very lonely man."

I can't help the skeptical snort or the disbelieving glance I send her way. That man can have a woman on his arm and in his bed with a snap of his fingers and from what she tells me they come complete with saddle. I'm still reeling from the shock of that as well as an unreasonable smidgeon of jealousy.

Rosalie waves her hand in dismissal. "It's true. Those heartless gold diggers he keeps…pardon me for being blunt but he keeps them like a pimp does his women. Don't get me wrong, he treats them well and never as far as I know, shared them with anyone he does business with or knows personally.

Since I clean his house I am the one to…to care for his…well I keep his "toys" in order." She blushes to the roots of her hair and she is slightly darker than me so it's hard to tell.

She looks away then turns back to me, "I don't know what prompted him to bring you here but it must mean something. I've prayed so long for him to find someone, someone to draw him away from the dark destructive life he lives. It doesn't make him happy. If anything after a night with one of _those_ women he broods for days. His mood is darker than it was before he…well it's darker."

Chewing at my lip I debated if I should tell her just what brought me here. It sure wasn't any altruistic emotion or any amorous feelings toward me. I hate to burst her bubble but I can't let her think something will come of this when I know tomorrow I'll be gone. I have opened the evil envelop and glanced at its contents. After a hasty once over I had quickly put the papers back before they incinerated. I'm still reeling.

"I'm sorry to have to ruin your romantic fantasy but I…I attempted to fly and it happened to be from The Devlin Tower. He stopped me from making my maiden voyage." Trying to smile and not cry isn't easy especially when you've just delivered what looks to be a painful blow. She should see this from my side then she'd really be miserable.

Surprisingly she scoots her chair closer to me then puts her arm around me. Lord, how tempting it is to let her natural motherly instincts swallow me up in her warm aura. I will not cry. I will not cry. Maybe I won't cry. Damn it I am crying.

"There, there, little one. Cry if you want. I'm a firm believer in fate and it just simply is not your time and you were destined to be saved by Mr. Devlin. I knew the moment he called down on my day off and this late that there had to be something special about you. The moment I saw you I knew. As sure as my name is Rosario Maria Hernandez I knew something magical happened."

Me, magical? When have I ever been anything other than a boil on the world's ass? Now I know she's lost in some romantic fantasy or a closet matchmaker.

Glancing at her watch she whispers, "I've been gone too long." Louder she says, I'll have Mr. Devlin's man Hawkes bring you a few groceries to tide you over until we decide what to do. Please just promise not to make any rash decisions. I'll come back down tomorrow after I've finished for the day. Please promise to give me one last chance to persuade you this is meant to be."

I don't have the heart to tell her that her boss, Mr. Horny Toad would in all likelihood rush me out the door then drop kick me someplace washing his hands of me.

Now that's she's gone I don't have even washing dishes to keep me from circling the dreaded envelop. She took that all with her when she left.

Grabbing it up I rip it open again before I change my mind. I blink several times reading a word here and there, others I read several times trying to wrap my brain around the meaning. I'm in shock. Holy shit! What kind of kinky world have I been thrust into?

Is he a dungeon master?

Date

APPENDIX 2

Hard Limits

No acts involving fire play.

No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.

No acts involving needles, knives, cutting, piercing or blood.

No acts involving children or animals.

No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.

No acts involving breath control.

No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire or flames to the body.

APPENDIX 3

Soft Limits

To be discussed and agreed between both parties:

Which of the following sexual acts are acceptable to the Submissive?

- Masturbation

- Fellatio

- Cunnilingus

- Vaginal intercourse

- Vaginal fisting

- Anal intercourse

- Anal fisting

Is swallowing semen acceptable to the Submissive?

Is the use of sex toys acceptable to the Submissive?

-Vibrators

-Dildos

- Butt Plugs

- Other

Is Bondage acceptable to the Submissive?

- Hands in front

- Hands behind back

- Ankles

- Knees

- Elbows

- Wrists to ankles

- Spreader bars

- Tied to furniture

- Blindfolding

- Gagging

- Bondage with Rope

- Bondage with Tape

- Bondage with handcuffs/metal restraints

- Bondage with leather cuffs

- Suspension

What is the Submissive's general attitude about receiving pain? Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5

How much pain does the submissive want to receive? Where 1 is none and 5 is severe: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5

Which of the following types of pain/punishment/discipline are acceptable to the Submissive?

-Spanking

- Paddling

- Whipping

- Caning

- Biting

- Nipple clamps

- Genital clamps

- Ice

- Hot wax

- Other types/methods of pain


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Here is the chapter I promised. You guys don't know what it means to me when I get reviews. I'm about to lose my home, my life has changed drastically over the last two years. Writing and my readers is pretty much all I have. **

**Things will be a roller coaster the next few chapters then level out then get some intrigue going on at least that's how I want this story to go. The characters are being quiet so I don't know if they'll cooperate or write their own story. **

**Chapter Eleven**

**The Waiting Game**

**Marcus's Pov**

If I pace around another lap I might qualify for the Indy 500. As soon as I shut the door behind me after leaving my offer to Sonja, I wanted to go back in and claim it was a mistake. Man what a mistake it was too.

Not one to normally act rashly I just did that in spades. Not only did I bring her here but I used the contract I "borrowed" from Christian to spell it all out. I've not had a need for it before. I haven't wanted anyone exclusively but they always are. I'm sure my generous allowance wins more loyalty than my debatable charms.

Shit! Now I've laid it all out including that I will retain all my other women. Is there anyone who will accept my lifestyle other than some cult or splintered off Mormon faction that believes in more than one wife? In the past I've been open about not being exclusive although expecting them to forgo the company of other men. What can I say, I'm a bastard. I've never gone for anything legal other than the NDA.

Why do feel I have to keep my numbers up? I hate feeling there is safety in numbers. I know why, it keeps me from getting too close. Variety, a large number of women is not conducive to developing a relationship. Hell, what do I know about relationships? The only one I have to judge by is Christian and Ana and those two aren't your common garden variety couple what with all the kinky fuckery as Christian calls there love games. I wonder how he and Ana refer to my sex games, kinky crapola?

Running my hands through my hair for the millionth time I grab two fistfuls and pull hard trying to give myself something else to think about. No one in my recollection has affected me the way Sonja does. It scares the shit out of me even as it intrigues me. I'm at odds with myself. I want to bring her closer while at the same time get her as far away from me as possible. One or both of us may end up mortally wounded. As fragile as she is she can't take another blow. If I were an honorable man I'd send her on her way. Tenderness got beat out of me ages ago. Sympathy for my fellow man likewise does not come easily for me if at all. I do have charities I support but that's as far as I am willing to go. Write a check, nothing personal. Open up your heart you chance getting it ripped right out. Carrie Reynolds taught me that lesson. I'd trusted her to keep me safe, to love me and protect me. All she had done was tear my childhood apart.

Absentmindedly I am rubbing my finger along my lips. I can still feel Sonja's soft lips on mine. It hadn't been so bad. It was only when those damned flashbacks came that I felt the customary burn and nausea. I'd almost disgraced myself by not wanting to leave her. If I'd stayed another moment I would have heaved in the elevator instead of in my own bathroom.

Rosario returning is a welcome interruption. Trying to act as if it doesn't matter I ask, "How is she? Did she eat? Did she leave as soon as you gave her the key?"

"Just let me clean up these dishes then I'll give you a full report," she says while turning toward the kitchen. I'm too nervous to let her get away with that Madonna like smile. It's the one she gets when she's found some juicy bit of gossip or has brought a couple together when they weren't aware they were looking for a partner. She's uncanny about her pairings. The first time Christian and Ana had been over she'd eyed them a few minutes before sending me a smile with a slight nod of her head. Her seal of approval. Good thing as they had two children and a wedding behind them.

Lord only knows what's going on in her mind. She's been gone for over an hour. I know, I watched the damn clock and checked my watch several times to see if it still ticked. My antique Rolex works as good today as the day they made it. Watches, new or old are one of my passions. Ana would say women are my number one collectable item.

"Here let me do this. Please make a pot of coffee and you can tell me all about my guest." I'm dying to ask if Sonja opened the envelop and if she still appeared frozen in horror as I'm sure she will be after reading all my demands. The NDA is bad enough but the contract I have to say would feel demoralizing if someone offered it to me. Christian used to be a hard uncaring man with only his own pleasures in mind. If he gave his women a good romp in his playroom that gave them a good climax then he felt it didn't matter if there wasn't any emotional connection. I feel the same way. Neither of us really cared if they left fulfilled. Our pleasure was the only thing that mattered. Now Christian has Ana and he cares while I remain the same unfeeling bastard I've always been.

I'm also beginning to feel trapped. What if she says yes and I begin to have feelings for her? I don't think I'm capable of sustaining any long term relationship even if I wanted to which I decidedly don't. This, whatever it is I feel for Sonja is an aberration and will quickly fade once I've had my fill of her.

Reaching to take the tray from Rosario I think I nearly gave her a heart attack. Going by the shocked look on her face I'd say it's likely my getting my hands dirty by emptying a food tray is what she thinks is so shocking and also I think she doubts I know where the dishwasher is. Crossing her arms I am blessed with a quirky smile I think is a way of expressing doubt I know where the damned dishwasher is. I don't, but how hard can it be to find without proving how clueless I am about my own kitchen.

Glancing around I know it has to be one of these high end appliances my decorator insisted I needed. I've only been in the kitchen a handful of times to get a snack when Rosario took a day off. Most of the time, she leaves me something in the bar refrigerator. Still, it stings to know how little faith she has in my ability to fend for myself. Just because I couldn't tell the built-in oven from the dishwasher doesn't mean I can't figure it out given time.

Rosario opened the door to the washer earning a dark scowl from me. I got a calm smile in return. When did we go from her fearing me to treating me like a favored son, one slightly clueless to anything not connected to business or finance? I like the part of being considered family but it is still disconcerting. If I thought it would stick I'd fire her. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I've fired her only to come into the kitchen and see her preparing my breakfast.

Reining in my impatience I take a seat in my favorite chair in my living room. When I bought it I had visions of fucking in it but somehow never seem inclined to do so. Sort of hard to do when I only take my women to the playroom. They don't get offered a tray of food served by my housekeeper.

Taking a seat on the couch across from me gracefully she says with delight, "Oh Mr. Devlin, she's such a pretty thing. Even asked me to call her Sonja or Sonny as her friends do. Since I hope we become friends I will call her Sonny. Such an apt name too as her lovely hair radiates like the sun. It is natural too." She blushed to the roots of her own dark locks when I lift my brow as I felt a knowing smile pull at my mouth. For a mother and older woman she sure blushes easily and a lot. It's fascinating.

"I mean, her hair is natural not her…I didn't see…"Giving up digging the hole deeper she puts both hands on her cheeks to cool them down. If Rosario hadn't been home I'd have undressed Sonja. What else I might have done I'm glad I didn't find out. I'm getting the impression my control where she is concerned is hanging by a thread. I could have found out for myself if the carpet matched the drapes to put it crudely.

Sending me a frown Rosario continues now with an angry voice to accuse, "You gave her that envelop the one with that dreadful contract. As you know I'm well aware of your tastes in the bedroom or in your case out of it. I'm the one who cleans that room after one of your sex Olympics. I won't preach to you anymore but what I will say is open up to the idea of one person, one woman for you. I feel it in here that there is someone," she folds both hands over her chest, "I know you don't believe but all I ask is you keep an open mind, your heart will follow."

We both know what she's leaving unsaid. How the woman can stand to continue to work for me after knowing who I am, what I do with women, it has stymied me from day one when the agency sent her over for an interview. I've given up wondering about Christians own loyal employees. They even followed along when they moved into the new house. Would anyone follow me anywhere unless I paid them or forced them? Christian does pay his people well but from what I've observed they're more like one big slightly dysfunctional family with lots of love and respect thrown in for free.

That first day she'd blinked when I showed her the chains, ropes, cuffs and everything else but hadn't run off screaming believing she stepped in Vlad the Impaler's private torture chamber. She'd seemed curious even while being appalled.

Rather than give Rosario a promise I couldn't keep I left without giving her any reply at all. I am what I am. If nothing has changed in all these years what hope is there of changing now? Christian has changed but even he has moments when he reflects back on those days of having a woman in total submission under his control. Whether it be caning or whipping he still feels a rush of power sometimes thinking of those days. He'd never reveal that to Ana and I can understand why. He's come so far but still the darkness lurks waiting to pounce during a weak moment. Dr. Flynn still sees him as a patient but more often as a friend in their home. Christian is healing through therapy but mostly because of Ana and their children. I do believe all his employees know what sort of life he's led, how could they not. Someone had to take care of his toys.

Christian has a basic goodness I don't feel I have. He wants to draw people closer while I tend to want to keep a barrier between me and everyone else in the world. When if first saw Sonja I think I had a moment when I believed I could lower my guard but that passed too quickly for me to be certain it was anything real.

I now regret my carelessness when I left the contract out after reading it shortly after I "borrowed" it from Ana's best friend's computer. I'd asked to use it so I could look up online for tickets to the theater for a performance we all wanted to see. Opening up a file by mistake I got to see into how Christian conducted his association with all those submissives he had over the years. It was a revelation. One that titillated me.

As much as I thank God for meeting Christian, I think he feels the same way about me. We share similar backgrounds with similar abuse. For years he didn't see what Mrs. Lincoln did to him as abuse unlike me, I saw it every day I spent with Carrie Reynolds. To this day I can't think of her as simply Carrie. She's always Carrie Reynolds the bitch in my kinder moments and Satan's whore bride in less charitable moments. If ever anyone deserved to burn in hell that woman should be first in line. I'm a grown man but still suffer from what she put me through. Because of her I'll never have children, a wife or anything a normal man can have. I tell myself I don't want those things and can even convince myself part of the time I am happy with my life as it is but in unguarded moments like now I know I'd give almost anything to have what Christian has.

Noon the next day came slowly. Again I find myself looking from my Rolex to the clock on the mantel. Both are ticking with the second hand creeping around dragging each second out so they seem to last forever.

Five minutes till twelve I can wait no longer. The elevator is deliberately mocking me with its slow descent. I just barely resist jabbing my finger on the button to floor 39, her floor. Siren kept me awake most of the night then followed me into my dreams. Best sex I've had either dream wise or real. I'm pretty sure my real Siren won't be as compliant or submissive.

Propped up against the door to her apartment is the manila envelope. I suppose this then is her rejection of my proposition. Nothing less than I expected. It feels light. Opening it up there is only the signed NDA along with a note from Sonja.

_Dear Mr. Devlin,_

_I am signing this NDA in good faith so you will know no matter what decision I make I won't repeat anything I learn. I promise. When I make a promise I don't break it. You don't know that about me but it's true._

_As you can see I've added an addendum for your benefit as I have nothing worth suing me for should I not sign the contract and blab all over about your shenanigans__.__ I offer up one night of me doing whatever you want if I don't sign the contract. Me, that's the only thing I have of value and we both know how much I think I'm worth. BTW, thank you for not letting me take my first flying lesson. The landing would have been oh so painful. _

_Don't know if the sexual part is enforceable or even something you'd want but I am making the offer anyway. It's either shut up or put up or is that put out? _

_Onward. My__,__ oh my. You certainly are a generous man. I won't pretend to be insulted as if I take you up on your offer I'm sure I'll earn every single thing and maybe more. Is there a possibility of a raise say, after the first month? Since our liaison will be of such short duration I have to strike while the iron is hot. Just for reference if that's one of your fetishes not listed in the contract I'll save you the trouble, NO HOT IRONS. Or maybe I did see something about burns. I'll look more closely later. _

_I've searched online and know all this is null and void because I penciled in some changes. Don't fret, I'll sign on the dotted line again._

_Will my apartment be the one I'm in now? I do like it and it feels homey already. Silly since the only thing of mine around is my shoes in the entryway. I don't think Rosario cares for my lazy messy ways. _

_She is a lovely woman though. Very friendly. A real mother figure. Felt nice to be pampered. Once again I thank you. _

_There are so many things we need to discuss if I do sign on as your love slave. If I don't__,__ forget I mentioned anything. _

_Why you even took notice of me is something I can't wrap my head around. I've seen some of your women remember. I've noticed you do have a lot of them. Will you put your little black book in the vault while we fornicate in sin? Fornicate. I'm smiling in case you're interested. I've always wanted to use that word but haven't had the opportunity until now. Thank you again for fulfilling one of my lesser wishes. I'll save the grand finale for a later date. _

_Perhaps as you have a STABLE you don't need a black book. Still, I think you should put them out to pasture temporarily until we no longer fornicate. Such a naughty word. _

_Now, I really must go as I have to try and unravel that long winded contract. Did your lawyer charge by word, page or a flat shyster fee? _

_I'll expect you tomorrow at noon sharp. One second late and all is null and void. That's a one and a two in that order. Big hand on twelve and little hand on two. I can be cheeky now because you aren't here. How long is your memory? Any early onset Alzheimer's? Oh goodness. I'm sorry, you don't have someone you know afflicted with the disease do you? How unkind of me if you do. It's nothing to joke about so I apologize. _

_I'd remove that part but I don't know how to delete. I knew I should have let Thor teach me more about computers. He's very good with them. It's amazing he can't get work. Could be his homeless situation or maybe because of his…well better not let that cat out of the bag. If this works out maybe I can help my friends. Before you burst a vein I don't plan on opening a homeless shelter in the apartment. Visitors though, are always welcome. _

_Until tomorrow I wish you well. Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. As if one would dare bite into that delicious skin. Wonder what your blood tastes like. And no, I'm not a wannabe vampire or anything, just wondering. Actually I'm wondering if it's frozen, your blood. Don't get mad but sometimes I think of you as Mr. Iceman. My lips are sealed as to what other names I call you inside my head. I'll sign off with that for you to chew on. _

_Hey, is your butt as tight as it looks in pants? I might like to bite that instead of your neck. Naw, I'll do both. Me, cheeky, you, still not here. _

_Sincerely, _

_Sonja Donatella Future Love Slave? _

_P.S. Do you give references afterward? This could become a lucrative business for me. I could find a sugar daddy to set me up for life. _

_P.S.S. Did I say thank you for the laptop, printer and the scanner? Makes reading and commenting so much easier._

_I__'ll__ forgo telling you how long it took me to figure out the darn scanner. The printer is easy, point and click. _

The cheek, the damn cheek. Although I'm trying to whip up some anger I can't keep the smile off my face or keep my chuckle from breaking out into out loud laughter. If nothing else she'll make me laugh. I'm sure I've never shared laughter with any woman I've dated or fucked.

Rosario thought I was having a psychotic break. If she only knew. Half of me wants to send Sonja away, protective part left in me, the other, greedy bastard half, won't let her go without at least stating my case.

I should send Jack a message to withdraw a few thousand then have him come pick her up. Knowing him to be a bigger womanizer than I am, that idea fizzles out. It was only a small spark anyway. I could write her a check and have Fields drive her anywhere she wanted to go. I wrack my brain trying to find some flaw in that idea. In the end I just say to hell with it and admit I want her here. If she can agree to my terms then I can have her then forget her.

I've already floored Rosario and all my staff by taking today off. They'll be sending out the medical team when I tell them I'm taking off tomorrow too. I haven't had a real vacation in over a year, I'm due.

She signed the NDA. Now, I'll have to wait to see if she's interested enough to risk taking me on. That kiss, short of duration it might have been, had begun with such sweetness. If painful memories hadn't churned the acid in my stomach I would have liked to taste her sweetness longer. As it is I barely made it to the bathroom before I dry heaved into the toilet. Well, that's a step in the right direction. I didn't actually vomit.

Hot damn. Even if she doesn't sign I have carte blanche with her body for one day. It's like my cock has become permanent wood since I first clapped eyes on my siren. I feel a rumble as if the earth is shifting on its axis. More likely it is my life course changing direction all because of one woman.

Has time always crawled by as it is now?


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: And so now we get to read the contract and Sonny's sense of humor is unleashed. **

**Chapter Twelve**

**Persuasion **

**Sonny's POV**

Sitting with a pencil between my teeth I think of what this will mean for me if we do come to some agreement. I don't know why I feel desperate for him to say I've left him enough to satisfy his needs. I should be quaking in my boots after reading all he likes to do to women. Strangely I'm not. What I feel mostly is a sexual pull I assumed would always be denied me because of what happened in my formative years. Secondly I feel a sadness and pity for whatever happened to him to make him think this lifestyle equated to love and happiness. Then again maybe he didn't seek love, all he wanted might be sexual release.

I think from the very first time I saw his dark brooding glare aimed at me I felt I had to rescue him. Something about him pulled at something in me. Maybe because I see something in him that reflects what I see in me, damage, a broken spirit, deep down hurt. Walls of defense built up for protection. Mine have cracks because of Libby and the rest of the gang. I want Marcus to be my white knight and tear down the wall around my heart. I want to be set free.

On some level he does frighten me but not physically. All the violence he dishes out is consensual. How can I get him to see it doesn't have to be that way unless I sign the contract? He can rescue me and maybe, just maybe, I can rescue him.

I get a pain in my chest and it is hard to breathe when I think of him turning me away. Maybe I'm one of those people who like pain being inflicted on them. No, that isn't why I am drawn to him. If I believed in such things I'd say his soul touched mine when first we looked deeply into one another's eyes.

I suppose he's been fighting this attraction while I did everything I could to gain his attention just short of dancing naked in front of him. He had to know I knew all the places he visited. That many coincidences aren't in the universe.

Taking a deep breath I say a silent prayer and begin to compose my first note to him. Will he keep it? I wish I dared request he left something for me that I could keep, some written proof of our meeting. Sentimental hogwash but still…

_I know you picked up the NDA as it's gone and in its place was another empty envelop. So thoughtful of you. We have our own mini postal service. _

_I've read, reread then read again. I'll let you read my comments then you can get back with me. I've left the envelop outside the door as I might combust if I have to sit with you as you read that contract. I believe you to be a gentleman, so do not use the code or spare key I am sure you have to enter unannounced. Watch for my comments in parentheses and bold print. Thank you again for providing me with a computer, scanner and printer so I could make my reply in both written/typed (?)and verbal form. _

**CONTRACT **

Made this day of 2012 (The Commencement Date‖)

**BETWEEN **

MR. Marcus Devlin The Devlin Tower East Seattle, WA 98889

(The Dominant‖) **No siree. I am willing to dominate you though. With practice I can crack a mean whip.**

MISS Sonja Donatella Address unknown ** (Well if you hadn't been such an asshole and got me tossed out of my home or got me fired I'd have an address)**

(―The Submissive‖) (**uh uh, not in this lifetime)**

**THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS **

1 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant **(again no fucking way)** and the Submissive. **Refer to above parentheses.**

**FUNDAMENTAL TERMS **

**2 **The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive **(Should I just remove all these?) **to explore her sensuality**(The Hell You Say!)** and her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits and her wellbeing. **(Well, the last part is sort of nice and thoughtful)**

3 The Dominant and the Submissive (**I don't know how to do strikes through the words on the computer so take it as done) **agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, **(You bet your ass it had better be consensual or you'll be the one wearing cuffs and rooming with a big, burley tattooed guy looking for some back door fun of his own)** confidential, **(Who would I tell? Anyone I know would take me straight to the looney bin if they knew I even considered this. Besides, you do have that tape. Not as good as a sex tape but work with what you have)** and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing.(**I'm skipping down to see why we will need safety measures. Well, I didn't pass out or run screaming from the apartment. That could be because I wasn't sure if an alarm would go off since I don't have the code AND I'M FUCKING LOCKED IN. Shocked? You should be. Actually Rosario gave me the key and code you sent down. Would have been nice not to worry about being abducted by a Ted Bundy wannabe)**

4 The Dominant and the Submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious or life-threatening illnesses including but not limited to HIV, Herpes, and Hepatitis. (**Well now, I can vouch for me but as I know very well you are…active, like a rabbit, I'll require at least 3 separate test results for each potential disease.) **

If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties**. (Well now, I had thought since this is a contract we'd be mutually exclusive. If not, I do remember a certain football quarterback who I don't think would mind helping me explore my sexuality, all for the benefit of teaching me how to please you, of course.**

5 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 3 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach. (**Lots of legal mumbo jumbo. Just say if one of us is disease ridden it's a no go. You don't push my no no buttons and I don't push yours. Or do you like your no no buttons pushed? You'll have to let me know if that's a turn on or not. See, I can be thoughtful too.)**

6 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 2-5 above.(**Got it. You want someone without any stds, someone who'll fuck you and let you fuck her in every way except how God intended. Oh, and lest we forget, an occasional ass whooping or any other manner of ….have to think how to put this without sounding judgmental…..suppose anything goes if it looks like it might hurt. Do I get to hurt you in return? I do have a score to settle with you.) **

**ROLES **

7 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the wellbeing and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the Submissive. **Say what?** He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to the agreed terms, limitations and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above. (**I opt out. Thank you but no, no discipline for me. I could seriously beat the shit out of you though if you'd like. Keeping in mind I'm looking to settle a score.) **

8 If at any time the Dominant should fail to keep to the agreed terms, limitations and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, the Submissive is entitled to terminate this contract forthwith and to leave the service of the Dominant without notice. **This part I like. **

9 Subject to that proviso and to clauses 2-5 above, the Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance and discipline in whatever form it may take. **Again, no, but hey, if you're an on demand kind of guy I won't mind demanding you do my bidding. I think every woman has a fantasy lover granting her every wish. I'm smiling wickedly. **

**COMMENCEMENT AND TERM **

10 The Dominant and Submissive enter into this contract on The Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception**. (Sorry, but I do take exception.) **

11 This contract shall be effective for a period of three Calendar Months from The Commencement Date (―The Term‖). On the expiry of The Term the parties shall discuss whether this contract and the arrangements they have made under this contract are satisfactory and whether the needs of each party have been met. Either party may propose the extension of this contract subject to adjustments to its terms, or to the arrangements they have made under it. In the absence of agreement to such extension this contract shall terminate and both parties shall be free to resume their lives separately. **Sounds fair but do you really think three months is long enough for you to teach me the ropes keeping in mind my new career choice. Kidding. Maybe. Yeah, I'm almost sure I'm kidding. **

**AVAILABILITY**

12 The Submissive will make herself available to the Dominant from Friday evenings through to Sunday afternoons each week during the Term at times to be specified by the Dominant (―the Allotted Times‖). Further allocated time can be mutually agreed on an ad hoc basis**. (Gee, only from Friday to Sunday? Well I suppose since it will be 24/7 that's more than a 40 hour work week. Ad hoc? Looked it up on Wikepedia. Sort of a spur of the moment or as needed time then. Maybe it should be ad lib?)Just please keep the ad hocs during regular hours. No early morning ad hocking. Anything from 8 a.m. to 12 a.m. That's a sixteen hour window. Time enough for you to debauch your brains out. **

13 The Dominant reserves the right to dismiss the Submissive from his service at any time and for any reason. The Submissive may request her release at any time, such request to be granted at the discretion of the Dominant subject only to the Submissive's rights under clauses 2-5 and 8 above. (**Bit confused. Can I or can't I leave if I want to or can I ask to leave but must get your permission. Scratch that. If I want to leave I only need my permission and two good legs to walk away.) **

**LOCATION **

14 The Submissive will make herself available during the Allotted Times and agreed additional times at locations to be determined by the Dominant. The Dominant will ensure that all travel costs incurred by the Submissive for that purpose are met by the Dominant. (**Sounds pretty much like a high class call girl. Will you be my pimp since I'll be servicing you, you'll be paying for sex but will also pay for my upkeep and provide clothing.)**

**SERVICE PROVISIONS **

15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be adhered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise which are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. In such circumstance further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be agreed, documented and signed by both parties and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out at clauses 2-5 above. (**What long winded lawyer drew this up? Considering the nature of what this contract entails maybe it's necessary.)**

**DOMINANT**

15.1 The Dominant shall make the Submissive's health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow or demand the Submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the Submissive's life. The remaining sub-clauses of this clause 15 are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 2-5 above.(**Damn straight you'll have my safety as high priority.) **

15.2 The Dominant accepts the Submissive as his property to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the Submissive's body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise**. (Uh, no. Slavery I believe has been outlawed for over a hundred years. As I'm not well educated I could be wrong but then again slavery is wrong outlawed or not. Do I need to form an underground railroad? I have plenty of friends I could enlist.) **

15.3 The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant. 15.4 The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the Submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant. (**Screw the Dominant/Submissive. Teach me how to fuck you blind and that should be good enough.)**

15.4 The Dominant may discipline the Submissive as necessary to ensure the Submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog, spank, whip or corporally punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide**. (HELL NO! Take away my credit card. You lay one hand on me and you'll be one sorry son-of-a-bitch. Not much sense in continuing but I'm having fun shooting down your requirements.) **

15.5 In training and in the administration of discipline, the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the Submissive's body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.( **Okay, I sort of get that some people think they need this shit but…I hope an unblemished body isn't a deal breaker.) **

15.6 In training and in the administration of discipline, the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such a way as to cause serious harm and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract. **(I'm fairly certain you need my permission to strike me with so much as a feather. Knowing your kinky world you probably have one on standby.)**

15.7 In case of illness or injury, the Dominant shall care for the Submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and when necessary ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant. (**Mr. I Am A Control Freak I've looked after myself for a long time. I'm perfectly able to seek medical attention when and if I need it. Since I won't be participating in any of the activities in The Dungeon? The Torture Chamber? I guess you won't have to worry about finding a discreet doctor who won't report your freakery to the police.) **

15.8 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk-free environment **(What's good for the goose and so on…)**

15.9 The Dominant shall not loan his Submissive to another Dominant. (**FUCK RIGHT YOU WON'T. So….will I be lending you out to others? Will we be monogamous? Again, I do know a very virile looking quarterback.)**

15.10 The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the Submissive at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times for any reason and for extended periods of time, giving due regard to the health and safety of the Submissive. **(I** **thought we could just take all this crap out later. I'd do it myself but seeing as how this is a negotiation I won't.) **

15.11 The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean, hygienic and safe state at all times. (**About that. I believe in going where no man's gone before. That doesn't sound right but you get the idea. I've had hand me downs all my life so…you can afford something new right? Since I'm not into all that kinky gymnastic looking stuff our needs will be simple.) **

**SUBMISSIVE**

15.12 The Submissive accepts the Dominant as her owner and renounces to the Dominant her freedom voluntarily, relinquishing all rights, personal choice and free will to the Dominant, with the understanding that she is now the sole property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term generally but specifically during the Allotted Times and any additional agreed allotted times**. (Last I checked I was a free born woman. NOT A SLAVE! Of course if you want to be my slave I won't tell if you won't.) **

15.13 The Submissive shall obey the rules (―the Rules‖) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement. ~ 160 ~ **Huh? What? I wasn't listening. I missed that class. Lost my notes. Just give me an F and we'll move on.**

15.14The Submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominate sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability. **Tit for Tat. **

15.15 The Submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise. (**I'm all for healthcare. Do I play nurse when you're ill? I can play a mean nurse, no pun intended or maybe I did. Oh, will there be costumes? I might enjoy costumes. Wouldn't mind seeing you as a gladiator. Now, if you want a slave I can dress the part as a slave girl. We could celebrate Halloween every day.)**

15.16 The Submissive will ensure that she procures oral contraception and ensure that she takes it as and when prescribed to prevent any pregnancy. (**Well, let's see now. Isn't contraception a fifty/fifty thing, as in we're both responsible? Since you're all concerned for my health…Wear a raincoat on Mr. Happy.) **

15.17 The Submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times. **(This is redundant. I don't need another father. The one I had was a piece of shit. Send me to my room, honestly, I won't mind.)**

15.18 The Submissive shall not touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant. **(Oh, well, about that…we'll discuss it) **

15.19 The Submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do without hesitation or argument. **(Okay, so it's your pay to play deal but still, I think this should be mutual. I mean, if you're good can't you persuade me?)**

15.20 The Submissive shall accept whippings, floggings, spankings, caning, paddling or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, inquiry or complaint. **(Nope, nope, maybe (hand only), nope, and definitely not.)**

15.21 The Submissive shall not look directly into the eyes of the Dominant except when specifically instructed to do so. The Submissive shall keep her eyes cast down and maintain a quiet and respectful bearing in the presence of the Dominant. **(Respect is a two way street. Aretha Franklin, just saying. How can I adore you if I have to keep my eyes cast down at all times? Besides, I sort of like your eyes. Remind me of a delicious melted chocolate bar. I love chocolate.)**

15.22 The Submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant and shall address him only as Sir, Mr. Devlin or such other title as the Dominant may direct. **(Mr. Devlin it is.)**

15.23 The Submissive will not touch the Dominant without his express permission to do so. **(Okay by me. Not even with a ten foot pole.)**

**ACTIVITIES **

16 The Submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2. **(This may just be me but I think a lot of this stuff is unsafe.)**

17 The Dominant and the Submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 3 and recorded in writing on Appendix 3 their agreement in respect of them.**(Miss Donatella, should you accept this assignment we will discuss it at a later date. Did that sound Mission Impossible? That's what I was going for.)**

**SAFEWORDS**

18 The Dominant and the Submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the Submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the Submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the Submissive may make use of a safeword (―The Safeword (s)‖). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands. **(Doesn't the necessity for a safe word clue you in?)**

18 The Safeword ―Yellow‖ will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive is close to her limit of endurance. **(Yellow. I invoke ahead of time.)**

19 The Safeword ―Red‖ will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the Submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said, the Dominant's action will cease completely with immediate effect**.(Red)Since I won't be able to see you when you read this tell me if you froze when you read the red. LOL. **

**CONCLUSION**

20 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract. We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signatures below.

The Submissive: Marcus Devlin

Date

The Dominate: Sonja Donatella

**Don't suppose your lawyer will miss the changes. One question of oh, say a thousand. Does my irreverence count as a disciplinary action? Now, just where are all those whips, canes, chains, cuffs and the rack being kept? Far? Near? In Iceland?**

**Obedience:**

The Submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The Submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities which are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation. **I think we're flogging(pun)a dead horse here. This all is so out of my wheelhouse not to mention comfort zone. **

**Sleep:**

The Submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant. **I** **wouldn't mind sleeping 8-10 hours in that comfortable bed. Oops. I mean the one in this apartment not the one in yours. It was like sleeping on a cloud though. **

**Food:**

The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the excep tion of fruit. **Hey, I like food. Wait a minute. Are you implying I'm fat? Push the hog away from the table. I AM NOT FAT! I AM BIG BONED. But I'm not fat****,**** so there.**

**Clothes: **

During the Term, the Submissive will wear clothing only approved by The Dominant. The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for The Submissive, which The Submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the Submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires the Submissive shall during the Term wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and any other time the Dominant deems fit.**(Ad hoc again. Suppose this means if you're free and in the mood you'll go shopping with me. Adornments? Like as in jewelry? Not to seem avaricious or anything but do I get to keep any adornments acquired? Just in case I'm going to window shop online. I'm up for some free clothes. Your tastes are more developed than mine so I'll defer to you to choose what I wear other than what I wear around the apartment.)**

**Exercise: **

The Dominant shall provide The Submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and The Submissive. The personal trainer will report to The Dominant on The Submissive's progress.**(Karate, Tai kwon do, kickboxing, yeah, definitely kickboxing. Wanna spar? Two birds, one stone. How large is the fitness budget?)**

**Personal Hygiene/Beauty: **

The Submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The Submissive will visit a beauty salon of The Dominant's choosing at times to be decided by The Dominant, and undergo whatever treatments The Dominant sees fit. All costs will be met by The Dominant. **(****I'll concede this one. Except for the shave wax thing. Are we talking shaving legs and pits or the no fly zone? Wax on legs, on, wax on no fly zone, off. Then again, maybe once.)**

Personal Safety: The Submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs or put herself in any unnecessary danger.** (Okey dokey. Same goes for you.)**

**Personal Qualities: **

The Submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than The Dominant. The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behaviour is a direct reflection on The Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant. (**Wait a minute here. If you get to punish me for doing some perceived wrong then I'll expect the same option. If I have to give up fraternizing with the opposite sex so do you. One snap shot of you in the tabloids and it's straight to the whipping post or whatever **_**I **_**choose. The whole goose gander thing again. And lest we forget, there is the whole issue of your STABLE. Person here, not a horse.)**

Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by The Dominant. (**I don't even get to pick my poison? Harsh Master Marcus. If it's all the same to you I'll choose a wet noodle every time.)**

**Hard Limits**

No acts involving fire play **Relax, I'm not a pyrotechnic**

No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof (**Okay, now I'm officially gonna be sick. Just so you know, I'll cut off your precious penis if it even thinks about peeing on me. As for the other…well I read online they do have butt plugs. Do you have any in case you feel an urgent need to defecate on me or anywhere near me?)**

No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood **Goes without saying. **

No acts involving gynecological medical instruments **Are you a closet GYN/OB ?**

No acts involving children or animals (**Okay, now you're trying to piss me off. I like both dogs and children but they should not EVER be involved in anything so perverted.) **

No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin **(Agreed. Wouldn't want to mark you up. I'm guessing you have a fairly nice body judging by how many of your women groped you in front of The Breeze.)**

No acts involving breath control **Air breather here.**

**APPENDIX 3 **

**Soft Limits **

**To be discussed and agreed between both parties: **

**Which of the following sexual acts are acceptable to the Submissive? **

- Masturbation **Teach me Miagi Wax on Wax off**

- Fellatio **Had to look this one up. Doesn't sound so bad.**

- Cunnilingus **Another Wikipedia (Soft porn) And uh…yes please?**

- Vaginal intercourse **Oh, I got this one. This I can do. **

- Vaginal fisting **Fuck no!**

- Anal intercourse **Uhhhh. With a perfectly useable front door why go in the back way?**

- Anal fisting **Big Fuck No! Need that in triplicate?**

Is swallowing semen acceptable to the Submissive? **Depends how hungry I am. Just kidding. Only if I like it.**

Is the use of sex toys acceptable to the Submissive? **Depends on the toys. Keep in mind I'm a preschooler when it comes to sex. A nonstarter.**

-Vibrators **I suppose even a super stud needs a break.**

-Dildos **Again if you need a break. Is there something you need to disclose? **

- Butt Plugs **Those are for you when you get the urge to defecate on me. Remember? **

- Other **You're asking me?**

Is Bondage acceptable to the Submissive? **Nope, unless I'm headed off to jail. **

- Hands in front **Well, this one doesn't seem so bad.**

- Hands behind back **Or this one**

- Ankles

- Knees

- Elbows

- Wrists to ankles

- Spreader bars

- Tied to furniture

- Blindfolding

- Gagging

- Bondage with Rope

- Bondage with Tape

- Bondage with handcuffs/metal restraints **I suppose if I'm going to be in bondage there has to be something doing the bonding.**

- Bondage with leather cuffs **See note above.**

- Suspension

What is the Submissive's general attitude about receiving pain? Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 **Hey, how come there isn't a zero?**

How much pain does the submissive want to receive? Where 1 is none and 5 is severe: 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 **Hello! Where are all the zeros? Oh, sorry, I read that wrong. I pick 5 for this and the one above. Anything stronger than a mosquito bite and I walk. Okay, had time to rethink this. I have to give you something. As long as it doesn't make me cry I can deal. Happy? **

Which of the following types of pain/punishment/discipline are acceptable to the Submissive?

-Spanking **Think I already said yes to this. Hand only.**

- Paddling

- Whipping

- Caning

- Biting **How hard and where? Remember the no marks clause.**

- Nipple clamps **If I have to check something this seems the least lethal. **

- Genital clamps

- Ice **As long as it's no bigger than an ice cube, go for it.**

- Hot wax **Bikini wax?** **Is this one of your skills?**

- Other types/methods of pain **Isn't the above enough?**

**This punishment thing, does it start retroactive or the second we sign on the dotted line? I've been somewhat cheeky due to not being under your glare. **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I am over the moon. I am getting so many reviews if I could I'd do summersaults. I want to thank each and every one of you for giving me the insentive to contiue on. **

**This chapter will alternate points of view so we can get inside both minds as they discuss the NDA, Rules and Contract. **

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Negotiations**

**Marcus's Pov**

My God! Have I ever laughed so much or so hard in my life? I feel cleansed. Rosario hovered over me in case a 911 call needed to be made. I'm not acting at all like myself. Everyone coming with questions or papers that need immediate signatures give me strange looks as if they believe I'm possessed. Maybe I am, by a beautiful siren, My Beautiful Siren. At least I hope she will be mine in reality rather than in fantasy. Now I want her more than ever. in her I see the possibility for something new and yet something I've desired for such a long time.

My sides hurt. I may have ruptured something. I should be angry and at first I admit I was but then her irreverence toward my contract set me off. I couldn't stop laughing. It's a good thing I'm working from home. If I behaved like this at my main office they would call in the guys with the straight jackets.

Sonja at one point asks me to persuade her. I am talented when it comes to winning people over to my way of thinking, so even though she hasn't agreed to all I want she's still in the apartment downstairs. The isn't anything about her reply to sounds like an emphatic no.

Sending Rosario out to shop for a week's worth of groceries might be presumptuous but I want Sonja to know I do want this to work. I'm at a point where I'm just short of begging.

The second I finished reading her comments I wanted to rush down and bend her over my lap so I could deliver some well deserved smacks to her behind. My palms are tingling from the very thought of my bare hand on her plump round butt cheeks. Blood thickens me in all the right places.

I'm like a horny teenager without any outlet of ridding myself of a hard on other than masturbation. It works in a pinch but it isn't what I want. I should be disturbed by the fact I don't want one of my other women but I'm not. If she thinks I'm giving them up then she can think again. I'm not that desperate for one female's luscious body. It took me a long time to cull the herd. It's not something I want to undertake again. I quell the voice of Rosario scolding me inside my head for being such a pig. Knowing her she'd phrase it in such a way it would sound almost like a compliment even though I'm being reamed out. One of our recurring disagreements is about all my women and how I refer to them.

I wasn't born this way. It just happened through life's circumstances. First there was Carrie Reynolds using me for her sadistic pleasures and whacked out lifestyle. After running away from her I still tried to be normal. My first experiences with the female of the species were to put it mildly, disastrous. Even now I break out in a cold sweat remembering those days. Is it any wonder I'm the way I am? I gave up trying for normal and just went with what I can have, which is fucked up, not fifty shades but my twenty-five shades of fucked up and growing.

Wanting to change, to try once again for some sense of normalcy, is that the reason I'm so obsessed with Sonja, My Siren? I'm not looking for happy ever after, hell no. With the divorce rate rising I don't want to be a number to add into the percentage. I just want to know if I can be what the world calls normal.

Wanting to get this over with I leave my apartment and head down one floor. I am taking the stairs as I need to expend some energy while giving me some precious time to calm my nerves. I'm not normally a nervous person. I make others nervous without suffering that affliction myself.

Two hours tops should be enough to iron everything out. I'll give Warren Kent a call alerting him that I'll fax him the revised contract and he can come by later tonight and Sonja and I will sign it. I'll let her have one last night alone before making any demands on her. Just thinking about hitting her flesh with a crop or flogger is enough to make me rock hard. I can hear her cries of pain and ecstasy as I alternate pain with pleasure.

She said no to being whipped but agreed I could spank her with my bare hand. I am very good at persuading people, especially women to do things they don't normally do. She did say in one of her notations I should try to persuade her. Simmer down boy. That's twice you've recalled that sentence where she asks you to persuade her.

I have a spare key but I'll be the gentleman she thinks I am and knock. She hasn't signed on the dotted line yet.

The door opens and there she is, Siren, sending blood straight to my cock without laying a finger on me. When we do finally get together the sprinkler system may go off from the blaze we create. Have I ever wanted a woman this much? I for sure haven't let one take over my life as this one has.

Squinting my eyes I take in what she is wearing. It isn't the pretty little white dress she had on yesterday. Now her curves are covered by a man's shirt leaving her legs bare. What the hell? She has a pair of men's boxers under the shirt.

Gesturing with my hand I indicate her clothing as I ask, "Where did those come from. The apartment was empty and I sure as hell didn't give them to you." Now I feel like an ass because I didn't think to send her anything down to sleep in or something to wear today. This sort of arrangement is new to me, one without everything being iron clad before any personal interaction. Sonja has invaded not only my life but my home and yet there is no signature on the contract.

"Oh, this? Rosario met this nice man last night when she took my tray back. Um, I think his name is Jack, yes, I'm sure he said Jack. Anyway she asked him if he had anything left from when his sister visited that I might wear. He didn't but he did give me this shirt and a pair of pants. I couldn't keep the pants up without a belt so I took them off. This shirt is long enough it could be mistaken for a dress. Jack sure is a tall man. I'll bet if he stretched up he could touch the chandelier in the hall. He also sent a pair of boxers. He assured me they were fresh out of the package. I wouldn't mind. They're softer and prettier than anything I've ever worn."

Jack Hale is my right hand man. He goes through women like they're disposable razors. Use once, then throw it away. At least I keep mine awhile. I'm not too thrilled about him giving Sonja a shirt or his underwear, new or used. Damn it. If I'd have thought of something other than getting her to sign on the bottom line she'd be wearing my underwear and they would be clean but not new. I'd have to keep them dirty as they'd have her scent on them. I'll be sending her a pair of mine and those from Jack are going in the trash chute on my way out. I'm taking those underwear if I have to rip them off.

I change my mind as she strokes her hand down over her hip. They'll be going in the trash now. "Take them off. Now."

"What?" she asks in confusion.

"The underwear. Take them off. I don't want anything touching you from another man. Now, either take them off or I will." I'm hoping she has a stubborn streak. I really would like to wrestle those boxers off her. I feel the instant surge in my groin.

This is our first hurdle. Will she obey me? Watching in silent anger as she tilts her head to the side and studies my face I'd like to be able to read her mind. Raising the ends of the shirt she shimmies then steps out of her borrowed boxers. They are black silk and probably looked sexy as hell on her. Next time it will be a pair I give her. Maybe I'll have her model them for me.

Without a word she hands them to me. Turning toward the door I open it. I'd like to say I marched straight to the trash chute but I don't. Like a dog sniffing his mate I bring them to my nose and inhale deeply. Damn, this is killing me. I'm pathetic. I'm reduced to sneaking sniffs of things she's worn. Now _that_, is perverted. A turn on but still perverted. I've become a panty sniffer. I hang them over one of the hall sconces. No one will be on this floor. I'll get them after I leave later.

Having shamed myself enough for one night I go back inside the apartment. If I thought she'd be waiting for me I soon found out not to make assumptions where Siren is concerned. She's sipping at a glass of what I believe is wine as there is a bottle on the coffee table in front of her with what looks like a very expensive label. Another glass is on the table with a miniscule pool of wine at the bottom of the glass.

I'm past anger. I've moved on to furious. "Have a party did you?" I pointed at the extra used glass.

"Oh, that. Jack brought this wine to welcome me. He seems to think my staying is a foregone conclusion. Do all women fall at your feet awaiting your command? I sort of got the impression your friend Jack doesn't know about your lifestyle other than you have enough women to start a harem. In fact he did call it that as well as the equally offensive term, stable. In accordance with the NDA I signed I didn't say a thing." She sends me a playful glance then twists her fingers in front of her lips then tosses the pretend key away.

I could find nothing in her voice to indicate any interest in Jack other than as her first visitor outside my household. I count Rosario as part of my household even though she keeps her own apartment. I think it is more to keep away from my sex games than any need for privacy. I've been on the receiving end of disapproving glares but for the most part her opinions are kept silent.

"Understand this, if we enter into this contract you will not fraternize with my male employees and only females I approve such as Rosario. You will in fact refrain from speaking to or associating with anyone unless it is someone I approve ahead of time. Is that clear?"

"Crystal. I hadn't thought we'd begin negotiations with this but maybe it's better to get this issue out of the way first. I will have friends over, male and female. They will come and go at my whim, not yours. If Jimmy Hoffa decides to make an unexpected visit I will see him. I am not some mindless puppet with you pulling the strings."

Stubbornly her chin lifts in the air. Crossing her arms underneath those pert breasts gives me time to ogle her charms. I am sure that isn't what she intended. More and more I find I want to please her so she will stay. I haven't changed drastically but there is something in me, some need I didn't know I had, a need that begs to be filled with her fresh spirit. I am so used to instant obedience that I find her obstinacy frustrating but refreshing. I am a man used to instant gratification when it comes to my sexual needs being met while I tend to tease, taunt and torture my partner.

It feels as if a cleansing breeze is blowing through my life. Is this what drew Christian to Ana? I can't lose this. If I have to make concessions I will. I can always persuade her later she wants to please me like a good sub should. She may think she isn't submissive but she is or will be by the time I'm finished with her. She doesn't sound eager to please at this moment.

**Sonny's POV**

"While we're on the subject of who we can and can't fraternize with let me ask you a question. Do you intend to get rid of your God damn _stable_ or do you intend to lock me in the barn with them?"

He eyes me with fire in his eyes. I give it right back to him. I feel invigorated, empowered. If I had known all it took to lose my fear of men in close proximity was to gird my loins for battle I might not have gotten so close to the guys in the gang so I could vent without hurting their feelings. Now it would just be mean.

I can see by the surprise on his face he didn't expect me to object. In fact he probably expected a docile doglike obedience. Just because I'm desperate for this experience it doesn't mean I'll lie down and let him walk on me.

Nerves have been working on me all day. If we don't seal this deal I'm afraid I'll chicken out. After twenty-three years I find a man I'm attracted to and he doesn't make my skin crawl just thinking of him touching me. What he does to me nearly overloads all my circuits.

Wanting him doesn't preclude me also wanting to push his buttons a little, maybe get some of my own back for how he looked down on me all those months I was moon-eyed over him. I have before me a perfectly fine specimen of manhood who gives as good as he gets and I send my volleys right back into his camp. I do hope I haven't blown this. I really want to do this. I can get rid of some baggage that's been stashed in the lost and found for too long. There will be the added benefit of losing my pesky virginity by a man well versed in all things sexual. What better teacher could I find and all the while receiving some impressive perks?

I may be rushing things but considering how long I've been in purgatory believing no one would want second hand goods or if they did I'd only feel revulsion toward them this opportunity is manna from heaven. With him I certainly do not feel repulsed. If anything if he'd given me one hint he found me least bit attractive we might have come together a lot sooner.

In addition to that, I am so attracted to this man it isn't funny. At this moment if he touched me, even to smack my behind, I'd fall at his feet. Now that is something as I didn't think any man could take me down again. This time it will be in a good way. My choice, my decision.

I've been reading up on this BDSM stuff. It can be cathartic if used in a healthy consensual relationship. People who suffer some traumatic experience often shut themselves off emotionally. I've done that for years. This controlled pain gives a person a chance to feel something, to go the distance all the while knowing there will be pleasure at the end of pain.

People do awful things to themselves in order to feel some emotion, a connection or have control. Cutters are prime examples. Anorexics and bulimics are also into getting through pain in unconventional ways. It is about control. Controlling something in their life whether it be pain or something else. My control method has been to simply avoid the issue. Any of the guys running with me and Libby would jump at the chance to initiate me into womanhood if I gave them the green light. Libby and I have always appreciated their gentlemanly behavior. They don't attack us, they protect us.

The pain those other people inflict releases the pain on the inside. I'm still not up for whippings but I won't say no if he needs to feel some cathartic pain.

If he's willing to take things slowly, I think I won't be afraid at all when we do the deed. Again, my choice.

I'm startled when he almost shouts at me, "You don't make terms, I do. I won't be giving up anyone. I shall see my women when and how often I like. And do not ever say stable in that tone again or I will punish you."

I wish now I'd stayed standing up. The way he's hovering over me is somewhat unnerving. Lord, I can smell him. Whatever it is they should bottle it and call it Instant Arousal. It certainly is making me all tingly. For so long I thought I was asexual from all my father put me through. All I needed to jump start me is someone who challenges me, gives me a reason to fight back. I couldn't fight back when I was younger. The one time I did it ended violently.

"Alright, keep the _stable_, I mean stable. I will have my own diversions on my own time. I think I'll hire a submissive of my own or maybe a dom to teach me what I need to know. You know, save you all that tedious training. After all, you're used to women who know their place and what to do. We only have three months. Do you really want to waste time showing me the ropes?"

I can see by the glint in his eye he'd love to introduce me to his roping skills right now. As for my idea of hiring someone,well, that is a novel idea. I hadn't planned on anything so radical or…or exciting. What would it feel like to have someone under my control? Kinky but I like it. I'm not sure I could hit anyone with something like a crop or flogger. Those canes online looked pretty wicked. I also saw some feather things. Maybe I can tickle someone into submission.

His jaw is working from side to side. The muscles in his cheeks are clenched. I'm pretty sure he's grinding his teeth. I hope he remembers the no biting thing. Oh crap. I think that's one of those things I said I might agree to let him do or maybe I said I'd like to do it to him. Typing out those comments had been so much fun I didn't take in half what I wrote. I'll have to wing it unless he lets me take a peek at the contract in his hand.

As if he read my mind he hands me a copy saying, "Here, I brought you a copy so we can go over this together. Before we sign everything has to be agreed on by both of us."

Will he let my comment about getting my own submissive slip by? No, I'm not that lucky. At first I think he meant to merely forbid me to do any such thing but when he got an evil self-satisfied air I knew something was coming I wouldn't like.

"Alright, go ahead, try."

"Try?" What does he mean try? Doesn't he think any other man will find me attractive? Truthfully I'm stumped what he finds so darn appealing about me.

"Once everyone knows you are mine no one in the community will have anything to do with you unless they receive my permission and that Sonja, I will never do. You will be mine and only mine." There is sure a lot of menace dripping along the words hissing out of his mouth. COBRA, he is a snake just like they call him.

I show my ignorance by saying, "I'll go out of this neighborhood. Downtown there are a few clubs catering to people with your…particular type of perversion."

"It isn't perversion, it's a lifestyle I enjoy along with many others. And as to going outside the community, I meant the whole world of BDSM in Seattle not the area I live in." Now I know I amuse him as he laughs.

Wanting to get off this subject I rack my brain to recall what we talking about before. Ah yes, I wanted to know about biting. Searching the document I see that I didn't say no. I asked how hard and where he'd bite me. My nipples are puckering. I hunch my shoulders together so the fabric of my shirt bunches in the front. How embarrassing if he'd noticed. Sounds kind of silly worrying about him seeing pert nipples when we are considering so much more. We are also speaking about it in frank terms.

Here I see I said no to other partners. I believe the spirit of my objection includes the stable. I'm still picturing him saddling up one of those women and him sitting in the saddle. Kinky and would sure be funny to see. I'd even like a picture to immortalize the moment. I won't compromise on this issue. I get queasy imagining him coming straight from his My Little Pony wannabe to me.

"If you sign I will be Master Devlin, Sir or Mr. Devlin. Anything else won't be tolerated. You will be punished." I don't like that glint in his eye.

Searching my own contract I point out and say, "See, I agree to call you Mr. Devlin but here in 15.12 under Submissive I decline being what amounts to a slave. I'll agree to indulge your need to boss me around but I reserve the right to invoke my right to use safe words. Yellow if you're annoying me. Red if you're pissing me off."

I let him chew on that for a while. So many emotions cross over his face it's hard to keep up with them. Anger, doubt, then what I'm beginning to suspect is desire when his eyes search my face then lower down. Boy am I glad I shaved my legs although if he ran his hand over them he'd feel the stubble. I've heard waxing lasts longer but I'm not sure the pain would be worth it.

"When would you play the role of submissive?" Do I detect excitement in his voice? Strange things are happening between my legs and in my belly. My darn nipples seem to be permanently pert. Would I like him to touch them, maybe put his mouth on them? I have to close my eyes lest he see the desire I'm feeling. Good grief, by the time we go through the contract I may climax from the visual impressions inside my head.

"Well naturally during sex I'd bow to your expertise. You can play Dominant as long as it doesn't include the over the top kinky crap. And look in this clause, 15.19 I didn't say no to sex on demand. All I ask is that we have a little foreplay I think it's called. And here in 15.20 I agree to spanking by hand. I've been thinking that I haven't given you many concessions. I'll agree to trying a flogger but only one I approve. Something like soft suede would be nice. None of those beaded things. Those have to hurt like hell. In short I think I'm willing to let you rule the bedroom or wherever these encounters are to take place."

With a wicked look in his eyes he slides closer to me. His thigh is snug against mine. I'm breathing like a panting dog and shaking like a leaf. I'm not frightened, I'm excited. My lips are tingling with anticipation.

Slowly he leans in. I can feel his hand on my cheek. I've closed my eyes and all my other senses are on high alert. Maybe a blindfold wouldn't be so bad. I'd have to know for sure I can trust him. It's the same with the cuffs.

The moment his lips touch mine I'm lost in a dark hole of passion. I expected some fear but not this mind blowing need to take all he can give and ask for more.

His tongue, that wicked snake charmer, persuades my lips to part. I've read that our tongues are very sensitive and can be sensual. Nothing prepared me for this…for him. He's the invading army and I'm the country being invaded. My surrender is immediate which brings a satisfactory groan from Marcus. I do think there may be some victorious masterful kisses amidst those that are tempting me to go farther than I've ever been. Should I tell him now a kiss is farther than I've been with anyone? The pervert parent doesn't count.

Things were going so well until I felt his hand on my breast. Okay, maybe I'm not ready for that just yet. I don't feel repulsed so much as unsure. Maybe this is the time for him to be persuasive. I am surprised when he releases me physically from his mind fogging kisses even if my mind is still trapped inside the fantasy.

I feel concern when I notice he looks a little green. His throat moves up and down as he swallows a few times. Hazarding a guess I'd say he just swallowed down bile. Twice now I've made him sick to his stomach. Why pursue me or seek binding us in a contract if I make him nauseous?

Some of my anger must have got through to him as he looked at me then turned away to say self-consciously, "I…I don't enjoy kissing. It is not a requirement for me to find pleasure. Perhaps I find it too personal."

He has got to be kidding. Too personal? What's more personal than dipping his wick into my candle factory? Does he mean that kissing means more emotionally than mere sex acts? That I can understand. Isn't that how the hookers walking the streets do things? No kissing, just sex. Didn't I equate what he is proposing with prostitution? The only differences are I won't be walking the streets and I get a lot of perks.

Seeing this opportunity slipping through my fingers I hurriedly get back to the contract and rules.

"So…where were we? Let's see." Running my finger down I quickly read a few clauses we need to address. "In this clause, number 7, it states you're responsible for my training and well being. Since I'm a complete novice on all counts I'll defer to your greater expertise. We'll just take out any part that states I am a submissive and will obey your every command. That's a hard limit for me. Clause 9 is out. Sorry, I skipped clause 3. I'll agree to your demand for sex anywhere anytime so long as it's not in public or if I'm not in the mood."

"Am I allowed to try to change your mind if you aren't in the mood?" He doesn't sound angry. He sounds if anything, amused or intrigued.

"Well of course you can try but don't get mad if I don't change my mind. There are times when women do actually get a headache or other times when we…when our…there are just times when sex isn't possible." I'm sure my face is red as an apple.

I can't look at him so I don't know if he's amused or not. I hear his chuckle seconds before I feel his fingertip tracing over my flushed face.

"Your period won't stop me if I'm ready to take you. It may curtail certain pleasures we both will enjoy but not all."

Now I do look at him as if he's a crazy sex fiend. Do people really have sex when a woman is bleeding during her monthly? I guess if they are horny enough and neither one minds then why not? I'm not sure if I'm one who won't mind.

"Well on that we'll just have to agree to let the moment rule what happens. There is the clause and item line that states if I use the safe word you have to decease and desist immediately. I understand I'm not leaving in a lot of what you find a turn on. We can go through things line by line and maybe if we discuss them you can explain them to me so I won't find them so disagreeable. Maybe you can even show me some things so I can see for myself. I'm wondering if we shouldn't just have a practice session or regular sex to see if we're even compatible in that area. Oh…well…maybe you don't…do you have sex like normal people, only the kinky kind?"

**Marcus's POV **

I have only been half listening to what she's saying. Her lips draw me like a bee to honey. I still get queasy but that doesn't stop me from wanting to kiss her.

For many years I've cursed Carrie Reynolds for screwing me up so badly. If I could be like other men I'd have no trouble winning over this woman, My Siren.

If only she wasn't such a damned purist. She's hardly left me any options by taking out almost everything that gives me my greatest pleasures. Hell, with what's left will I even be able to get off? I know I'm turned on even now but can this attraction sustain me for the next three months? I know I'll crack and demand more than she can give. I don't want her to leave. I won't admit that three months doesn't seem long enough for me to get her out of my system.

The voice inside my head telling me I'm fooling myself I brush off with arrogant disdain. I argue back that I don't want more from this association than I have from any of the others. Sex, with my brand of kink is all I want. The voice taunts back "if that were so then send her away and seek out one of your other women". I don't want anyone else, I want her.

Something she said catches my attention. Practice session? Regular sex? Now? My cock is now at full attention. I'd been at half mast until now. Her question of normal sex brings a smile to my lips. Christian's vanilla sex. Maybe the whole BDSM scene calls it that. I don't know. It isn't like I've taken training like Christian did when with Mrs. Lincoln.

"You mean you will agree to vanilla sex without signing the contract?" I need to clarify this. Maybe she hopes to receive some compensation.

"What? Vanilla sex? What, you do sex in flavors like ice cream? Does each flavor represent a different level of kink?"

I refrain from laughing outright. It takes a faked cough to cover my chuckle. "Vanilla sex refers to normal sex as in one on top the other on the bottom. Both heads at the same end. No kink. Unless you want some."

How I'd love to hear her ask for me to punish her. I wish now I'd gotten her to sign the contract so I could demand she submit to me now. I'd love to bend her over that couch and plow into her with my cock right after warming up her butt to a lush pink, not unlike her cheeks, the ones on her face, when she is embarrassed.

Did she or did she not offer just now to have sex with me? If I say yes will she change her mind?

"Alright let's have sex now." Damn. I hadn't meant to say that out loud. I want to but what if she doesn't like it, or just plain and simple, she doesn't like me?

"What? Oh, well, okay. I suppose I'd better warn you though that I'm a virgin. You'll have to guide me through this whole process."

I can't have heard right. She's a virgin? She must be lying, trying to hold me off. Hoping to get me to sign the contract so she'll get all the perks.

She is blushing that becoming shade of pink that I like. Those pearly white teeth are worrying at her bottom lip. Both hands are clasped tightly in her lap. I don't know that I've fantasized about taking a virgin or what they looked like if I did but I'm sure they would look pretty close to how Sonja looks right now. Usually I am skeptical about everything until something is proven or disproven. I believe Sonja is telling me the truth. Knowing I'd be able to tell if I took her up on her offer a real deceitful person could come up with some other way to bring me to heel.

Sitting down next to her again I say, "I accept your offer. Are you certain you don't want to sign the contract?"

"Look, let's not analyze this to death. I want this. If not you, then someone else. It has to happen sometime. Why not now with someone who knows what he's doing?"

I'm so fucking hot for her by now I might promise anything just to have her. It is unsettling how powerful my attraction to her is. I'm not even very angry she's shot down most of my contract. That could be because I'm still amused by her comments. I have a feeling she is the type of woman who'll keep a man on his toes. I'd rather have her on her toes, hanging from the cross. Ass cheeks pink from a flogging. Damn, if my cock gets any harder I'll bust my zipper.

Standing up I point at her and command, "I'm going to the penthouse for some condoms. When I get back I'd like for you to be naked and kneeling in the middle of the bed. Since I'm not your Dominate yet, I am merely requesting that you do this to heighten our…expectations. I'll be back in fifteen minutes."

I left before she could retract her offer. Of course she still can. I'm hoping when I return I find her on that bed naked. That will at least give me some hope.

Retrieving those damn boxers I sniff regretting her smell is dissipating from the fabric. Ah well, if fate smiles on me I can inhale the real thing to my heart's delight.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This chapter is rather long. I thought about making it into two but readers you are anxious to get the two protagonists together so here it is all in one very hot sexy chapter. At least I hope it's sexy and not just porn****.**

**WARNING: Sex and crude language. **

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Gentle Persuasion**

**Sonja's Pov**

Condoms? I hadn't given protection a thought. Wow, am I more sure than ever my first time will be better with an older experienced man, safer too. At this stage of my life I'm not doing so well taking care of me, how could I hope to take care of a baby? I give him kudos for not jumping me like a horny toad.

For a few seconds I just sit staring at the closed door. Okay, so it's not what I expected. Did I really think he'd fall to his knees in gratitude or kiss me passionately? One, Dominates don't fall to their knees and two, kissing me makes him ill. He did say he doesn't like to kiss so maybe it isn't just me. Maybe all women make him queasy. Does he have a breath phobia? Or would that be a mouth phobia? I'll have to look that up. Then again, since there is a phobia for everything in the universe maybe he has a phobia to both.

Coming to my senses I realize I've wasted precious time. I showered earlier but do I need to maybe take a quick one in case he gives me some…um… Cunnilingus? Biting my lip I think that might be a bit presumptuous. If he gets ill just kissing what would happen if he had to down there? Good grief, just thinking about that has me tingling, more than tingling.

We agreed on vanilla. Vanilla as a sex act, who knew?

Well whether or not I get my cunnilingus taken care of or not I still want to smell fresh and clean. I do recall that mentioned in one of his many rules. Maybe I should get me a little notebook so I can take notes and keep them handy.

Enough wasting time. I'm taking a shower and if I'm not kneeling on the bed I'll just let him think I didn't intend to do it all along. I want to but he doesn't have to know that. I do want to please him, give him something. I did say he had control in the bedroom. Oddly I am not frightened by the idea of him controlling me. In this sexual context I sort of welcome it. Surely with him in control I won't seem so inept, utterly clueless how this all works.

I took the fastest shower of my life. I only hit the highlights. Since he's not into kissing maybe he won't be running those hot lips all over me. I'm beginning to doubt I'll be getting any cunnilingus either, ever. Maybe I can use fellatio as an incentive, tit for tat.

Wanting to hurry I don't even take time to properly dry off. I'd put my hair up to keep it out of the direct spray of the many shower heads in several of the walls. A ball could be held in the shower with a drinks parlor in the bathroom itself.

That one toilet is an odd duck. It squirts water in your neither regions. If I get courageous I'll ask Rosario what it is for or maybe look online. If tonight doesn't go well I won't have access to a computer. Not one I want to look up all my new kinky vocabulary on anyway.

Dropping my towel I hop into the bed wiggling over to the center. How do people do this? The center, left, right, top or bottom? Goodness, from what I've heard listening in on conversations people do it everywhere in every position imaginable.

Glancing at the bedside clock I see I've been sitting her five minutes past when he should have come back. In the contract he mentioned punctuality, well, where is his punctuality? He should be here by now. I'm starting to get cold. Dang, it's cool in here, chilly. My nipples pucker. I hunch my shoulders to either hide them or try to warm them. One is as impossible as the other. I've placed my hands on my knees the way the internet article said a submissive should. I'd rather fold my arms and try to preserve a little warmth.

My legs are cramping and I'm pretty sure my feet have gone to sleep. It has now been ten minutes past V-Day. Which is Virgin Day. Maybe it should be D-Day as in Deflowering Day. Now I'm just being goofy.

Fifteen minutes after the time he said he'd be back I've given up on his return. Stretched out naked on the bed I'm channel surfing. The only tv I get to watch is when I manage to sneak into a bar and play hide and seek with the employees so I can stay warm. Sometimes I watch shows online at the library. This television is so big the actors are almost life-sized. The one in the living room is larger.

Yawning I slip down to lie on my side. Closing my eyes I feel my body relax. I'll just rest my eyes. Feeling the chill all over now I reach around behind me to pull the cover over me. It is too heavy and I'm just too tired to care. I may be suffering from rejection. Poor me. I'll just sleep tonight away then go…go where tomorrow? I don't have any place to go. Well, sure I do. All I have to do is find Libby.

Dozing, on the brink of sleep, I sense someone standing over me. Mentally I shrug. A warm finger traces the curve of my jaw.

"Wake up Goldilocks. It's the Big Bad Wolf come to…well, he's come to make you come."

Eyes popping open I get a close in view of his amused faced. Damn, his eyes are warm me all the way to my toes melted chocolate. Crap, I'm losing my mad at him.

A droplet of water drips down onto my arm from his hair. Now I know what took him so long. He showered too. Like me he didn't take time to dry off very well. Unlike me, he is fully clothed. I want to cover up but resist doing so. He'll have to see me sometime and more intimately than just standing over me gawking.

Running his finger up and down my arm he says distractedly, "I ran into Rosario. She gave me a cold shoulder. I think she's displeased with me. You know Sonja, you can change your mind even now. I'll even compensate you for your time."

Putting aside the fact that I am jaybird naked I sit up with my legs crossed. "But I don't want to change my mind. I want you to show me what it's like."

"It?" he asks obtusely. I am sure he's being facetious.

"You know, the big deal, the bump and grind, what everyone makes such a fuss about." I'm glad one of my waving hands doesn't put out his eye. That would be a real shame.

It's now I remember I am naked and he's wearing jeans and a pullover sweater. I think I may have a heart attack. I also see he has a black hood in his hand.

"What's that for?" I ask pointing to the hood. Anything to distract us from my nudity.

"You want vanilla sex. Normally I don't do vanilla sex and when I do have sex I always take the woman from behind. That…that's just the kinky way I like it. The hood is for you to wear during sex if you insist on vanilla," he says gruffly. I'd like to ask him why but another idea has popped into my head.

I won't allow any embarrassment to show as I've thrown modesty out the window and clear to China by this point. "In the contract under Hard Limits there is something called Cunnilingus. I'd like to try that. If that goes well then we can do the intercourse thing."

Well, I didn't stutter or sound like too much of a ninny although I think I saw him about to crack a smile when I said cunnilingus. Why didn't I just say what it is called by the masses? Clitoris stimulation. No, that doesn't sound any better. I won't say what the guys call it. Bet Mr. Devlin has no problem saying "eat pussy". I give a mental groan. Even in my mind I whispered the words.

"I…don't…I never have gone down on a woman." Well his way does sound better, not much but some.

Wait a minute. Mr. Kinky has never…Well I never have either. Not Fellatio or Cunnilingus. We can learn together. At least the playing field will be even.

Delaying the moment of truth I ask again, "What is that for. You never did explain. If you have sex from behind doesn't that negate the need for a hood unless that's part of the experience?"

"No, I only use this when my sub takes me by mouth. I don't like to see their faces." For a guy comfortable with having sex every way from Sunday he sure is inhibited in certain ways.

"Well I won't wear any mask. How about we negotiate? I get what I want and you can have something you want." I am trying to be reasonable.

He's flicking the hood against the palm of his hand as if he's seriously thinking about my offer. Hmmm. That hood gives me an idea.

"How about this. We do the whole mouth thing together at the same time. I will be top or bottom, I don't care. You compromise and I'll let you spank me with the hood. I know it isn't a belt or cane but maybe if you hit me really hard it will sting."

To test my words he strikes down on his hand twice, very hard. He winces. Okay, maybe it does hurt. Looking closer I see it isn't silk like I thought but leather. Damn. I'm stuck now. Maybe he'll refuse.

"Alright, I accept. Undress me." He orders me to remove his clothes like I do that sort of thing on a daily basis. So what if my fingers are doing stretches in preparation for the feat ahead.

Hands on hips, legs spread, he looks virile, sexy as hell and in the mood to get some. I suppose that's how a man looks when he's expecting to, well to put it crudely "get laid".

Sitting here like a statue won't get those clothes off. If I don't turn around he won't see my scars. Over time they faded but I know they are there. Libby says they are just barely noticeable but to me they are the same as the day I got each one.

Scooting to the edge of the bed I climb onto my feet. Gulping in air I stand in front of him. Now or never Sonja. You're at a crossroads. You can live in fear and wonder what could have been or take this gift from God and for once do something because it's what you want and not because you're helpless.

I may be clumsy fingered but I manage to get his belt off. Damn, am I glad he had that on his waist and not in his hand. It's a good thing there is a snap because the way my hands are shaking I might have ripped a button off his jeans. The zipper is the easiest part.

Before I remove his jeans I'll take off his sweater. That will be easier. Taking the hem in both hands I work it up over muscled stomach and chest. He's a freaking Adonis. Now I really am self-conscious. He's perfection and I'm…not.

He has to bend for me to take it over his head. As he gets closer to me I can hear his heavy breathing. Good to know I'm not the only one about to hyperventilate. Dropping down I look up silently asking him to raise his foot so I can remove his shoe. The right and then the left are removed. Something kinky in me wants to leave his socks on, so I do. Maybe it's the thought of leaving something to the imagination.

His jeans come off easier. I think it's because he's helping me now. I swear I can hear his heart thumping or is that mine?

I am struck dumb when his penis springs forth from his boxers. Black and silky, the boxers, not his penis, although that looks like hard silk.

I am so tempted to taste him. I'm a person who thought I'd never see what a man looked like outside a photo or magazine. Now there is a very large one just inches from my face.

Cautiously I lean forward and touch him with my tongue. He groans and jolts back but doesn't move again after that. Oh no. I forgot. Never from the front without the hood.

"I'm sorry. I forgot. I…I just wanted a taste. It was right there and well, my tongue has a mind of its own."

"It…it's fine. I…I liked it. Will you do it again?" He sounds unsure but determined.

He's asking me? Mr. Do As I Say When I Say? Since it's what I want too I lean in and flick him with my tongue again. There is a small droplet on the tip that doesn't really have a taste so I go in for more with my lips taking him into my mouth. Little by little I take him in. my heart is drumming in my chest not from fear but from excitement. I'm way passed being afraid. I've conquered that part.

I don't know a lot but I've listened in on the guys talking. Both Libby and I have. They are our second hand sexual experience. I flick my tongue over the slit at the top then take him in all the way in sucking on him like a straw. The muscles underneath my hands resting on his thighs tighten.

His hands come up wrapping around my head. I feel a tug on my hair. He's fisting my hair. I feel the tug all the way down between my legs. Encouraged I pull him all the way in again as I move my tongue over the head and down the shaft. I think I may be a natural at this fellatio stuff. It isn't as awful as I imagined either. Not awful at all. I kind of like it. More than like it.

The man is huge. Long and did I mention huge? He has control of my head so I bring my hands up and circle around to grasp his two butt cheeks. Now I control his hip movement. As he thrusts forward I discover I only have partial control. Dang. I don't mind as I get to cop a feel of his tight butt.

He goes deep and deeper still. Reaching my gag reflex he pulls back. If I thought he would be content with only half filling my mouth well…he is a kinky fucker after all.

This time he enters slowly but still going all the way back. I don't gag this time. I'm rather proud to be a novice and take in something that feels a full twelve inches but in all likelihood is only six flaccid and eight fully erect.

Now I am pushing him forcing him deeper each time. I may not be perfect but I am enthusiastic.

"Oh fuck. Stop now. I'm going to come in your mouth." I am blissfully sucking and licking. My first blowjob. I'll have to check that off my bucket list.

When he would have pulled out I shove him back with my hands. I want the full experience. It may be the only one I have.

"Oh fuck me Siren. Mouth fuck my cock. You're killing me. Yes, suck it, suck me harder. Fuck, I can't hold it back. I'm going to come in your sweet virgin mouth." He's pumping furiously now. He stiffens, groans low in his throat then I feel a warm explosion in my mouth. He groans as he continues to pump into my mouth.

What am I supposed to do with his…his…I am thinking of what I've heard it called. Sperm, yes, but no, cum, yeah, what do I do with his cum? Spitting sounds gross so I swallow, quickly before I gag holding it in my mouth.

Sitting back on my heels I look up at him, waiting for some reaction. I don't have long to wait. Grabbing me by the arms I'm hauled to my feet.

"I want to fuck you. Now. I'll fuck you then suck your pussy until you beg for mercy." He's backing me up against the bed. Instead of being frightened I'm hot and bothered. If I was a man I bet I'd have an erection that would poke his eye out.

We need to find other names for our body parts. I can't think the word let alone say it. It's a vagina I think or maybe that's only part. Hell I don't know. And why am I thinking of this when my mind is already scrambled by what he said he would do to me?

He tosses me onto the bed. "Stay still," he orders sternly. Of course I will. It's my turn to be Cunnilingused. Not sure that's a word but do I really care at this point? Hell no. Yes, we definitely need new words or at least I do. He probably knows them all and in different languages.

My first glimpse of his back upsets me. There are white lines of scars I know so well as they are like my own. My heart clenches because I know how much pain he had to endure for each one. I want to kiss and touch them all. I'd like to smooth them out with the palm of my hand. These aren't from his kinky sex acts. He has too many rules and safeguards for that. Someone beat him not once but many times. When I can look closer I'll know which are the oldest and which are newer. Are his from his childhood? Imaging him as a small boy crying, bewildered by the hurt inflicted and not knowing why brings physical pain to me. I hurt for him and for the boy he used to be. My own hurt I've carried with me like well used luggage.

This is too disturbing to dwell on so I shake off my darkening mood to watch my…my lover? How will he introduce me? Will I be his girlfriend, his fuck buddy or his mistress? I suppose all could apply. Less the girlfriend though.

He bends down giving me a view of his tight butt. Thighs like sturdy tree trunks are to be admired too. Traveling down his leg with my eyes I come to his socks. Pressing a hand to my mouth I repress a giggle. Now is not the time to laugh. When he stands up and turns to me there are several square foil packets in his hand. The condoms? Good grief. There must be a dozen. What, is he Superman? Perhaps I should tell him as this is my first time we should go slow and easy.

With his knee on the bed he lifts up then begins to move toward me. Instinctively I move away from him. The headboard forces me to stop. He grabs my ankle and tugs me down. I screech. I'm not afraid even now. Having a choice gives me power. If it gets to be too much I remember the safe words. Yellow, pause, Red, stop immediately.

I resist him pulling my knees apart. I'll be wide open for him to see. More forcefully he pushes at my knees and orders in a low forceful way, "Open for me. You did give me the power to punish you. If you displease me I will."

"Sorry Mr. Devlin." I meant to sound sarcastic. Instead it came out all breathless and apologetic. My voice is not very strong either. That could be because his hands are running up and down my inner thighs while nothing is kept secret between my legs.

I must have pleased him because he smiles and kisses a trail down toward my…Oh my God! Electricity has just been shot through me. He licked my clitoris with his rough tongue. I can't help it I'm going to say it, I've been mind fucked. Just one little touch of his wet, hot, rough tongue and I'm ready to come unglued.

I try to raise my hips but he presses me down with a hand on my pelvis. My eyes squeeze tight. All this stimulation is too much.

"Open your eyes Siren. Open for me. I want to see your face when you come. I will count to three. If your eyes are still closed I will punish you."

I pop my eyes open. He's looking right at me. Such a wicked self-satisfied look covers his face. I'm about to tell him to fuck off when his finger slides into me, into my, oh shoot. Vagina damn it. Now that wandering digit is rubbing over my clitoris again.

"Oh fuck me." Did I think that or say it out loud?

"Oh baby, I promise I'm going to fuck you, hard and long. First I want to break in your virgin pussy to the pleasures of how a man's tongue feels as you climb the walls seeking release. Don't come until I give you permission. I control the bedroom remember?"

I could remind him we haven't signed the contract yet but I'm floating on a wave of sensual delight. I need that tongue.

"Yes Mr. Devlin, you control the…holy shit. Fuck. Oh stop. Don't stop. Harder. Faster." Is that wanton me? Hell yes.

As soon as I begin to quiver nearly reaching some elusive plateau he lifts his head. He rubs around the spot I want him to touch with his finger or his tongue but he denies me. The rising tide recedes. No sooner do I recover than he brings me to the brink again. Over and over I come so close only to be left wanting. The man is a sadist.

"Would Siren like to come?" Would she! Damn fucking right she does. "Say it. Ask me Sonja. Ask me to make you come. If you don't I'll leave you with only frustration and there will be no masturbating either. I'm going to sleep here tonight so I'll be able to watch over you. I'll know if you steal one of my climaxes. Your body's responses all belong to me. They are mine to command."

I'm ready to get down on my knees and beg. All the while he threatens me with being left unfulfilled his fingers rub along my folds lightly skimming over that bundle of nerves. I want his mouth on me so very desperately.

"Mr. Devlin, make me come. God yes, make me come."

If I thought he had a golden tongue before now he's beyond description.

Every flick over and back forces my hips in the air. If I thought his tongue was magic his fingers are the magician with all the knowledge of magic in the world.

His tongue and finger are going stroke for stroke. In goes another finger. I feel the stretching. It's different but not painful as I would expect. Now I imagine his rather large penis in the spot his fingers are so agilely fucking me.

I don't know why my hips are thrashing about, all I know is I can't stop them. With now three fingers and his tongue working on me I don't care if I flop about like a fish out of water.

Panting, quivering low in my belly, a fire between my legs, my hips lift and drop in a faster rhythm now. I'm reaching for the master's tongue and glorious fucking fingers. I may regret my wild abandon later but right at this moment all I want is the man between my legs to continue at all costs.

A nip on my clitoris with sharp teeth nearly topples me over the edge. I can't take any more. "Oh fuck me Marcus. Make me come. Please make me come. Oh…oh yes. Yes, harder, faster. Bite me again. Oh Marcus…what…what's happening? That feels so good. You feel good between my legs. I want you to fuck me with…with…your cock." I finally got the dirty words out. I'd been thinking them and they've been making me hot and bothered. Saying them out loud seems like a naughty pleasure. Besides, I do want him inside me. His fingers are incredible but they don't fill me. I need more.

"Oh baby I will. Come for me Siren. Come for me now."

His command is my wish. I'm overtaken by a sensation both terrible and remarkable. For a moment I stop breathing the wave is so intense. After that I think I lost my mind as I thrashed and bucked like a wild thing. Marcus tried to hold me down but my climax came on so strong he wasn't a match for me.

Marcus kept working his tongue and fingers bringing climax after climax. Each one chipped away at the boulder of hurt I carried with me my whole life. Being touched down there didn't have to hurt or feel dirty.

By making this choice I freed myself. I'd be forever grateful for the part Marcus played in this. His plan had been to use and control me. I turned the tables on him. I'm the dominate, he's the submissive.

When I could stand no more I said "Yellow". I didn't want to stop altogether just this torture he seemed hell bent on giving me. He must know how sensitive I am after all that stimulation. I may be a virgin but even I know Marcus is a master at this cunnilingus stuff.

"Have I hurt you my lovely siren? I got carried away. You are so responsive. This is my first time…"

I snort in disbelief.

"Sonja, I told you I don't do front to front unless they wear a hood or mask. I've never…pleasuring a woman with my mouth isn't something I've done in…I don't go down on my subs. I never cared for vanilla sex but with you I've agreed to try and a deal is a deal. No take backsies."

I couldn't help it, the man buried chin deep in my girly stuff or not I giggled. "No take backsies? I have a hard time reconciling the intelligent, oh so elegant billionaire knowing or saying such a phrase."

"Are you laughing at me? I wasn't brought into the world fully grown. I went through puberty and all the other stages people go through to become adults."

Slowly I'm coming down from my endorphin rush or whatever high Marcus took me on.

"Are you ready for the second half of our deal?" How does he do that? His voice is like soft velvet caressing my ears. I wonder how many times that voice persuaded someone to say yes when they intended to say no?

"Well you see, when I made that deal I thought the hood was made out of silk not leather. I know I didn't agree to any leather butt punishments."

"Who said it will be your butt? There is a whole canvas I'm itching to make pink. Roll over." He is back to commanding.

"Wait. Let's discuss this." The punishment thing is worse than the sexual thing.

"Roll over. Now. I am giving you three strikes for being disrespectful. Another three for disobeying me. Now. Turn. Over."

I rolled over as fast as I could. Geez. I just did "that" to him and he just did "this" to me, so how can he switch to bossy uncaring kink freak in such a short time?

He rubs my butt cheeks with his hand in a circular motion. That feels nice, better than nice. I'm just settling in to enjoy the feel of his warm hand caressing my butt when smack! God that hurt. Now I'm pissed. I'm no shrinking violet. I have some serious moves that can disable a man for enough time to make a getaway.

Again he rubs my butt cheek. The one he smacked. I'm startled when I feel his lips kissing by stinging flesh. Asshole doesn't give me much time to enjoy that as he smacks me again. Damn that smarts. I mean it isn't life threatening but it does hurt. Personally I don't find the pain stimulating. His hand and kisses afterward well…oh man those are…I'll just say I'll take one whack for a kiss and his hand rubbing the sting away.

Four more times this same process repeats. After the last one I see the hood drop on the bed beside me. I hear his ragged breathing. This crap really gets his motor going. Both hands are rubbing my burning butt cheeks. Those same hands spread my legs then are lifting up my pelvis with his hands on my thighs. I hear the rip of what I suppose is a condom package.

I feel his searching penis, no, cock searching at the entrance to my…my pussy. I have got to research the lingo for sex and body parts. I've heard the guys' crude language but didn't associate it with female and male body parts other than in a general way.

Oh no. My first time isn't going to be through the back door. We negotiated front to front. On a secondary note I'm relieved he didn't try to enter my butt. Now that I'm very sure isn't something I'm willing to try. Not yet anyway. I take him by surprise when I roll over. He looks put out, maybe a little angry. Okay, so a lot angry.

Pointing to my butt I say, "Back door," then point to my pussy as he calls it, "front door. Why use the back door when the front door is unlocked?"

"You are mine to do with as I please. I've told you I…I don't like face to face fucking." His eyes are molten lava by now. All this anger over how to have sex? Most men would snap to attention for any form of sex that promised to end with a climax. He has a phobia about kissing and a worse one for frontal intercourse.

"First off, I belong to me not you. We don't have a signed contract but we do have an oral contract. No pun intended. We have an agreement. I'm not agreeable to having my first time being from behind. I don't want to wear a hood either. I'd like to be able to remember my partners face when it happens. You wear the hood since you're the one with the phobia."

I'm not sure if he intended to enter my butt or my other hole. Sexual acts are done in both places. And lest we forget the mind-blowing things his mouth can do. I might be willing to forgo intercourse if I can have his mouth on me again. Maybe we can do one of those 69 things the guys talk about.

He begins to pace around angrily mumbling things I'm sure I don't want to know about. He stops with his hands on his hips giving me a dark sensual glare that does strange this to my lower belly. The burn begins there then zings right down to that place he tongued that drove me insane earlier.

Crap! I can feel the pulsating want building down there. I'm about ready to through in the towel when he caves first much to my amazement.

"Alright, I'll concede to your wishes this time. You must do something for me in return." I don't care for that wicked grin spreading across that sensual mouth. Or maybe I do as I feel it in all the right places dialing up the heat.

"What do you want?" I'm wary and nervous now. From his stance and tone of voice we could be in his office speaking about something as mundane as the price of tea in China.

"I want to tie you up. I want to put cuffs on your wrists and ankles. You can safe word at any time. If you do I will stop. I'll leave and send someone to take you wherever you want to go with an ample monetary compensation for what we have done so far."

If I thought we'd shared something special his offer to 'compensate' me for my time disabuses such silly notions. Isn't the contract basically between a John, albeit a rich one, and his prostitute?

Mulling it over I weigh the pros and cons sitting naked in the middle of the bed with my legs folded. I should feel self-conscious and I am on some level but I'm distracted by the naked man only a few feet in front of me. His bearing is one of a macho manly man who knows what he wants and how to get it. He's not ashamed of his body and why should he be? He's an Adonis. I'm a watered down Aphrodite, really watered down.

Maybe being restrained won't be so bad. I'll make it clear I don't want any whipping from anything. Not even swats from his hands. Well, considering what we'll be doing I hope his hands will be otherwise occupied.

"Okay, I agree with a couple stipulations of my own. No using any instruments to punish me or swatting from your hand." I am suspicious of that cat that lapped the cream look that he now has. I hope I covered my ass with my stipulations.

"Lie flat on the bed. We'll have to improvise since I didn't bring my toy bag with me. An oversight on my part. See, that is how anxious I was for you to agree to the contract."

He picks up his belt. One slap across his hand with the leather and my butt cheeks clench and not in a good way. Taking my wrists in one of his hands he then puts the belt around them then lifts them up to the middle slat in the headboard. Securing the belt he tugs at it to test if it will hold. He puts his fingers under the belt around my wrist to see how tight it is.

There's a nasty glint in his eye when he picks up the shirt I borrowed from Jack. Reaching down in his jeans pocket he takes out a small pocket knife then cuts the shirt in half. I'm not sure but I think I hear him mumble "Fucking Jack. Get your own woman. Leave my Siren alone".

In short order my ankles are tied to the posts at the bottom of the bed. Oh boy, if the glint in his eye is anything to go by I'm in trouble, not physical but something from a dark sensual place inside of him. I shouldn't trust him not to hurt me but I do. Somehow I feel like I've come to know him over all the months watching him. What I've seen should sicken me but on some level I think I understand him. Call me crazy but that's how I feel. Libby would quote a bunch of cosmic crap if I told her all I felt for Marcus. She'd even have reasons for our paths crossing the way they did. Much like Rosario.

I'm surprised when he takes a pillow and asks me to lift my hips. The pillow is placed under my butt. That raises the part of me he's most interested in.

"Now Siren, you shall pay for your insolence. You will learn who the master of your body is. Baby, you're going to beg me for release by the time I'm done."

With him crawling on the bed between my spread-eagled legs I am beginning to feel vulnerable, overly exposed. The makeshift shackles won't let me clasp my legs together.

I feel heat flushing my face. After everything I did to him and what he did to me, _now_ I'm feeling shy? I hadn't thought this through when I let him tie me up. And what's up with that? Why did I just lie here like a mindless sheep being led to slaughter? Because I want him. I want everything he's willing to give. I'm nobody's doormat but I do feel excitement knowing I can't get loose. Knowing he'll honor the safe word gives me freedom to shed some mental restraints.

I thought he'd finally show me what all the fuss was about when a man takes a woman. He slides his body beneath my legs, one leg on each of his shoulders. He's on his knees. Now I'm really exposed. This also explains why he left so much slack between my ankles and the bedposts.

"Marcus, I don't think…"

"That's right Siren, you don't have to think because I am your Dom, you are my sub. You do what I tell you. Here in the bedroom my word is law. Disobey or displease me and you shall be disciplined. Say yes if you understand." He's gone all Dominate on me. Part of me doesn't mind as giving him control takes the responsibility off me for making decisions. I can pretend he's forced me into doing things I've only dreamed or read about.

"Yes."

"Yes what."

"Umm…Yes Sir?" I'm not sure what he wants me to say so my answer sounds like a question.

My answer must have satisfied him because he smiles then starts to place kisses on my left thigh. Slowly he works his way to the place I had a sex party earlier. Just a hairsbreadth from my clitoris he stops then moves over it grazing me with his chin. The light stubble sends a lightning bolt through me. Struggling to move my hands I am reminded I'm tethered to the bed. Touching him is a no go. I'd love to run my fingers through his dark hair. I'd really love to press his mouth harder against my pleasure nub.

While his lips are occupied with kissing my right thigh his hand comes up and cups me. My hips buck seeking more friction, more contact.

Finally he blesses me with the touch of his tongue on my clitoris. The rough texture sends spasms to every nerve ending. His fingers stroke along my vaginal opening then he slips one in.

"Oh yes, fuck me. Do it harder. Make me come." Who's the slut with the smutty mouth? Geez, after a few hours in his company and I'm already a sex slut. Finally. I imagined I'd be a dried up old virgin for the rest of my days.

Seconds away from exploding he removes all contact leaving me quivering lifting me hips seeking relief. This torture again. Can I do this again? The last torture session had led to such an intense climax I nearly come just thinking of it. He's ruined me. I'll have to hit every church to redeem myself.

How many times I'm brought to the brink only to be left hanging I don't know as it all became a blur. By this time my clitoris is pretty sensitive. Earlier I begged for his tongue on me now I try to evade it because it is unbearable.

When he stopped his tongue torture I don't know as I'm in some kind of sexual limbo."You've been a good sub and not whined or safe worded me so I'll let you come. I'll make it so good you'll scream Siren. Sing your song for me."

His golden tongue is back. I want to deny him my screams of ecstasy but I can't. The waves crash over me quickly and with such intensity I have to scream or choke on the unreleased sounds.

"Please, oh please make me come this time. Fuck me. Fuck your Siren. That feels so good. Oh…Oh…I'm going to come. Fuck me harder. Make me come."

"Come. Now." It's a good thing I'm tied down or I might have floated away.

Just when I think it's over he begins again. "No stop. I can't take anymore." I'm lucky I know my own name let alone remember any safe word.

"Oh my sweet Siren. Your pussy came so sweetly but I'm not finished yet. Your Dom has promised to make you come vanilla style and he will. First I want to warm you up. Tell me when you're about to topple over the crest again. I want your climax to come with my cock inside you."

I'm still primed from my last orgasm so it only takes a few hard flicks of his tongue to bring me near the edge. "Now Sir. I am close. Oh…oh… yes make me come."

He abandons me once again. This time he unties me. I am free to run or do whatever I want. I want my vanilla sex so badly I could jump him if he tries to deny me.

He comes between my thighs once more. With his knees he nudges my legs apart. Sitting between my legs he puts on a condom. I'm fascinated and turned on watching him slowly sheath his hard cock. He catches me watching him. That glint is in his eyes again. Slowly he strokes his hand up and down the length of him. He closes his eyes and groans. Oh my. This is so hot. I'm tingling all over.

The floor show is over. Now he is back between my legs. I'm a little scared now. How is something so big going to fit inside me? He looks long enough to go in this end and come out my mouth.

Since this is purely sexual I thought he would callously thrust into me then get his rocks off. On the contrary. Taking strands of my hair he brings it to his nose.

"I love your hair. Do you know how many times I had to refrain from picking you up and throwing you over my shoulder? Every time the moonlight glinted off these golden strands I nearly lost all civility. I wanted to fuck you the first time I saw you. I didn't want to want you but your siren call got stuck in my head. Now I have you and I can exorcise you from my mind."

Dropping my hair he touches my face. Hesitantly he lowers his head to mine. Now this is too much. He's just been down there between my legs and his mouth is still glistening from…well from whatever natural lubricant God gave a woman.

"No!" Perhaps a little too forceful but he did stop. His scowl tips me off I've displeased him. Wanting to head off his anger I say, "You…you've been…don't you want to wash your face first? You've…you've been…" I can't go on. After everything we've done and the things I've said rather forcefully and loud, I'm now embarrassed to ask him to wash my smell off him.

"Yes? I've what?" Oh the devil knows very well what my objection is. It seems sort of perverted to taste myself. Isn't that just wrong? I remain silent. I've locked my lips and thrown away the key.

"Siren, my sweet, sweet Siren. I love your taste, your smell. They are an aphrodisiac. I want you to taste your sweet nectar." Not giving me a chance to reply he dives in capturing my lips.

Okay, so it's not completely repulsive but it's also not something I'd consider an aphrodisiac. Soft at first then harder he presses his lips to mine. Whose tongue searched first isn't important, what's crucial is he kissed me and didn't feel nauseous. At least I'm pretty sure that's what his eager devouring of my mouth means.

"I'm sorry but I must hurt you now. It can't be helped. I'll be as gentle as I can be." If only he'd speak to me in that gentle sweet way all the time I'd melt at his feet. I might even let him think of me as his submissive all the time.

I feel him at the entrance. Slowly he begins to sink into me. It must be torture for him to hold back. His arms are shaking and he's breathing so fast I fear he might faint.

It stings but it doesn't hurt. Every so often he stops to let me get used to the stretching and having something inside me and to stimulate my clitoris. I was wrong, he isn't an asshole. He's a wounded man who confuses pain with pleasure. There may be a correlation between the two but not to the degree he takes things. I'll think about this more when I'm not being invaded by the Devil's Serpent.

"Oh baby, you feel so tight, so warm. I can't hold back any longer. I'm sorry." He thrusts into me with a groan that sounds tortured.

I feel the friction of his cock rubbing over my sensitive nerve endings. It won't take much for me to explode. I've become some sort of wild succubus once all the pain is gone from his hard entrance into virgin territory. Thank God I can now lay to rest whether or not my father's invasion of me took away something precious. Okay, so it should be saved for someone I love and intend to spend my life with but given my life I don't see any of that happening.

Scratching at his back while I buck up against him I'm shouting out some pretty explicit words of encouragement. He's released the inner sex fiend in me.

Having his mouth on my breasts is another world of sensation. Every flick of his tongue sends a zing to my clitoris. Placing my hand on the back of his head I push him against me. "Suck harder. Bite me. Use your masterful tongue on them." Now I understand why biting is included in the contract.

"Siren you look so innocent but you're a wild woman to fuck. I like fucking hard and fast. Is the pain gone?"

Is he kidding? Haven't I been meeting him thrust for thrust? I've practically scripted everything I want him to do to me.

"Marcus, Sir, please fuck me now very hard and very fast. Make your Siren come. Come inside your Siren." I don't know this person but I like her. She's braver than I've ever been. She lets him know exactly what she wants and she gets it.

"As my Siren wishes. I am a considerate Dom. Please me and I will please you."

Lord does he please me. I asked for hard and fast and that's what I got.

I may not have his experience but I go by instincts. My legs are spread wide so I can feel every inch of him. I have the added benefit of stimulation to my nub. Lord but that man knows his way around a woman and he sure knows how to use his equipment.

For a man who doesn't like to kiss he sure does a lot of kissing. Not only my lips. And not like frontal sex? He seems to forget about his aversion as he pumps and grinds into me.

"Tell me you're close my beauty. I can't go much longer. Damn your tight pussy feels so good. So warm, so wet. Come baby. Come with me."

Good grief how much more can I stand? Now I have both hands gripping his hair. We're kissing as if we will devour one another. I lock my ankles around him bringing him deeper inside me.

Every thrust is so hard my body jolts as he pushes into me. I'm flying apart.

"I'm coming. Oh fuck, I'm coming unglued. I think you did fuck my brains out."

He chuckles then gasps as I push sharply to meet his downward penetration. "Oh baby, you are so responsive. You are good for my ego. I'm coming. Fuck me dry. Drain every drop. Yeah baby, bite my chest, scratch my back."

He slumps down with a loud groan. After we've caught our breath he slips out of me then rolls to his back. Removing the condom he tosses it in the trashcan beside the bed. Neither of us seems in any hurry to speak. I feel a little shy now about how vocal I've been. What will he think of me now that he's had his way with me?

I thought he'd turn over, fall asleep or leave but he doesn't. He turns me onto my side then pulls me against him. I feel the safe haven of his arms holding me close to his chest. I can feel the thump of his heart against my back. If only this heavenly moment could last forever.

I'm about to fall asleep when I feel his hand on my breast. Using his finger and thumb he pinches my nipple. Maybe I'm not sleepy after all.

Hours later, as we lay boneless and replete, I now know why he brought so many condoms. He is a voracious beast and so am I.

He may be Dominate to my Submissive but I am Mistress Siren and he is my sex slave.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I'm posting another chapter as a reward for all those who gave me a review. You know who you are. You gave me payment now I return the favor. Quid pro quo. **

**Marcus is about to show a shade of his twenty-five shades of f**ked up. Cut him some slack though as he won't come out any better than Sonny. Gotta have some angst for interest. **

**Suggestion: Go to YouTube and listen to Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon. This song will come up about halfway down. **

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Careful What You Wish For**

**Marcus's Pov**

Waking, slowly at first I don't know where I am and I panic. I don't like sleeping anywhere but in my own bed. Lots of bad memories are associated with beds so I have to sleep in my own or do some preparation with my mind ahead of time. When I first started traveling overnight stays were nightmares. That is until I learned a few basic techniques to get my mind in a place of tranquility.

My Siren has a firmer hold on me than I realized. Last night I'd let her get away with topping me. No man or woman has ever topped me. In this contract I'm the Top and she's the bottom. That's how it is with all my women. I can't imagine me letting any of them get away with half the things Sonja did last night. Shit, I don't think any of them would dare try. They know I'd flay their hide for such insubordination. Of course the after sex would make them forget any pain. I don't give pain without the promise of pleasure.

I am an arrogant ass but I don't think of myself as anyone's master. The lifestyle I lead that's just how it is, someone is Dominate or Top and someone is Submissive, or Bottom. I don't plan on being topped now and certainly not by a little nobody I am temporarily insane about.

The bedside clock says it is six a.m. I should have already been up and showered. I have meetings all day today. Christian is meeting with me so we can discuss a business deal I'd like for him to come in on as my partner. Unfortunately I've already asked Jack in as an investor or I'd leave him out in the cold after his stunt with Sonja. He had to know I wouldn't like him meeting her let alone lending her something so intimate as his underwear. He doesn't know about my kink at least not the full extent but he's knows enough and guesses the rest. He is aware of my stable or harem as he refers to my ladies of pleasure.

Getting up I dress then carry my shoes out to the living room. I'd almost forgotten she'd left my socks on. Maybe she has a secret sock fetish. I do feel a smile tug at my mouth. It is so tempting to crawl back into bed with her. I have to resist her pull.

Last night has to be among the most incredible sexual experiences of my life and it didn't include any real kink. Why I'd held off giving her a real ass burning I can only suppose I thought if I hurt her too badly she would opt out of our deal. I won't let myself delve too deeply in case I don't like what I find.

After only a momentary discomfort kissing her and then having vanilla sex the distaste receded as sensual emotions took hold of me. Just thinking about our night is enough to have me primed and ready to go again.

A virgin, I've never had a virgin. Does it make me a hypocritical male chauvinist pig to be glad I was first? Frankly I don't care. I haven't inspected the sheets but technically she felt virginal to me. I am pretty sure no man has done what I have with her.

Just thinking how responsive she was last night almost lures me back into bed. I have to smile as she's quite vocal climbing toward her climax. Not a shy virgin at all. I expected more protests from her but instead I got a skilled negotiator. When our time is over and we are still on friendly terms I might create a place for her in my business.

As the elevator climbs upward I prepare myself to face a woman who can speak volumes with one disdainful look. Rosario will not be happy I spent the night with Sonja although she had to know if the contract got signed I'd be spending all my free time enjoying Sonja's charms.

It's somewhat disconcerting that I'm giving some thought to ridding my life of my stable. That doesn't mean I still can't have other women if I want. It will simply make Sonja more amenable. As I recall her one bargaining tool to get rid of my women was that if I can have outside liaisons so could she. The burn of bile signals what I think of that.

I'll leave her a couple of days to stew then make a visit. I don't want her getting the idea I can't go a day without her or that she has me by the balls.

Entering my apartment Rosario comes out of the kitchen wiping her hands on an apron tied around her waist. Her look could scorch Kevlar.

"So, you're done tomcatting then." Not a question but a statement.

"I'll have one egg, toast, two slices wheat, butter and strawberry jam, two pieces of bacon with coffee and orange juice to drink." Maybe if I ignore her she'll let me get to my shower without playing twenty questions or me receiving the dressing down I know she's eager to give me.

"And what about Miss Sonja? Or don't you intend to feed her?"

"Miss Sonja is a grown woman. I'm sure she can fix something from the food you delivered yesterday. Before I hop into the shower please make a note to order a wardrobe for her. Choose whatever personal shopper the others use and have everything delivered by this afternoon. If they give you any static about such short notice tell them there are plenty of other places waiting with hands out begging for my business. Ask them to e-mail me with their choices so I can decide what I want."

Her angry snort lets me know what she thinks of my choosing Sonja's wardrobe. Without acknowledging my instructions she turns on her heal to walk off muttering a few rather nasty comments about my lineage and my personal mating rituals. She's already called me a Tom cat. Someday I really should fire her.

To further my campaign to win Sonja's consent to the contract on my terms I take $5000 from my safe. She could take the money and run or wonder how much more I'll be willing to give her. I'll order a car for her today. Something sleek, sassy and red.

My egg is cold, toast is burnt, and my orange juice is lukewarm. I do think Rosario nuked my juice but I can't prove it. There's a hole in my favorite tie. Rosario sure is pissed.

After being away a few days I'm kept busy signing papers, returning calls and generally playing catch-up before my meetings begin. Patricia Jenkins the office receptionist offers to bring me coffee with a smile. At least one woman isn't pissed at me.

Jack comes in with his usual jaunty fuck off world you're in my way attitude. If I'm a control freak Jack is a master. He projects a jaunty devil may care attitude to the world but deep down he's a serious man who likes ever T crossed and I dotted.

"Marcus my man about time you showed your face around here. I was about to call and get my nameplate made ready to fill your shoes."

"Jack, how many times do I have to remind you to be a little more professional as well as respectful at work? This isn't the golf course."

"What has your pisser up?"

I fight against my need to stake a claim on Sonja and lose. "I heard you provided Sonja with some clothing. Let me know how much I owe you. And next time Jack…I'll fucking plant my fist in your face if you offer her underwear."

Maybe my rebuke toward him would have had more bite if I hadn't smiled after threatening to punch him. It's hard to remain mad at Jack. Nothing seems to faze him anyway. He has filters over his ears that only let him hear what he deems important.

"Oh man, you don't know how I fantasized about her wearing those. Say man, can I have them back? I'd like to pin them up on my bedroom wall. That is one fucking hot woman. How come you find all the best broads?"

"My irresistible charm, handsome face, godlike persona or maybe my spectacular sexual skills?"

"Arrogant ass."

"Jack, your envy is showing."

My desk intercom buzzing puts an end to our game. "Mr. Devlin?" The voice of the office receptionist is a throaty purr more suitable for the bedroom than an office. Jack waggles his eyebrows suggestively. He has a thing for the pert redhead.

"Yes Patricia?"

"Mr. Grey is here for his appointment."

"I would tell you to keep him cooling his heels but he'd just barge…" the door is pushed open… "in." In struts Christian.

"Call down to the deli. Ask then to send up a tray of my usual selection of sandwiches. Thanks Patricia."

We greet one another and shack hands. "How's your little Venus package?"

"_My_ Venus package is fine. She sends her regards." He sounds somewhat put out. Turning to Jack they shake hands.

"So Christian, have you met Marcus's new addition to his harem? Oh man, talk about every man's wet dream. When he's finished with her I wouldn't mind taking sloppy seconds for once." I'm a second away from cramming his very white teeth down his throat. He does enjoy goading me about my women and how I refer to our arrangement. He doesn't approve. He's a God damned knight in shining white armor. I'm black as pitch. In his opinion it's alright to have a different woman every day of the week just not more than one at a time. How he manages to catch and release without one of them coming at him to do bodily harm I can't figure out. Might have something to do with his aweshucks charm. Women lap that crap up with a spoon.

Jack misses my angry glare or chooses not to see it. Christian looks from me to Jack. Apparently he interprets my intention to lay Jack out on the floor because he makes a subtle move that brings him between us. It shouldn't bother me how Jack sees Sonja but it does. She isn't a bimbo to be passed around.

"Who? Her? Your…is it her?"

I cast Christian a grateful look for not referring to My Blond Siren. I'd die from embarrassment for Jack to know I have such fanciful notions about anyone or that I practically stalked her.

"Yeah, it's Sonja. I'll tell you later how this came about. Now we have business to discuss." I hope to put him off this sensitive topic until we are alone. It's bad enough I spilled my guts to Christian without letting the whole world know about the kinks in my armor.

We discuss my proposal to form a partnership to develop this newest parcel of land I am researching. Jack is here as both my top advisor and as a potential investor. I'm willing to be his step up the ladder. He's given me many years of loyal service as well as helped find and assess potential investments.

Christian isn't usually on the development end of things. Most of his business is buying and selling already established companies.

We come to an oral agreement. Later our lawyers will begin to write up a contract. Every new project gives me an adrenalin rush. It's exciting to take something no one else sees value in then shape it into something everyone wants a piece of.

"Marcus have you heard of any moves to take over Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.? I've been seeing a lot of stock exchanging hands," Christian asks with a frown.

"I warned you to keep things private. Going public may have tax advantages but it also opens doors for a lot of shit you don't want. I'll keep my company in my own hands until I have no other option but to take it public. As for hearing about any whispers of a takeover, no I haven't heard anything. What about you Jack? You're more up on the market than I am."

"Can't say as I have Marcus. Of course if it's a takeover they'd want to keep it on the PDQ. Could be just people needing some quick cash with the economy being what it is. Christian, I'll look into it and let you know what I can find."

"Thanks Jack, I appreciate the offer. I have everyone on my end looking into things too. Another worry is there have been several break-ins and our computers have been accessed. After that fiasco a few years ago we tightened up security even more but if someone wants to get in and are good enough they will get in. Whoever this is has some serious skills. Every time we think we have something it ends up being a dead end. We haven't been able to trace anything," Christian says with frustration evident in his voice and because of the nervous habit he has of running his hand through his hair, a trait I may have adopted from him as I've found I do that when something frustrates or angers me.

After they've gone I sit another few minutes clearing my desk waiting for my next meeting. The rest of the day goes very smoothly. I even have time to shop around and order a sleek red Corvette for Sonja. The dealer found one across town at another dealership and will deliver it personally so Sonja can sign the papers that will make her the owner of the vehicle.

I'd like to be there to see her face when it is delivered but deny myself that moment of weakness. I will not let her take over my life in any way other than as a sexual partner.

As my desire to see her escalates over the next couple days I force myself to ignore my inclination to see her. Rosario is all too happy to give me blow by blow accounts of what is going on with my guest.

She let slip Sonja has been having company, both male and female, overnight guests. My housekeeper is over the moon to have so many people to take care of. She loves to nurture. Since I know Sonja has many friends I let that slide. I don't want to imprison her only make her follow my orders, do what I want her to do.

When I find out she has returned the Corvette, not for cash but to exchange it for a Cadillac Escalade my temper rises. I'm wondering what she is going to do with the money she made on the trade-in.

How dare she take a gift from me then return it for something else without getting my permission. I feel like a sucker not getting her to sign that contract before getting the car. Damn it, I've even transferred a hundred thousand dollars into an account in her name only. A major credit card will be arriving in the next few days as well as one for several of the upscale stores. On top of all of that I bought all those clothes which Rosario happily told me came only a few hours after my order went in.

The picture of her wearing my shirts and the underwear I sent down that first day turned me on to the point it was hard to think of anything else. Still I denied myself the pleasure of visiting her and now this. She's nothing but a gold digger.

I'll boot her ass out so fast she won't know what hit her. If I catch her with another man I'm likely to murder them both. The stabbing burn in my chest is nothing more than my rage toward the ungrateful little whore. I don't care for her any more than I do any of my other sex for pay partners.

The burn in my stomach mocks me. I hang my head in shame for thinking of Sonja as a whore. I'm just grateful I kept the filth in the privacy of my mind and not tossed the insult at her. She was pure until I got my filthy hands on her.

Entering the elevator I punch the button with enough force to jam it into the panel. I won't be knocking on that damn door. The whole damn building belongs to me. If I want to enter I damn well will.

Angrily I open the door half expecting to see an orgy. What greets me is Sonja on the floor looking through some magazines. Her hair is loose. I don't think I've ever seen it down like it is now. She has on one of my t-shirts I sent down and the black silk boxers that also belong to me. I get an instant hard on just taking in how damn sexy she looks dressed in men's clothing. Her feet are bare. She painted her toenails red.

I must have made some noise because she looks up at me then stands up. The next thing I know she is wrapped around me tighter than a boa. Arms around my neck and legs around my waist nearly strangle me. My anger is dissipating as she continues to embrace me. My arms go around her waist of their accord.

She begins kissing me all over my face talking at the same time. "Oh Marcus I am so happy to see you. I missed you. I asked Rosario when you would come but she said she didn't know. You were very busy.

The car, oh my goodness, I loved the Corvette but it wasn't practical for my purposes. I can't drive so Matt, Matt Grayson is going to be my driver. Of course I needed more seats so Libby and the others can ride around with me.

I think I got a very good deal. I did get money back. It's in an envelope over on the coffee table. Libby, Matt and I nearly died when the man at the dealership told us how much the Corvette cost." She releases me so she can fetch the envelope. With an unsure smile she hands it over to me. For a few seconds I stare at it then her not knowing what to say.

"Don't be mad, please. I would have asked but when I called the number you gave me all I got was a recording. I'm sorry I didn't leave a message but I've never had to leave a message before. It's kind of intimidating. When your voice came on asking me to leave a message my mind went blank then the darn thing beeped and disconnected."

I came in all set to throw one hell of a fit. She deflated my anger as soon as she launched into my arms. As a Dominate I should punish her for such an unseemly display but I can't find it in me to discipline her. Besides the contract isn't signed. Before I leave tonight I'll have her signature.

"What did you trade in the Corvette for?" I ask curiously. I'm not angry anymore. The weight of the envelope is enough to let me know she got a hefty sum as a trade in. The Vette cost more than a hundred thousand by the time I paid taxes, title and licensed it.

"An Escalade. It's shiny black and has so many bells and whistles I'll feel like a princess when I go anywhere. Matt being my chauffeur just adds to the fantasy."

"Matt? Who is this Matt?" I can feel the anger rising again.

"Oh, he's one of the gang. He's…he's kind of different. When he was younger he got beaten so bad it damaged his brain. He isn't retarded, he just has to process things more slowly than everyone else. You'll like him, everyone does, especially Libby. Everyone likes Libby too."

One hesitant step then another brings her just inches from me. Reaching out with her hand she begins to play with a button on my shirt. I can't say anyone has ever played with a button on my shirt, if they did I doubt I'd feel like taking them to bed so I could fuck them until we both scream when we reach our eventual climax. I'll make it long, hard and only a little painful as she doesn't like pain. She sure does like fucking and, here I have to smile, she likes cunnilingus. She was shy about saying pussy at first. Once I got at her she turned into a tigress.

"Would you like to see my car? Maybe we could take a drive. There's a place a few miles out of the city that has a view from a cliff that is really something to see at night. The moon is out tonight so the ripples in the lake should reflect the light. Between that and the stars it looks magical. Takes my breath away every time. We don't get out there since Matt got fired from his delivery job. He lost use of the van. We sure missed those trips out of the city."

I've waited long enough; pulling her against me I bend and take her lips infusing my residual anger into the kiss. Her lips are just as sweet as I remember. What is it about her that enables me to kiss her with such passion? I even enjoyed our vanilla sex. Hell, I more than enjoyed it. I want so badly to take her into the bedroom. Along the way our kiss is less about anger and more about desire.

Out of the blue she whispers against my mouth, "Will you go with me? I'd like to share this special place with you. There isn't anything there but the moon, stars and the lake view."

I am about to deny her request but I become lost in her dreamy-eyed expression. I feel the tug all through my body. She's sucking me in. This has got to stop. This is the last time I let her dictate anything in this oral agreement. Later, I'll get her to sign the contract.

Without any hesitation she hands her keys over to me. Of course she said she can't drive so the car is of no use to her unless she has a chauffeur. What was that fellows name? Ah, yes, Matt. I'll have to do a background check. I'll do one on Libby and all her friends. Gang? Did she say gang earlier? Well, I'll put a stop to that shit.

Sonja takes only five minutes to slip on a pair of sweat pants. I preferred my silk boxers on her. If I'm lucky I can get them off later.

I have to say the Escalade is luxury on wheels. At least she got a full package deal. This car has all the options. When purchasing the Corvette I hadn't imagined anyone else in the car, only me and her. I'll have to keep this episode from Christian. Ana didn't return the car he bought her to the dealer as a trade-in for a car at another dealership. I am more convinced than before that Sonja has a future in my business. We merged, she acquired then sold for a profit. The perfect acquisition and merger outcome.

Over an hour later we are parked on a cliff with a few cars spaced out for privacy. Well damn, I'm parked in Lover's Lane. This is a first for me. As a young man I didn't have the opportunity to own a car or date many women. Every date ended badly with no repeats.

"We can sit in the back or just sit here. The seats slide back and recline. Sort of hard to neck though, what with you over there and me over here," she says uncertainly. I do think she's embarrassed. I'd like to see her face. Her face takes on a becoming pink flush when she is shy or embarrassed. Pink, my favorite color on a woman's skin.

Finding the button at the side of my seat I slide back. There is plenty of room for her on my lap. Another first. Well actually a third first as this is my first time out with a female on what is considered a date. If we neck that will be another first.

"Come. Sit." I pat my lap.

I am gratified she hesitates for only a moment. After some wiggling she finally settles. Good thing as I was so close to shooting my wad. She moves again. God! Is she purposely torturing me? I press her into me with a hand on her stomach and say huskily, "If you don't stop squirming around I'm going to come without taking a stitch of clothing off."

I hear a breathless, "Oh."

"Yes, oh." I'll remain hard but at least I won't lose control like a teenager.

"I just wanted to put on some music. Libby came by today and we made a cd. Matt took us shopping. I hope you don't mind but I spent $50 by the time I bought us lunch."

"The money's yours to do with what you want. The Corvette was yours. You bartered the deal so the money is yours. Did you receive notice about your account at the bank?" I also inform her about the credit card. I'm way past being angry. I let it go somewhere in the middle of the kiss before we left the apartment.

"Yes the bank called. I want to thank you but what you gave me already was more than I expected. I don't want to leave you broke."

She really has no idea how wealthy I am. It is sweet of her to think about my welfare. It does strange things to the region of my chest where my heart is beating faster than normal. She leans over and inserts a cd into the player.

Soon the air is filled with Sex on Fire. As if I need any further stimulation. I want to touch her breasts. She did say something about necking. Is that just kissing or does it involve my hands? I suppose I'll have to just try to cop a feel then find out. This is rather exciting. We aren't alone up here. At any moment a patrolling state trooper could come by.

Wasting no time I run my hand up her shirt or rather my shirt. No bra to impede my progress. Now I'm wondering if she was ready for bed when I came to chew her up and spit her out. Glad I didn't or I wouldn't be here feeling her nipples tighten and peak as I pinch and pull. Nor would my cock be nestled against her butt.

Like the song says, sex is on fire. Moaning comes from deep in her chest. It sounds more like a purr. I've made my Tigress purr. If I touch her clit can I make her roar? Her skin is so soft. Wrapping long strands of blond hair around my hand I pull her head back with just enough tug to let her know I'm in control. Another moan, louder this time as I slide my hand beneath the waistband of her sweats.

When I slip beneath my silk boxers her response is all I could hope for. Going down further she's wet and ready. I slide back up to rub her clit then back down to enter her pussy.

"MMMM. That feels so good. I…I love your hands on me, your fingers sliding up and down my…my pussy. Your fingers inside me drive me crazy. Most of all though, I like your hard cock inside me." Brave words said very softly as if they were meant to be a secret or maybe she didn't mean for me to hear them. Too quiet for my Tigress. I'll soon fix that.

Now I'm on a mission. I use every technique in my considerable playbook to make here scream out in ecstasy.

"You like this baby? Do my fingers in your pussy make you want to come? Don't come yet. I don't want you to come without my cock inside you. Is that what you want, my cock inside you?"

"Yes." Not loud enough.

I stroke her faster then stop and pull away leaving her pulsing and lifting her hips seeking some relief. Now my Siren is panting wanting more. When I bring her to the brink she'll turn into my wild Tigress. I might even let her come.

"Fuck. Please Marcus fuck me. I want your cock in me. I've been wanting you all day. Take me. Take me your way. Fuck me fast, hard and from behind. Please Marcus give me some relief." I think the people in the other cars probably heard her. Oh, baby, the tiger is coming out.

"Can you lift up and pull your pants down? I can push mine down at the same time." I don't get a verbal answer but she lifts up and pushes her sweats down to below her knees. My suit pants are now below my knees. I wish now I'd taken off my jacket. If I get caught like this I'll die. Not because I get caught with my pants down screwing a beautiful woman but because I'm wearing a fucking $500 dress shirt and a $2000 suit.

Shit! I don't have a condom. Damn it. Fuck. I must have said something out loud because Sonja turns her head and asks, "What's wrong? Am I too heavy?"

Her weight I can take. It's fucking her without a condom I can't deal with. I have no desire for little Devlin demons walking around mucking up my life.

Leaning my head between her shoulder blades I say in disgust, "I don't have a condom."

"Oh, is that all. I bought some today while I was out and put them in the console of the car. Never hurts to be prepared."

Hot damn what a woman. Still somewhat innocent and yet she is ready for me. She called out my name. The music takes hold of me and I begin to sing midway into the song. I haven't sung in ages. At one time I thought I'd try my hand in music. I even had a band. Business gave me my leg up from near poverty. Music got left behind.

Yo-o-o-o…your sex is on fire

The dark of the alley

The breaking of the day

Head while I'm driving,

I'm driving

Soft lips are open

Them knuckles are pale

Feels like you're dying

You're dying

Yo-o-o-o…your sex is on fire.

Consumed…with what's just transpired.

Hot as a fever, rattling bones.

I could just taste it, taste it.

But it's not forever

But it's just tonight

Oh we're still the greatest,

The greatest the greatest

Yo-o-o-o…Your sex is on fire

Yo-o-o-o…Your sex is on fire

Consumed with what's just transpired

Yo-o-o-o…Your sex is on fire

Consumed, with what's just transpired.

My body, even the flow of my blood vibrates to the beat of that song. Sonja certainly is on fire and so am I. If I don't stop working her clit and pussy she's going to go over the edge. I want to come in her but I like hearing her cries for me to give her relief. She begs me to fuck her. In the end I can't hold out so I give in. I hope I haven't damaged the condom when I tore it open. I am so fucking ready to sink into her hot tight pussy.

For a moment when I enter her I sit perfectly still imprinting this moment in my brain. For the first time in my life that I can remember I feel what some call bliss. She feels like home. I want it but I don't trust this emotion. Pain comes with that kind of love. I loved my parents and I tried to love Carrie Reynolds when she first brought me to her home. I gave my love to two people who needed to chase their next high more than they needed me and then I gave my love to a monster. How can I ever trust my judgment again?

Deep down I feel someone loved me long ago, so long ago it is only a shadow in the mist inside my head. Maybe it's only wishful thinking.

I have better things to think of than some pipe dream. I have a willing woman about to ride me to heaven. Having been ready to ride the sensual wave all the way just moments before, I now find that in that moment of pure bliss I experienced the moment we joined, something changed. Urgency did not drive me to bring us to climax. For once I wanted to please someone else, not because we had a legal paper outlining our relationship but rather I wanted both of us to feel like any other couple showing affection and caring toward their partner.

Slowly I bring us to the point when your breath stops going in and out, your heart stops beating for a few seconds. In that moment it feels like you're dying. Such a blissful death. Her sex is on fire. I feel the fire, I feel the danger she represents but I am helpless, so I give everything in this moment of perfection. I let her brand me all the way to my soul.

"Oh baby, do you know what this song is about? You're killing me."

"We just liked the music." I bet if I could see her face it would be very pink. She knows damn well what those words mean. After all we've done together she's still shy, still too innocent for the likes of someone like me but I'm a selfish bastard as I've said before. I'll take what she offers for as long as it lasts.

If she wasn't so innocent she'd know how close I am to giving her my heart. I fight to hold back giving everything but her hold on me is too powerful. The night is too perfect. The music had sensuality in every beat. I can't let this happen. I'm a devil, a Cobra and she's My Blond Siren, too innocent for the likes of me. I am too damaged to make anyone happy.

I'm starting to get attached to her. I have to do something before this gets out of hand, before I break her heart. Mine I fear broke long ago. The fissures are deep but healed by layers of hard doses of reality. The past is the past and it can't be altered. It makes us what we are. In my case it made an unfeeling bastard who should have taken one look at Sonja and made sure our paths did not cross. I could have done that but I looked forward to seeing her.

On the drive back we are silent. In her case it is sleep keeping her quiet and in my case it is trying to figure a way out of this mess. There isn't any way to do it without hurting her. I am grateful she hasn't a silly notion she loves me. It's bad enough I let her get past my defenses for a short time. Now I know and can take a firm hand as I should have in the very beginning.

I've bewildered her by my brusque manner. Keeping a cold outward appearance dampens her enthusiasm about our outing. Without doubt she expected me to stay with her but that would be asking too much of me. I need time to regroup before we are intimate again. I have to shore up the walls with another layer of reality. The reality that I am meant to be always on the outside looking in. Happiness like Christian found isn't for me. I hate myself so how can I expect anyone else to care for me?

Starting tomorrow I have to find a way to prove to her I care nothing for her other than as a companion in my bed. Maybe if I step over one of her hard limits she'll end this and she won't get broken. I feel shattered.

Arriving at the office the next day I have a bit of luck. Patricia comes in with tickets to a concert I ordered over a month ago. They are for a tenor I've read good reviews about and wanted to give him a listen. I always buy two tickets because I hate going to affairs like this alone.

Picking up my phone I dial a familiar number. A cool voice answers. "Hello Honey, how would you like to accompany a hot, handsome, horny man to a concert tonight?"

Her answer is really a foregone conclusion. It's been a while since we've had one of our passionate nights of pain followed by pleasure. If fucking Sonja's lookalike doesn't cure me and drive My Siren away then we're both in for some real down to the bone agony.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: You guys are so awesome. I got a record number of reviews. I am doing the happy author dance. Reward time. Another chapter. **

**Chapter Sixteen**

**I Never Promised You Forever **

**Sonja****'s Pov**

Last night was the most perfect night of my life. The sex for sure won me over but it was how cherished, almost loved that he made me feel that opened a crack in my heart for him to slip into. I know from a logical point of view the most I should feel is a growing affection.

I think I bypassed that and zip lined straight to loving him. Despite his abrupt departure and his cool goodbye I have hope. He's a complicated man with who knows what sort of wounds still festering. I have my own but I am dealing with mine far better than I thought I would. If we stay together I'll have to tell him about my childhood. He'll need to know because of my scars and the night terrors I sometimes have. Come to think of it I haven't had a single nightmare since coming to live here. Libby says I have PTSD. I thought only soldiers got that. At the library Libby found an article online when she was doing some research because Matt also has problems with nightmares. I think all of us in the gang suffer from some sleeping disorder. Often I wonder if that's why we gravitated to each other. There is safety in numbers. Sometimes just knowing there is another person close by is enough to give a few moments of peace.

To prove to myself I didn't imagine that tenderness and warm emotional connection between Marcus and me, I am going to prepare a meal Rosario would be proud to serve our Master. Sir will be so surprised his sub knows how to cook or she will just as soon as Libby comes by with the cookbook she borrowed from the library. Sir, Master, no I haven't turned to the dark side. I'm just practicing because I am going to give him that; I'll act as his submissive during our intimate encounters. The rest of the time he'd better look out. I'm even considering some of his kink. It can't all be bad or so many people wouldn't do it. I don't want to get all crazy. There has to be something that is middle ground that he enjoys.

It's easy to keep in touch now that I bought Libby a cell phone. I even gave her a $100 prepaid phone card. I used my own money. I'll only use his if I run out and have an emergency. Last night he left the envelope with the money from the Corvette I traded. I'll keep it for him until he remembers to ask for it back. When the bank called to tell me I had to come in and sign to activate my account I nearly fainted when he told me the amount in the account. I'll be getting a credit card in a few days. All of this for me, Sonja Donatella, a nobody. Sort of makes me feel cherished, not bought. Maybe I'm putting my own spin on this so it won't feel so tawdry.

I hear Libby's loud giggle before I hear her knock. She's brought a tagalong. The more the merrier. We'll have a meal before they leave. I'll only eat lightly as I want to enjoy my first meal with Marcus, the first meal that isn't soup, crackers and a sandwich.

Rosario wants to bring me leftovers all the time but I won't let her. I have plenty of food here and I do have money to buy more. A week, it's only been a week but it seems longer. Libby has been here before but the guys haven't come over yet. They'll die from envy when they see the big screen tv in the bedroom and the even bigger one in the living room. I'll even let them use the showers.

As soon as I open the door Libby gives me a big hug. "It's so good to see you Sonny. I'm happy for you but it sure is a drag being the only girl all the time."

"Hey, you're one lucky bitch to have so many men to do your bidding," Matt says. He's happiest when Libby is near. I think she feels the same way. She doesn't see him as being different. In her eyes he is just Matt, the big goofy guy we all know and love. The man is a gentle giant. He should be the one with the name of Thor because he's blond and blue-eyed. I can picture him with that hammer seeking justice. It's a good thing his life experience didn't turn him mean as he's strong as an ox. As it is people give him a wide berth because he looks mean. If only they knew he's really a big Teddy bear.

Tonight I am going to offer Matt a permanent position as my driver until I can find the courage to get behind the wheel of a car. That will give him a sense of worth as well as money to save for a place to live. I don't feel as if I can offer them to live here as much as I'd like to.

Libby gives Matt her silent you're in trouble glare which basically is for show. "Matt how many times do I have to tell you we should be cleaning up our speech? We shouldn't gutter talk." In a loud whisper she says, "Unless they're spoken in the middle of some hot sex. And for your information Captain America, I am not a bitch." Secretly she liked him teasingly calling her a bitch. It made her feel badass. If anyone else called her that they'd get to know Libby The Terminator.

"And what would you know about hot sex Miss Elizabeth Lane aka Black Widow? I'll tan your hide if I find out you've been fu…messing around with some guy." Matt looks pissed. He's very sensitive when it comes to Libby. He knows he doesn't think as fast as everyone else which is a drawback in a world where everything is fast, faster and faster still. He's had a thing for Libby almost since day one. Male pride keeps him from making any declarations or advances toward her. She's getting frustrated waiting for him to see he's all she wants just the way he is. I expect any day to hear she's done a striptease in front of him.

"Relax you big Teddy bear. I'm pure as the driven snow. Everybody but you knows I wouldn't let anyone but you touch me that way." Matt is frozen with his mouth hanging open. Turning to me Libby says, "So let's get this party started. Thor is coming with Iron Man later unless they decide to make the trip seeking work in greener pastures. They had to take in their collection from today. Lots of trash today. I'll warn you before the others come that they are going by X-men names as all the good Avenger names are taken. Matt is Captain America. Isn't there something just so attractive about a man in uniform even if it is imaginary?" If she smiles any broader her lips will be like overly stretched elastic.

I'm really anxious to tell Libby all about the last few days. I can't give her blow by blow accounts but I can give a few highlights just so she'll know there isn't anything to fear as long as the man cares about you and is willing to be gentle. NDA or not I'm letting Libby know some of what has happened. I can't disclose all of Marcus's kink but maybe I can hint that he's into a lifestyle where sex is expressed differently. Yeah, that sounds lame even when I think it. What to do, what to do.

I show Matt how to work the remote. I had him at 72" screen. He'll drool until we call him for lunch. Hurrying Libby into the kitchen I shove her through the door practically forcing her into a chair.

Getting out the sandwich fixings, I collect plates, knives, forks and spoons. I also bring the soup that has been simmering all morning. I made homemade vegetable soup. Sitting down across from her I begin making sandwiches. Someone knocks at the door. The rest of the crew is here. Matt opens the door. Only Thor comes in. Everyone else has decided to go farther afield to look for work. The gang is sure getting smaller and smaller. Thor waves then plops down beside Matt eyeing the remote. I might have to play remote monitor if Thor tries to take the remote from Matt.

Poor Thor. He's in love with a girl who is under her father's thumb. He forbade her to see or talk to Thor. That's why he didn't go with the others. He wants to stay close to Lydia. Sometimes they manage to steal a few minutes. Those minutes are enough to give Thor hope. Trevor is not a Thor type at all. He's more Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. He even has those striking blue eyes like the movie star had. If he tried he could be a serious heartbreaker. He's a one woman man though. He'll wait for his woman a lifetime if he has to. I envy her that. Would Marcus wait for me if for some reason we were parted? Naw, he'd just move on to the next willing female. Sort of depressing.

"Libby, I have to tell you something. Keep an open mind. I think I love him, Marcus. No, I'm sure I love him. How could I not? He's so amazing. I'm pretty sure he loves me too or at least has some serious affection for me. At the moment all I know for sure is he cares. I mean doesn't it have to mean something if a guy takes your virginity?"

"Oh honey, aren't you jumping into this whole thing a little too fast? It's only been days since I found your backpack. The woman who wrote that letter of goodbye needs time to heal. And, I hate to break it to you but guys will fuck anything if they're horny and they don't have to feel a thing but the climax coming."

I'm a little shocked by Libby's coarse words. I blush as I hear my own voice shouting out some very dirty words during sex with Marcus. "But Libby, don't you see, I'm already healing. I imagined all these years the horror I'd face if ever I fell in love and had to share such intimacy that being in love requires. It hasn't been horrible at all. In fact this has been the best experience of my life." I'm ready to argue until the cows come home if that's what it takes to win her over to my point of view. Maybe I'm following a pipedream but that's better than the life I had before.

"Sonny, I see how you feel. In fact all anyone has to do is listen to you talk about him to know your head over heels. How many months did you adore him from afar? You could be classified as a stalker. I'm sorry but I just don't think this is a healthy relationship. I won't put my two cents in unless I'm asked to do so. I'll even give Marcus the Great his due if he treats you right and keeps a smile on your face. All I ask is if something bad goes down come to me first. None of the guys can go back to jail for killing some richer than Croesus dude you've known for five minutes."

Grabbing a slice of bread she says, "Now let's get cooking before those guys morph into some super demons."

The guys are satisfied with what I told them about my relationship with Marcus. They're too uncomfortable discussing such things with Libby and me. They aren't too thrilled to think of me as a kept woman but can see the benefit of this compared to the alternative. I even present them with an idea I've been hatching for the last couple days since I've been on the computer so much. I'd like to form a small company that plays the market and goes after smaller acquisitions. Heck, if things work out we can move into mergers.

Because I'm living in an apartment paid for by him I feel I should know more about what Marcus does. I was surprised I understood more than I thought I would. I have a knack for playing the market. In the last two days I pocketed over a hundred dollars in play money. Now I'm ready to do it for real. If I use part of the car money I'll pay it back when our company gets off the ground.

It took a lot of convincing to get them to agree. My idle threat to hire outside workers won them over. They said if I'm hell bent on doing this they would support me. Thor could do all the research online as well as set up programs we would need. He knows his way around computers like a lover does his partner. It's a shame no one will give him a chance just because of one stupid mistake when he was eighteen. It isn't as if he tried to stick up a store or anything. He'd stolen a few things to eat and got six months as the store owner pushed the DA for a conviction with time behind bars. He was tired of being robbed and the perps getting off with a slap on the wrist. Thor, or Trevor Martin as his parents knew him, had been chosen to use as an example. He now had a record.

Matt, what to say about Matt. When he came to us he was a lost boy. Beaten and left for dead by his parents he still managed to grow into a good man. Sure he has problems more than most but with Libby and the rest of us he gets stronger all the time.

Libby, sweet gentle Libby. I don't know what I'd do without her. My life as a child seems like a picnic compared to hers and yet here she is chirpy, optimistic and so supportive. When she loves a person she gives them her all, no holding back. Her gentle nature is just what Matt needs. Hell, she's what I needed and still need. Libby is the type of person people filled with pain gravitate toward as she has a sort of comforting healing within her. If I believed in such things I'd say Libby is a good witch.

Libby and Matt will be our research and analyst team. I'll watch the market and move the money. Weekly meetings will give us a chance to share what we've learned. If something pressing comes up we can call an emergency meeting. We'll need to be able to contact one another so I'll get Matt and Thor cell phones.

While the guys watched tv Libby and I cooked up a storm. The pasta maker wasn't as easy to use as the salesman said it was but some of the strips of doughy pasta looked uniform and almost like those in stores. Salad was the easiest. It became my favorite quick easy meal for future reference.

Candlesticks on the table, the dishes and silverware set out just like the article online had said. I had a bottle of wine sitting in a bucket of ice the man at the liquor store said would complement the pasta. Rosario told me Marcus loved chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing. She let slip that Marcus is a closet chocoholic.

Table all set, showered, my new shimmery black dress flowed around my upper thighs. Shorter than I liked but Marcus had made his specifications clear when he ordered my clothing. Hopefully I'll be used to the darn five inch heels. Damn, they could be six inches for all I know. What I do know is I'll have to be very careful or I'll fall and break my neck.

Libby braided my hair then cut me some wispy bangs. She left spiral tendrils at both ears that brush my face softly. I stepped into a cloud of the perfume I found on my vanity, courtesy of Marcus via Rosario. Between the two of us we figured out the makeup. I have to say the end product is pretty damned good. I think I could give those mares in Marcus's stable a run for their money. I giggle as I imagine a racetrack. I let Libby in on the joke. Gee, is telling her about Marcus's stable a breach of contract? I spoke of it in the past tense as I'm hoping he's put them out to pasture.

We both break out into laughter. Naturally the guys want to know what's going on but we keep this joke between us girls. Surely though after last night Marcus gave them notice he would not need their services again. I'm trying very hard to convince myself this is true.

Everyone wished me luck as I entered the elevator. Thor and Matt are a little less enthusiastic than Libby. I can hear them grumbling to each other about what they'll do if Marcus proves to be less than they think he should be. They are like the brothers I would have liked to have but didn't. That's why I couldn't see these handsome guys as anything but surrogate brothers.

I could have called but I wanted to see his face when I asked him to dinner. A dinner I slaved over for hours. Two at the most but he didn't need to know that.

There is an ornate knocker on Marcus's door. I tap it a couple of times. My heart is racing. When the door opens and he's standing there dressed in a black tux for a second I think maybe Rosario has told him of my plan.

"Marcus who is it? Come back baby, you were just getting me warmed up. I'm wet. Oops! I shouldn't have said that. You have company."

A beautiful tall blond steps up behind Marcus and wraps her arm around his waist possessively. Her lipstick is smudged, the straps to her dress are pushed down her arms so her bra is showing. What tears me up is that her big fake boobs are popped out over the top. The peaks are puckered. The woman has no shame. Neither does Marcus.

Marcus has a hard angry look in his eyes. Mr. Iceman is alive and well. "Miss Donatella, you should have called. I have company as you can see. We were just about to leave. We are going to see a new tenor's performance. Do you know anything about opera?"

Damn him. He's deliberately being cruel. When would I have a chance to see an opera? "No I haven't ever seen one. I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

I am so proud my voice is not choked with the hurt and humiliation I feel. I must look like my same old stupid self as he eyes me with the cold glare I am used to getting from him.

"So, what do you need?" He glances at his watch as if I am keeping him from leaving. Is this the man who made love to me last night? No, this is the man who fucked me last night. I'm an annoyance if what I read on his face is right. I'm that piece of lint he wants to pick off his pants and throw it away.

"Oh, it isn't anything important. I just thought we could have dinner together but I see you've made other plans. No problem. Well goodnight. Enjoy your evening,"

"Master Marcus do we really have to go out? I've been a bad girl and need to be punished. Take me to your playroom instead of the boring old theater." Oh she knows exactly what she's doing. She's all but laying claim to him, declaring he's her property. She can have him. I suppose she's one of the gitty-up girls.

"Oh baby, I'll punish you all right. I'll turn your ass a pretty pink. I'll even use a few of my favorite toys on you. I'll get your pussy hot and wet. I'll fuck you on the cross. Would you like that my beautiful s…siren?" If he stuck a knife in me it wouldn't hurt any more than those cruel words.

I think I'm going to be sick. Did he have to say all of that while I stood here like a statue while his bimbo watched? How can he be so…so cruel and uncaring tonight when last night I thought…It was a sham. Just something he says and does with whichever woman he's fucking in the moment.

If he thinks he's getting rid of me he can think again. I have a plan that can potentially set me and my friends up for life. We may not be billionaires, hell, we won't even be millionaires but we'll have enough to live a good life.

At first my plan hadn't been to raid Marcus's company but since he is an unfeeling bastard I'll be an unfeeling bitch. I can't get into his company directly but I for damn sure can research and make intelligent decisions about what company he's going to takeover and gut and what properties he's going to buy up cheap then develop it or sell it off in parcels to the highest bidders. Thor will be able to get any information we'll need. Marcus can keep his stable of mares, I'll have a sizeable chunk of his bank account. I'm also keeping every damn thing he gave me. Plus when I leave I might just hire a moving firm and leave his apartment as barren as his heart is.

Without saying a goodbye I left them to it. I'm glad the elevator came right away. I managed to keep myself upright until the doors closed then the invisible props holding me up collapsed leaving me a joint-less shell of a woman. I feel gutted. I won't cry. I'm done crying. It doesn't get me anything I want. It's a useless human quality that only gives you red eyes, a runny nose and sometimes a headache.

Everyone is waiting expectantly. I bypass them and go straight to my bedroom. Going to where I have put the contract I look at the page where we are supposed to sign. I thought so. The arrogant bastard signed his name assuming I'd jump at the chance once he told me how much my services were worth. I wonder if I sent this on to Marcus's lawyer he will think this is the contract we agreed on. It's possible since Marcus did sign it that it's legal and binding. With a flourish I sign my name. Tomorrow I'll take it to the post office and mail it myself. The balls in his court.

I completely forgot Libby and the others for a while as I stewed calling Marcus everything but a man. I suppose I look like a woman possessed. Fifteen minutes of venting I'm ready to begin a new phase of my life all courtesy of Marcus Devlin.

Smiling I give them a plausible explanation for Marcus to refuse my invitation. They were happy to eat in his place. Everyone pitched in cleaning dishes. Matt dropped one of the dishes. Likely it cost a few hundred dollars. He looked so crestfallen I couldn't stand to see his sad face. I was sad enough for the both of us. I threw the plate I had in my hand to the floor. It felt pretty damn good so I picked up another and smashed it to the floor with all my might.

Soon we cleaned out the cabinets. Once our frenzy began we didn't stop until we worked our way into the living room. I drew the line at breaking the furniture. I planned to live here a while. I'd like for it to remain nice until I leave.

The mess is all cleaned up. I don't want to play games or watch tv. The clubs should still be open. Looking like I do tonight I might get in. The others might not. I know of a few clubs we can get into. My threat to hire me a Dom was an idle threat when I made it but now I'm thinking it might give me an opportunity to save face.

My plan was met with strenuous objections. In the end I had to tell them enough of my story to win them over. This wasn't a new lifestyle for me. This would be strictly business. I'm not into pain and I'm for sure not ready for another man to come along and screw my life up more than it is already. To hell with the NDA. Let him sue me.

From the safe Rosario showed me in my bedroom I took out several hundred dollars. Maybe I should take more. How much did a sadist/masochist charge or maybe I'd find just a Dom or a sub. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what's available.

The elevator came down and opened with a ping. Damn. I can't catch a break. There's The Judaist with his My Little Pony. Libby starts giggling first and it spreads to everyone but Marcus and the pony. I told them what I named his present submissive.

"Care to share your joke?"

"Oh, no, you wouldn't understand. It's an inside joke. Mind if we share your ride?" The others break out in uncontrolled laughs this time. There are tears rolling down their cheeks. I didn't intentionally ask for a ride to poke fun but…..

"You didn't mention going out this evening." He sure doesn't look like a man heading out for an evening of fun that will end with a ride on his little pony. I can't help it I start to giggle then laugh out loud. The others try to hold it back but when they look at each other the laughter bursts forth. They don't know my thoughts but this kind of laughter is contagious. Even if you don't know the joke or the punch line you laugh anyway because others are having such a good time you want to join in.

Calming I say, "I want to show them my ride. The guys are eager to test the horsepower."

Okay, maybe I mentioned ride and horsepower on purpose. That sent us all into fits of giggles again. Thor had to hold me up as my knees gave out. I'm glad I went pee before we left or I'd have wet myself. Laughter really is the best medicine. I feel so much better.

"Are any of you capable of driving?" Now he's acting like our father.

"We are all sober as a judge. Both Thor and Matt are a match for the horsepower under the hood." Now I'm on a roll.

Hurriedly I excuse us before one or all of us fall to the floor. Okay the puns may not have been that funny but they served their purpose. I survived seeing Marcus and My Little Pony without disgracing myself by clinging to his leg begging to know what I did wrong. It has to be me. I guess he couldn't stay away from his kink and women willing to let him do whatever the hell he likes. They think their safe but there will come a time when he loses all control and he will hurt someone. He is a cold calculating bastard.

The club I chose doesn't have a long line outside. It is a member's only club. I hope I can sign up and just have the others be my guests. The outside is brick with the windows shuttered. Sort of creepy. I guess they have to provide privacy considering what goes on behind these walls.

Inside there is a receptionist desk with a pretty young woman sitting in a chair. If what she is wearing is any indication the clientele will likely blow our minds. She is wearing a leather skirt, leather top and a collar around her neck with spikes. Shockingly her breasts are hanging out through round holes in her leather vest. "May I help you?"

"Oh, uh, well I suppose I'd like to check things out to see if this is what I'm looking for. Would it be alright to just look around?" Why am I so nervous? The people inside are normal people in the outside world. They aren't going to kidnap me then put me in a dungeon.

"Our policy is everyone going beyond this point has to sign a NDA and a partial payment on a credit card. That protects our members from photographers or amateur reporters trying to get a picture of someone famous using our equipment. A few years ago we had an incident in one of the theme rooms. What a debacle that was. Paolo had to get pretty Rambo on the guy to get the film from the camera. Since then no one goes in without signing the NDA and paying at least a third of the membership fee. That fee is nonrefundable. That keeps away the perverts just out for a look at the different scenes and staging areas. They can get pretty hot at times."

I didn't bring enough cash with me to pay for everyone so I pay for me and the others wait in the reception area. Matt is as close to Libby as can be without taking her inside his body. He's a mountain of a man but as gentle as a kitten unless someone threatened those he cares about. If he knew the whole story about me and Marcus, well, I'll just say it wouldn't be pretty for Marcus. Having sex would no longer be an issue.

Beyond those two golden doors is another world. There are people dressed normally sitting at tables drinking and talking. The odd thing is the people sitting at their feet with collars on that have a leash hooked to it held by the person in the chair.

There are round ottomans with chains hooked to a ring in the middle. The cuff at the end it wrapped around some males but mostly females. They are stark staring naked. Those hovering over them are dressed in leather pants with leather vests. No shirts. Some are even barefooted. The women have very short shorts, leather vests and boots with heels so high they are almost standing on tiptoe.

I close my eyes when I see some trussed up in chains with their wrists and ankles chained together spreading their legs out so their private parts are open for the world to see. My face feels on fire. Is that how I looked? I wasn't chained like that but Marcus did have me spread out.

I want to look away but there is the same ghoulish fascination a person feels when seeing an accident or fire. You have to look. Some people are going to town on their captives with mouths and hands. Occasionally I hear a smack . Someone is getting spanked. When I hear a loud crack then a moan from behind me I turn to look. Oh Lord, some woman is being beaten with what I think is a bullwhip.

The man wielding it is dressed in the leather uniform that lots of others are wearing. If he wasn't whipping some woman I'd have to admire his skill as he cracks the whip and removes some sort of clamping device from under the woman's arm. Now I can see there are those same devices all over her body even her…Dear Lord, how can she stand it. Pain I suppose is how she stands it. She's begging Master Somebody to hit her harder again and again. The man does take breaks to speak with the woman and caress her. She's lapping it up. I'd be spitting in his eye or biting the finger off he sticks in her mouth. This is insanity. Marcus likes this kind of thing? I had no idea how depraved this world could get. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse it does.

Moving from 'scene' to scene I am now on automatic pilot. They call the different areas where tortures of different varieties take place scenes. They are staged for maximum pain and pleasure. No one seems to be inhibited in here other than me. Men are going down on women and women are going down on men. It's a sexual overload.

There are also private rooms with windows for observing what is taking place inside. Some have the curtains drawn others don't. At least a few people have some modesty in a place where it is a rarity.

"Hey sweet thing, can I help you? I've been watching you watching. Looking for a Top? I'd be happy to Top you. I'm free tonight. My Bottom took sick at the last minute so I'm free." What language is he speaking? English? Top? Bottom?

He must see my bewilderment for he says kindly, "You're new aren't you? Damn it. The front desk is supposed to let us know if we have a newbie. Sorry honey. This must be a big shock to you. Nothing to be afraid of. Nobody gets hurt, well not in a way they don't ask for or enjoy."

He seems normal. Not bad looking either. Actually pretty handsome in a swarthy kind of way. Not tanned but naturally darker skinned than most Americans.

"I'm Paolo, or Paolo. The second time he said his name his voice had a French accent. Sexy, deep, melt butter kind of voice. He'll be perfect for what I have in mind if I can talk him into a little play outside the club walls. No, not play, playacting.

I'm debating telling him my name or marching right back out the doors when he puts his hand on my elbow and guides me past all the debauchery into a quiet room I recognize as a bar. There are others drinking and talking quietly. Well at least he didn't take me to a dungeon and shackle me to the rack. Aside from all the leather and naked bodies this could be any bar anywhere.

After he seats me he takes the chair to my right not the one across from me. "Now, I've given you my name what is yours sweet blossom?"

Is he for real? It doesn't seem corny coming from him. I'd better watch myself with him. I'll bet he's charmed the panties off more women than he has fingers and toes. Marcus had not charmed my panties off. I'd ripped them off eagerly. I think I'd prefer the charm.

"I'm Sonja Donatella but everyone calls me Sonny." He picks my hand up and kisses the back of it in a Mediterranean old world fashion.

"Sonny, yes you are as bright as the sun. Such beautiful hair. You must never cut it. To do so would be a crime against nature." He kisses me on the inside of my wrist. I'm beginning to feel warm, all over. Tingly in some places. He's deadly in a good way if a woman is open to that sort of thing which I'm not.

"I have a proposition for you." Before I can chicken out or my good sense talk me out of this crazy plan I tell him everything. Well not about the contract or the NDA, just about needing him to pretend to be my Dom. He said Top but he'll have to explain the difference to me.

"A Top is a man or woman who is a Dom, dominate in a relationship. The difference is a Top is not committed in any relationship as a Dominate would be to his Submissive. Submissives who have not found their Dominate are called Bottoms. They can be serviced by a Dominate or a Top, whichever everyone agrees on. Some Dominates share their Submissives or Top other Submissives. It depends on what everyone likes. It's all consensual. A Dom cannot force his Sub into anything they feel uncomfortable doing. This club is here to provide everyone a safe place to explore this part of their nature. We have Masters mingling throughout the club who monitor everyone. I'm Master Paolo at your service. I would be honored to have you as my Submissive on a temporary basis if you will have me."

Goodness, there's that melting butter again. Like I said the man is lethal. Striking up our bargain my insides quiver wondering how Marcus is going to take this man living with me as my Dom and me as his Sub in training.

Paolo Sauvage or Paul as he now wants to be called, is so charming he has everyone eating out of his hand. It helps that he is not impressed with what he knows about Marcus. His protective arm around me is unsettling but in a good way. His name means savage but he is all civilized refinement, at least on the surface. There is a hint of something wild and untamed beneath the surface. And so it begins.

He never promised me forever.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Here you get a glimpse into Marcus's past. It's painful, gritty and downright heartbreaking. Cut him some slack now that you see what is hidden beneath layers and layers of protection he's built up over time. **

**Again I want to thank everyone. Without this story and getting reviews I'd be looking in a bottomless abyss. Okay, so I'm a writer and I get overdramatic but not by much. Bless you one and all.**

**To address a review by Allysmum I will comment to explain what will happen. Here is her review. **

**"I'm wondering if I am going to enjoy the turn this is taking. We've had a lot of dark in this story so I hope they will both find the light soon and stay there. To be honest I love the chemistry between Marcus and Sonny but some of the other characters are a bit distracting. And the idea that Sonny might suddenly become a financial genius is implausible to say the least. I know it's a fantasy but still I would be sad if the emotionally raw love story you have set up got overtaken by all these twists and turns."**

**My reply.**

**They will get in the light and want to stay there but there is a world beyond just the two of them. Everything they go through will make them stronger. **

**As for other characters we need a world created around our two main characters. In the original SOG lordy there were so many characters. Gives you a feel for their world. Some characters made brief appearances while others were there throughout the story. It would be a narrow world with only two people.**

**As for Sonny becoming an instant mover and shaker, well, no, she won't on her own. Don't forget the character Paul. He's from the world of high finance. The club scene is just something he enjoys. He has a trust fund to play with. He's butt heads with Christian and Marcus before and will enjoy doing so again. He's a likeable troublemaker or at least I write him that way. **

**I do like to get these kind of reviews as they make me take a look at where I'm going. **

**So, Allysmum, keep giving me your honest critique. That's what a review is for. **

**Chapter Seventeen**

**Suffer in Silence **

**Marcus's Pov**

I'm pissed. Royally pissed. Here I thought Sonja would be alone licking her wounds ready to accept what I have to offer or leave. I'm on the fence as to which I preferred. All this time she's been partying with her friends at my expense. I refuse to accept that part of me feels hurt by her perceived betrayal. Damn it this is what I wanted, for her to distance herself from me.

I get a whiff of her perfume, perfume I chose specifically for her to wear because I like the fragrance. I especially like it behind her ears, in-between her breasts, down below her navel and most of all I like it on either side of her thighs so I get a heady mixture of her natural alluring scent and the sensual perfume advertised to have men at a woman's feet. Not a place I aspire to be unless the dainty feet are Sonja's.

I hadn't planned for her to barge into the privacy of my home tonight. I thought she understood I didn't want her in my home. If and when I do it will be by my invitation not her just showing up as if she is in charge. She is my submissive and I'll damn well teach her proper respect or I'll set her butt on fire. I'm distracted by the jolt to my cock. That is not welcome now, some other time, yes. For once I'm not sure if I'm coming or going. I'd rather be coming, in her, crude but true.

Honey looks as if she's swallowed something nasty. She won't say anything but I know she'd like to know just who Sonja is and what she is to me. No doubt she overheard that Sonja lives in the building and felt comfortable enough to invite me for a meal. A meal I missed damn it.

If I hadn't taken a call from Jack I would have missed Sonja and her guests. Lately my luck has been leaning on the side of bad to worse.

In the elevator I have to keep a tight rein on my anger. If I let go there will be blood, mine, theirs and Sonja's. I hate feeling like this but I'm possessive. What I consider mine I do not share. Sonja, in my eyes is mine, even without the contract. This emotion is foreign to me in relation to a woman. Inanimate objects usually bring out my need to hold tight to what I own. Women are just there to fill in time in a sexual capacity. That isn't how I feel about my siren, oh no, not by a long shot. I'm running scared and I know it but can't seem to do anything else.

The harder I try to dismiss my feelings the more powerful they are. I'm surprised how much it hurts; yes damn it, hurts, to hear her laughing with those idiots and with such carefree abandon. I want her laughter saved for me. I want that breath of fresh air to sweep through my lonely life.

When had I lost control? In retrospect I think I began the downward spiral the second I clamped eyes on My Blond Siren. Some part of me knew life would never be the same and on that same level I felt glad of it. I hated my present existence as much as I cling to it. I want to deny that this cruel person is the real me. I was molded and forced to become this sadistic selfish pig I am. I'm not even sure I can break free after living this life for nearly two decades.

If ever I thought I'd have a blinding moment of self-awareness I did not imagine it happening in an elevator with people laughing it up at my expense. I know they are laughing at me I just don't know why. For a moment I cast an angry searching look at Sonja to see if I can read betrayal in her eyes. I can't see much of anything other than tears, not tears from crying over me but tears from pure enjoyment of some shared private joke.

Rather than continue to brood over the evening then maybe ending it by taking my anger and sexual frustration out on Honey I take her home. She knows better than to question me. Awkwardly I inform her I won't be seeing her again. Now I've pissed her off. Too bad, she'll get over me as soon as the next guy comes along with deep pockets.

There is a flash of hurt then anger then something much more lethal that I don't care to delve into. I don't think she's the type to hunt me down with a gun or knife and try to castrate me. Maybe what I see is vindictive intent. What can she do to me? If she takes any steps to deliver some petty revenge I'll remind her of the papers with her signature as well as cutting off financial support. She'll lose her home and basically be back to supporting herself. I am secure in the knowledge I hold all the cards.

After dropping Honey off I find I don't want to be alone so I head over to Christian's. He's surprised by my unexpected visit. He looks distracted so maybe he won't mind having a buddy come bend his ear with woman troubles.

Ana gives me a quick peck on the cheek. Anything longer and Christian goes all Dom and none of us want that, well maybe Ana does, sometimes at least. Those too are like two sticks of dynamite. One little bit of friction and they explode. They are constantly touching, kissing and just plain desiring to be alone. Tough, I want company. I'm miserable.

"Ana, would you mind if Christian and I have a few minutes alone? I need some advice and I think he is the best qualified in this matter."

Giving me a long searching glance from head to toe, I won't say I'm squirming but I am uncomfortable. She's too good at reading people. She claims she can't read Christian but that man has become like an often read book. She knows where every bookmark is and what's on the page. She's read, analyzed and basically rewritten most of his pages. I'm afraid to let her loose on me. God knows what she'll find or want to change.

"Oh my God! You found a woman. Not one of your usual paid to play women either. Is it that one you mentioned before, that, oh I hate calling her this but your Blond Siren?"

Groaning silently I mentally kick my own ass for giving Ana that info. It was bound to come back and bite me in the ass. Between her and Rosario they'll have me engaged and married within a year. All fantasy in their minds of course as I'm not looking for a bride nor do I need or want love. I could tolerate maybe friends with benefits. Nothing like forever. Deep inside I know I'm lying to myself.

Flicking my finger playfully along her jaw I say, "Sorry to burst your happy bubble but it's nothing like that. She's just like all the others. I'll enjoy her for a while then it's so long baby."

She's eyeing me suspiciously. Great, just what I need, Ana poking around where she shouldn't. Christian gives her too much freedom. How the mighty have fallen. I ignore the voice inside my head taunting me that a certain little blond and not Honey, had me by the balls last night. If she'd held out a little longer I might have gone on my knees and begged for mercy. I don't like those thoughts so I push them out of my head.

"Come to my study. I have an excellent brandy I'd like you to try." The three of us walk down the hall about halfway down. There is a thick wooden door. Christian waits with his hand on the door for Ana to leave. Her lip curls signally she's about to get stubborn. "Go. Now."

"But I want…"

"Now Ana."

Christian is forceful but not threatening. She stomps away. He'll catch hell later. She doesn't put up with being told what to do unless it's what she wants. I suppose she's willing to let me purge with an audience of one. Christian has changed Ana as much as she's changed him. She's not the meek submissive mouse everyone assumed her to be. He's given her the confidence to express what she needs and wants in all areas of her life.

Ana has left and now Christian and I are alone. Pacing around, running my fingers through my hair I try to decide how to approach this subject and if I really want such personal information spread around even if it is only Christian who I trust with my life.

"I know we talked about this before but Christian, do you miss it? Miss the gritty hard core BDSM stuff? Do you ever think about the clubs? Have you considered joining one with Ana?" I'm asking about his relationship with Ana because I don't know how to classify what I have with Sonja. Maybe I should say had after the asinine way I treated her.

"I won't lie. I've told you it will always be there. I want Ana more. I don't need that shit anymore to get in the mood. All I need to do is look at Ana and I'm primed and ready. I do discipline her. Not for any real punishment. It's more a game now. It's something we both enjoy. I spank her but with only these." He holds up his two hands.

Going to the door he says, "And I will use them tonight on whoever is lurking in the hall listening to a private conversation."

We hear a gasp then someone running down the hall toward the living room. "I'm sorry. Ana is a little snoop. I knew she couldn't resist listening in. I'll have to think of something appropriate for her disobedience." His smile is wicked. Now I'm even more miserable.

"Christian this woman, Sonja, she's…she's nothing like anyone I've ever met. Damn it she Topped me and I let her get away with it more than once. I still haven't got her signature on the contract. And don't give me that look. You should be proud to have come up with such a detailed contract. I have to laugh when I recall all the notations Sonja wrote after everything she thought needed some more discussion or to make it clear no way in hell would she comply. Basically the altered contract leaves nothing much for me to work with.

She still hasn't signed. Still I don't know why I haven't demanded she sign or get the hell out. I bought her a car, clothes, she's living in the apartment one floor down and the little minx traded the car I bought for something different and gave me the money back. Of course I returned the money. It is hers after all. None of my other women ever lived this close to me. I thought I'd hate having her there but I don't. I don't know…it's…it's kind of nice knowing she's only one floor down. I'm even wondering if I wouldn't mind her staying in my apartment sometimes. Nothing permanent but…well sometimes it would nice to come home and find someone other than Rosario waiting to welcome me home. I know I am seesawing back and forth but this woman has me off my game."

"Maybe that's a sign you should put away your games and try something real, something permanent," Christian says pragmatically.

"We…we spent a night together. Christian I swear to God I left my body a couple of times. It wasn't just the same old sex either. We…I…I kissed her, several times and I liked it Christian. At first I did get queasy but that passed almost immediately."

I hear him chuckle and give him a glare of warning. "It isn't funny."

"I know but I couldn't help it. All the shit you do to women and kissing is a major problem. Yep, that's a shade of fucked up alright."

I return his smile with a rueful one of my own then continue, "When we made…when we had sex Christian it was…it was…I can't explain it. You know my phobias. With her everything is different. I wanted to see her when she…I just had to look into her eyes. I had vanilla sex for the first time since…since Carrie Reynolds and I liked it. Maybe I liked it too much."

"So you think she might be the one? The one to settle you down, rid you of some ghosts?"

"I wouldn't go so far as to say she is "_the one_" but I can see her being in my life for longer than any other woman. That scares the shit out of me. I did something really stupid. I told Sonja I wouldn't give up any of my women. We disagreed and she said she'd find a Dom to train her since I wasn't giving up my women she felt free to have other men. I couldn't let her win. I couldn't let her see how badly I wanted to retract my statement about my damn fucking stable. I just couldn't and now she's off with her friends doing God knows what and with God knows who. That isn't the worst part. I called Honey, you remember Honey."

"I do indeed. Similar to your siren but slightly more…tarnished."

"I had ordered tickets to the opening night of this tenor I've been hearing about. Whatever this is with Sonja, this closeness I feel developing, I felt it had to stop before one or both of us got hurt. I had to do something to drive her out of my life." I feel a physical pain in the region of my chest just above where my heart is beating the rhythm of the damned.

"I ordered the tickets weeks ago. I asked Honey to go. I even brought her to my apartment beforehand for drinks. I tried to kiss her like I did Sonja but all I felt was distaste. I even had her half naked going at her like a teenager. I won't lie, I did get turned on but I kept hearing Sonja's voice. In the end I couldn't take her to bed. I wasn't even tempted to visit the playroom although she did offer. Thing is, Sonja came by to invite me to dinner. I don't think a woman has ever offered to cook me dinner other than Rosario, who by the way is very pissed at me right now. I can see getting burnt toast and dried eggs until the world ends. Shit, I'd better start checking my food for foreign objects."

"I remember a time when Gail thought about feeding me something rather nasty I'm sure. Her loyalty and belief I'd come to my senses quite possibly are the reasons I didn't end up in an emergency room having my stomach pumped." He grins as he knows his employees are completely loyal to him to the point of doing things they think are wrong. From what Christian told me that happened quite often in the early days when he was trying to get a handle on how Ana could possibly love him.

"Well, I don't know how screwed up things were for you but I am a master of screwing up when it comes to emotions. I don't deal well with anything so…so revealing. Emotions are like being naked; you have nothing to hide what you are. I feel raw and exposed when I let myself feel something for anyone. Sonja came to invite me to dinner and saw Honey. She didn't seem to mind one bit. In fact as Honey and I left we ran into Sonja in the elevator. That's where I saw her with her friends. They had a high old time at my expense. So, what advise can you give me Christian? What can I do to make this right?"

Having spilled my guts I felt the need to sit before I disgraced myself by falling down.

"Here drink this. Drink it all down. It'll burn like hell but it will settle you down." I felt him nudging a tumbler filled with amber liquid against my shoulder. At least he didn't say it would settle my nerves. Someone like me shouldn't have nerves or if we do they should be nerves of steel. Right now I feel weak as a kitten. Laying your heart out in front of others does that to a person. Thank God I don't do this every day. I'd soon be emasculated.

"Marcus, I'm the last person you should be asking for advice when it comes to matters of the heart. What I can tell you is that every day with Ana is worth ten of my old life. I didn't live back then, I merely existed. Now I live every day to the fullest. I have two beautiful children, a wonderful wife I'd give everything I have just to keep her love and respect. If this woman makes you feel like that then you'd be crazy not to try to win her back. Don't do it unless you can commit completely. Anything less will only end up hurting her and likely killing you from the inside out. I nearly made that mistake but Ana being so smart and forgiving came back to me. She's forgiven more of my mistakes than I deserve but I'm glad she loves me enough to be lenient with me."

"I guess what you're saying is, I need to spend some time searching my heart to find what I want. Honestly Christian this emotional crap scares me shitless."

"Of course it does because it means you have to open yourself up to someone who has the potential to hurt you more than anyone ever has. If you can trust her not to use her power over you then life will be like nothing you've ever dreamt it could be. That's what I have with Ana, the elusive dream I always thought could never be mine."

"You are one lucky son-of-a-bitch Christian."

"Yeah, I know. Luckiest day of my life was when Ana fell into my office." He stares off into space reminiscing I suppose.

"Thanks Christian you're a good friend. Now let's change the subject. I've had enough of this touchy feely crap."

We then talk about my proposed partnership again in greater detail. Christian is still having trouble with someone getting into private files on his office computer and the companies server. Someone is circumventing all their security measures. He's even hired guards to patrol the halls at night. Still they are getting in.

A few deals he had lined up were mysteriously snapped up right under his nose. He's rich enough that he isn't facing poverty but if this continues it could start to deplete his company's capital. If the financial world gets a whiff of any trouble at Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. the sharks will start circling.

"Do you think it could be someone with a personal grudge against you? Remember not so long ago there were several people wanting to do you some damage. Mrs. Lincoln and maybe even her ex have reason to go after you. You did screw Lincoln's wife then gouged his company leaving him with nothing, not even his pride. The one who kidnapped your sister and wife, he's in jail but sometimes prisoners have long armed reaches when it comes to getting revenge. From what Ana says I wouldn't trust that Lincoln woman as far as I could throw her. Beats the shit out of me how you could have stayed friends with her."

"I know, I know. Ana says the same. For years though I felt she saved me. I didn't see her as a pedophile. I felt what she did, what we did together was what I deserved. Back then I don't think I was ready for anyone to love me. I found it hard to believe anyone would when I didn't love myself. Maybe if I'd been willing to open up I could have found a way to deal with my anger and frustrations other than the BDSM scene although I have to say I do still enjoy sharing some of my favorite toys with Ana. Don't tell her I said that. I'd be denied sharing our bed for a week."

I snorted in disbelief. "Christian the day you two can be in the same house and not share a bed for even one night I'll eat my dirtiest pair of socks."

Getting more serious I say, "All that crap about owing her because she saved you is just that, crap. She fucking turned you into a sadist not to mention she's a pedophile. I'm sorry for bringing all this up but as you know we both need to be reminded of what happened to us so we can relate to things in the present. I know I hate how I am. You were taught to like what that bitch did to you."

For a moment I am silent as I reflect back on those days when one nightmare led into another. Christian has told me all about his mother and his association with Mrs. Lincoln. I've told him only a small portion of what that sadistic bitch Carrie Reynolds did to me. Maybe it's time to unload all this heavy baggage I've carried with me for over two decades. Maybe tonight is a night for unloading a shitload of hurt. Isn't there a saying about troubles shared being halved by the telling?

"Unlike you, I could never enjoy anything Carrie Reynolds did to me. I tried not to let go but my body let me down every time. She forced me to ejaculate even when it disgusted me or sometimes frightened me. It still makes me sick to this day when I think about it. Even now I can feel the bile rising."

"Marcus, perhaps you should talk to Dr. Flynn. He's helped me, he could help you too although I think Ana helped me more than he ever did. He has even said the same thing to me."

"No Christian, I want to tell you everything. You understand better than any doctor could who hasn't been through what we have."

I take a huge breath then continue, determined to bring this out in the open. I want to excise this ghost. "You know why I hate kissing? It's because she would kiss me while her male friends fucked my ass. Sometimes she'd let them beat me then jerk me off. If I came before she wanted me to I got hit harder and longer than just for playtime. That's what she called those afternoons when she had friends over. Not exactly friends, she got paid by those men to let them fuck me and suck off their dicks. She…I…I didn't say no when they wanted my mouth on them. I should have fought harder, told someone. I'm ashamed that they made me come with their filthy mouths on me. After I nearly bit one guys dick off she stopped offering that as an option for sale. I got beat within an inch of my life but it was worth every crack of the whip."

My heart is pounding and I can see that dirty room and Carrie Reynolds just as if I am there now, the dirty smelly mattress beneath me clogging my lungs with its stench, the press of heavy male faceless bodies covering me with their filth and cum. "Every time I tried to kiss a girl after I ran away I'd throw up and humiliate myself. When I managed to find someone who didn't mind not kissing as long as I fucked her until she came, I had to get rough just to get my dick hard. Sometimes I'd be whipping a girl and I'd come after a few smacks from the whip. It was humiliating. After a few girls laughing at me I stopped dating so called "normal" girls. I visited a few BDSM clubs trying to fit in. I found a way to lead a somewhat happy life. It worked for me until now, since the day I met My Blond Siren, my Sonja. Christian, how can I ever tell her what happened to me? She'll be sickened. She might think I'm gay knowing what I let those men do to me, hell I thought that was what was wrong with me back when I first started approaching girls and couldn't get an erection until I first smacked this girls ass. Her yelp of pain shot right to my cock."

"Man, I really don't feel comfortable hearing about your cock and erections in the same sentence but I know how hard it is to find someone you can trust with the really dark, twisted and rotten stuff you bury so deep you think it's gone until you have a nightmare and it's all fresh in your mind again. Marcus, you didn't let anybody do anything to you. You were a kid being forced to do lewd things by someone who should have offered you protection. It is her burden to carry, not yours, for letting those filthy bastards touch you. I suppose we're both pretty fucked up. Me with my fifty shades and you with your twenty-five. Look, neither of us is at fault here. You did what you had to do to survive. Can you imagine what she would have done if you refused? Think about how young and small you were compared to those grown men. Marcus, I don't know if this Sonja cares enough about you to want to understand but won't it be worth the risk to find out? I shudder to think what I'd be feeling if Ana didn't keep coming back to me, loving me. I'd be a wasteland inside."

"I want to trust someone but it's so hard after shoring up my defenses against being hurt. I don't feel good enough for her. I'm spoiled goods, she's a ray of sunshine, Sonny. That's what her friends call her, Sonny. She's pure and innocent and I'm so jaded, so black in my soul how can I even offer her any part of me? Sonja…My Sonja deserves someone better than me."

Christian just smiles. "Shouldn't you let her decide that?"

I guess the way I said her name my secret isn't so secret anymore. Hell, I want to shout it from the rooftops but I can't. I have to win her respect and her love. I have to woe her. Date her like a normal man would. I'm breaking out in a cold sweat just thinking about it.

By mutual agreement we shelve our sordid pasts until another day. I'm sure we'll speak of them again. It is therapeutic for both of us. Christian is living a dream but sometimes dreams turn into nightmares. I feel in my gut someone he knows personally is after him, but why? If it's in my power I'll help him keep Ana and the children safe.

"I'll be here whenever you need to talk or just chill with a good brandy," Christian says with a warm smile. He really is a good friend, a good man.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Suffer in Silence **

**Sonja's Pov**

A week, it's been a whole week with no sign of Marcus. I expected at the very least he would come down and tell me to take my friends and get the heck out of his apartment. Does he even know that Libby, Matt, Paul and Thor are now living with me? It made sense for them to be on hand because of our fledgling business. We are all so pumped and excited about this venture. Well maybe except for Paul. This is all old hat to him. After we purchased and sold a few more commodities our working capital grew. I could see the change in my friends. They have a confident demeanor, hope for the future, two things they didn't have just days ago. What a difference a few days can make.

Rosario has been conspicuously absent. The only contact from her has been a note found propped up on the door saying she could not come visit for a while as Mr. Devlin needed her right now. For a moment I felt a flutter of worry in my chest then shoved it away. He's a grown man living the life of a grown man. He doesn't need me, Miss I Am No One mucking up his life. Isn't that what he was trying to say by flaunting his My Little Pony in my face? Okay, message heard loud and clear. Still hurts like hell though. It shames me that I miss him. I want him still. How long will it take to get over him? It shouldn't be long as we didn't know each other that long. A week more, a month, years, how long? The way I feel it might be forever.

I'm sort of on the fence with a property we discovered that is about to be put on the market. Thor said from what he could find from fishing around that it looks like Marcus has an interest in the property too. From the looks of things Marcus has held off as he's dealing with some trouble within his company. The owner or the property is an older gentleman not interested in keeping the three warehouses and surrounding property. He wants to retire and go to Florida where his daughter and her family live. He misses his grandchildren even more since his wife died a month ago.

This isn't the kind of information Marcus or his team will find interesting or helpful. Me, I take the human element into consideration. I see a window of opportunity here. If I can get to Mr. Oliver Craig before he takes the final step to put the property up for sale then I can acquire it and snatch it right out from under Marcus's nose. I won't be doing it to be mean but to show Mr. I'm In Control of My Universe that some things are beyond his control. He needs a lesson in humility. I just want to one up him in something, show him I have a mind inside this body he thinks is so freaking hot. At least I assume he thinks I'm hot. I think he's hotter than a firecracker and twice as explosive.

Paul appears laid back and to not pay attention but we have found he's sharp as a tack and deadly as a straight edge razor where business is concerned. He's honest but doesn't let sentimentality rule him, at least not too often. He draws the line at putting orphans and widows out in the snow.

Thor already found a property in Florida close to where Mr. Craig's daughter lives. An added plus is there is a hospital close by that specializes in the treatment of cancer. Mr. Craig had only recently been diagnosed with the disease.

The owner of the property in Florida wants to move North to open another of his factories. He needs a property ready to be bought immediately. Mr. Harry Lawson is an impatient man. He wants immediate gratification. I can give him that provided I can convince Mr. Craig to deal with someone with little to no experience in the business world. All I have is my belief in me, my friends and our integrity and our ace in the hole, Paul Sauvage. He met Mr. Craig a few years ago and still has a good rapport with him.

We're working on a plan to get all parties in one place at the same time. We need a headquarters that isn't housed in my apartment. It isn't big enough for what I want to convey to the world. No guts no glory. Bet big, win big. Of course there is the other side of that coin I can't think about or I'll chicken out.

Thor found a perfect building for us to house our company, Your American Dream. So, now we know our forte isn't in choosing names. I suppose it can be changed if we don't get any positive responses. We move in next week. Paul already made contact with Mr. Craig and Mr. Lawson and set up a meeting for the following Friday, one week after we move in.

Matt and Libby are responsible for ordering all our supplies and office furnishings. Again magazines come in handy. What do any of us know about projecting the right atmosphere by what you have in your work space? Paul works out of his car or his limo, yes limo. You bet we all went for a midnight ride and hung out of the roof howling at the moon. I'd love to share an experience like that with Marcus but somehow I don't see him relaxing enough to do that.

Another week flies by. Still no Marcus or note demanding we remove ourselves from the premises. No mention of the contract either. Curious. Our offices are now open for business. We have made an oasis of tranquility in the middle of the craziness of downtown Seattle's business district. Next week we see our first two clients, the first of many we hope.

Yesterday Rosario finally came to see us. She seemed to be in a happier state than when she called to let me know she would not be around for a while even longer than the note implied. I breathe easier knowing nothing terrible has happened to Marcus if she's looking so chipper. Has it really been a month since I moved in?

Rosario knows I have 'guests' as she comes to eat dinner with us every evening now and help us with making decisions about what to buy and then when to resell it. Not much selling going on just yet. We did make a few thousand in a couple days with a tip from her. I think we've committed a criminal act, insider trading or something like that. Rosario overheard Marcus talking about investing so felt she'd pass along the information. We had to include her as she was so eager to invest and she did chance going to jail in order to help us. How a housekeeper came up with $49,000 makes me question if maybe I should go into the housekeeping business or if Rosario is more than a mere housekeeper. I think I've been overdosed on The Sopranos reruns. We had a marathon a couple nights ago with buckets of popcorn.

Paul assures us it is legal. It's no different than consulting a stock broker. Wouldn't Mr. Devlin tell her how to invest if she asked him? Would he begrudge her making her nest egg grow? Oh that Paul is good. He could talk bees out of a winter's worth of honey without getting stung once.

For people who have limited schooling we are pretty damn good at this marketing stuff. I give Paul his due, he is a huge plus. Scouring the newspapers we read every gossip column as well as the society pages. Surprisingly they relate to the business of buying and selling. Whose doing what to whom and who wants to make someone else eat dirt. It also allows us to see who is looking for a new location, what kind and how much they are willing to invest. We're looking for our first acquisition or merger, whichever comes first. The deal with Mr. Craig could give us a leg up but we can't count on that so we have to have other deals waiting in the wings.

Friday came and we all breathe a sigh of relieve when we hold two signed documents in our hands. The hefty checks for six figures each isn't anything to sneeze at either. If we didn't need to cash them for the revenue they will bring we'd frame them. Instead we made copies and framed those. It feels so heady to know you have the means to buy food, lodging and clothing without having to pick a pocket, rob a convenience store or break into deserted homes. We have arrived.

Rosario told us that a lot of business is done on speculation. Get a good product then bring in investors so you don't use your own capital. We have our eye on a couple of companies other than Mr. Craig and now that our deal with him is signed, sealed and delivered we can focus on a larger scope of prospects. That will take a few weeks development. This other matter is more pressing as a wedding is involved.

One company we are looking at needs a larger building. It just so happens I know of an abandoned warehouse that will be perfect. Libby's former home. Through Rosario's friends in the planning commissioner's office we found out there is interest in reclaiming the neighborhood which means if we get the CEO of Aero Engineering to at least take a look at our proposal we might have a chance of a really big return as a finder's fee. We first have to get the owner of the warehouse to agree to put it up for sale. As it stands now he's left it unoccupied for the tax break. We have to find a way to convince him he's better off selling. Mr. Daniel Andrews CEO of Aero Engineering and Mr. Alan Richards need to be brought together and we are just the firm to do it. We all have our eyes, fingers and toes crossed.

Goodness, we just beat out some phantom company and Marcus. Paul is interested to know just who this phantom company is. There is a trail leading to a trail leading to another trail and so on. This company doesn't want anyone interested to find out whom the company belongs to or who the company officers are. Interesting to say the least. Paul thinks it is the same party trying to raid Mr. Grey and Marcus's companies. Crap. I feel awful now about snatching prospective deals right from under Marcus's nose. Paul assures me that our deals aren't the ones Marcus or Mr. Grey needed to worry about. Something is happening and it has Paul worried. Not for himself but for two men he supposedly has no interest in. Did I mention how kind and thoughtful Paul is? He's a big old softie. Good thing he has an endless supply of funds from his trust or he'd be homeless too. Well not homeless now but…he could easily have been homeless.

An interesting side note is Mr. Richards daughter is getting married and has this dream of getting married on a southern estate like in Gone With the Wind. It just so happens Mr. Andrews has a partially restored mansion in Kentucky he's been trying to sell. The historical society won't let him sell to just anyone. The building must be restored to its original state, not modernized except for a few minor improvements so it will be up to code. No one has lived there in over fifty years. What proud poppa with the money to do so wouldn't buy a multimillion dollar mansion then refurbish it to its original grandeur from days gone by just so his little princess could hold her wedding there? Stuff of dreams. We may become known as the firm with a soul. To sweeten the deal, Mr. Richards is also in the market for a quiet retreat he can take his board of directors and officers from his company to relax and regroup. He also wants to use it as a place to impress high powered clients. Can you say tax write-off?

Mr. Andrews gets his new space to develop prototypes for small aircraft and Mr. Richards makes his wife and daughter happy and all while getting what he wants too. It's a win win win situation.

If we can get these two together it will be a match made in heaven. All of this we found out from reading tabloids, magazines and newspapers. We put the puzzle pieces together to make a whole picture.

Rosario says a finder's fee can be anywhere from a few hundred thousand to a million dollars or more. Every deal is different. The higher the stakes, the higher the finder's fee. I'm sure we all had dollar signs rolling in our eye sockets like in a cartoon. Much more lucrative than our first clients.

Paul is like a proud papa as our plans fall into place. For the time being we have scrapped the idea of him training me to be a Dom or maybe I was to be the Submissive. It doesn't matter; I don't believe I ever intended to go through with it. It was more posturing than actual intent. I think Paul just came along for the ride as he was bored.

Matt is still driving me around. Having him in residence ready to take me anywhere I want to go I don't feel the need to learn to drive myself. Mostly I just go from home to the office and then back. If I do want to leave and Matt is busy there are plenty of taxis willing to pick up a fare from this affluent neighborhood. Matt takes his job seriously and tries to keep every moment free in case I need him. As we get used to a schedule he will be able to see I don't need him 24/7.

If we are to wine and dine such high-powered men of the world we all need some lessons in sophistication. Paul is a font of information. I learned he doesn't just work at that club, he owns it and several more. He doesn't need to work, he likes to work. He says it gives him a reason to get out of bed every morning.

There is an irony here. He is richer than Marcus or his friend Mr. Grey but still does manual labor. Matt and Thor don't have two nickels to rub together most of the time but need to work and can't find any. The universe is out of balance. We are all conscious of the fact that all of our recent luck is due to Marcus even if his original reason for having me here wasn't altruistic. He hasn't done anything so terrible after all. Hurt my feelings sure, given me the best first sexual experience any woman could ask for, damn straight and even though it wasn't his intention he gave us all this wonderful opportunity to expand our horizons and fly.

Paul says he has met both Christian and Marcus. I refrained from asking under what circumstances he met them. The question burned my tongue holding it in "Did you meet them at one of your clubs?" The dreadful tease let me suffer a whole day before telling me he met them at a charity event as well as meeting them through business contacts.

If I met Paul and never laid eyes on Marcus I think I could fall for him. He's funny, kind, thoughtful, rich and easy on the eyes. Although a real dyed in the wool Alpha male he does let Libby and I take liberties other men might not. I think he is an old softie, hard on the outside but soft inside, like an M&M. Libby and I want to know about his bedroom antics but are unwilling to ask in case he tells us. He does love to tease and embarrass. He's a shameless flirt to boot. Put all together he's a delicious man some lucky woman will find some day.

I don't care if Marcus visits those places on a daily basis. No, certainly not. He means nothing to me. I'm finished with this arrangement. I am just staying here so I can reap as much from this situation as I can. And have I ever mentioned I am very good at deluding myself?

Of course Marcus would choose to visit on the day all three men are shirtless and barefooted. Only jeans kept them decent. They are arguing over whose chest is bigger and who has the biggest biceps. They just watched a dvd of 300. Of course Gerard Butler looked amazing a fact both Libby and I made the mistake of letting them know. Immediately they began comparing body parts. When they got too personal Libby and I hummed with fingers in our ears. That's when they stripped so they could compare.

I expected it to be Rosario at the door but it was Marcus. He looked so darned good it was all I could do to keep from wrapping myself around him. A picture of that blond bombshell glued to his side cooled my happiness to see him.

"Sonja I…" He broke of as male laughter drifts to us from the living room. Without an invitation he stalks in brushing by me with a slight shove from his hand. His face looks as if he means business. Oh goodness, they'll tear him to pieces.

Until he tells me differently this is now my home. He is supposed to wait to get invited not barge in. He is waiting for me to introduce everyone. I can see he knows who Paul is and is not pleased with my guest. Paul, damn him, puffs and preens like an idiot at a body building contest. He sends me one of his blinding smiles.

"Well now, if it isn't Marcus Devlin as I live and breathe." Paul, the big trouble maker, is taunting Marcus. He's supposed to be helping my cause but I don't want bloodshed. I like Paul too much and if I'm honest I still have the hots for Mr. Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am.

Taking Marcus's hand I pull him closer into the room. I'm not sure whether I took his hand so I can keep him from attacking Paul or just because I missed his touch and a hand is better than nothing. I'm ashamed to be so weak in my character that I still want him even after knowing he's been with Blond Bimbo Mare in Heat. It seems I like to come up with alternative names for others too, not just Marcus.

"This is my best friend Libby, Matt, Thor and Paul. Everyone, this is Marcus Devlin." I didn't know what else to say so I say nothing. Everybody knows I was involved with Marcus they just didn't know the full extent of the connection or what kind of weird relationship we were about to embark on assuming he still wants me. Libby knows and anyone looking at her jaw hanging open could guess why. I may be stupid but I still want him like crazy. I'm cured but feel I'll need regular sessions to keep me healthy, sexually that is. Physically I'm healthy as a horse and other than that slip on the roof I'm healthy mentally too.

Turning to Marcus I ask quietly, too quietly for my taste, "What can I do for you?" I can't resist touching him so I place my hand on his upper arm. Just barely I resist giving his bicep a squeeze. He runs both hands through his hair dislodging my hand. Darn it, I wanted to hold on for a few minutes more.

"I…we need to talk, in private." Eyeing the group with his mouth set in a grim line I know he's wishing them all somewhere other than under a roof he's paid for.

Taking my hand he pulls me along behind with a one word command, "Come." I blush as another meaning for the word comes to mind. I almost said gladly. The gang would have laughed their heads off, I would have wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and Marcus, well, I don't know him well enough to gauge his response. I don't even know if he has a sense of humor.

Entering the elevator I assume we are going to his apartment. At least Rosario will be there. I'm glad she didn't tell Marcus I am basically running a homeless shelter, something I told him I wouldn't do. I suppose since they are part of the company they aren't homeless refugees but budding entrepreneurs.

We arrive on Marcus's floor. Entering the apartment he's still dragging me behind him. I'm not actually resisting him; he's just taking giant steps that I can't match. I suppose he is really mad.

"Look, this is ridiculous. Stop pulling on me like I'm some beast you are leading to slaughter." I'm breathless even though there isn't any reason I should be other than he steals my breath away with his very presence.

"Be quiet. For once just…please just be quiet." He takes my arms with one hand on each of my upper arms. I think he's about to shake me silly. Instead he leans in and kisses me, taking my mouth with such force I can only do one thing, respond. I've missed his kisses. Knowing him for such a short time I shouldn't have such an emotional response to him but I do. This kiss brands me in a way no other has. He owns me.

I should feel shame for giving in so easily but I only feel free, free from any restrictions that would keep me from enjoying every second we have together. He isn't a man known for making commitments other than paying for what he wants. He's committed to giving all those women and me things so he doesn't have to give us any emotional displays of affection. He barters for our submission rather than giving anyone even the smallest hint of trust. He can't trust anyone so he keeps everyone at arm's length. By paying us we are put in the position of being a lover for hire not someone he intends to form a close bond with or share any part of his life other than those times he seeks release from his body's needs.

Now he is softly nipping at my mouth. From there his lips assault my neck, shoulders and breasts. Much more of this and I'll need support as my legs feel liquefied. I am putty in his hands.

I feel the cool rush of air against my wet lips. Opening my eyes reluctantly I stare at him through a haze of desire. Oh dear, he looks so serious. What can possibly be worrying him?

When he speaks I am surprised by his question. "If you and your friends could do anything you wanted for a day what would you do?"

"Well, I suppose we'd like to do something fun and unexpected. It would have to be something we all are interested in so sports or museums are out. Thor and Matt have an aversion to anything cultural. All there learning is from hands on interaction. They are self-taught. Libby, well Libby is…well she's the type of person you have to experience rather than hear about."

"Will you trust me? Will you keep tomorrow free and have your friends here by eight a.m.?"

Dropping my gaze to his chest I chew my lip wondering if now is a good time to let him know they are all living with me. He will find out anyway so better from me than stumbling on the knowledge.

"Well, actually, they're kind of my permanent house guests. It just makes more sense to have them here rather than leaving them homeless. There's all this room going to waste so…it came to me that all of us being in the same place makes things more convenient." I sure hope he doesn't analyze this as Paul could buy half the state and still have enough to balance the national debt. He's far from homeless. And that word convenient can be misconstrued in so many ways.

He looks puzzled but doesn't ask the thousand and one questions I can see forming in his mind. At the moment he's more interested in my answer to his recent request. Why is it so important? It doesn't really matter. All I need to know is that it is important to him and I'll do whatever I can to give him what he needs. The man has taken control of me in a way I don't understand. I should be scared shitless but I only feel as if something is finally right, something that had been off kilter has now been put right.

"I can't speak for everyone else but as far as I know we're all pretty much free to do what we like. I have to warn you though, if you intend to spend any length of time with them, you'll be given the third degree. I don't know Paul all that well but he's been acting like a big brother since day one. He looks all badass with all those tats but in reality he's a descent guy. I trust him and so do the others. Rosario has a soft spot for him. You'd better watch out. He might steal her away from you. At the moment she's safe because he's living with me too."

Without any warning I'm pulled against him tightly then feel his demanding mouth on mine. I feel like I'm taking a ride on a roller coaster. One second you're up, the next you're doing a freefall. Heady stuff.

He groans against my mouth, "I've missed you. I know it's my own fault but please give me a second chance. Don't…does any of those men mean more…are you involved with any of them?"

I shouldn't feel inclined to answer but I don't want him to get the impression I'm not free for him to pursue not when it seems as if he's of a mind to do just that. "They are friends. Only friends."

"I'm not used to…I don't have any normal relationships with women. With you I find I don't want the usual. I'm not sure if it will come to anything or if I can do it. All I know is I want to try."

He wants to try for normal with me. What more can I ask than that he tries? Isn't that what every couple does, they try to see if they fit, work out the kinks in the relationship. Our relationship just has a few more kinks to work out. Okay, so a lot more kinks and kinks of a different kind than usual.

One thing we have to discuss is his pony parade. "What about your other women? I am not into sharing. It is one on one or nothing."

"Oh…well…I told them I no longer needed their services," he says nervously. He's looking everywhere but at me. Big Fat Liar!

I fold my arms silently staring at him. Oh how he does squirm. Rosario told me Marcus made a few calls but chickened out when it came time to give them the old heave ho.

"Rosario?" He didn't need to ask anything else. I knew what he asked.

"Yes."

"Damn busybody. I should fire her. I would to but she'd keep coming to work as if nothing happened. It's happened before. Alright, I'll make the calls, you may sit and listen in. Happy?"

"Not yet but getting there." I give him a big grin followed by a heady, toe curling, set my hair on fire kiss. This man short-circuits my brain every time he kisses me.

"So, about being free tomorrow, what do you have in mind?" Like I said, I'm putty in his hands.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Goodness. So many negative reviews had me wondering about the direction I was taking. Have to say I wasn't pleased with how it went myself. Wasn't at all what I had in mind. **

**As I wrote the previous chapter I almost didn't post it until I could rewrite it. I wanted to get it posted as everyone seemed eager for more. **

**I'm hoping this chapter sort of makes up for that last bomb I posted. Still not what I wanted but as close as I could get on short notice. **

**Let me know if I've bombed again. Almost made me cry but then if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen right? I'll try to suck it up. **

**Chapter Nineteen**

**Roller Coaster Ride **

**Marcus****'s Pov**

I'm nervous as hell**. **What the hell am I doing? If I care anything about her I should be sending her to the far reaches of the earth. Being selfish as usual I'm not only taking her on but her friends too. What possessed me to arrange this day? This isn't like me at all. What I have planned sure as hell isn't like any other day I've experienced.

Not being a man indulging in what other's spend their spare time pursuing it wasn't easy to find something that I think Sonja and her friends will enjoy. I've never visited the place so I can't vouch for the fun factor from personal experience but I am willing to give it a try. I hope Sonja enjoys my surprise.

I thought I'd be less inclined to accept her friends or having them living with her but as it turns out I'm feeling in the mood to be generous. What makes her happy makes me happy. Always before I only looked out for number one. It feels nice to want to take care of someone.

I'll look on her friends my contribution to bettering the lives of those less fortunate.

I'm wondering if I should mention to Sonja that I know about her business ventures. In fact I stepped back when I learned one of the other contenders was a newly formed company. Imagine my surprise when I learned it was Sonja and her friends. I think Paul has more than a little to do with this. He's always been altruistic.

At least I know it isn't her coming after me and Christian. I may be losing my head over her but I'm not going to let that interfere with a company I built from the ground up. It's my baby. I've been keeping an eye on Sonja's movements through a third party. I called off the dogs once I felt sure what her motives were. I can't begin to put into words how glad I am that my instincts about her weren't wrong.

Sonja is glowing. Her cheeks are flushed with excitement. I'm trying not to be arrogant by assuming that the expectation of spending a whole day with me put the color in her cheeks. When she takes my hand and our fingers mesh I feel almost young again, like this is my first date. In some ways I believe it is. It will be my first normal date.

Her friend Libby greets me warmly. The big hulk of manhood beside her grunts something as he glares at me, Matt I think Sonja said. The one they call Thor is less threatening. I am aware of his searching gaze fixed on me. He's picking me apart assessing my threat value. I'm not harmless but neither am I deadly.

That asshole Paul is eyeing Sonja likes she's a tasty meal set on the table for him to enjoy. I'll clean his clock if he tries to move in on Sonja. She's mine, at least for now she is. Maybe forever if I can keep my fears from making me do something stupid. He may have them all conned into believing he has only brotherly interest in Sonja but take it from one wolf to another, he's panting after her like she's in heat.

"So Marcus what's on the agenda? You were vague on details when you called to give us a time to be ready and to let us know to dress casual. And swim suits? We are intrigued." Sonja hasn't stopped smiling since she opened the door to invite me in. I miss her hand holding mine as she picks up her purse from a nearby chair. When she took my arm encircled by hers I must say I felt surprised as well as gratified she claimed me in front of everyone. I do feel a trembling in her but hope it is sexual rather than fear. Her smile assures me it is the former.

What a bazaar situation this is. If anyone had said I'd have a woman just one floor down from where I live I'd have pointed out all my women and the apartments I have them housed in, far away from my own residence. How I'd have laughed when they told me I'd also be allowing her homeless friends to live with her at my expense. I care that much.

As for dating, it isn't something I've done since I was a teenager and those few dates were torturous nightmares. Group dating may be a safer bet for us at the moment but I'm debating whether I'll end up beating the crap out of Paul or if Sonja's male friends will jump me for the hell of it.

AS promised I broke the news to all my ladies. Sonja sat right beside me as I made each call. After each one she got a bit more amorous. I found myself eager to make the next call and make it as short as possible without being too brusque or unkind. My lawyer is now in negotiation with them so I can rid myself of any and all contact. I won't sink to blackmail but he can and will if necessary. I can't see any problems as none of them were seriously in love with me. We all knew the score. The only one I am not so sure of is Honey. She did appear to have some very strong emotions toward me. Not exactly love but something powerful enough for her to feel vindictive when I told her I wouldn't be seeing her anymore.

I haven't missed all the flexing muscles from Sonja's friends and it's not because they're gay and are after my body. They are protecting one of their own, someone they care about. Not having experienced that level of emotion I find I am envious of all of them. I want that sort of connection even if I'll likely deny any such thing if someone asks me. Wanting connections with others is an emotion, emotions bring pain. I left pain behind long ago. I'm not in any hurry to revisit it. The only thing that will entice me to risk that emotion is Sonja.

"I'll have to borrow your car as all of mine are too small for everyone to fit in." I push down the idea of taking Sonja in the back of that Escalade. I'll take her back to that spot where we looked at the stars and moon reflecting on the lake as we made love, not tonight but someday soon. I admit it. I've made love to her not fucked her. Sure I'll still think in that term and even shout it out but in reality I'll be showing her how I feel in the only way I can. I'm humbled to know I can feel this emotion and can only imagine how wonderful it would be to have Sonja say those three words, I love you and mean them. If I could say them to her I think I'd give everything I own.

It makes no sense how quickly and deeply embedded she is in my life and dare I say, my heart? I'd given up on that organ pumping out anything but black goo. Now it beats stronger and faster with only a thought of Sonja. Not all my thoughts are X rated. In fact lately I've been seeing her in domestic situations in my apartment. I regret missing sharing that meal she cooked. It's the first invitation I got from a woman that didn't come with a price tag and a promise of a good BDSM session. This is what makes me nervous, wondering if I can have any normal sort of relationship without reverting to the way I've handled sex in the past. I don't want to hurt Sonja but also I don't want to let her go for some other man to discover how sweet and giving she is.

Mystery about where we are going and what we'll be doing replaces all hostility as excitement takes over. The unknown is intriguing. I ask them to put on the masks so they can't see where we are until I give them the okay to remove the masks. The girls giggle, the men pretend not to be interested but I know better.

I'm directed to a parking space. There is a tram coming so we need to get out to catch a ride. "Okay, remove your masks."

I didn't know Sonja could squeal so loud. Libby is a good second. I'll have to see if I can make Sonja squeal that loud when she's under my power sometime. AS I've sworn off bedding her until we get to know one another better I'll shelve that idea for another time.

"Oh my gosh! Do you know how many times we've walked here just to watch all the fun? The fireworks are something to see. Sometimes at the end of the day we sneak in. Nobody really cares by then."

"Wow, just think Sonja, we can enjoy all The Wave has to offer and we'll be legal. Who would have thunk it?" Libby says filled with wonder.

The sparkle in Sonja's eyes as she turns to me to say, "Oh Marcus, this is perfect. We can enjoy the water park as well as the rest of the park. I for one want to ride that coaster even if it scares the crap out of me."

A couple hours later my face hurts from smiling so much. I can't recall having this much fun, ever. First we enjoyed the rides then the midway games. I think we hit every place serving food. Some we ate with our fingers sharing the different foods we bought.

Each time I reached into my wallet Sonja got a guilty look on her face. I felt a confession coming on. One long overdue by both of us.

During one of our eating frenzies she pulls me aside and begins to say tentatively, "Marcus I…there is something…I have done something I hope doesn't upset you too much. I confess, in the beginning I did it to get some revenge but now…well now it is the challenge. I…"

"I know Sonja. I've known since you started putting out feelers for those purchases. I commend you on your talent for pairing up those businesses but I think Paul has a lot to do with it. Not to say you probably don't have some natural ability but I could see Paul's hand in those deals. He could resist playing in my sandbox."

"You…you aren't mad?"

"Mad? No, well maybe at first but then I felt so damn proud of you I couldn't stay mad. Rosario's been playing both sides of the fence. Supposedly overhearing stock tips from me then relaying them to you. Do you honestly think I'm that careless? Nothing I fed her had any far reaching disruptions with my day to day business. Don't be too upset with Rosario. I told her not to let on I knew anything. It isn't often I get to play a cloak and dagger game or maybe I should say corporate espionage. My name is Bond, James Bond."

We share the joke. It fills my heart with joy to hear her sounding so happy. I feel the same joy filling my heart.

I am feeling desperation filling me. I fear something coming and snatching away this oasis I have found with Sonja, my Siren.

Off and on during the day and on into the evening my mind is forming a plot that is sure to blow up in my face but it is one I am helpless to deny carrying out for if I succeed I may get all I have ever wanted. It isn't right or fair to her but I am selfish enough to go through with it anyway and worry about the consequences later. Hopefully by the time my treachery is found out she'll be so in love nothing I did before is beyond forgiveness.

Sonja smoothes out the angry wrinkles on my forehead whenever I am looking in Paul's direction. She keeps on about what a great guy he is. I am somewhat mollified when she pulls me behind some bushes to give me a kiss that is sure to melt the soles of my shoes. _Paul_ didn't get a kiss. I know this for a fact as Sonja has been tucked into my side since we arrived. I like having her against me. I like it even better when she's tucked between my legs as we go down the water slide. Now that is several kinds of fun, so much fun we repeat it quite a few times.

Paul is all too eager to have fun on my dime. I find I don't mind as the day goes on. He isn't the complete asshole I've always thought. He is intelligent, knowledgeable about numerous topics and best of all he is only interested in Sonja as he would be a little sister. I'm finally convinced of that after catching him giving several females a hot and heavy onceover. I am now certain he intended to give me the wrong impression earlier to make me suffer. Everyone seems to be leaving me and Sonja to ourselves which I like very much. We are together yet apart from the others.

I'm in two minds how I feel about how Sonja and Paul met. She'd walked into his club alone looking lost and scared out of her wits. He'd come to her rescue and hadn't left her side since then. I'll let this pass for now. I know what kind of clubs Paul owns and I do remember Sonja saying she'd find a Dominate. I curse my own stubbornness in not getting rid of all other women when Sonja asked me to. I think there is more to the story but he's not willing to come clean about everything. Sonja just gave me a wide-eyed innocent look that set my teeth to grinding. I calmed down when she took my arm insisting I was the only one she wanted next to her on the coaster. Lucky me. We took several rides. The others left us to it so they could try other rides.

The water rides I think I liked the most. Probably because the water brought Sonja's nipples to tight peaks every time she got out of the water. That suit, not a string bikini or one of those barely there thongs but one that revealed only a hint of what was hidden from the eyes of every hungry male. Even Matt, Thor and Paul admired her when she came out shyly with her arms crossed under her breasts. She left her hair loose. It covered most of her body all the way to her butt. I think she wants to hide her scars. I'd felt them and seen them in the dim light when we had sex that first time. I'd wanted to ask about them but kept my mouth shut as I know how sensitive I am about my own scars.

Sonja tried to win this black stuffed kitten by tossing a ball into holes surrounded by metal rings. She looked like a pouty little girl. I couldn't let her leave the park without that stuffed kitten.

I'll bet I spent over fifty bucks trying to win that damn stuffed toy. I could stop on the way home and buy one for half the price but it wouldn't be as much fun nor would it win me a tight hug around my waist.

Afterward we went for pizza. Everyone insisted on paying for the pizza since I paid for our trip to The Wave. They weren't as penniless as I assumed and why should they be since I gave Rosario those hot stock tips and bowed out of those deals so Paul could guide Sonja to winning them. Matt and Thor made a production of opening their wallets to display the thick layer of bills.

While everyone was busy picking out some music on the jukebox Paul stayed behind. I knew he had something on his mind so I kept silent waiting for him to get it off his chest.

"About Sonja. There hasn't been anything between us, nor likely ever could be. She's so fucking gone on you she can't see anybody else. God only knows why. You're a very lucky man Devlin. I've been playing house the last few weeks as a lark. I've decided it's time I moved on before…well before I change my mind and lose my boy scout image."

"I won't try to stop you."

He gives a low chuckle before he says, "I suppose you won't. I must say I expected to feel your boot crammed up my ass as far as your knee. How the hell did you manage to stay civilized? If I was on the other side of this equation you wouldn't be anywhere within a hundred miles of Sonja. I for damn sure wouldn't let you cohabitate with her."

"Truthfully I found myself in the elevator at least twice a day ready to kick your ass all the way to China then thought about Sonja. For once I'm trying to put someone else's needs before my own."

"I have to say Devlin, this personal growth looks good on you. Let me be the first to wish you well. Are we going to be civilized enough to shake hands or will we merely grunt our mutual good wishes?"

I put out my hand and he clasps it. I can't say for sure but maybe I've found another man I can think of as a friend. We have a tentative truce; we'll take it from here.

Pizza shared with good company tastes far better than when eaten alone in cold solitude. Everything is better when shared with people you care about and who care about you. My circle of friends is growing.

When the others went to play games in the arcade Sonja stayed with me at the table. I'm glad because she sat right against me even after the others left the corner booth. She could have moved away now that the others weren't squeezed in around the corner table.

Feeling her hand come to rest on my thigh I jump up knocking my knees into the underside of the table. Shit! That hurt. I'd like to pass off her touch as nothing special but since I reacted so demonstratively she has to know how desperate I am for her touch and how affected I am by even her smallest gesture of affection.

"Oh, are you alright? I didn't mean to startle you." Now she's rubbing her hand up and down getting closer and closer to my crotch with each stroke. I'll take her right here at the table if she touches me. I'm not sure if she knows how close to losing control I am. Maybe I'd better warn her.

"Sonja, unless you want everyone here to get a show with their dinner I suggest you stop rubbing my thigh. I'm about to combust. In a minute I won't care who sees us. I'll have you across the table and fuck you until you scream for mercy." My breath is hot and moist as it hits her ear. I feel her shiver in every pore of my body.

"Oh, my. You know, I never gave it any thought but I am seriously thinking that sex in public might be sexy, with you anyway." A nip at my earlobe from sharp teeth sends another jolt to my cock. She's playing with fire and I did warn her. I don't want to get arrested or educate the kids in the pizza parlor but I am going to dish out some discipline to Sonja. My brand of discipline. I'll begin now and finish later when we get home where there is privacy. Let's just see how brave she is.

Did she know I'd be running my hand up under her skirt at some point in the day or night? It's a cute little flirty thing that is short enough to make a man's mouth water without being slutty. Paired with a t-shirt and running shoes she is casual just as I requested so why does she look as if she'd fit in anywhere? It must have something to do with having a natural grace about her.

Placing my hand on her bare thigh it is now her turn to jump. My arm across her shoulder keeps her from jumping up like I did. Don't want her getting any bruises.

The hand draped over her shoulder rests against her breast. Pinching the peak I hear a faint sigh or moan from her. I may have to cover her mouth with mine so I capture her moans as I bring her near climax right here at the table. She'll learn not to give me ideas unless she wants me to follow through.

Sliding my hand under her skirt I slip my hand between her legs. I slide my fingers over the silk of her panties. I want to be down there laving her pussy with my tongue but even I am not that adventurous. Although, if I could be assured the others wouldn't return I'd go under the table in a heartbeat. I'm finding I have fewer objections to going down on Sonja and even less for vanilla sex.

Pulling aside the crotch of her panties I home in on her clit. Now I really have to hold her down. As her moaning gets louder I take the next moan into my mouth. Our tongues touch sending sensuous messages to every nerve ending.

Moving my fingers in and out as I stimulate her clit Sonja is all but grinding against my onslaught of her swollen nub. I'd told myself I wouldn't fuck her until we got to know one another better. Well, technically I am not fucking her. Besides, this is at her instigation.

"Oh God Marcus…I…we…I can't come right here at the table. It's…it's…oh yes do that again. Oh…Oh I coming. Kiss me Marcus. I'm about to get very loud." She's panting. Her speech is slurred without having drunk a drop of alcohol.

Taking her lips I swallow each exhale from her. I feel lightheaded from lack of oxygen. Sonja doesn't know this but kissing like this with me taking in her exhales is an erotic game. It's a form of erotica asphyxiation. I'm not into that but in this case it is necessary and a pleasure.

Sonja looks like a woman who just got thoroughly fucked. Glassy eyes, flushed face, panting heavily. This is not a response to a great slice of pizza.

Bringing my fingers up to my nose I inhale deeply. Her eyes darken. Putting the tips in my mouth I taste her like I wanted to but instead had to use only my hand to bring her to climax.

"Marcus don't." She grabs my wrist just as I am about to taste my fingers.

Leaning in toward her I say, "Sonja, I want to taste you. But since you will deny me that pleasure I'll have to enjoy watching you taste your sweet nectar." She blushes as her eyes widen. Giving my fingers a suspicious glare as they come closer to her lips. I almost laughed out loud as her eyes went cross-eyed. She is so delectable, so fresh and innocent even now after all we have shared.

Running my fingers over her lips is so erotic especially knowing she is tasting herself. Her tongue flicks out running over my fingers. I am so fucking hot for her I could heat half the city. I do the only thing open to me right now, I bring my fingers to my mouth and suck every last bit of her essence from my fingers.

I'm revising my self-inflicted no sexual contact plan and replacing it with a do everything but intercourse plan. Now if only Sonja will cooperate so we can get to know one another on a level other than sexual. She's become a sex vixen. I pride myself on being her teacher. I must say I've done rather well so far. In the back of my mind I'm wondering why I haven't pushed for more kink. I can't say I haven't had some mind altering experiences with Sonja and only with some mild kink. What would it be like if we indulged in my special brand of play?

With one final hard kiss I lean away from Sonja freeing her to stay or go. My chest constricts as she stays exactly where I want her to be, by my side.

After a quick visit to the restroom I collect Sonja and we join the others in rousing games of air hockey and pool. All I want to do is fuck Sonja first on the pool table then on the air hockey table. The patrons may be scandalized but then again maybe they might be up for a floor show with their pizza. That doesn't seem pleasing to me, not the fucking part just the part where everyone would get to see Sonja. I find I don't even want anyone to see her au naturale other than me.

I'm finding being 'normal' isn't all that hard when you have someone you like being normal with. Although I think Sonja and her friends are far from normal.

Maybe we're a case of abnormal beings being pulled together as support for one another. I can see Christian's family taking all these strangers to their bosom. His parents are always taking in strays. Christian still thinks of himself as one of those strays. He got lucky and a wonderful family adopted him. My adoptive family only came into my life recently. I'm willing to take Sonja's friends into the bosom of my family of one or maybe two counting Rosario.

Not even worry over some unknown entity mucking around with my business takes precedence over my budding romance with Sonja. Yes, I thought it, romance. Still scary as hell but I know it is worth the risk to try.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: To all of my guest readers not enjoying my story I'm sorry you think this is crap. I am doing my best to write something to entertain. I get nothing more than a few pats on the back. This is all free. We write for enjoyment and to hone our craft. Maybe the story line isn't the vision I had in my head but it's what got written down. Lucky for me it isn't a published work and can be changed by simply taking down the story and rewriting it or abandoning it. Doesn't cost a dime. No worried publisher standing over me. **

**I may be a little fragile at the moment what with all the crap in my life now. Crap in, crap out. Hope to get rid of all the crap pretty darn quick. **

**Chapter Twenty**

**Risky Business **

**Sonja's Pov**

Other than a few quick kisses Marcus has left me alone. More alone than I care to be. He's attentive and thoughtful. The tables are turned. I'm the aggressor and he's the shy one. Perhaps shy isn't the right word. I suppose he is being tentative as this is a new world for him. A world where he puts the needs of others, or one in particular, me, first. Since he hasn't mentioned his playroom or us going in there to try some of his favorite toys I find I am getting more curious about that darned locked door.

If I had the courage I'd demand he take me in there and by take me I do mean take me in every sense of the word. I think I may be on my way to becoming a sex addict. I need a dose of Marcus the Dominant. I love that he's trying things my way but I don't want to emasculate him or change him completely. I want him to stay the man I fell in love with, except for a few minor changes. I know I need many changes before feeling even partway to deserving such a fine man. If I've learned anything it's that people are always evolving. We change as our circumstances change. For years I was stagnant, now I'm like a free-flowing river, constantly changing even if it isn't seen by the naked eye.

I have to admit I like it when he gets all forceful, forceful, not mean. Since I know I have a safety net I want to encourage his aggressive male tendencies a little more. Power is what makes him feel in control, hence all the BDSM shit. Of course that means he'll have to let go of this idea he has of us getting to know each other better before we have any sex. Not a thing wrong with that and in certain circumstances it is thought to be an ideal situation. Marcus is a man used to being sexually gratified on demand. Now he's burying those needs to please me.

Oh brother, if he only knew the things going on inside my head he'd likely be shocked to his core. Since I can't count on him educating me I'll educate myself. For a subject some still think of as taboo there sure are a lot of books written about sex. Sex in every shape, form and experience level. Marcus is level twelve and I'm stuck on level one, maybe two since our night out. Pizza and sex, what a combo.

I know quite a bit already about Marcus. Can't we learn about our minds at the same time we learn about our bodies? I know his favorite color, blue. I know his favorite food, a thick juicy steak with a baked potato and salad, some thick crusty bread to go with it and whatever wine Rosario puts on the table. With a three or four layer chocolate cake for later, then some kinky sex or sex vanilla for after. I'd settle for either at this point.

He likes to wear jeans as casual wear but feels more powerful and assured in a suit. He likes to sleep on the right side of the bed, in silk boxers, black, my favorite color on him, brush his teeth before bed and after meals. I have to smile as he even brushes before coming to see me. I do the same as a courtesy. He reads every financial paper, every magazine pertaining to the financial community as well as some classics. Moby Dick is his favorite book just slightly above The Count of Monte Christo. Every day I learn more about him. Everything adds up to a wonderfully intelligent, resourceful, great judge of character and an accomplished man with recognition from his peers. He is among the richest men in the country and he wields power. He is a generous giving man contributing to several charities anonymously. Children's organizations are his favorite pet projects. All done on the down low.

What I know most is he is a lonely man. If nothing else I can remove the loneliness and replace it with lots of love, companionship and a family of sorts with me and my friends as well as Rosario. He already has Christian and his family but I know secretly he yearns for a family of his own. Rosario has told me as much if I needed to be told. He looks at Christian's family like a little boy with his nose pressed against the candy store window.

I feel like an addict after a long term high suddenly left without any drugs at all. I want them, I need them. What I really want plain and simple is Marcus whichever way I can get him. I'm past being choosey. Permanent or temporary, I want him. I hope I'm not being conceited when I say I believe he wants me for more than a brief affair.

A couple of weeks have passed since we all went to The Wave. My black kitten is propped on my pillow during the day and cuddled to my chest every night. I'd rather I had Marcus held tightly in my arms but like I said he's gone all noble wanting for us to take things slowly. From what I know of him I wouldn't have thought slow was in his vocabulary when it came to something he wanted. If I didn't know better I'd think he didn't want me. His melt my shoes kisses tell me all I need to know.

First Paul moved out with an open invitation for any of us to visit any of his clubs as visitors, either active or simply to observe. I blush recalling all I saw on my first visit there. I doubt I'll be making any second visits.

Now that Thor has the funds he's signed up for some computer classes to finish out his degree. He's also taken a stand with his girlfriend's father. Having his own apartment and pursuing a career goes a long way toward winning approval. Lydia is now wearing Thor's ring. He still prefers Thor to the name his pathetic parents gave him. Who cares? He's still the same person.

Matt and Libby have rented an apartment together. I guess seeing everyone pairing up around them finally gave Matt the courage to come right out and declare how he felt about Libby. She asked him why it took him so long as she's known for ages.

Marcus and I are still finding our way. I'd declare how I feel if I thought for sure he wouldn't run from me terrified. How do couples ever make any headway if neither of them is willing to take the bull by the horns and tell the other they love them?

Tonight he's invited some friends of his over for dinner. Breaking protocol I'm going to have dinner in his apartment. Since the night I dropped by to invite him to dinner I haven't set foot in it. He's made my apartment his second home. I don't mind. Time spent with him anyplace is time well spent.

I suppose since he never had his women sleep over it was hard for us to find a place to be intimate or was until everyone moved out. I've hinted how very alone I am without coming right out and inviting him over for a night of hot steamy sex. My apartment had been crawling with people. I love them but I'd have sent them on a long vacation if that meant Marcus would resume teaching me the ropes, or is that rope tricks? I have read that some BDSM includes ropes and special techniques for tying them. Suspension is sometimes involved. I'm not sure I'd like the suspension part. It did mention that if not done properly a person could be hurt or worse, killed. That's way out of my realm of things I'm willing to try. Being tied up and controlled by Marcus doesn't seem to be anything to be frightened of. He'd never deliberately hurt me. I yearn for a repeat of our first night together.

Rosario and I have been cooking all day. She's teaching me to cook. She's shown me how to set the table properly. It all looks wonderful. The smells coming from the kitchen are making my stomach growl. I pick a few of the scrumptious looking canapés from a tray to eat. I bypass the tray with the caviar. I don't care if it costs its weight in gold I'm not eating fish eggs. It seems Mr. Grey and Marcus are fond of the stuff. Marcus got a peculiar look in his eye when he asked for a tray of oysters on the half shell be part of the dinner menu. His request upset Rosario's carefully planned menu but like always she cannot refuse him. Join the club Rosario. I'm one of his biggest fans.

For tonight I chose a little black number halter topped dress. It plunges down to my navel in the front. I can't imagine Marcus saw or approved this dress. With my back left bare to my waist there is hardly enough left to the imagination as even the hemline is scandalous. If I bend over I'll show things I want only Marcus to see. The black strappy stiletto sandals are sexy as hell and just as uncomfortable as I imagined. What we women do to please our men.

Marcus is cutting it close as Mr. and Mrs. Grey are supposed to arrive at seven for drinks. It is now six thirty. The front door opens and in he walks looking like he stepped off the front cover of GQ. Damn, are suits supposed to be a turn-on? He needs to shower and I want to volunteer to be his valet. With a little practice I could get pretty good at undressing him. I'm not so interested in learning how to put his clothes on, only take them off.

For a moment he stops short just looking at me as if wondering what the hell I'm doing here. I think I shocked him. He's used to only having Rosario in his home unless it's one of his…his female _friends_. Those he only let into his playroom. I know I told him I didn't want to have anything to do with any of that crap. I even indicated that on the contract, signed but not mailed a fact Marcus has not broached nor am I offering up any information. I am finding that door intrigues me like no other. I want to open it and explore what is hidden behind that dark panel of wood.

After only a few seconds Marcus's brow clears. He relaxes then comes to take me in his arms. I dare not let myself wonder too often if this is how it would be if we were a real couple or even…no, best not go down that road. I'll just make the best of the time I do have with him, store as many memories as I can.

"You smell nice. You feel even better. Where the hell's the rest of your dress?" Marcus is nibbling my neck while running his hands over my back. I'm plastered to his front like a second skin.

"This is one of the dresses you had picked out for me. Don't you like it?"

"I like it just fine. I'm worried Christian might like it too." From what Rosario has told me we have nothing to worry about on that matter as Christian only has eyes for his wife. He guards her as if all other men are poachers. If he could, he'd have steel traps around her all the time with the only map to their locations in his pocket.

I think I'll like this Christian if for no other reason than he is someone Marcus considers a close friend. As for the other men coming, Matt has eyes only for Libby. Thor and Paul well, they would make a play for me with only the slightest encouragement from me but I'd rather have them as big brothers than potential lovers. Thor wouldn't want to hurt my feelings and I am sure he'd bring his lovely Lydia along on any outings we might have. He'd let me down in the gentlest way possible. Paul, well he'd ravish me, maybe even keep me around a while, more than a while as he'd still think of me as a friend. He has former lovers calling him at all hours just to chat or get his advice. He really is quite something. Some day when he least expects it some woman will come along and steal his heart. I do believe I've seen the matchmaker eye in Rosario.

This will be my first dinner party. It doesn't matter that it isn't my home or they will be here at someone else's invitation. I am to play hostess which pleased me no end when Marcus asked me to co-host with him. I don't know the etiquette in these matters but I'm just happy to be part of it. It touched me he included my friends.

"Marcus Devlin, you let Sonja go. You should have been in the shower fifteen minutes ago. What sort of host isn't ready to greet his guests?" Rosario scolds him while wiping her hands on her apron. She is trying to hide the smile that wants to spread across her mouth. She feels she spoils him too much already. Personally I think he needs spoiling on a constant basis. He is so overwhelmed by the smallest gestures as if he isn't used to people doing things for him just for the hell of it.

He sure did wolf down the brownies Libby and I baked for him. We made separate pans for the others lest they felt left out. Libby agrees with me, Marcus needs some TLC. He doesn't need money or sex thrown in his face he merely needs some mothering, not that I feel anything motherly toward him. I'm not a pervert like…I'll not go there as I've made a pact with myself to begin to let the past out into the light then let it go. Little by little I am doing that. I'll work up to what Pervert Parent did to me.

Marcus has just returned to the living room with his hair still wet from the shower when we hear a knock at the door. I'm going to suggest Marcus might want to put in a doorbell. Knocks are hard to hear if you aren't in the living room. I've found that out in the apartment below. I don't have enough keys for everyone. I'm not certain Marcus would approve me handing out keys or codes to his apartment. Now that they are out it seems even less like something I should do.

Oh my! The man Marcus greets is stunning. I haven't been a particular fan of red hair but on this man it looks positively decadent. Raw sexual power oozes off of him. I recognize it because Marcus has the same sort of aura. They both are also men to be reckoned with in the boardroom. Power houses both of them. A heady combo. What woman could resist them?

Mr. Grey's wife is lovely. She doesn't look very assertive but I suppose there is more to her than meets the eye if she keeps her husband in line. From what Rosario told me they keep a close watch on each other.

Marcus pulls me to his side with a possessive arm around my waist as he says, "Christian, Ana, I'd like you to meet Sonja Donatella. Sonja this is Ana and her husband and my best friend, Christian Grey."

"So nice to meet you both." They are eyeing me speculatively as if I'm some sort of oddity. I'm a bit put out as Marcus introduced me simply as Sonja. It shouldn't hurt but it does. I'm reminded that like Rosario, I'm the hired help. My job description includes sexual favors where she is only his housekeeper. Mr. and Mrs. Grey look at me as if they know who I am. I do remember seeing them one time with Marcus at The Breeze. Not a night I care to remember.

Before things can get awkward the rest of our guests arrive. Everyone is friendly, willing to put effort into the evening. Paul and Christian know one another. They are friendly if wary. Paul is not above poaching when it suits him, either in business or his personal life. Christian pulls Ana closer to his side. As if Paul would have a chance. Ana can barely keep her hands off Christian and he is the same.

A strange thing happens when Christian gets a good look at Libby. It's as if he's been pole axed. When he breaks free of whatever gripped him into immobility he takes Libby's hand when she is introduced to him. He's stunned. That's the only way to say it. Libby has him mesmerized.

At first Ana looks ready to rumble with Libby as she eyes my friend suspiciously. Then all of a sudden her brow clears and she looks at Christian with a tenderness I wouldn't have thought he deserved since practically falling on his face when being introduced to Libby. He still has her hand in his and looks as if he intends to keep her just where she is. Ana says something to him that breaks him out of his trance. He's shaken. What's that all about? Libby is her usual kind concerned self. She doesn't look as if she's just been manhandled or ogled by a strange but handsome man in front of his wife.

If anything she looks all concerned because suddenly Christian looks unwell. Both Ana and Libby are at his side. Libby is speaking to Ana quietly. Oh great, Libby is going to entertain us with her cosmic outlook on all that happens in the universe. There are times when Libby seems to be psychic or maybe just tuned into people. I know for a fact she can read people better than anyone I know. More often than not she's accurate in her assessments. Libby and Rosario are as thick as thieves sometimes. I am sure to hear any day they are opening a matchmaking service.

Matt is a little broody as Libby continues to stay with Ana and Christian. He gets the nerve to stand by her side. Instantly she introduces Matt. That mollifies him somewhat.

I wish I had thought to invite two females for Thor and Paul. Thor's fiancé is visiting her grandmother for a couple of weeks in Florida. I don't know any other girls but I'm sure Marcus has a thick book of exes he could call in a pinch. That thought sours my mood until Marcus comes in close and gives me a kiss on the cheek while his hand sneaks back and pinches my butt. I just manage not to yelp out loud. He has a gleam in his eye I'm familiar with. Maybe tonight after our guests leave I could approach asking about his playroom.

The appetizers go over big. Rosario is sure to make a point that I did most of the cooking under her supervision. Ana and Christian feed oysters to one another. Marcus and Christian share a conspiratorial look. Matt tries his hand at feeding Libby an oyster. She swallows it down even though she doesn't like shellfish. The very smell of them make me queasy so I am glad the platter is empty by the time it makes its way to Marcus.

Christian appears to be holding back saying something to Matt. Ana doesn't seem concerned. Maybe they are into threesomes or foursomes. Who knows? They are Marcus's friends after all. Marcus can forget anything like that with me. I do think Matt would beat Christian senseless if he proposed anything like that. Libby might have to give him a few good thumps too despite her overly friendly attitude toward a man for all intent and purposes is a stranger to her.

Despite my careful seating arrangement Ana and Libby take seats on either side of Christian. I planned to sit at one end with Marcus at the opposite end. No one does as they are supposed to. Marcus glares at poor Thor until he relents and moves from the seat on my right. That left the other end free for Matt so he could be by Libby. Poor Paul and Thor are odd men out. I failed as a host my first time out. Evening male female numbers didn't occur to me. Wasn't making sure the sexes were even part of the hostess' job?

As the night wore on no one seemed to mind the uneven number of males versus females. We were all eager to listen to Marcus and Christian discuss business. It might be construed as unethical but how else could we learn anything? Besides our foray into the business world is waning now that everyone is filling their time with living as units of two instead of one. Paul joined in on the conversation. It became clear he had a sharp mind for business if we didn't already know that.

"Say Christian I've been hearing rumors of someone raiding your company. Got any leads? If you'd like I can make inquiries in some of the places you might not be comfortable. You'd be surprised how much bottom feeders know about what's going on at the top. That's how we get former bottom feeders. They climb the ladder."

I glare at Paul as does Ana and Libby. It's clear he's making a crack at both Christian and Marcus. Not everyone is born a trust fund baby. He has the grace to look sheepish. He even mumbles an apology. Maybe being odd man out for once brought out his bitchy side. Other than that one episode everyone got along great. Especially Christian and Libby. Those two got along like a house on fire after Christian's first hesitant effort to speak to Libby.

To make amends for being an ass Paul offers his help again. Christian and Marcus both accept graciously. I give Marcus's knee a squeeze underneath the table. Those brown eyes take on the melted chocolate color I love on him. Now if he'd melt me the way his eyes seem to be melting we'd be heading where I want to go.

Beat all heck out of me why a woman would encourage someone looking like Libby to even talk with her husband let alone leave them deep in a private conversation. Just goes to show how being confident of your mates love and your unwavering trust in them goes a long way in a relationship.

I must have looked askance one too many times as Ana finally spoke reluctantly, "I'm sure you're wondering why Christian is so…so captivated by Libby. I can only say she reminds him of someone he once loved and lost. He has been torn because he felt if he loved this woman it was somehow wrong. His memories of her are tainted by events that happened later in life. He's only now coming to terms with what happened to him."

Placing my hand on her arm I say sincerely, "Please, don't say anymore. I understand all too well about how our pasts tend to make us see the world in the present differently. Even as we tell ourselves the past shouldn't have any influence over us in the here and now it does, for some people more than for others. I know you are aware of who and what I am. It's difficult to separate our past from our present but it can be done with love and support. Christian has you and a loving family. Me, I have a loyal group of friends, one in particular. Christian is safe with Libby. If anyone can heal the wounded it's Libby."

Ana cast a smile toward the two then turned back to me to say, "I do get a vibe from Libby that quiets any misgivings I might otherwise have. I tend to agree with your friend, sometimes fate does step in and lend a hand. It's up to us whether or not we take what is offered. And don't sell yourself short. You've come a long way from the girl I saw several months ago." Glancing at Marcus she adds, "And there is such a difference in Marcus as well. I'm very pleased he's found someone."

I could tell her what my relationship with Marcus is but it sounds so much better her way. I've been lost, found and now hopefully I'll be kept by my hero for always.

As Christian stands up and takes Libby's hand to help her up they smile at one another. Christian turns to give Ana such a beautiful smile I too am affected. Holy crap another one. So much sex appeal among so few males should be illegal.

I think even Ana is shocked when Christian announces he has just offered to take Libby on in his apprentice program at a junior level. Matt gives him a suspicious look as his male feathers are well and truly ruffled. Ana is torn between her first impression of what Christian felt and feeling that maybe something else is going on. Libby, well, Libby is Libby. She's fairly bubbling like a newly opened bottle of Champaign. I wonder what this means in terms of our partnership. Couldn't this be considered a conflict of interest? Oh hell, I may as well admit that without Paul we are a rudderless ship. We could still play the market but not on a grand scale.

I think we should cash in our chips and bank what we have. Leave the world of high finance to those with more grit. I'm happy being a big fish in a small pond. I'll swim with the other guppies.

My plans to tempt Marcus into taking me to his playroom are thwarted by Rosario. The woman has become my personal chastity belt. I think Marcus is grateful for her persistence in keeping us apart except under circumstances where nothing can happen. Apparently she doesn't know Marcus all that well or at least not the perverted exhibitionist. I suppose since I'm the one he is exhibiting and for his eyes and hands only then I don't mind joining in his perversion.

In the elevator with the others he stood behind me. I had to fake a cough when I felt his hand come between my legs. His leg nudged between mine pressing an impressive erection into my butt. The ping came all too soon signaling the doors are opening. We waved off Christian and Ana. The others are coming to my place to play some games and have a few drinks. If I'd have known Marcus would be coming down I wouldn't have invited them to stay. We all ride the elevator back up to my floor.

Before we left the elevator Marcus whispered, "Go and take off your panties. I want to feel you without anything between my hand and your wet pussy."

Okay, is this the sex on demand anytime, anyplace, any way he wanted? The contract still hasn't been mailed but I don't want to say no. I'd rather not have so many people around when I'm walking around without my panties but it has been commanded and since I want to be a good sub I must do what I'm told. I'm panting and almost run into the bathroom to remove my panties. Some very sexy black lace that I wanted Marcus to see. I'm still trying to erase the memory of my granny panties and ugly bra from both our minds.

While the others play cards Marcus takes me out to the balcony. I haven't spent time out here as I do have a fear of heights. I didn't feel any fear when I rode the roller coaster with Marcus. I don't feel any now. All I can focus on is what he has planned. I don't have long to wait.

Sitting down in a lounge chair he pulls me down onto his lap. He's breathing hard which in turn drives up my heart rate. Biting at my earlobe he demands, "Take out my cock. I want to impale you."

We are somewhat hidden by several potted plants. Since we didn't turn on the light it is dark with only a sliver of light from inside reaching our lounger. I'm wondering how he is going to accomplish this feat. Not in any vanilla flavor for sure.

Twisting to the side I manage to get his jeans undone. He lifts his hips to help me release him from the restriction of his boxers. I would have faced him and taken him this way but he has other ideas.

"Turn your back to me." He grabs my chin and says gruffly, "This isn't because I don't want to see you as I take you. Taking you from behind this way will at least give the appearance that we are merely sharing the lounger." I suppose he's saving my reputation or his hide. Matt, Thor and Paul might take him to task for having his way with me regardless if I want it too.

"I've tried to keep things from going too far but I can't be around you and not have you. I'm not that noble." He's kissing me on my neck driving me crazy. I lose all sanity when he touches my breast. Did he have this in mind when he chose the dress? Easy access.

As I lift up and he positions his cock I sink down onto his hard length. Something in the back of my mind is nagging at me. I'm too far gone to think of anything but Marcus and how he fills me.

At first he moves slowly. Instinctively I use the arms of the lounger to lift up and down. I'm getting some hot sex plus a workout all in one.

He hones in on my clit. It is so hard not to cry out. I'm a very noisy person when I have sex. I'm a talker. Marcus likes that as he encourages me to tell him how I'm feeling.

Marcus is somewhat of a breast man. He likes to pinch, pull and bite me there right on my nipples. He groans as they pebble against the palm of his hand.

"I have missed you, missed this. I was crazy to think I could go without taking you after having a taste of you. You are so tight, so wet. Always ready for me. Do you want to come my sweet Siren?"

"Yes, Mr. Devlin. Make me come. You are the master of my body. Do what you want. I am yours." I wasn't only giving over my body to him but everything I am. My mind, body and soul. He owned me whether he knew it or not. I surrender to his sexual prowess but more than that I surrender as a woman to the man she loves. I love Marcus Devlin and it breaks my heart because I am only a vessel to receive my male counterpart as he seeks release. I could be anyone, any willing female. I am just me, Sonja, and I fear I may get permanently broken.

I can't think of that right now. He feels too good. As we climb higher Marcus turns my head to the side so he can capture my loud moan with his mouth.

"Sonja…" My name sounded as if it strangled him. I can feel and taste the sweat on his upper lip. I am so focused on my own climax I almost missed what Marcus whispered just as his own climax racked through him. He said, "I love you my Sonja. I'm sorry."

Through my lust fogged mind I try to decipher what I heard. He doesn't say anything else. Did he even say what I thought or was it something my own fevered mind conjured during an incredible sexual high?

Spent, heaving breasts, body liquefied, I try to recall exactly what I thought I heard. If he said he loved me, why follow it immediately with the words I'm sorry?

I must have heard wrong. I am not brave enough to ask him to repeat it as clearly he did not wish for me to hear what he said. Either that or I am off my rocker imagining things. What I wouldn't give to hear him say those words and mean them.

Having to sneak past my friends into the bathroom I heave a sigh once the door is closed behind me. Searching beneath the sink for a washcloth I wade through the paraphernalia beneath the sink. I really need to try to be more organized. Suddenly as I'm rummaging around what nagged me earlier without wading up through my sex fog is now blaringly clear. Oh God! What have I done?

Marcus took me to Christian and Ana's for a barbeque. I love seeing Marcus the way he is around Christian's family. Those two kids adore their Uncle Marcus. Little Phoebe has her adopted uncle eating out of her chubby litttle hand. There is no denying who fathered those two redheads.

Marcus took me to Christian and Ana's for a barbeque. I love seeing Marcus the way he is around Christian's family. Those two kids adore their Uncle Marcus. Little Phoebe has her adopted uncle eating out of her chubby little hand. There is no denying who fathered those two redheads. Teddy spends his time with the men at the grill. Phoebe is torn. Uncle Marcus and the promise of twirling her around won out over talk of the best sellers list from the New York Times.

My chest aches for a child. I didn't miss Marcus gazing longingly at Teddy and Phoebe. He wants a child. Maybe he can't say it out loud yet but it's plain as day how he feels toward children. My guilt eases a little with that knowledge.

I want to take Marcus by the hand into that candy store and offer him to feast until his tummy hurts. I want to give him a family, one a part of him and a part of me. I am selfish enough to put me in the picture when I let my mind put him in a frame with a family. Children, he'd make a wonderful father even if he scoffs at the idea like Rosario said he used to do when she prodded him to settle down and marry so he could produce a houseful of little ones. I'm glad he didn't cave in to her urging as I'd hate for our children to born bastards with me as his mistress with his wife at home tending to hearth and home. My conscience is shaking a finger at me but I argue this situation is different. He isn't married and well, I could be classed as his mistress but that isn't how I see this. Am I delusional? I hope not for both our sakes and…well the _and_ part isn't here but maybe…


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I wasn't going to post so soon but I feel the need to put my readers minds to rest. THIS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN CHEATS ON ANA STORY! I can't picture it so can't write it either. Throughout I've been saying how they can't keep their hands and eyes to themselves. Hinted how great their lovelife is. I hope this chapter clears up a few more things everyone is confused about. The bbq was an attempt to introduce Sonja into Christian and Ana's world even moreso than the dinner at Marcus's apartment. If I didn't make it clear before let me say it loud and clear now, Marcus and Christian are as close as brothers. They feel a connection because of their own tragic childhoods. Hope this puts to rest any worries about any cheating, as if I'd do that to one of my favorite modern literary couples. **

**Chapter Twenty-one**

**Suspicion **

**Marcus's Pov**

Suddenly my life is filled with more than work or money intermingled with meaningless sex. I have a woman I find myself wanting her in my life in a more permanent way than just as a means to scratch an itch.

To further this new emotional connection I conned Christian into inviting me and Sonja to his house. I didn't want anything formal. I felt something casual would feel more relaxing. This is an attempt at living normal. Sharing with friends is normal.

Things couldn't have gone better if I wrote a script and had everyone cast in parts. Of course I had to tell Ana and Christian about Sonja. I think they guessed already this woman was different from all the others. She's the only one I willingly sent my other women packing without a single regret. I haven't demanded my kind of sex or even demanded I receive a signed contract from my siren.

When Sonja produced two bags filled with toys from an erotic sex store I didn't know quite what to do or say. Before she disarmed me I am honest enough to say I would have jumped at the chance to show Sonja how pleasurable some pain can be but I didn't want to ruin things by being too forceful.

I didn't mind the scented oils with familiar flavors. I sure did like them flavored with a touch of Sonja.

Planning on bringing Sonja further into my life I want everyone to accept her. My two closest friends already brought her into their inner circle. Rosario has nothing but praise for Sonja. Tonight will be the night I introduce Sonja to all of my adopted family. I know they'll welcome her as they have me.

As I am driving I recall a private moment with Christian. I must say he still has the ability to surprise me.

_**Marcus's recollection. **_

"_Marcus, I guess you noticed what a fool I made of myself at your dinner party. All I can say in my defense is I had good reason."_

"_Hey, Christian, you don't owe me any explanation. I know you and can't imagine you doing anything to jeopardize your marriage."_

"_Damn straight I won't. That business with Libby, I'm a bit embarrassed to say why I acted shell shocked. I suppose in a way I was. I don't think we ever discussed our mothers other than the fact we had them and they are dead."_

_He swallows before continuing, "My mother…she…I didn't always think very much about her other than I wanted to forget I had a mother. Ana knew better than I did how I felt about the woman who gave birth to me. For years I felt certain I only felt hatred toward her. Let me tell you I wasn't very easily swayed into believing anything good about my birthmother."_

"_I guess neither of us won the lottery when we got stuck with our parents. I had both parents in my life and neither would win any prizes for their parenting skills. I suppose they loved me as much as the drugs would allow them to even think of me. Christian, for years I hated both my parents for choosing drugs over me. In my mind that meant they would rather die than be with me."_

"_Yeah, I hated my mother too. I don't know if the man living with us was my father or just my mother's pimp and drug provider. Over time I've started to remembe__r some good things. I guess she did the best she could with what she had. You know how I used to be and my submissives. They were all a type. Ana is my type. I chose those women because they looked like my mother. I couldn't punish her because she was dead but I sure as hell could punish those I put in her place. Libby…Libby looks like my mother. Not just as a type but as in she could be my mother as she was at Libby's age. When I saw her for once I didn't want to punish my mother. I wanted to find a connection, something good. I can't do anything about my mother but I can help Libby. What good is having wealth if you can't use it to do good deeds once in a while? Libby's bright, eager and can charm the pants off anyone. So what if she doesn't have a stack of degrees. She has a diploma from the hard knocks school of life."_

_He stopped and laughed out loud as he said, "Libby says maybe she's my mother reincarnated. You know what she asked me? She asked if I felt a need to be spanked. Ana did laugh. I still haven't punished her for telling Libby about me spanking her. I shudder to think what other things those women talk about."_

"_Well now Christian, think of all of our discussions then maybe you'll have an id__ea."_

"_Oh man, now her ass is really gonna burn." He smiled and I think he licked his lips in anticipation of Ana's pink ass and not the barbequed chicken._

**Back to the present. **

I intended to visit Christian today in order to tell him what horrible dishonest thing I've done to Sonja. The envelop with the pictures and demand note arrived pissing me off drawing focus away from my personal life as I silently paced, cursed and threatened this unknown person with bodily harm. My original idea to see Christian seemed more important than ever. When I arrived at GEH Inc. it is to find Christian received a similar envelop.

"God damn it. Shit! What do I pay everyone for if this shit keeps happening?" Christian shouts angrily as he waves the photos and note around he has tightly gripped in his hand. He isn't being as discreet as perhaps he should be. No one in the office would breathe a word but why take unnecessary risks?

I've seen him angry before so I'm not moved by his outburst. His female office employees though shrink down in their desk chairs trying to hide behind their computer monitors. It would be funny if things weren't so fucked up. I guided Christian into the privacy of his office. For once I'm the calmer of the two of us.

I asked one of the assistants to get in touch with Christian's security team. I also asked for all the signed sheets of deliveries made today. I'm not their boss but my tone and demeanor had them jumping to carry out my commands. I've been here enough so they know Christian and I are close friends. I think they're happy to let someone else deal with their boss's volatile temper.

Someone is trying to blackmail not only Christian but me as well. My blackmailer doesn't have the ammunition of photos to compromise me like he does Christian at least not such explicit ones or as many. Mine only date back around five years while some of Christian's are from when he was only around twenty one. The ones of me could be looked at as staged even if I know I did wield the whip against the flesh of the woman in the photo. She's a former submissive. Luckily I'm wearing black leather pants instead of being stark naked like I usually am in such situations. It isn't my former submissive trying to blackmail me as she entered a convent. I don't have the security Christian does; I've never needed it before. He has dossiers on all his former subs. It is doubtful any of them would do something like this. A few have caused him trouble but nothing of this magnitude.

I'm worried in case Sonja sees these photos. She knows what I've done, what I am. It's one thing to know about it and quite another to have it crammed down your throat like this. The blackmailers have threatened to send copies of the photos to our families and friends as well as any trash printing paper. I don't have any family and my only friend is Christian so I'm only worried if they get leaked to the press or sent to Sonja.

Whoever this is doesn't know me very well. All my close associates working for me know I have no family. Rosario and now Sonja and her friends are as close to family as I have outside Ana and Christian and their families.

Several photos are from Christian's younger days when he trained to be a Dominant then a Submissive. There are photos from both positions as well as some very explicit sexual acts I am sure no husband wants his wife to see unless the she's part of the subject matter. Christian's face flushes beet red as he grabs the photos out of my hand viciously. He scowls at his employees and they make like they're invisible as he whispers angrily, "Damn it Marcus I don't need you knowing what my ass and cock look like. Some things are best left unknown."

"Well buddy, I can't say as I'm panting to see your prick but hey, it's sort of like a train wreck you can't look away as much as you want to. Besides I wanted to see if the pictures were taken by the same photographer. Maybe this person has something in the technique or maybe the camera that will give us some clue who the blackmailer is."

As much as he is denying it we both know those photos could only come from one source, Mrs. Lincoln. She may even be plotting with her ex as Christian fucked the guys wife then took his company from him. Christian had justification for the takeover but still that kind of thing has to leave a man feeling raw and a tad crazed. A big kick in the gut had to be when after acquiring the company Christian sold it off piece by piece until nothing remained of the business Mr. Lincoln built from the ground up. Enough motive to seek revenge.

I'm not sure who my blackmailer is. It could be anyone I've outmaneuvered. It seems more than a coincidence that both Christian and I are suffering from someone trying to raid our companies. Now this blackmail attempt. Both requests are for $10,000,000. A sum we can get but not at the drop of a hat. The blackmailer gives us three days. We're supposed to reply via e-mail to an account so encrypted it would take the CIA a week to find the original address or the account holder. We've been given separate account numbers for a bank in the Caymans.

I had been still reeling from my own blackmail demands when Christian called me. As he shouted and cursed over the phone I put two and two together. We have the same blackmailer or group of blackmailers.

The only things that connects us is our proposed real estate venture and our friendship. We are friends but that has nothing to do with business. I can't think of anyone who knows us that has any reason to hold a grudge against both of us. It doesn't make sense.

I led Christian into his office. No need to give his employees any more to gossip about. "Christian I think…" The door opening unceremoniously with a crash as it hit the wall Ana came storming in. Steam nearly came out her ears she is so angry. In her hand she has a stack of papers that look suspiciously similar to the ones Christian and I received. She tosses them across his desk then stands with arms crossed and feet planted. She's not going anywhere until Christian gives an explanation she finds satisfactory. She'll have his balls on a platter otherwise.

"Explain," Ana orders in a no nonsense tone. I wouldn't want to be the next person to piss her off.

"I only just got my own envelope. Marcus got a similar one. The only difference between yours and mine is I have a note demanding ten million or these go public along with many others this person claims to have. I don't need this shit now. Marcus and I are about to close on a deal that could net us ten times what the blackmailer is asking. And no, before you ask I have no idea who it could be." He sounds defensive. No wonder. Everything bad that's happened to them the last few years is a result of Christian's former life, the life he led before he met Ana.

"I'll bet it's that Bitch Troll, Elena Lincoln. Has anyone checked to see if she crawled out from under her rock?" Ana sure does have a hate on for Christian's former lover slash Dominant. I still have trouble picturing him letting anyone dominate him, not even Ana and he gives her a lot of wiggle room.

"Surely after…after our last encounter she wouldn't be so foolish as to test me again. I let her off last time pretty damn easy. If she dares come after me again I'll ruin her. I'll make certain she's left with nothing."

"I can't see Mrs. Lincoln coming after me. We never even met. I didn't meet you until long after you and Ana were married. Maybe she's after you but why come after me? She may be a piece of the puzzle but I feel in my gut something else is going on. We just have to figure out what the fuck it is."

I didn't even apologize to Ana for my crude language. I felt the situation warranted something other than shocked exclamations. Someone or maybe several people are trying to fuck with our lives.

Damn it, just when things are starting to look as if they might work out for me. In the last couple of weeks I've let Sonja have more access to my apartment. I haven't moved her in but I let her know I wouldn't be adverse to coming home to find her waiting for me. For Christ's sake I gave her a fucking keycard and my code. What more proof do I need before I admit I am fucking crazy for her? I feel terrible about what I've done to Sonja but I am still hoping to reap a reward from her innocence. I could plead I am blameless but then that might give Sonja the idea she is at fault. Like I said before I am a fucking selfish bastard.

I really do need to speak to Christian but now isn't the time. If I wait too long asking for his advice will be a moot point as the secret won't remain a secret for long. When it comes out I may even have a target on my back.

"I'll get every person on this I can spare. You do the same at your end Marcus. There has to be some clue someplace. We're just not seeing it."

"My money's still on the Bitch Troll. Every time she screwed up last time she swore she learned her lesson. I swear Christian if it comes out she's behind all this I will personally take care of her. No more leniency. I've been itching to pull her head bald ever since I found she's the pedophile who caused so much of your pain. I'm going home now so I can plan everything I want to do to that woman." With that Ana stomped angrily out of Christian's office. A resounding slam of the door accentuates just how pissed Ana is.

"She is somewhat possessive and protective of you."

Christian grins like a Cheshire cat and says, "Yeah, she is. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Now would be the perfect time to spill my guts about what I did but now I feel anxious. I don't want to lose Christian's respect. Damn it why did I pull something so selfish? I didn't even give her an option. I wanted something then planned how to get it without taking Sonja's feelings into consideration. God! What a mess. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. It's too soon to know anything. I can't very well make any demands without tipping my hand.

I'm for sure going to catch hell from Rosario as well as everyone else. Shit, even I want to kick my ass. If I thought about my plan a little more maybe I wouldn't have gone ahead with it. That's the problem though, I didn't think, it was a spur of the moment yearning that got the best of me and now Sonja might have to pay the price for my selfishness.

I leave Christian's office feeling no better than when I went to see him. I couldn't unload what I'd done on him while he's worried about his business and this new threat of exposure. For me the exposure may not have adverse affects as I'm single and a healthy male with a healthy sexual appetite. The tabloids might even spin it so I become America's next hot sex symbol.

Tonight Sonja has a surprise for me. I'm supposed to wait at the front door for her with a blindfold on until she comes for me. Rosario has been given the night off. Sonja is cooking dinner. What else she has planned I am afraid to speculate. I am in two minds whether I want her surprise to be opening the playroom or merely offering me some other form of sexual release. Knowing what might be happening with her I am hesitant to get too forceful. Once again I regret not getting a chance to speak to Christian about this new developing situation. Rosario is not a possible confidant in this case. She'd grab the nearest rifle and hold me at gunpoint until I made things right.

Two hours later I arrive home. Dutifully I put on the domino mask left on the entry hall table. There is silence in the apartment. I don't smell any food aromas coming from the kitchen.

"Don't peek. Trust me to guide you." Sonja's voice is suddenly coming from my right. I feel her small hand taking mine. Anyone else I wouldn't trust being blindfolded and at their mercy. If only Sonja knew how much faith and trust I am putting in this simple gesture it would surely tell her how deeply my feelings go.

The direction we take leads directly to my playroom. My heart speeds up anticipating finally getting to use some of my toys. I'm hesitant about using anything though as things are. Just my luck Sonja goes willingly into the playroom and I am balking at using anything in there.

Still holding my hand I hear the door opening. Sonja says hesitantly, "I made a few adjustments. If you don't like them I can have the workmen come back and change everything back. Come, sit here in this chair. I had it delivered today. It's exactly like the one you have in your living room."

Instantly I see her naked straddled over my cock in this chair. I fantasized about the one in my living room and now I can carry it out in my playroom. I feel so fucking guilty. I should be shot. Instantly my mind went to viewing this as another opportunity to use to my advantage.

She guides me to the chair. When I'm sitting I feel her walk away. "When you hear the music begin take off the mask."

Only a few seconds pass before music is coming from all around us. Surround sound. Oh damn, she has Sex on Fire coming from every angle. Pulling off the mask I nearly expire when I see Sonja in a short white filmy piece of nothing that is cut to look like a Roman garment. Her hair is styled as women wore it during the early years of the Roman Empire. Oh fuck I'm a goner.

As if that isn't enough to have me going into cardiac arrest she's installed a stripper pole. Damned if she isn't climbing, sliding and posturing like a pro. I suppose all those hours she spent away from me she took lessons. I know for damn sure she never worked a day in a strip club even if she looks like a professional now.

Holy shit! I sure as hell wish I had a few hundred singles on me to stuff in that tiny excuse for a dress, better yet in those white thong underwear that cover very little. She might as well be wearing dental floss, not that I'm complaining. As long as she's with me she'll never wear a thong bikini in public. All of what is on display is for my eyes only. Whether she knows it or not I've claimed her in this moment. Now I just have to work up my courage to voice how I feel.

The song comes to an end. Thank God. Another minute watching her gyrate up and down that pole I'd be drooling like a dog in front of a butcher's shop. As it is I've been stroking my bulging cock this whole time. Damn glad I didn't take out my cock or I'd be wearing my ejaculate somewhere on my clothes.

Sonja comes to straddle me. Wrapping her arms around me she covers my lips for a long toe curling kiss. Any more of this and I won't fit in my pants. As it is the seams are about to split.

"Did…did you like it?" Feeling the size of my cock pressed against her pussy how can she ask that question with a straight face?

"Oh baby, I more than liked it but isn't …isn't it a little strenuous?"

Sonja gives me a curious look. Of course she does. She's a young and healthy woman. Women use the damn poles as exercise all the time. They weren't just found in strip clubs anymore.

"Libby said it's the newest exercise craze. I know I sure was sore the first few times. I'm glad I finally got over being so uncoordinated. Libby and I laughed our heads off when we first started. It wasn't a pretty sight."

Pointing with her hand she says, "Would you like something to eat? I hope I chose things you like."

Now I see there is a veritable banquet set on a low table with a red cloth covering the top surface. There are colored pillows on the floor large enough to sit on. I want her to eat so I declare I am starving. She smiles as she scoots off my lap to take me by the hand and lead me to the pillows.

Over the next hour I am fed grapes, shrimp, cooked pieces of chicken dipped in several kinds of sauces. In-between feeding me bites of food I get drinks of wine. When she would have taken a drink I remove the glass from her hand. To distract her I take her lips in a deep kiss.

She offered me dessert. I'd rather have her for dessert. Instead I get chocolates filled with varying flavors. There is also a chocolate fountain with various fruit surrounding the base.

One hunger is satisfied now I want to satisfy another. I'll be gentle if it kills me. Definitely no kink until I confess all to Christian and get some answers.

Sonja takes over pushing me down onto my back. My head rests on one of the pillows. She straddles me. Inexperienced fingers work at my belt and zipper. My pants are down around my ankles before I know what is going on. The minx has been practicing or she's as eager as I am. Heaving breasts along with the flushed skin is testament that my Siren is as hot for me as I am for her. Soon clothes and shoes are thrown aside without regard for neatness.

All my toys are around me yet I don't feel the need for any of them. In fact given my resent subterfuge it might be better not to indulge in any of that just as I planned. Christian could advice me but we are here now. I'll do what I think best.

Sonja reaches under the table to retrieve something, a pair of handcuffs. I'm so far gone wanting her I'm cuffed before I know what hit me. She reaches over my head to attach the cuffs to a chain screwed in the wall. I didn't see that chain. I didn't see any of this because I am too busy watching Sonja. My cock and my brain for once are on the same page.

Being cuffed is a new experience for me. Anyone else trying this would find my fist connecting with sensitive body parts. Just when I think Sonja is going to get busy on me she stands up then pushes a button on the control of the music. Damn, she's going to do the pole thing again. I'm not sure I can last through watching her gyrate around again. I'm so close to coming now if I have to see another performance by my siren I'm not sure I can hold back my climax.

"Siren, you're killing me."

Instantly she stops her performance to crawl up my body. With her face hovering over mine she says, "I'm warning you, if I ever hear you call anyone else Siren I'll cut your cock off and stuff it down your throat." I know she's referring to the night I lost my good sense with Honey.

Holy shit she's so hot sounding all Rambo. A savage kiss just adds to that idea. Lips trail down over my stomach then her mouth takes me inside her moistness. Tongue licking and alternating with sucking is about to shove me over the edge. A hum vibrates against my hard cock. Where the hell did she learn that trick? Internet! Thank God for the internet.

I get abandoned for the damn pole. I could hate that damn pole if she didn't look so fucking sexy prancing around in the bit of nothing she's wearing. Now I wish I had taken off her thong underwear. As if she read my mind off they come. She's twirling them around by her index finger as her other hand trails down over her stomach then slips between her thighs to fondle her pussy. Shit, I have to find the books she reads from the library and online. This is one fucking great fantasy come true.

Her tongue slides out to lick lips still wet from our kiss. She's tasting me. That thought goes straight to my cock. I am going to be gentle even if I lose my fucking mind. Sonja deserves only tenderness and respect.

Only minutes later things are taken out of my hands as Sonja straddles me and rides me rough, hard and fast. Between the two of us we are louder than the stereo. I may have to get this room soundproofed.

If I didn't feel so fucking guilty I would count this as my all time favorite night of my life.

Later as we cuddle, something I find I like immensely, we carry on an idle conversation. Trailing my hand over a few of her more visible blemishes I ask softly, "Who gave you these. Is it wrong of me to want to kill them, beat them to within an inch of their lives?"

"My…my father used to beat me on a regular basis once I got old enough to really piss him off. Once I realized Daddies were not supposed to put their hands down their daughter's panties. I got beaten when I refused his attentions, that is, when he caught me. Sometimes I managed to sneak out and stay hidden. I got beaten severely when I told my mother what he was doing to me. She didn't believe me."

It is taking every ounce of my control not to show how angry I am at this man I never met but that can be remedied sometime in the near future. I can't kick the shit out of Carrie Reynolds but I don't have any qualms about tracking down Sonja's father and beating the shit out of him. If I didn't have a thin streak of chivalry in me I could also kick the shit out the two women who fucked up when they should have protected the innocents Christian and I were.

"Are…are you disgusted with me? I'll understand if you are. I've spent most of my adult life feeling disgusted and angry because I couldn't stop him."

"Oh baby, none of that shit happened because you did or did not do something. I have it on good authority from a brilliant friend. I…I used to think I was to blame for what happened to me. I suppose all kids think it happens because of something they did wrong. Christian helped me figure all the shit wasn't a burden I should be carrying. The woman who abused me and let others abuse me should be weighed down with her complicity in letting men rape and sodomize a child, me. Do I disgust you?"

Wrapping her arms around me tightly she says with emotion, "Oh course I don't feel disgust. I want to fuck you every time I see you. To see you is to want you. It is that wicked perverted woman's sin for not protecting something as precious as a child. A child is one of God's greatest gifts. They should know only love and acceptance not abuse and abandonment."

By mutual agreement we will purge everything from our past placing it in an invisible bowl then when the last word or sorrow and pain leaves our mouths we will strike an invisible match and burn everything to ashes. There is a lot more sins to expel on my part. I'd take on her pain if I could.

We leave that subject behind the final sparks beginning to die down. On to a more pleasant topic. That lasts all of a minute until I bring up the trouble Christian and I are having. I don't mention the recent developments. I admit it, I'm a coward. I don't want her to see those pictures.

When I mention the trouble Christian and I are having Sonja stiffens then sits up gazing down at me with a stricken look on her face.

"Oh no. I…we…that is…Oh Marcus I'm so sorry. I did it. We did it. I'll give it all back, turn every penny over to you. Just don't send us to jail or hate us…hate me. After I told you about us we disbanded our company. We haven't done anything else. I swear." She bursts into tears then drops down on my chest to drench me as she cried as if she'd never stop.

I won't say I didn't feel a little put out because I am. I let opportunities that should have been easy money slip through my fingers just because I am not hooked into human emotions as Sonja and her friends are. Pretty fucking humiliating. I do have to admire them though. If I still felt like my old cold hearted self I'd let her stew and rip her heart out but since I love her beyond even myself I can't let her go on believing she's the cause of my recent troubles or Christian's for that matter. I guess I didn't make that clear when she first told me about her company.

"Sweetheart, look at me." I waited for her to raise her tear drenched eyes so I could see her face. "Do you honestly think two deals like that are going to take me down or Christian? Those deals didn't have anything to do with Christian other than he was going to invest with me. Not getting them isn't what's troubling us."

I had to reassure her in a way that would convince her I meant what I'm saying. Naturally being self absorbed the convincing gave me an opportunity to ravish my siren a few times before she finally accepted my word. Maybe after the first time she believed but we both wanted the illusion to last a bit longer as it made us more eager to persuade the other to accept the truth.

As I hold Sonja against my chest and feel her heart and every sigh against me, I pray selfishly for something that maybe isn't in her best interest but sure as hell is in mine. I pray harder than I ever have before. If I am granted this one thing I pledge my fidelity, my heart and my undying devotion to my Siren, my beloved Sonja. Please God, let it be.

I betrayed her trust again tonight. Is there no end to my selfishness?

Our three day grace period is over. Today's the day. I'm in Christian's office waiting to get the call giving us the number to the account we are supposed to transfer the money into. Our three days are up. Minutes away from transferring the money someone places a call to Christian's office. A distorted voice tells him the price would be going up. When an appropriate number came to mind they would let him know how much and where to send it.

Returning to my office I found my own contact from the bastards trying to fuck with our lives. I got a package with a letter saying a new deal was now on the table. Unless I wanted something to happen to Sonja I had to sell my company to a certain person at a very reduced price. For now an anonymous buyer with contacts only through a lawyer to be specified later. Once the papers were signed and the deal solidified I'd never hear from them again.

I wouldn't have my company but I'd still have my hefty bank account but best of all I'd still have Sonja if they weren't just fucking with me. These types of people got off on seeing other people helpless. The threat of exposure isn't enough to have me rushing to hand over my company. The threats to harm my loved ones is enough to make me want to search these assholes out and put a bullet in them.

The timeline to set this in motion is after the holiday. They aren't extending these extra days as a courtesy to me but as a means to further my torture. How can it not drive me crazy to know someone is watching every move Sonja makes and could at any time harm her. God! I couldn't stand that.

In the envelop, there were shots of Sonja from different locations. Someone had to track her every step to get some of these shots. What made my blood run cold were the pictures of Sonja in my apartment. I could tell they were taken with a photo lens from a distance. Looking out the bay of windows taking on the whole side of my living room I had a good view of downtown that looked incredible at night with all the lights on. Right now I saw it as a place harboring a some sick sons of bitches.

I hated the invasion of my privacy by some faceless person or persons. I hated them more for threatening Sonja. Maybe it's time to bring in the police. Thanksgiving is only a couple weeks away.

This is a game of cat and mouse. Whoever this is they are more intent on making me pay emotionally than with any monetary gain. If money was the main motive this would already be over. Someone wants their pound of flesh more than they want wealth.

Who did Christian and I fuck over so badly they are willing to play this stupid cruel game?


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Sorry for the wait but it's been a sad time of year for me. I posted all the chapters I had done ahead and had to work to get some more written. I do hope I do this justice. **

**Chapter Twenty-two**

**Worlds Collide **

**Sonja's Pov**

Every night since I surprised Marcus with my stripper pole dance we have been inseparable. Libby understands. The men understand they just aren't too happy to know what Marcus is doing to me when in private. I suppose it is a universal thing. Men don't want their sisters, mothers, aunts or whatever female they are related to in a situation where sex is involved. Isn't that why fathers threaten to lock their daughters away until they are old and grey? It's okay for them to pursue other men's sisters and so on just as long as males keep a no strike zone between their female relative and the male horn dog sniffing after them.

Every time I look in the mirror I have to roll my eyes at all the marks left on my neck by Marcus so everyone can see he has laid claim to me yet again. The sly dog gets me into a sex crazed moment then sucks on me as I climb toward mind fogging climaxes. I leave my mark on him too only I prefer to suckle on his chest and parts not seen by anyone but me. I don't need for others to see my marks as any idiot seeing us together who can add two and two will know what's up with us.

Sometimes when we come together he feels so desperate, like he can't get enough of me. I think it is this blackmail situation with him and Christian. Bringing in the police has been discussed. Christian has a topnotch security team made up of former law enforcement officers from different branches in the government as well as a few retired police officers. Marcus has a crack team also. If they haven't found anything in a week serious consideration to giving in to the blackmailers what they want will be the only option left to them.

Marcus showed me the photos. He didn't want me to see them for the first time if the people blackmailing him sent the pictures on to the media even after getting their demands met. Since revenge is thought to be the main motives of both Christian's and Marcus's blackmailers both men are worried that no matter what they do their past will be put out there for everyone to see and judge.

I for one am ashamed that in the beginning I did judge Marcus. I thought of his lifestyle as something only mentally deranged people could find favorable. That isn't the case. Paul isn't deranged. None of the people taking advantage of his clubs are crazy. They just have different needs to find fulfillment during sex. Lots of them still have normal or vanilla sex. Sometimes they just need some extra sparks to get the fire burning full blast.

Imagine my shock when Ana revealed she and Christian enjoyed some kinky sex acts accompanied by various toys. She opened my eyes to a whole new world. She wasn't trying to convert me just clue me in that not all of the BDSM lifestyle included pain. And there were some things that caused a little pain while inducing pleasure almost beyond what one can endure.

I go around with thoughts of balls in my vagina, both my ankles cuffed to my upper arms all kinds of things I'm willing to try if I can get Marcus off his _I must only be gentle kick_. It's wonderful to feel so cherished but sometimes I want to be ravished like he did the night he initiated me into the wonders of sex. I may have to cuff him again so I can do the ravishing.

When I went to one of those sex shops I wore sunglasses, a trench coat, a hat and even spoke in a different voice. Since I wore gloves the only part of me exposed was my lips and forehead which remained beet red for hours after I left the shop with some flavored gels, a couple of unbelievably large vibrators that resembled a male penis. I ended up filling two bags with sex enhancement tools. I'd sex Marcus into a coma just as soon as I got the nerve to let him know I actually purchased such items.

Eventually I brought out some of the less embarassing stuff. I took out the more hard core kink products. The rest is still hidden in the back of my closet.

In the back of my mind another objective to all the sexual activity makes my heart swell with anticipation even as it trembles in case I have made a mistake taking this path. However it comes out I won't have any regrets. How could I when I'll have something so precious to keep with me always? It isn't as if I'm using trickery. At any time my plan can be derailed by Marcus. I convince myself this is his choice too. He's a sophisticated man of the world and knows about the birds and the bees. Shoot, he knows about the whole damn flock of birds and the hive he learned from must be gargantuan in size. He isn't a man to let something like this slip out from his control. Maybe I should come out and confess my own desires. I may find mine are similar to his. I mean, he hasn't asked if I've seen a doctor or if I'm taking care of things. He sure isn't using any method to prevent something from happening unless it's something new that the man ingests.

Here it is November and it is Thanksgiving. Christian extended an invitation for all of us to join his family for the holiday meal at the home of Christian's parents as well as Ana's family and friends. Marcus said that family firmly believes the more the merrier.

I almost feel like I am being paraded in front of the matriarch of Marcus's family as the Christian's mother is said to include Marcus as one of her children by association with her much loved son Christian. Grace Grey a pediatrician is also a well known philanthropist. Marcus supports several of her charities dealing with children. Already there is talk between Christian and Marcus about a Christmas fund raiser. How they can focus on anything other than being put under the gun so to speak is testament to their selfless characters.

The Grays are having a tent erected with open air fire pits for heat. There will also be space heaters for extra heat. The pits are romantic but do little to heat a large area. An orchestra has been hired. Marcus tells me to wear shoes that are sexy but comfortable as there will be dancing.

What opulence. Marcus estimates there will be around fifty people in all quite possibly more as others get added to the list. No one spends a holiday alone if the Grey family can do something about that. With some friends and distant family they have an open door policy. No one goes without as the Grey seniors always have more food than needed just in case someone unexpected shows up. What is left is packed up and taken to a homeless shelter. Surely God will reward such kind people and not let anything happen to put their family in harm's way. Marcus is worried about his own troubles but even moreso about Christians's as he has two small precious angels to protect. I know I wouldn't want to get between Ana and her children. I shudder to think what Christian would do to anyone foolish enough to try and harm his family physically. Shaming him publically is bad enough without cranking things up a notch. So far it is only threats of exposure.

Something this important will require a shopping trip. The men are not inclined to spend hours shopping with us girls as they know it will be a marathon shopping trip. Libby and I feel it is necessary when looking for the perfect dress, shoes and accessories. Ana is to meet us later if she can get away from work early enough. I am envious of her high-powered position as well as her being a loving wife and mother. She really does have it all.

The moment we step out to catch our cab I feel unease. I've felt this same unease several times when Matt and I leave for the office. I wish now Libby hadn't bought a car and passed her driving test. Selfish I know but I like having her around. Safety in numbers and all that. I'm glad our lease will be up soon and we can put the closed sign up for the last time.

After hitting several dress shops we stop for some lunch. The day is cool and crisp with lots of sunshine. We opt to sit outside. Soon they may remove the sidewalk tables as snow will be coming in no time or rain. Who knows how many more sunny days we'll have before the gloom of winter moves in? Not so much snow as there is rain in our part of the country. We get a mixed baggage living so close to the coast and further up north.

Libby spies a dress in a boutique across the street. How she spots that dress is a mystery to me. She is using her ESP I suppose. Of course I understand that she simply must check it out. A perfect dress is far more important than eating lunch.

She isn't gone but a few minutes when the sun is blocked out by two women. One a cold blond, pretty but without any warmth in her fake smile. The other is a nondescript brown haired woman with pale grey eyes and no fashion sense at all. The two seem an odd pair. One appears to hail from a wealthy background while the other appears to be wearing a dress and coat from several seasons ago. Her skin is pasty leaning toward grey ash while the blond is dressed fashionably, hair professionally done, nails manicured and skin flawless for a woman of her age with a tan not from sitting in the sun but beneath a tanning bed.

Fashion magazines are great for learning how to dress and what is now and hip and what is out and frumpy. The dark haired one is frumpy. Both look as if they have a mean streak in them. I've seen their type before. What they want with me I can't imagine. I don't remember seeing either of them before.

The blond sits down without asking or waiting for me to invite her to take a seat. She looks up with an annoyed expression to order her friend, "Sit down for heaven's sake. You look odd standing there with your impossible clothing without drawing more attention to you by standing as if struck dumb."

The woman flops down and says in a disagreeable tone, "Well _Scarlett,_ if you weren't so stingy you'd have bought me something descent to wear considering our shared…agenda."

"You'll have plenty soon enough. Then you can buy a whole new wardrobe on you know who." She smiles conspiratorially toward her friend. Although I don't get the impression they are friends, more like forced companions.

"Now, Sonja, you don't mind if I call you Sonja do you considering we are about to become very friendly?"

I shake my head as if I've lost the ability to speak which is close to the mark. I really wish Libby would return. At last I find my tongue and ask, "Who are you people? I don't think we've met."

"My name isn't important. What is important is that I have the means to break your precious Marcus and his friend _Christian_." She fairly spat out Christian's name. Hatred in her tone clearly showed in the expression on her face. Christian had better watch his back around this one. She's likely to plunge a knife in him.

"Men like Christian and Marcus, they bring destruction wherever they go. Poor Ana. It won't be long before her loving husband strays, returns to the life he used to embrace with such hunger and need. Would it surprise you if I told you that Christian and I were lovers until he married Ana? Even afterward we remained…friends."

I feel as if I'm in some dream or more like a nightmare, one where I don't know any of the players created by my own mind. What is this about? Why is she telling me these things?

"I can see you are confused. Madame X here knows Marcus, knows him very well." The blond smiles suggestively and I feel ill. The woman she called Madame X is at least twenty years older than Marcus. Nothing about her appeared worthy of a second glance. Marcus and this woman were…no, it isn't possible. It sickened me to imagine her with him in any way at all. Even if he merely held her hand tenderly I find it feels so wrong.

The nondescript woman seeing my repugnance leans forward to assert, "Marcus and I go way back. He was so sweet and tender. I never met a more obedient boy, one so willing to do my bidding. His skill as a lover is due to our many nights exploring our needs, our passions. He has honed his skills since we were together. I look forward to…learning more about his time away from me."

I am so confused. Did she mean that Marcus would welcome her back into his life his…no it is too hideous to imagine. Something is very wrong. What could these two cougars have that would attract Marcus and Christian? And what's with the fictitious names?

"Now Madame X, rein in your lust for a minute. We have more important things to discuss than how great your prodigy is in the sack. You don't hear me extolling Christian's accomplishments and believe me that man is a real tiger when he's roused. I get wet just thinking about some of our nights we spent in the club. He could let the inner beast out and I was his mistress." Her face takes on a dreamy expression.

Whatever sick game they want to play, I want nothing to do with it. I attempted to rise from my chair but the cold blond woman said, "Sit. It is in Marcus's best interest if you keep us happy. Displease us and he is ruined. Even now someone waits to push a button that will wipe out both Christian and Marcus at my whim."

Slumping back down the chair scoots across the concrete from my undignified reclaiming of my seat. I feel queasy. Sweat is popping out all over. A sudden chill ripples over my skin making me shiver from either fear or from the sudden drop in temperature. It isn't the weather changing but the atmosphere around these two women. They bring a cold and calculating mystery with them. I am afraid but can see nothing that should fill me with such dread. Thus far they have only spoken words, threats not validated as yet. Were they just being vicious trying to frighten me for some reason only known to them? I think I know who the one called Madame X might be. My fingers curl wanting to grab fistfuls of that drab lifeless hair.

"Here my dear, look at these photos. They tell you more than any words from me. They show what your Marcus is really like, what he likes to do to his submissives. Has he introduced you to the dark side of his nature yet, pulled you into that world? I know for certain Christian is working on Ana and she is a willing student. More fool she for thinking someone of her caliber can hold such a man as my Christian. He will grow tired of her then leave her. I am doing her a favor really by separating them now. It will save her and her _children _grief later on."

She spoke of the children as if they were something nasty, something unclean. I've seen Christian and Ana together. Anything this woman could do would not pull them apart. Pulling my reserve courage around me I stand and say, "I don't need to see any photos. Marcus already showed me all I need to see. If you have those same photos that means you are his blackmailer and Christian's as well. Drop this now and I won't go to the police."

Leaning toward me she hisses, "Sit down. I'm not finished. Go to the police and something may just happen to those two lovely children Christian whelped with that bitch Ana. I may despice the little creature but not even I can strike out at a child which is why I am partnered with someone who can."

I glance swiftly toward Madame X. Scarlett laughs without humor making my skin crawl as she drawls nastily, "Your right in thinking Madame X has no qualms about not sparing the rod when dealing with children but even she draws the line at outright murder. No, the person I am dealing with has no such tender emotions especially when it comes to the children of..."

"Scarlett, shut up you stupid bitch. You're letting your lust for Christian lower your restraint on your tongue."

"Your guite right. Thank you for putting a stop to my near miss, not that it will change anything if she knows everything or not."

Hoping to unsettle them I declare, "Frankly I can't see Christian or Marcus with either of you. Their tastes run to...younger talent."

"You lying whore. Marcus is mine. He always has been. I only needed a chance to reconnect and now I have it. Tell her Scarlett, tell her she'd better stay away from Marcus or they'll both be sorry. Christian and Ana will hate them if something happened to their children and you, you stupid cunt whore, chose to save yourself, Sonja, his Russian whore."

"I don't want to hear any more of your lies. Go ahead. Send the pictures to every tabloid. If I know anything it is that the public loves to be titillated. They'll enjoy it for a few weeks then move on to the next scandal. Christian has security measures worthy of the President. Do you think he's unprepared for all eventualities? I think I've lost my appetite. If you will excuse me I must catch up with my friend."

"You think the photos are the only weapon I have? Think again. Go ahead. Enjoy your love nest while you can. The clock is ticking. Tick tock. Tick tock. No one is safe, not you, not your precious Marcus, not anyone. i have eyes everywhere." She laughed but it sounded crazed rather than any expression of amusement. This is too bazaar. Now I'm wondering if this woman, this Scarlett is the infamous Mrs. Lincoln Ana hates so much. If so the name Bitch Troll fits her perfectly.

Madame X is giving me a look that has me wanting to back up. From her demeanor I get the feeling that she is the more dangerous of the two, the one with more to gain and less to lose. Desperation, that's the closest I can come to describing the emotion in those pale eyes other than pure hatred toward me.

Finally I am allowed to leave. They are calmly glancing over menus as if they didn't just threaten blackmail and worse, threaten the lives of two small innocent children.

I don't know if I should mention this or keep it to myself. Why upset everyone during the holiday? Deciding I'll keep quiet until I can figure out what the heck these two women are really after eases the pressure inside me and settles my queasy stomach. I can always change my mind if it looks like things are getting out of control. I can't take a chance those two have an ounce of compassion. They didn't appear to be anything but hardened criminals through and through.

Darn it, I'm starving. Lately I've been eating as if I've been without food for days. I am eating everything I see that is edible. If food wasn't so readily available now I shudder to think what I would be putting in my mouth. I settle for an energy bar I keep in my purse. When I get home I'll eat anything that isn't nailed down.

Finding Libby I tell her that I got bored waiting and decided to come and look for a dress in the boutique. As luck would have it I found a fabulous hot red number sure to raise Marcus's temperature several degrees. It has a Marilyn Monroe flavor to the design. The one where she's standing over the grate and her dress blows up showing some pretty daring stuff for those days. It isn't white but the design is the same.

The whole time I have two conversations going on. One inside my head and one with Libby. What if I make the wrong choice? If this was something concerning my children I'd damn well want to know and not rely on someone without any skills in such matters as how to keep someone safe when anyone around you could be the unknown assassin.

Looking in the mirror I ask Libby, "This doesn't make me look too washed out does it?"

"I think it looks lovely. If you feel a pale moment coming on, take Marcus aside and lock lips. He's sure to put some color into your cheeks."

Sitting down on the bench in the dressing room I say, "Oh Libby, I feel so much for that man. When I'm around him my heart feels as if there isn't room for all I the joy inside of me. I…I love him."

"Well duh, Einstein. Isn't that what all the canoodling and hot kisses being exchanged in every dark corner is about? Honestly Sonny, sometimes I think you were dropped off a turnip truck."

"Canoodling?"

"Well I am trying to be delicate. I didn't want to say the two of you fucking all the time has us worried in case the smoke detectors don't work when we need them most. Seriously though, I can't recall when I ever saw you this happy. The guy can't be all bad if he puts that smile on your face even when he isn't fucking your brains out."

"Libby! There are people in here who might hear you."

"What? You think you and Marcus are the only ones who fuck like rabbits? I for one don't wear panties half the time just in case Matt and I feel the need for a quickie."

"Libby, I've never heard you talk like this. You…I don't know…you sound different."

She laughs, "I sound like a woman getting fucked every way possible and a few ways you wouldn't believe. Hearing what you told me about Marcus sort of inspired me to do some research."

Our lighthearted conversation lets me forget for a while what danger is lurking around every corner. Scarlett or Mrs. Lincoln indicated there were others in on her plan. How many? I am more certain than ever Scarlett is Christian's former lover and Madame X is the sick bitch who turned Marcus's life into a living hell. If ever I get the chance I will do something truly horrid to that woman. I can't think of anything I can do that will balance the scales for what Marcus suffered by her careless disregard for having nearly destroyed his humanity. He could have turned into a replica of her. Maybe the violent sex acts he perpetrated help curb his need to express that violence in a less controlled environment. Maybe his sexual preferences saved his life in an odd way.

I want to tell Libby about those two nut jobs but how do I know they aren't able to listen in on our conversations? Every person I see is a suspect. I am paranoid and suppose I act a little crazy as Libby keeps giving me quick looks and asks several times if I am sure I'm okay.

Wanting to shout "No, I am not okay. I've just been shoved down a rabbit hole or pushed through Alice's looking glass. I am in bazzaro world". Instead I smile hoping I don't look as sickly as I feel. "I'm fine, just nervous about meeting all these new people." Well at least that's the truth.

Getting ready the next day I still haven't come up with any idea what I should do. That Scarlett woman and Madame X were pretty clear what would happen if I tell anyone. I can't be responsible for anything they might do to Ana's children. That woman's threats though do give me an idea that whoever they are partnered with has access to both Marcus and Christian. It has to be someone they both know even if it is only in a peripheral way.

All this intrigue has my stomach tied in knots. My reflection in the mirror doesn't show any of the turmoil churning around inside me. On the outside I look as cool as a cucumber. Inside my guts are twisting into painful knots.

The moment Marcus takes me in his arms giving me a passionate kiss I calm instantly. I draw from his strength. Maybe I should speak to Ana if I get a chance and see what she wants to do. It is her children in danger after all. It should be her choice to make not mine. Damn. I hate vacillating back and forth like this. Okay, last time. I'm telling Ana.

Having settled that I feel myself relax in Marcus's black Corvette. He gave me a boyish grin when he told me he had counted on driving the one he gave me. Since I traded it he decided to purchase one as an early Christmas gift to himself.

Wonderful tingles race through my veins as I imagine spending Christmas with Marcus. In my childhood holidays were just another day on the calendar, another day to be gotten through. Now, I plan to make this year extra special and if I'm still with Marcus, so much the better.

I recall our day spent with the Grey's, that weekend barbeque. The moment Marcus was with those two adorable cherubs his demeanor changed. Little Phoebe has a special place in her Uncle Marcus's heart. I didn't miss seeing the longing in Marcus's eyes fleeting as it was. I feel that same yearning in me.

There is no doubt who fathered those two little redheads. Teddy is a miniature of his father while Phoebe leaned toward a more feminine version of the man.

Teddy stood with the men miming Marcus's moves. Phoebe felt torn between going with the men or staying with her mother and me. Marcus won out although he did cheat by tempting her with flying her around like an airplane. Of course Teddy had to have a turn. If Marcus wasn't enjoying every second with those two dynamos I would felt sorry for the sore muscles he suffered later. Lucky for him he has a masseuse with magic fingers on duty 24/7.

Christian doesn't begrudge Marcus this glimpse into how life with family can be. Perhaps he is sharing as part of the healing process. I'm so grateful that Christian holds Marcus in such high regard. They are like brothers. From what Ana tells me her husband's adoptive family rubbed off on him over the years though he denied having anything good in him. It took Ana to show him how wrong he had been.

Will I have the same affect on Marcus? God I hope so.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-three**

**Count Your Blessings **

**Marcus's Pov**

The air is crisp but we decided to put the top down on the Vette anyway. The stars overhead were bright and we could see them clearly so no rain in the forecast. Sonja looks lovely. I love the red scarf wrapped around her head and neck. Am I a pervert for imagining her wearing it with nothing else but a smile? Maybe tonight? I suppose she already knows I'm a pervert where she's concerned. I'm like a kid in a candy store wanting to sample everything. I won't mind overdosing on Sonja. I'll suffer those pains any day.

I'm tired of worrying about this stupid game I am playing. Tonight I am going to come right out and confess my sin. I'll also give an explanation for why I acted so irresponsibly. Sonja's a smart woman. Innocent in some ways but even she must have been exposed to birth control and the ramifications of not using condoms, not only for health reasons but to prevent pregnancy. This gives me hope she's already aware of my subterfuge and maybe even on board with what I want.

I've been wondering if I had this in mind from day one as I didn't insist she use any other form of birth control. I made certain anyone I had sex with took some for of birth control or used some other form of prevention, not just depend on the condoms. The condoms were more for my protection against getting a disease than preventing conception. Condoms have been known to break or have holes. Not in a million years would I ever go bareback with anyone other than Sonja. Maybe I've been wallowing in guilt for nothing. Could it be that my woman wants what I want? One thing is for sure, if anything does come from my stupidity I'll do the right thing. In fact I wish I'd asked her for something more permanent long before idiocy claimed me. I don't want her to think I'd only marry her if I planted my seed in her. I'm not a God damned farmer but hey, I'm willing to reap what I sow.

I now realize how much I've envied Christian not only having a loving wife but for having two little cherubs too. I always claimed not to want children so maybe I lived in denial because I sure as hell want them now. If I just wanted kids I could have had them with any of the women I slept with regularly. Not being conceited or anything but I think at least one would jump at the chance to carry my child. I wanted the whole package, a loving wife and mother to go along with those children. I wanted to wait until I could love the woman I chose to start a family with.

Sure I've gone about this ass backwards but I'm still hopeful everything works out. I'm about ninety-nine percent sure Sonja loves me enough to want to give me children. It isn't for lack of trying that's for sure.

When I pull up in front of Christian's it looks like half of Seattle is here. There is even a college aged kid parking cars. No way bucko. I'm not handing the keys of my Vette to anyone let alone a young kid likely to put a few miles on it while there isn't anyone to keep an eye on him. Hell, it's what I would have done. I recognize him as a regular employee of the Grey's but still…My lack of trust is still in full swing in some areas. Sonja is the only person I trust completely. I had thought that ability to release my control enough to trust one hundred percent had been killed off in my childhood. I'm glad it is still alive so that I might learn to trust in other areas of my life as well. Thinking of Christian I admit he is another person I trust and by association I trust Ana. Wow, my walls are coming down more than I realized.

I park at the end of the row of parked cars, far enough away from the last in line to assure no one accidently scrapes my door. I am hesitant to leave it here though as the lights at this end appear to have burned out leaving this end of the courtyard in near darkness. I'll have to remember to mention it to Christian. One thing we don't need right now is places where any nut can hide.

Sonja wobbled on her heels when she stood up. Feeling gallant I swooped her up into my arms with a cheerful laugh. I felt buoyant despite my troubles.

Smacking my shoulder with her purse Sonja said, "Marcus put me down. I'm too heavy."

"Doth my lady think her knight not strong enough to carry his lady love to safety? He is offended."

"The lady doth think him strong, sexy, jump his bones sexy and did I mention sexy?" I snort as I am sure she intended as she continues, "What the lady doth not want is for the occupants of yon house to catch her handsome knight with his lady hoisted up in his strong arms."

Setting her down I return the young kids grin. He salutes me then skips as he turns away from us to head back over to await the next car.

Giving a quick glance around I don't see anyone so I gather Sonja against me to kiss her soundly. We are both breathless when we separate. Tonight's the night I will come clean. After we spend a wonderful night amongst family and friends so we can get a feel for how the future can be once we are bound together as one.

Christian and Ana come over immediately with him extending his hand out to me. We shake hands and he slaps me companionably on my shoulder. Mr. and Mrs. Grey are smiling as they greet me.

"Marcus it's so good to see you again. How long has it been, a month, two, longer? You don't have to wait for Christian to come before you pay us a visit. If you do that we may never get to see you again."

"Mother…" Christian frowns as he protests his mother's accusation.

"Now don't get your dander up son. You know how your mother likes to guilt her children into coming home more often. She's practically gotten Elliot and Mia willing to promise the next year of their lives away."

"Cary, stop that right now. You'll give Marcus's guest the wrong impression," Grace says as she smiles at me then turns to assess Sonja.

I offer her my hand but she shakes her head then wraps me in her arms. Like always I soak up her motherly smell and the love I feel being freely given to me. Beneath her perfume there is an aroma distinctly hers. Lotions, powders I don't know what it is I just know it is always there when I get a hug from her.

"Now, Marcus, introduce us to this captivating creature." Carrick I feel already knows who Sonja is as well as Grace. I'm certain Ana couldn't wait to clue them in. Naturally they would interrogate both Christian and Ana. Christian's parents would make it their business to know who will be entering their lives through me. It is what they would do in the case of their own children and they think of me as adopted without the hassle of any paperwork.

"This is Sonja Donatella. Someone special to me so please make sure everyone doesn't descend on her at once." Having gotten that out I'm ready to answer some tough questions when Mia sort of bounces over and grabs me around my waist to give me a warm hug. Now it's clear to me who Libby reminded me of, she's so much like Mia. They are both bubbly as just opened Champaign.

"Hey minx where's that hulk you call a husband?" Just then Elliot comes to join us followed by Ethan, Mia's husband. If we stand here much longer the whole family will be surrounding us at the front door. Better get the introductions over with and move on.

One by one everyone came to be introduced to the newest person to be added to this ever growing family. Sonja seemed bewildered but took it in stride as best as anyone can with an exuberant family like this. One by one I introduce Sonja to the houseful of people. Sonja asks for everyone to call her Sonny. I get a warm feeling knowing she's never asked me to call her anything but Sonja. She doesn't object to Siren but doesn't correct me when I call her Sonja. I think we both like for it to be something special between the two of us.

When the trickle of greetings finally ended Christian pulls me and Sonja aside. Ana stands beside him looking grim after just appearing as if she didn't have a care in the world.

"Marcus you may not agree with what I'm about to say but here goes. I've decided I'm telling my family everything. The more eyes and ears we have on this the better. I don't mean anyone from the outside but my family."

Well if Christian can do it then so can I. He's right, we need help. If I remember rightly Ana's best friend is a newspaper reporter. Kate, that's her name. She's married to Elliot now. She's a bit outspoken but seems to have her head screwed on right. There is the added bonus that she's crazy about Ana and Christian. Well, her and Christian have a long standing getting to know you period that both agree it is better to tolerate the other than have any outright animosity. Naturally being aunt to Teddy and Phoebe she'll do all she can to help Ana and her family. Even though both Christian and Kate keep up this front of forced civility I believe they do respect one another even like one another just a tiny bit. Both being headstrong, or stubborn to the core, neither one wants to be the first to cry uncle.

With such a diverse family I think all the fields are covered. Between all of us we should have enough brain power to get to the bottom of this mess and figure a way out.

There are tables filled to overflowing with every delicacy imaginable. Tables set up in a U shape is for the guests to sit and eat. Other areas have tables with chairs set up as areas to sit and talk later. Those tables are near the wooden dance floor. Nobody can throw a Thanksgiving dinner like the Greys can.

By agreement Christian waits until everyone has a chance to enjoy the festivities. Sonja has been getting jumpier by the minute. She has the look of a scared rabbit about to bolt after seeing the big bad hunter.

Hoping to calm her down I ask, "Would you like to dance Sonja? That'll give me an excuse to have my arms around you and pull you against me. I'm feeling the need for some closeness."

"Sire, your wish is my command. Doth my knight know how to dance without stepping on fair maiden's toes? Fair maiden sadly is only proficient in pole dancing. Now if there's a pole around…"

"Oh no my little vixen. Pole dancing is for your knight. Try anything like that and I might just have to warm your backside."

"Why sire, whatever do you mean? You do not control me. Punish me if you must but I will remain steadfast in my belief of freedom to make my own choices. No man is my master. In public or…or in the bedroom."

I pull her tighter against me and whisper, "Is that so fair maiden. I know just the place to take you so I can mete out a proper punishment without an audience."

Damn, this conversation has me so horny I may not make it to the boathouse. "Wait here. Don't move. I'll be right back. If you move your punishment will be worse so think about that."

Okay, she does look a bit shocked but also I can see excitement in the trembling of her lips and the hitching of her accelerated breathing. Oh yeah, my siren is getting warmed up for me. In a bit she'll be really warm and nice and pink.

I see Christian and Ana in a corner being inappropriate. At least they're behind some potted tall plants. In fact, all around the room couples are seeking dark and secluded places for some sexy foreplay. I think the Grey's might have an orgy on their hands.

Now I can barely contain myself as I approach Christian. "Sorry to interrupt but Christian I'd like to use your boathouse if you don't have any plans for it tonight."

Ana smacks Christian's shoulder and exclaims, "Christian Grey is nothing sacred? Just how much do the two of you discuss about your sex lives?"

"No more than you and your female friends. It's not like we give blow by blow accounts. We just hit the highlights. Gotta brag about my hot sexy woman don't I?"

"Oh, well saved my dear husband. Marcus, you and Sonja can have the boathouse. I know of a room upstairs where we can have use of a bed." Ana now has a wicked smile with a hint of an invitation for Christian to join her.

Like I said we may be headed for an orgy. It's like this every get-together with this family. They are all highly sexed. It used to make me feel left out since I never brought a woman with me before. Now I plan to make up for lost time. Damn, I'm ready for some kinky fuckery and if I didn't misread Sonja she might be ready too, even eager.

Grabbing Sonja's hand I lead her away from the heated tent and the lights. I don't want her to break an ankle so I pick her up and press her against my chest. I don't hear any protests.

I'd like to say I took the stairs with heroic ease like in the movies but I'm no movie hero. I am fucking struggling to put one foot in front of the other as I climb the stairs. Reaching the top I put Sonja down trying to look all manly instead of wobbly legged horny knight about to collapse.

Taking a deep breath I say sternly, "Time for your punishment my impudent lady."

I sit and instruct her in a strangled tone, "Bend across my knees. Make me wait and your punishment will be harsh."

She's looking doubtful. A few seconds go by without any sign of compliance on her part. I deepen my voice and put some false anger in the words, "I said down across my lap, now."

That gets her moving. Now she's across my lap and my cock is jerking expectantly. I pull the hem of her dress up over her butt. I am hotter than ever as I see her bare butt cheeks. The black lacy thong is only a prop to titillate. It serves no real purpose.

"Do you know why I am going to spank you Sonja?" I can't resist fondling her exposed flesh. Lowering my mouth I kiss one cheek then the other. Her skin is flawless.

"I spoke to you with disrespect. I overstepped my bounds by stating Master Marcus has no control over me."

"Spread your legs." I want to see her pussy as I bring my hand down on her.

Rubbing her cheeks I am getting more excited just thinking of turning this smooth flesh a pretty shade of pink. I bring down my hand on her right cheek. Not too hard, I want to let her feel the sensation, not hurt her. Tracing the line between her butt cheeks I head south so I can feel how wet she is.

Her pussy is so ready to be fucked but not yet. After all, a good master must carry out whatever punishment a disobedient sub deserves. My siren groans when I insert my finger in her pussy. Oh baby you're going to be dripping in a few seconds.

The next smack is harder. Twice more I bring down my hand on tender flesh. Every strike feels like my cock is connected to her ass. A smack, my cock jerks reflexively. At the end I target between her cheeks far enough down so I hit her clit. In all I give her twelve swats. Enough to fit her offense, not enough for me to come.

Her panties are now offensive to me. I rip them off.

"Marcus," she protests giving me an over the shoulder frown.

"Your pussy is mine. If I want it bared I'll fucking rip whatever is in the way of my enjoyment. Understood?" I swat her pussy then rub her clit. She bucks against my hand.

"I want your mouth. I want my siren to suck my cock." I need some relief or I might be too rough with her.

I take a pillow off the couch and put it on the floor right next to the couch. Pointing to the pillow I say, "Down on your knees then lean forward. Take my cock in your mouth."

Sonja has learned just how I like my cock sucked. Hard, slow at first then harder and faster as I reach the point of climax.

"Suck me baby, suck me hard my siren." There is magic in her tongue as it strokes the hard silky length of my cock. I hold her head with my hands fisting in her hair. My hips begin to pump into her willing mouth. I feel the tightening in my groin, the surge of semen, the blood pumping through the veins in my cock. It hits me hard and I groan out my pleasure. I fill her mouth and she takes it all down without gagging. She amazes me by how well she has learned what gives me the most joy during sexual acts. I encourage her to tell me what she likes too. I don't want to be selfish.

"I want to fuck you. Does my siren want me to fuck her?"

"Oh yes. I want you inside me. I want to be filled with your hard cock."

"Well, as a further punishment you won't get any pleasure. No touching yourself, no finger fucking. Maybe if you're a good girl I'll fuck you later." I zip up but continue to sit. I'm hoping she'll try to convince me to take her. I want to. This denial is an attempt to add some excitement as if I need any more stimuli. One look at Sonja and I'm ready to fuck her.

"Didn't I please Master Marcus with my mouth? I can try again if I wasn't satisfactory Master." She's looking up at me with a knowing grin on her face. How could she not know how much I enjoyed her mouth? My actions spoke louder than words.

"Touch your pussy," I command.

"But I thought Master didn't want me to touch myself."

"Are you questioning me? I think you need more discipline. Come. Lie across my lap." It's hard to sound stern when your cock is begging for some pussy.

This time there isn't a second hesitation. "This time I'll only give you six swats. I think that will be enough." Any more than that and I won't be able to perform as I'll have reached my point of release anticipating being inside her tight pussy. I make quick work of disciplining her. My hand hits her clit more than her butt cheeks. She moans not from pain. Her legs spread wider giving me easier access. I slip a finger in.

"Oh yes. Fuck me. Fuck my pussy." I pull my fingers out. She moans, "No, please don't tease. Fuck me."

"Baby, I plan to fuck you just not with my fingers. Lean on your arms. Spread your legs." Eagerly she complies. Punishment works to make her eager to follow my commands. Hitting her sweet spot is almost a guarantee she'll do whatever I want.

Going down on my knees behind her I unzip my pants and free my cock. I rub her clit with the tip of my cock. I hear a low moan that gains strength with each stroke over her clit. When I feel her starting to quake I push inside her. There is no place I'd rather be.

I want to go slow and easy but Sonja has other ideas as she presses back against me. "Fuck me hard Marcus. Fuck me hard and fast. I want to come now."

"Oh baby, I'm gonna make you come so good you may lose the power to speak. I love your pink ass. Thank you for that. I…I didn't hit you too hard did I? I only wanted to give a taste of pain mixed with lots of pleasure."

"Oh God! When you put your hand on my ass it stung but every hit felt like you were stroking my clit and then you did. I wouldn't mind if you hit me again." She's almost panting as she makes her request to me. How can I refuse such an offer? I swat her just as I push into her. Now she's moaning loudly.

As good as this is I want to see her face as she comes. I pull out and she protests loudly.

"Oh please Marcus, don't tease, I don't think I can stand it right now. I'm about to fall apart. I need you inside me."

"Get up. There are blankets in the chest. I want to fuck you vanilla. I want to fuck you so bad I'm ready to beg. I want to see you as I make you come."

We don't take time to straighten the blankets. They are tossed on the floor. "Take off your dress and thong." Watching her strip down brings images of her on the pole flashing inside my mind. Shit, I may not last long enough to get my clothes off. I do manage to take everything off below my waist. I can't stand it any longer, I have to bury myself insider her.

Instead of taking her gently I take her hard and fast as she requested. I'm just about ready to explode. While I can still think I'm going to give her the chance to say no. I'll make sure she knows what I mean. I'm within another few strokes and I'll come inside her. Stilling I say, "I'm ready to come. Baby I want to come inside you so bad. Do you want me to pull out? I don't have a condom. As far as I know you aren't protected. You know what I'm asking?"

"Marcus I like it when there is nothing between us. When you come inside me it feels right. I want all of you inside me every time we fuck."

"Baby, please don't call it fucking at least not right now. It's sexy as hell when you talk dirty when we're on the verge of climax but I don't want to fuck you. I want to make love to you. When I come inside you I'll be making love to you. If…if something comes from this I don't want it to be because we fucked. Understand?"

"Oh Marcus, it's what I want too. I…I didn't say anything because it's what I wanted too. I thought it was just me being selfish, using your distraction with the blackmail to get what I want."

"Sweetheart, I love you. I think I have from the moment we locked eyes that first time. I know for damn sure the moment you entered my life it got better. I'll ask once more, are you sure this is what you want? I'm about to explode. I'm within a few strokes of taking the choice out of both our hands so while I still have a thread of control let me know if I have to pull out or come inside you. From all our recent activities it may be a moot point anyway. You haven't said and I haven't asked. I figured you'd tell me if you knew anything."

I'm pretty sure of her answer as I can see how she feels by looking in her eyes. Her inner wall is clenching me bringing me dangerously close to losing it. I tell her I love her again and again. Those words were easier to say than I thought.

She wraps her arms around my neck pulling me down against her. I am heavy and must be crushing her. She won't let me support my weight on my arms. It's as if she fears letting loose of me even for a second.

"I love you too Marcus. I loved you the moment I saw you step out of your car at The Breeze. It didn't matter how many women I saw you with I kept falling harder and harder. Nothing in my life made me feel the way you did. It felt like a piece I was missing snapped back into place. I want you whatever happens or doesn't happen. For tonight let's just make love. I want it to be about nothing but us. Tonight it's all about showing one another in a carnal way how we feel. I…love…you…Marcus…Devlin…now… and forever."

She kissed me between each word and now she's kissing me with such passion I have no doubts she loves me in the same way I love her. I begin to move and it's different than any other time we've been together. It's sweeter, softer but just as mind blowing. Will I ever have any control around this woman? I don't really care. I trust her with my heart just as she trusts me with hers.

Contrary to thinking I couldn't hold out I do. It's slow and oh so sexy to explore her without worrying if I'm giving away too much. Telling her I loved her freed me to thoroughly enjoy her. I guess it's the same for her as she sighs and moans while moving beneath me.

I have never made love to a woman. I've fucked but never made love. I like to fuck but making love is a more spiritual exchange I suppose. One soul to another if I'm gonna get all sappy. Right now I feel all kinds of sappy as Sonja and I start to move more urgently.

"Sonja baby I hope your almost there as I can't hold out any longer. I wanted this to last but my body has other ideas."

"I am so ready Marcus. I like slow and easy but maybe…could you do it harder and faster?"

"My lady only has to ask and her knight will comply. Doth my lady wish to come."

"Hell yes. I want my knight to fuck me now. Fuck me hard, fast and talk dirty to me."

I have to laugh then try to sound stern, "There is a school of thought that life begins the moment sperm fertilizes the egg. Do you think rough sex and talking dirty is the first subconscious memory we want to instill in a child?"

"Well, there is always time out if he or she learns too much from mommy and daddy."

Damn, to hear her say it in plain words feels so fucking right any lingering doubts I had are now gone. Maybe we're doing things ass backwards but we can remedy that in the near future. Now that I've declared my feelings I want to claim her with a ring on her finger. I want the world to know she's mine and that she loves me and I love her.

How can I resist any request she makes? I fuck her hard and fast but now it's also with love.

"Oh baby I'm there. Come for me Siren, come for me now."

We come unglued together. I think I've pumped enough semen into her to father a hundred babies. Were my guys holding back just for a night like this? It's ridiculous of course but that's how it feels as stream after stream fills Sonja with the essence of life.

Sluggishly we dress stopping every few seconds to kiss. I used my handkerchief to clean the two of us. As soon as we got back to the house we headed to the nearest bathrooms.

Leaning on the sink bracing myself with my hands I look in the mirror. The fool looking back at me can't keep the grin off his face. Now that I'm not distracted with sexual need I realize I told Sonja I loved her and we agreed to try for a child. What I didn't ask amid all the excitement of the moment was for Sonja to agree to become my wife. That's something I want to settle tonight. It will have to wait until after we are home. I want to do this right.

By mutual agreement we met in the hall downstairs. Sonja said she had something to tell me, something everyone should hear but she wanted to tell me first.

Taking her hand I lead her to a quiet corner. Well, no place is quiet but at least we're far enough away to have a private conversation. Ana and Christian have just returned. One look at them and it's obvious what they did upstairs. Makes me wonder about all those eyes watching as me and Sonja came back from the boathouse. It's a good thing this family isn't offended by two people giving into their sexual urges when visiting the Grey's. In this house it's a necessity to knock before opening any door, even the pantry in the kitchen. Christian has said he has found his parents in there a couple times.

Sonja sits down on the outdoor wicker loveseat beside me. I don't have long to wait for her to begin.

"When Libby and I went shopping someone approached me as I was sitting at the table waiting for Libby to return from looking at a dress across the street. It was two women I've never seen before. They threatened you, Christian, his family, everyone the two of you care about. They hinted something could easily happen to the children."

"You should have told me right away Sonja," I say angrily as I jump up and begin to pace back and forth.

"I didn't know what to do. They said something could happen to the children. I didn't want to take that chance. Tonight when Christian said he was going to tell his family I decided I'd tell you first then we could tell him and Ana together. Please don't be angry. I wanted to tell you I just didn't want to be responsible for anything happening to those you love."

Sitting back down I take her in my arms. "I'm not mad at you, not really. I guess I can understand why you kept this from me. Hell, I've been worried about every person I come into contact with wondering if maybe they're my enemy or if they're watching us. It's pretty fucking scary to think how close these people are getting and we haven't seen them. I shudder when I imagine a bullet coming through one of the windows in the apartment. I've been keeping the blinds drawn not because I've turned into a vampire but because I don't want anyone seeing in and taking pictures or God forbid taking a shot at one of us."

"During our conversation I got a feeling who these women are. I think the one calling herself Scarlett is Mrs. Lincoln, Ana's Bitch Troll nemesis. The other I think is…promise you'll stay calm before I tell you."

"Damn it Sonja just fucking tell me. I promise not to get angry." Fat chance of convincing her of that while practically shouting in her face.

"The one called Madame X I am pretty sure is the person you know as Carrie Reynolds."

Okay, I hadn't expected to hear Carrie Reynolds but sort of already had a clue about Mrs. Lincoln. My gut is burning. I think I'm going to be sick. Jumping up I run toward the downstairs bathroom. I just make it, emptying out my stomach. I thought I'd gotten rid of her ability to affect me. I now know how wrong I was. The old familiar dread and nausea hit me as soon as Sonja spoke her name out loud. Carrie Reynolds, the one person I hate above all others.

I feel someone behind me then a soft hand rubs my back. A wash cloth is offered to me. Grabbing it I gratefully wipe it over my face. My reflection in the mirror shows a pale man looking back at me, one devastated without knowing how to find his footing.

"It's alright Marcus. I'm here. If it will help we can talk about it some more. I thought we managed to rid ourselves of the trauma but I suppose that was wishful thinking. Shit like this doesn't go away just because we find some happiness or speak of it out loud."

Grabbing the hand on my shoulder I press down wanting to absorb as much of her goodness as I can. There are miles between the two women who have affected my life the most. Carrie Reynolds representing evil incarnate and Sonja representing all goodness and light.

Taking a seat on the cold tile floor I pull her down beside me. I'll get through this if it kills me.

"When I was around twelve my parents died leaving me in the hands of someone they thought would take care of me, a close friend of my mother's, Carrie Reynolds. What a hell hole they left me in.

I'm not sure if this is a memory or just something I dreamed but I have images of an older woman holding me, tickling me. I can feel her gentle kiss on my cheek. She's so far on the opposite end of the spectrum from Carrie Reynolds I thought this unknown woman was someone I made up. Lately I've had visions of her again. I can't bring her into focus but I do think she's someone close to my mother or father. Someone who cared about me when I was about three or maybe four. That's the last memories or imaginings of this woman I have. It's hard to know for sure if she's real as from that point on every memory is not any I want to relive. Those after my parents died from a drug overdose are not anything I want to recall. I try my damndest to forget them.

Raising my knees, I folded my arms across them so I can rest my head on something solid. I don't feel as if I can support my own damn head. There is also the fact I don't know if I can say what I have to say and let Sonja watch me.

"The first night she came into my room on the pretext of comforting me. She climbed into bed with me and held me. It felt nice to have someone hold me so I didn't say anything when she took off her clothes. It didn't feel right but I didn't want to be alone.

I woke up feeling her hand inside my pajama bottoms. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know much about girls or sex or anything. Hell, I was just weeks away from having my first wet dream. Now I had this grown woman pulling at my dick.

Yeah I got hard but I still felt scared shitless. When the first clenching of my climax overtook me I honestly thought I was dying. I hadn't gone to school the day they gave us the sex talk in gym class. I was confused. How could something feel so good and at the same time feel so fucking wrong?

Afterward…I cried. She called me a baby. I wouldn't touch her or let her kiss me. I did resist then before I got to see how truly evil and twisted she could be. She took me to a room with handcuffs and chains in a wall. After cuffing me I got beaten for the first time in my life. Later I felt so raw, ached so bad I didn't have any resistance left in me. I did what she wanted. I hated every second of it but I did it.

From that night on I never slept in a bed by myself under her roof. If it had only been her maybe I could have stood all those years being mistreated. To this day I can't stand to sleep anywhere without preparing myself for the ordeal. The night I spent with you after our first time together is the only time in years I didn't have trouble closing my eyes fearing what might happen unless I kept a vigil all night.

When Carrie Reynolds introduced the first man to me I thought I'd been given a reprieve. Imagine my horror when I learned the man wasn't for her but me. I didn't know what pain was until that night. That man was the first of many.

I lived that hell for five years. Unlike you I couldn't find the courage to escape my tormentor, my molester. I came to think I deserved what I got. I thought I must have done something for such things to be done to me. No one else I knew got treated this way. It must be only me deserving to be whipped, raped and sodomized. Back then I couldn't even put a name to what she and those men did to me.

When I stopped looking so young the men didn't come for a while. I guess a month or two passed with only Carrie Reynolds sleeping in my bed violating me. It didn't take her long to find a new way to exploit me. I got lucky and heard her making an appointment for me with some stranger she met in a bar to come to the house. For fifty bucks he could do whatever the hell he wanted with me. That's the night I wised up and found my courage. I left and thought I left it all behind me.

I soon learned you don't put something like that behind you. It affected how I saw women as well as myself. I'd become so bent by that time no normal female would have anything to do with me. When I stepped into my first BDSM club at twenty-one I found my niche, the place I belonged. It worked for many years. I guess it still would have been working after a fashion if I hadn't met you. I know for damn sure I'd never think of bringing a child into the world with anyone from my past. Only you Sonja. I want only you."

I feel on edge waiting for her to say something. I feel gutted. At least I don't feel the need to empty my stomach in the toilet. I don't feel sick anymore.

"Oh Marcus I…you…shit." She hurled herself at me wrapping her arms around my neck in a chokehold. "If I ever see that woman again I think I may lose all civility. Now I know how Ana feels about that woman, the Bitch Troll. Any reference to Christian's former…uh…well whatever she was Ana gets all kinds of crazy just hearing that woman mentioned. Damn it, if I could go back in time and change one thing it would be that you never had to spend one single night under that woman's roof."

"Not…not change what your father did to you?" I am in awe of her selflessness.

"Marcus, what that man did was awful but what you went through is a thousand times worse. I think I've dealt with it better than I realized all these years. I had it in my mind it would always keep me from finding any happiness so I never tried for any, until you came along beguiling me."

"Beguiling?" I chuckle.

"It's my word of the week. I sure didn't think I'd get to use it in a sentence so soon. I get the five points this week. It's sort of unfair as Ana is in publishing and works with words on a daily basis. Libby sets the bar though with all her visits to the library. Hanging around Christian is like having a walking talking dictionary."

Pulling her in tight against me I whisper, "I know where you can find a ringer. He'll work for sex."

She pulls back and smiles, "Well now let's see. Is he any good, in the sack I mean, not good with words."

"Hey, I have it on good authority with this guy you get a twofer." It feels good to tease so we can ease the tension. Spilling your guts tends to leave raw nerves right on the top layer of your skin.

"Do you suppose he could stop by later tonight? Maybe you could maybe go play some solitaire while I interview him. It might take a couple hours."

"A couple hours huh? You don't suppose I could maybe observe, give my opinion on his technique?"

"Why Marcus Devlin I've known you to be an exhibitionist but now I learn you're a voyeur as well? What other naughty characteristics are you hiding?"

"Awe baby, for those revelations it'll cost you, cost you big. Maybe I can come in place of this other man so I can show you a few of my hidden talents."

"It's a date." She sighs with regret as she says, "I suppose we have to return. Christian and Ana just went by with his parents when I came in here. I guess the family meeting is about to begin. Are you ready? Remember, no matter what, I love you." She kisses me deeply giving all of her and taking all of me into her. I do love this woman more than my own life. Whatever it takes to keep her safe I'll do it, even if it means giving up everything I own.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-four**

**Our Family **

**Sonja's Pov**

Christian stands at the head of the table. He clinks a fork against his glass to gain everyone's attention. When the final voice is silenced he begins to tell everyone what has been going on with him and Marcus.

Marcus whispers in Christian's ear. I get an angry scowl from Christian. Oh shit. I wonder if I need to start looking for a hiding place. I don't want to be on the end of one of Christian's punishments. My spanking from Marcus will feel like love taps, which they were but that's beside the point.

"Sonja, tell everyone what happened. Don't leave anything out." I suppose he's afraid I might gloss over Carrie Reynolds' part in this because I don't want to see him hurt anymore. If left to me that might be just the tact I take. Letting them in on Mrs. Lincoln's part in this should lead them to everyone else in on the plot without me spilling the beans. With so many lives at stake though I can't take any chances. I've got to make sure I remember as many details as I can.

"Libby and I went to shop for new dresses. We were sitting at a table getting ready to order lunch when Libby saw a dress across the street."

Impatiently Marcus says, "Skip all the shopping details and get straight to your uninvited guests."

"Well as I sat there waiting two women came and sat down with me. The one who seemed to be calling all the shots called herself Scarlett. Her companion was Madame X."

Kate snorts and says, "Is this a joke? If it is, it's in poor taste at a time like this."

"As ridiculous as it sounds that's the names they gave me. The one called Scarlett said if I told anyone something could happen to Christian's children or anyone in the family. I'm sorry I didn't come to you with this right away but they told me they have someone watching all the time. The woman called Scarlett said there was someone ready to push a button that could wipe out both your companies. I don't know if that's feasible but I wasn't willing to take any chances. If they have one person who's to say they don't have more? I intended to speak with Ana but I told Marcus so he could decide what to do. He's better equipped for this kind of thing than I am."

I had to retell every miniscule detail over and over so many times I began to recite it by rote. Questions bombarded me from all sides. Libby sat pouting because she missed all the excitement. She did perk up when Mia filled her in on her own kidnapping a few years ago. For good measure she told about Ana's own harrowing experience as well as how Ana saved her life. The Grey's live a life of intrigue and opulence. I'll take the opulence but opt out of the intrigue.

All the offices are closed on Friday but inquiries can be made from home via the internet and e-mails. There are some very talented people in this room. Marcus is among the smartest. He'll figure this out. I have faith in him. Between him and Christian, Bitch Troll and Madame Sick Fuck a Lot better start marking the calendar as they only have a few days of freedom left.

Christian is aggressive in his business and takes it serious when anyone tries to screw with him but he scares me shitless the way he looks now. There is a fire in his eyes, a grim set to his mouth, a take no prisoners attitude in his stance. His grey eyes which normally are cool but not unkind are now frosted with a coldness I am sure would make anyone quake if he turned that icy glare on them. Christian is more of a fight in his head kind of warrior. He'll have you on the ropes begging for mercy using sophisticated means. Marcus, he's a more take it to street kind of fighter. He spent years learning how to fight mean and I suppose sometimes dirty before he earned his degree in business then slowly built his billion dollar company. If I have any doubts about how little mercy Christian has all I have to do is think of how he went after Mr. Lincoln's company then sold it off a piece at a time.

The wheels in my head begin to turn. Now, if anyone has good reason to go after Christian, I'd put my money on Bitch Troll's ex. Not only did Christian fuck his wife but he took his business leaving him with nothing. Or, wait, they said Christian left him bankrupt but from what I've learned there is bankrupt and then there is bankrupt.

Between Bitch Troll and her ex they might have enough money to fund an attack like the one being played out now. Madame Fuck a Lot doesn't have two nickels to rub together as far as I could see. I recall her whining about not getting any new clothes. That's three, now, if I could figure out who this mastermind in computers is I do believe I have a viable suggestion to put forth. Chewing the inside of my cheek trying to figure out if I should just go ahead and mention what I came up I've just decided to speak to Marcus and Christian when we hear a loud explosion outside.

Everyone freezes for a couple seconds then frantic searches begin to make sure everyone is okay. Christian and Marcus run upstairs to check on the children. Everyone else files outside. The young man who the Greys hired to park cars is holding his arm. There is blood dripping from his forearm. The white of his jacket quickly takes on a crimson color.

"I'm sorry Mr. Grey. I tried to stop them but one of them had a knife. The man, a big guy had the knife. The blond woman tossed the cocktails onto the seats of your son's car and the Corvette Mr. Devlin drove. They wore some kind of Halloween masks so I didn't get a look at their faces but the woman, I think she might be young. It's just an impression I got but she ran and hopped into that black SUV pretty damn nimble. It didn't have any plates. Damn, I wish I could have done more."

"Roger you did great. No one could have done better. Let Grace take a look at the arm. The fire department and EMTs should be here shortly. Don't worry about any of this, just go get cleaned up," Carrick said.

"What the fuck happened?" Christian shouted angrily to the crowd in general as he and Marcus came running back down the stairs then skidded to a stop just outside the front door.

Everyone spoke at once giving the facts as they saw them from their personal point of view.

"They must have used the old logging road. Damn it I should have remembered that road. It hasn't been used in years. Fuck!" Wow, Christian is sure mad. I think it's a mixture of anger at himself, the people plotting against him and his own belief he let his family down.

"Awe fuck, my new Vette. I didn't even have a hundred miles on it yet. Shit. Well at least we only have one human casualty. Roger that was a brave thing you did going after those assholes but maybe not the best thing to do as they outnumbered you and if they aren't afraid to come this close to the house to firebomb our vehicles I wouldn't want to test whether or not they draw the line at actually killing someone."

Christian is further angered for not foreseeing needing a security detail at the front of the house. There is a gatehouse with two men at the end of the drive but none stationed around the perimeter of the property. How many men were enough? I suppose if someone is determined they can find a way in regardless of how tight security is. He had several armed men stationed around the back of the house and a few upstairs outside the children's playroom. He felt he had intruded on his parent's privacy enough while still keeping his family safe.

"Son of a bitch. I want a detailed accounting of every man's position throughout the evening. I want to know which fucker wasn't doing his fucking job," Christian shouts as he paces around casting accusing glances at his security team trickling in from around the property. His man, Taylor I think his name is was one of the men entrusted with protecting the children. There are only a handful of people Christian trusts with his family, Taylor is one of them. I'm no expert but I think no matter how many men there were around the house these people would find a way to cause trouble. Planning ahead for all contingencies is a must when embarking on criminal activities.

Taylor whispers something in Christian's ear. I guess he's trying to reassure him that everyone upstairs is safe and sound. Probably he's also letting his boss know he's already on the job of getting a full report from all the security team. I wouldn't want to be the man who took a pee in the bushes while this went down if that's what happened. You only get one shot with Christian Grey to impress him.

By mutual agreement everyone agrees the festivities are ruined so we say our goodnights and head home. Marcus is very quiet. I want to ask what's on his mind but I will wait until he's ready to tell me without me prompting him.

All the way up in the elevator my nerves begin to fray as I wonder if on reflection Marcus sees this attack is somehow my fault for not making it known sooner about being approached by the Bitch Troll and Madame Fuck a Lot. If the third person is Bitch Trolls husband what does that make him, a Bitch Troll Master?

Inside his apartment Marcus takes my hand so he can guide me to the couch. "Sit," he instructs. Great, I'm back to being a dog. I sit.

He paces back and forth a few times as my worry escalates. Finally when I'm about to scream he stops in front of me then drops to his knee. Taking my hand in his tenderly he whispers, "Will you marry me Sonja Donatella? I love you and want you to be my wife."

I want to pinch myself to make sure I'm awake and not dreaming this but that would require for him to let go of my hands. I'll go on dreaming. "Yes." Was that slight sound a yes from my lips? It must be for Marcus drops his head into my lap and does something extraordinary, he begins to cry. I can't bear it. I lift up his head cupping his face within my two hands.

There is a vulnerability there I never would have thought to see in someone like Marcus. Using my thumbs I wipe away his tears. I don't ever want to see him like this again. It breaks my heart. I keep picturing him as a small boy crying out for someone to give him comfort or to come save him and no one ever came. Well, I am here, I came, I will save him just as he has saved me.

Taking his hands in mine I urge him up beside me. When we are face to face I lean in devouring his mouth with mine. We can be gentle later for now I need for him to know just how he affects me. I am on fire for him. Pulling away I fall to my knees then splay my hands on my thighs as I've seen subs do in pictures and in Paul's club. It's how Marcus told me sit.

"Master Marcus may I ask a question?" I infuse all the respect for him I feel into the question.

"Of course," he whispers almost soundlessly.

"Would you wait for me in your playroom?"

I hear the excited hitch in his breathing. I've awoken the Dom in him. "Since I gave you permission to speak I won't punish you for assuming to take control of our sexual pleasures."

I only just manage to refrain from raising my head to argue the point that I did ask and he did say yes. Or maybe that's what he wants so he can punish me. I don't mind giving that power to him. In reality I have more power as I can get him all hot and bothered then say the safe word. I haven't signed the contract or the rules. I won't remind him though as he does like to feel in control in this one area of our relationship.

After he has gone to the playroom I go to my closet to rummage around for the two sets of cuffs I hid in there. I ignore the silver balls connected by a string. Maybe I'll use those the next time I misbehave and get spanked. I feel the pooling of moisture and need in my lower body. There are a few other surprises remaining I'll reveal one at a time as a reward for his good behavior or just when I'm feeling very horny and naughty. Just looking at Marcus's body gives me all kinds of kinky ideas.

I hesitate only briefly before opening the door. Marcus is gazing at the cross fixedly. I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust him enough to let him put me on that thing. Holding up the cuffs as they dangle from my finger I ask, "Would you let me try something?"

He gives me a doubtful look. Oh, right, I need to be specific. "I want you to use them on me."

His brows almost disappear into his hairline. I think I've shocked him or maybe simply surprised him, pleasantly I hope. I certainly don't want him to think I'm anything like the Bitch Troll or Madame Fucks a Lot. I'm more of a Sonja Does Marcus type of gal.

There is a table covered in red leather. I've wondered what this was for now I think I know. It's his fuck table. The height is right for him to be able to stand and fuck from the front or the back. Now I wish I had thought of this earlier so I could wipe the whole thing down with alcohol. I know Rosario cleans in here regularly but still…What I wouldn't give to have magical powers so I could erase the pictures inside my head of Marcus with other women using this very table.

I take off my clothes under his watchful eye. I've stripped for him before performing on the stripper pole. Having him just standing there fully clothed is unnerving as I bare all. Scooting back onto the table I say, "Put one cuff on my ankle then put the other end around my upper arm. Do that with the other side too."

I don't miss that strange smile crossing his lips. Maybe I should have thought this through a bit more. I didn't realize how exposed I'd be or how embarrassing it is to have someone see every nook and granny while they remain fully covered. Sort of makes one feel very vulnerable. He can pretend all he wants that this is new to him but I know better. There is an anticipatory gleam in those dark brown eyes. Ana forgot to mention how exposed I'd be. If I had thought beyond having a fuckfest with Marcus I would have seen the flaws in this plan.

He comes to stand at the end of the table where I'm trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey. "Now what?" he asks with a wicked grin.

Wait, what? He doesn't know? Well telling him what I wanted hadn't been part of my plan. I just imagined he'd see the goods on display and take it from there. I can't imagine this isn't something he hasn't done before as that gleam had been a definite giveaway or so I thought. I don't dwell on that as it isn't conducive to seeing him in the proper perspective to get what I want.

His wicked grin has been replaced by a look that is close to bewilderment. I am getting suspicious as Marcus hasn't been a bewildered innocent in a very long time. Narrowing my eyes I shake my arms and legs and tell him with frustration, "Just forget it. Unlock the cuffs."

"Are you ordering me Sonja?" he asks in a hushed voice that has taken on a husky timbre.

Oh shit. All trussed up and no place to go. I am torn between panting over what form my punishment will take mixed with a good dose of trepidation. I'm kind of in a vulnerable position here.

"No, of course not, I'm just a lowly sub." Will that appease him? Nope, not if that glint in his eye is anything to judge his mood. He's turned on and tuned in to me and what wickedly sexy things he can do to me. He's in full Dom mode.

"So, what am I supposed to do with you now that I have you all…naked and under my control? Do I touch you here?" He runs his fingers down between my breasts. "Or should I perhaps kiss you first, right here." He touches my nipples bringing them to tight peaks.

"A…a kiss would be good." I am nearly breathless with a growing need. With only a touch of his finger I'm halfway to orgasm. I don't have a hope of lasting until he's naked and surging inside of me.

I groan as his lips take my nipple in his mouth. I feel his rough tongue swirling around causing responding tugs of arousal in my womb as well as a clenching of my pussy just imagining him thrusting deeply with his hard cock. There is a direct line from my breast nipples to my pulsating inner walls.

Slowly his lips trail down over my stomach. His tongue dips into my navel then travels further down. With his tongue just a hairsbreadth from the hood of my love button he pauses. I groan. I'm on the verge of begging him not to punish me by denying me what I want. My hips surge up meeting his tongue as I feel it flick over that sensitive bud.

"What does my Siren want now? What should I do?" The devil is wanting me to put into words exactly what I want. In my head I'm practically shouting step by step instructions. To actually say them out loud while I'm naked, vulnerable and trussed up it feels disconcerting to put such things into words while he is grinning with every stitch of clothing still covering him while I am bare butt naked.

"You…you know what I want. You…oh, God yes." His tongue flicks again sending heat in all my uniquely feminine parts.

"Tell me Siren. Ask me to give you what you need. Say it or I'll stop right now and uncuff you, leaving you still wanting." His fingers on his right hand are moving in and out of me as the fingers on the other hand work my bundle of nerve endings. I'm on the verge of climax and he pulls away.

"I want you Sir. I want your tongue on me, I want you to fuck me. I…everything you want to give me I want."

"Everything?" His fingers trail down to the puckered opening of my behind. My muscles clench as I imagine his big cock thrusting into such a small opening. Right now I want it all but we haven't explored the butt plug thing. Can it be done without hurting virgin territory?

"Yes." I moan consenting to what he wants. I know he won't hurt me. If it's more than I can stand I only have to safe word.

My answer galvanizes him into action. I hear buttons popping off and material ripping. Oh my, he is eager. Harsh breathing fills the air, mine, his, both? He doesn't plunge into me as his eagerness suggests he wants to do but instead he bends down to use his tongue in a very effective manner on my clit.

"Are you ready my Siren? I want to fuck your ass. I have for a while now. I want to watch as I fuck your ass and finger fuck your pussy. Let me hear what you feel. I like it when you tell me what I make you feel. It gets me all kinds of horny knowing I'm the one you want fucking you, the only one you want kissing your pussy and I can't tell you how much I am going to enjoy initiating your tight ass. From this position penetration is going to be very deep. Everything I do will be intense. You'll feel me in your ass and in your pussy. I'm going to assault your senses from every angle. Are you ready baby?"

Geez, if I got any more ready I'll be coming. His description of how I'll feel and what he was going to do to me just about brought on my climax. If he's ever short for cash I believe he'd make an excellent porn writer. He has a way with words but his greatest gift is hands on, a talent I want to keep for only me.

He fills me with his hard length to lubricate his cock. Pulling out I feel the tip probing my rear entrance. Pushing in I feel the stretching. I am distracted by his fingers working my clit and pussy. Damn but he is great at multitasking.

He pushes into me in slow easy movements waiting after every forward surge to see if I will end this sweet torture. I'm about to jump out of my skin I'm feeling so much. Oh mercy, he's finally all the way in and it doesn't hurt but feels a little strange, okay, a lot strange. I sort of like it though especially as he moves his fingers in and out to match the thrusts in and out by his cock in my ass.

I don't just climax, I incinerate. If his cock had a voice I'm pretty sure it would be making strangulating sounds my muscles are squeezing so tight.

"Harder Marcus, harder. Put…put your tongue on me. I want your hot wet tongue on me." The shy woman from earlier is hibernating somewhere leaving this dirty minded demanding person in her place. Marcus pulls out of me so my request can be carried out.

It only takes a few quick flicks of that magic tongue to drive me over the edge. Quickly Marcus begins the rhythmic in and out movement seeking his own release.

After he removes the cuffs he lets me sit on the edge of the table. Placing one hand on either side of my face he says, "Let's go take a bath then I want to fuck you vanilla in my bed. I enjoyed this but I have a taste for vanilla right now. Don't let this get out but I think I like vanilla better than the kinky fuckery as long as you're the one sharing the vanilla experience. I don't know, it just seems more intimate, more…just more," he says quietly as he picks me and carries me to his bathroom.

Our shower lasts longer than it should have as we get distracted and turned on by taking turns washing one another. Marcus takes me in his arms to carry me to his bed. Before he begins to make love to me he whispers, "Thank you for letting me have my kinky fuckery. You don't have to but I do appreciate your willingness to try some of what I like. I like vanilla as I said but I don't think I'm totally converted just yet."

"Hey, don't convert now, I'm just discovering kinky fuckery. I'm finding I don't mind some of it so much. I haven't told you but I still have a few surprises I bought from that shop. If you're a good boy I'll show you some of them."

"Why Sonja Donatella, are you trying to top me again? I'll have to think of a suitable punishment." His eyes gleam in anticipation. I'm sure mine are filled with an anticipatory gleam as well. Marcus is a master of kinky fuckery and he's all mine. Oh happy days.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Sorry I haven't been keeping in touch. I am grateful for all your kind words of encouragement. I've finally had to face reality. I've lost my home. The place I will be living in is a very old farmhouse that is only slightly warmer than it is outside. It's still a blessing as I at least have a roof over my head. **

**I've had to come to the conclusion I won't be able to buy Christmas gifts this year. I love watching everyone's face as they open their gifts. Well at least this bad luck streak will end soon, it has to. Better days are ahead I'm sure of it. **

**Enjoy this new chapter. **

**Chapter Twenty-five**

**The Good, the Bad and the Ugly **

**Marcus's Pov**

Another week drags by with no word from our blackmailers. I feel this is the quiet before the storm. Feels like they're regrouping maybe finalizing their plans. Christian has everyone on high alert with extra men covering his family. Ana is complaining about not having any privacy. All he has to do is remind her what happened when she evaded security last time then ask if she wants to take a chance of something happening to Teddy or Phoebe. Ana is a wild she bear when it comes to her children being harmed. She'd take on the Hulk if he went after those two kids. Even I shudder to think how Christian would react if someone did something to harm either of his children. There would be no place on earth for them to hide that he wouldn't find them. Once he got them it wouldn't be pretty. There is still a lot of anger in Christian. You don't want to be the one to stir it up.

Everyone is on high alert. I've hired some private security to shadow Sonja and everyone she knows. Rosario doesn't step outside the building without a man a few feet behind her, one heavily armed and trained in hand to hand combat. I'm not risking anyone I care about. Christian is about to go nuts, at times I feel that leap isn't all that far on a good day. There are times he holds on by a thread through sheer willpower.

Certain things set him off, one is Ana and her disregard for safety measures. She's forgetful about taking advantage of the safety rules. She still isn't used to having her personal space invaded or strange eyes on her. Like I said she's careless of her safety. I worry when she's with Sonja in case her attitude rubs off on Sonja. Not that I believe I have to worry about that.

Where Ana is careless Sonja on the other hand embraces every safety precaution at her disposal. I think that stems from what her father did to her. I'm sure in her mind she's thinking how different that time in her life would have been if she had someone looking out for her. I'd give anything if I could have been that person. I couldn't do anything for her back then but I sure as hell can do something now.

A package arrived for me at the office. No name of the sender and no return address. No one seems to know how it came to be sitting on the reception desk this morning. I am on my way to Mason's office to review the tapes from the last night.

Entering his office with a cursory knock he greets me solemnly. Jack is already here. I suppose their grim faces is a mirror of my own. Whoever this person is they waltzed in then made a clean getaway without anyone taking any notice of them. I'm hoping there is something recorded that we missed with our naked eye.

"Marcus I've cued it up. I've gone through it several times since I came in but there's nothing there. Somehow they managed to either reroute the cameras or replace the feed with some prerecorded footage. Whatever they're doing it has to be someone highly skilled in this technology. They're too good to be an amateur," Mason says grimly.

"Well, let's take another look. Maybe two pairs of fresh eyes will see something you missed." He knows I am not doubting his capabilities but we can't afford to let pride get in the way of examining every piece of evidence we find no matter how insignificant or useless it may seem to one person, another person may find just the key piece we need to fit it all together.

Jack and I watch the tape a few times and can see nothing out of sync. All we see is the normal traffic during office hours then the cleaning crew coming to do their overnight cleaning. I'm ready to start ripping things apart I'm so frustrated. I want to know the fucker I pissed off and what I did that pissed them off. I'm generally a pretty straightforward type of guy. I play to win but I play within the set rules of business. I don't have any skeletons in my closet or any bodies buried. For the most part I've played an honest game with everyone.

As hard as we've looked neither Christian nor I can find Mrs. Lincoln or Carrie Reynolds. Our security teams are also looking for Mr. Lincoln as it is thought he's also behind this blackmail scheme. If we could find one of them we think it would be fairly easy to find out the name of the fourth player. There has to be another one as those three don't have the skills to get into Christian's mainframe or mine. Someone has accessed both systems with ease then covered their trail.

Back in my office I look at the package as if it might explode at any second. It might. Mason had it checked out and couldn't find any evidence of any explosive devices so I feel pretty sure it won't send me in a hundred different directions when I open it.

"Son of a bitch!" I shout angrily. The photos are of Sonja, taken from the street as she walked from store to store on one of her shopping trips. The man guarding her is in the picture too. Whoever the photographer is they used red marker to draw all over Sonja. Her security man, Jason Strong has a big black X drawn on his face with the letters RIP written on his chest. The words Die Bitch Die are written in red letters at the bottom of the picture.

Angrily I push the number for Mason's office. "Mason here, what do you need Marcus?"

"Grab Jack and come to my office." I push the button and disconnect us. If I didn't need the phone I'd rip it off my desk. I need something to take out my anger on. I'd planned to use my cross again tonight but being so angry maybe that won't be a good idea.

"Fuck!" I continue to rant as Jack takes the photo with his fingertips just in case there are any fingerprints. He doesn't want his fingerprints to show up. After looking at the photo he passes it on to Mason.

"I'll take this to a friend of mine down at the station but I doubt we'll find anything. Whoever is spearheading this is very good at this sort of thing. If the three you told me about are involved in this I can't see any of them having the skill level to carry anything of this magnitude off without some serious brain power behind them. Marcus I'll keep on this putting in extra hours if necessary. Everything else gets pushed to the back burner until we have everyone behind this put in jail. I know you and Mr. Grey must be near to losing your minds. We'll get them Sir, it will just take time," Mason says reassuringly.

Pacing angrily I shout, "That's the fucking problem, we may be running out of time."

Slumping down in my desk chair I sigh to relieve some of the pressure in my chest. "I'm sorry Mason. I know you're doing your best. Just keep me informed of your findings. I do appreciate you and Jack more than I acknowledge at times. If I blow up now and then put it down to stress and fear."

"Hey boss, you don't have to apologize to me. If these fuckers were threatening my family I'd be going a little nuts myself," Mason says letting me off the hook.

He's good at his job and if anyone can solve this it will be Mason. It is to be hoped it won't be too long or heaven forbid too late when the culprits are put behind bars. I hate this cat and mouse game they are playing. Why not stick to the original plan to get the money demanded then ride off into the sunset free and with enough money to live comfortable for a good many years? Playing like this, they risk getting caught and ending up with nothing. In my gut I feel whoever this is wants revenge more than any amount of money. If money had been the only factor this mess would have ended within days of receiving the demand for cash.

Jack and Mason exchange a glance sending a silent message between them. Waiting for one of them to say what's on their minds I am about ready to knock someone's teeth down their throat when Mason asks, "Marcus, have you considered that perhaps one of your…uh…er…one of your former women may be involved in this? I mean we did rudimentary background checks but didn't go into great detail. You were more interested in recent years than anything from their pasts. Maybe now would be a good time to dig deeper."

Dropping down into my chair again I turn to look out the bay of windows at the watery winter sun. Could it possibly be one of those women I used to share time with in my playroom and fuck them after indulging in some rough sexual titillation? Did I inadvertently hurt one and didn't know? No, I always made sure they left happy and healthy. Other than a few bruises from the cuffs sometimes I didn't leave marks on them, not any that didn't fade away after a few hours. None of them seemed to be particularly fond of me. I made sure everyone knew the score before starting any sexual games.

After meeting Sonja I let them all go with substantial checks and signed waivers not to pursue me for further enrichment. My lawyer made sure the papers are airtight. They get nothing more than what we agreed on. Anyone going after me for more will end up in court for a long stretch of legal battles that will cost them more than they can win as a settlement. Going after me through the courts would be satisfactory on a vindictive level. I suppose it's possible one or more of them might be angry over being so abruptly dismissed. I can't say any of them had any warm fuzzy feelings for me. Money and kinky fuckery is what kept us together not love. Maybe I felt affection for a few of them, Rebecca for instance, but nothing more than that.

Turning back around I send a comment to Mason, "Dig deeper. Find out all you can. Hire extra people if you need them. I want to see some results within a few days, sooner if you can."

"Jack, give him a hand. Right now this is top priority. All our projects are in good places right now and can be left to simmer for a while. Nothing is urgent at the moment. I'm caught up on paperwork so I may take a few days off. Maybe do some investigating of my own." Mason sends me a doubtful look. He's worried I'll get in his way. Surely he doesn't expect me to sit on my hands while someone tries to rip my world apart?

"I promise I won't get in your way. I might spend some time looking through some of our stored footage. Maybe I'll see something we missed before."

"Boss, I didn't mean…" Mason begins to protest when I raise my hand to stop his flow of words.

"I know you didn't Mason. It's your job to make sure no one, including me, hinders an investigation. If you see me getting out of line let me know. I want this over so Sonja and I can begin to plan our future."

Jack slams a hand to his chest and staggers back saying in a false horrified voice, "No. Say it isn't so. Not the king, not the sultan of the harem, not Marcus the Sheik. Please tell me you haven't been brought down by a pair of lovely blue eyes, a figure the Goddesses all envy, the sultry body the Gods will do battle to possess." He slumps down on the couch and says in mock disgust, "Well shit! Who am I going to get to pal around with me on my dear hunting weekends? That's d-e-a-r," he says with a smile.

"How about you Mason? You up for some "dear" hunting?" Jack asks.

"No can do. Not until after we find these pricks threatening Marcus. The second we have them all, it's game on." His smile is as wide and wicked as Jack's. I feel a twinge that I'll miss a night out with the guys but not a single one that I don't want to go "dear" hunting. I have to grin at Jack calling women "dear". It's a lot sweeter than some things I've called women over the years.

Wrapping up last minute details I put a few papers in my briefcase to work on at home. It isn't anything urgent, just something to keep my mind busy when I'm not occupied with Sonja. I don't foresee too many hours not spent persuading her to come play with me. I must say it's been a lot easier lately. There are times I find her dragging me by my hand into the playroom. I enjoy her inquisitive mind. I must say she's very inventive too.

Riding up in the elevator I find my pulse beginning to race. It has been like this every night when I come home. I can't be sure Sonja will be waiting for me but most nights she is. Those nights it is only Rosario greeting me are disappointing. I've been toying with the idea of asking Sonja to move in with me. We are to be married at some point so why not share our living space? After years living a solitary existence, I now want to fill my home with life. Not my apartment but a real home like Christian has. After the New Year maybe we can start looking at properties.

Rosario comes from the direction of the kitchen. She smiles then motions with her head toward the hallway leading to my bedroom. "Sonja told me to direct you down the hall as soon as you got in. Tell her the oven is turned down low, the casserole should be fine for another hour."

She puts her hands on her hips and scolds, "When are you putting a ring on that girl's finger? It's all well and good to propose but without a ring it don't mean spit."

Almost I crack a smile. Rosario has been watching some old westerns and picking up some of the language used by the actors. Every day I expect her to have a wad of chewing tobacco in her mouth and a spittoon installed somewhere in my apartment. I can see the humor in this. A few short months ago it would have irritated me. I probably would have said some hurtful things to Rosario. I'm learning to think of others before myself under Sonja's tutelage.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I intend to go shopping for a ring tomorrow. Will that be soon enough for you Miss Butinskee?"

Taking off her apron she says, "My work here is done. I'll see you in the morning. Or maybe I won't. Depends on what sort of sounds are coming from down the hall," Rosario says with a knowing grin. I wonder if maybe I should soundproof the whole damn place. Since I spend more time at home sometimes Rosario might hear more than she'd like. Her self-satisfied smirks after Sonja and I come from my bedroom is annoying but as she indulges us with delicious treats I won't complain.

Opening my bedroom door I don't see Sonja anywhere. She's not in the bathroom. I go down the hall checking rooms as I go. The last one I check is the playroom. All this anticipation has my heart pumping so hard and fast if I wasn't breathing so hard I bet the thumping could be heard.

The last room to check is my playroom. Ah, there she is, my Siren in all her glory. Sitting naked on the floor by the cross. Hands on her thighs in the proper position. Does this mean she is willing to let me tie her up and use either a whip or flogger on her? My groin tightens just imagining hearing the sharp snap of leather hitting flesh. The pink flush left behind will be evidence of my power over my Siren, my control. Now I'm grateful I let go of the anger I felt earlier.

"Hi baby. Tell me what you want. I'm a little surprised." I'm so fucking turned on I can hardly speak.

"I want Master Marcus to use the soft hide flogger I bought on me after he ties me to the cross. Does that please Sir?"

I want to kiss her so I reach in my pocket for a breath mint. I'd like to shower and brush my teeth but after seeing her waiting so obediently for me I'll make do with a mint. If I shower I'd be tempted to masturbate I'm so ready to come.

"Does Master Marcus have mints?" she asks with her hand raised palm up. Dutifully I shake a couple onto her palm. Demanding little thing.

"I am very pleased. Stand up and turn facing the cross." Already my voice is deeper reflecting the sexual tension beginning to thrum through my body. Shit! I hope I can last through a flogging.

I tie her hands and feet to the wooden cross. Seeing her spread out so open to my eyes is so arousing if any more blood settles in my penis it's going to explode. Fuck, this has never happened right before I punish someone. Usually I'm intent on tying them up and setting everything up. Now I'm shaking and ready to come and I haven't even touched the fucking flogger.

Taking a step forward I press my body flush against Sonja's. "Siren, feel how hard I am? I haven't done anything yet but already I'm about to come. This may be a short punishment and pleasure session unless I can get myself under control."

"Do what you want Sir, this is for your pleasure, not mine. I am here to serve you."

Hell no. My Sonja isn't going to become this servant to her master's pleasures. Obedience is one thing while in the playroom but I don't want subservience. Actually I don't think Sonja can sustain this attitude for long, she's much too aware of what she wants and isn't afraid to go after having her desires filled. Sometimes, it's hard to tell who the top in this relationship is. I don't mind. She always makes it worth my while.

"Siren, I want you to come. That is my command."

With her spread out and me pressed against her it is impossible for me not to trail my fingers down her stomach so I can find the heat between her legs. From the wetness coating my fingers it seems my siren is ready for me just as I am for her. Stroking a finger over her clit draws a groan from deep down inside my woman.

Stepping back I draw back my arm then swing it forward. A surprised gasp comes from her mouth. The first few strikes are only meant to bring the blood to the surface. A little more sting will make the caresses I give afterward all the more welcome. Things are going along as they should so I put a little more power behind my next swing.

"Ouch, shit!"

Dropping the flogger to the floor I step forward to wrap my arms around her waist as I say, "Oh God Sonja, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Shit, let me get you down from here. Why didn't you safe word before?"

"Marcus, stop. It didn't hurt all that much, besides I don't mind the pain when I know what will come after. If I need the safe word believe me I'll use it. To counteract the pain all I have to do is remember your hand hitting my bare butt followed by soothing massage and kisses. Is it weird that I like you kissing my butt? If it's gross you don't have to do it." Is my girl fantastic or what? No matter what problem I have she always knows just how to deal with it even if it's to let me figure things out giving me silent support. I know she isn't into being tied up on the cross but she does it for me. Well, I can make sure her sacrifice is well rewarded.

"Baby I love kissing your sweet cheeks especially when they are warm and pink from my hand. Are you ready to continue?"

"Yes please Sir. Give me more. Make it hurt so good." I can hear the rising desire in her voice. This time I trail the lengths of leather over her body before giving a stinging swat. Hearing moans coming more often and louder I feel it's time to bring her down. I need to bury myself inside her.

The last cuff is undone and Sonja grabs hold of my shirt. I've been so focused on her I forgot I hadn't removed my clothes. I am for sure losing control of this situation. I start to unbutton my shirt but Sonja pushes my hands aside. "No, I want to do it. It feels like I'm unwrapping a Christmas present."

Okay, so she's topping again. Plenty of time to take her to task later. Right now all I can think about is burying my cock in her warm pussy. It takes longer than I like as she gets sidetracked kissing the skin being revealed. Warm lips wrapped around my hard length nearly brings me to my knees. Sonja has the most fuckable mouth in the world as far as I'm concerned. Her talent gets better all the time.

Carrying her to the cushioned table I sit her down. I'm inside her fucking her fast and hard without any preparation. She's slick and ready. I go in all the way until I'm completely buried inside her.

Before when we had sex there was always the idea of a child in the back of my mind. I'm beginning to think it might not be a bad thing to wait. I suppose I'll leave it in the hands of a higher power as I know what having a child means to Sonja. I'm being a little self-serving as some of our rougher sex may be curtailed if she does get pregnant. Either way, if she gets pregnant or she doesn't we'll still have each other and love each other. A child will be an added blessing should one come along.

Having put the idea of becoming a father in the "if it does or doesn't file" of my mind I find I can really let go and appreciate Sonja in several different positions without worrying about if it is not best for conception.

It's very exciting to be able to watch as I fuck her. Standing this way I can see every thrust in and watch as I slide out to the tip then push hard back in. I love how her nipples respond to the slightest touch. When I blow on them instantly they pucker. I also enjoy Sonja's moans as pleasure shoots from every point of contact between us.

"Are you almost there baby? I'm going to come in a few more strokes. Is my siren ready to come?"

"Oh yes! Make me come. Touch…touch my clit. Kiss and fuck me hard. I want your mouth on me." She really is a demanding little thing, I like that about her. Of course I can't let her know how much of a turn on it is to hear her take command sometimes. I know it's because I've got her so turned on she has to let it out verbally how she feels.

"Now Marcus, now." I feel her tightening around me. Shoving into her hard I come inside of her. The last ejaculate spills out leaving me weak. Slumping against her I inhale deeply trying to recover.

I carry her to my bathroom so we can shower. I love washing her almost as much as I like fucking her. It is a rare pleasure. It takes Sonja longer to wash me as she likes to fondle and kiss the places after being washed. I wonder if she's putting a seal of approval on me.

Refreshed from our shower I am debating asking some serious questions. I told Sonja about Carrie Reynolds and she told me a little about her dad. I know there has to be much she left out. I know how embarrassed I felt letting all that crap out, especially to her. I guess she'll feel the same when telling me more about what happened to her as a child. Now is a good time to share the load. We're in a good place in our relationship. I've bared my soul to her now it's time for her to tell me everything that haunts her in her nightmares.

With her head resting on my shoulder I can't see her face. Maybe that will make her feel less exposed. Inhaling a sustaining breath I say softly, "Sonja, I know we talked about our pasts. I've told you every detail as I remember them. I'd like to know more about what happened to you. You don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to reveal. I just know how unburdened I felt once I told you everything."

We lie quietly for a few minutes before I hear her voice whispering gaining strength as she gains momentum. "I think the first I remember my father touching I was maybe four. If he did so before that I was too young to remember. He told me little girls had to show their daddies they loved them in that way. Since I didn't feel loved I thought this new thing meant he loved me. It didn't feel like anyting loving. Afterward I felt awful. I didn't talk for days. Mother threatened to whip me unless I started speaking.

There was never any joy in that house, no love, no praise for doing something especially well in school. I tried in so many ways to find something that would make them love me. I thought I could find a different way to show love than having him doing those shameful things to me. No matter what I did he kept coming."

A heavy sigh then she continues, "Mother, what can I say about her without sounding like a hateful child? It's my opinion my parents should have been one of those couples not blessed with children. Mother didn't know how to be a real mother and father…that bastard should have been castrated at birth. You know, there are only a handful of times I thought of them as mom and dad, they were Mother and Father. I bet Freud would have a field day with the two of us.

It is so degrading to have one parent molesting you and the other living in denial of what she knows is happening. It's not that she couldn't have done something about what my father did, it was the fact that she didn't want to do anything to upset him in case he threw her out.

He hurt me that first time. He was drunk and left scratches between my legs from his fingers. At four I didn't know if this was some new game or punishment for having done something wrong even after he told me he did it out of love. When it kept happening I began to withdraw into a private world where nothing could hurt me. It was only as I got older and learned things from school that it became clear this wasn't supposed to happen. Daddies we're supposed to come into their little girl's beds to do those horrible things like my father did. Hatred began to grow in me and I found a way to rebel. I made myself scarce at home. I knew if I stayed away long enough he'd drink himself into oblivion. I did try to resist after the first time but that only earned me a beating. I hated touching his...I hated having to use my hand to get him off. He tried my mouth but I kept gagging and throwing up.

I get a queasy feeling every time I imagine my mother going willingly into that man's bed to do the things that you and I do. Truth is it's hard to keep from vomiting when I recall how he touched me, put his fingers in me. For years fear of intimacy kept me from even wanting to have a sexual relationship with anyone.

Only after seeing you did I start to dream about sex. Since I didn't know the first thing about it my dreams were exciting as hell without coming to a satisfactory end sometimes. I didn't dare touch myself in case I awakened some sexual beast inside me. The old saying of apples not falling far from the tree kept drifting through my mind."

Putting my finger under her chin so I could lift her face up I kiss her lips before I say softly, "Sonja, don't ever believe for one second you could ever be anything like the bastard who impregnated your mother. You are nothing like him. You manage to take my cock in your mouth without any trouble. I'd say that's one hurdle you've cleared already."

"I suppose I do know that now but before I met you and finally managed to ensnare you I had my doubts. And as for taking your cock, I enjoy being able to give that pleasure to you. Turning you on turns me on."

"Ensnared huh? I knew there was a reason I thought of you as my Siren, My Blond Siren in fact. Maybe it is I who ensnared you. I seem to recall you telling me I have magic fingers and a tongue that should be registered as lethal. And what you shout out about how wonderful my cock is when we fuck, well…Stuff like that could give a guy a big head, one to match the head on his shoulders."

She punches my shoulder playfully. Kissing my jaw she snuggles back down against my chest. I am more certain now I want her to move in. I like having her in my bed. Those few mornings when I wake up with her snuggled up against me are mornings it is hard to find the will to leave my bed.

"You know, that first night I was worried that you might find I wasn't a virgin. I couldn't be sure as…as…shit, the bastard never got the opportunity to stick his wilted old cock in me, not for lack of trying mind you after I got…after…well darn it, after my first period. Why is it I can do all sorts of intimate things with you, shout out how good it feels and even tell you how to do it but when it comes to just talking about this stuff I find it hard to articulate?"

Wiggling my fingers I say, "Maybe it's because these magic fingers get you so horny all your pussy can think of is telling me how to make you come. Or maybe it's my behemoth cock bringing out your lusty side."

"Behemoth?"

"Yep, big, real big. Maybe later I can give you another demonstration. Maybe bring out the dirty girl in you. I like my dirty siren. She's very…expressive."

"Well I suppose we should explore this part of our relationship again. This last time we were both a bit too close to the edge to make it last very long."

"Now those are fighting words. You didn't seem to mind when you were directing me to touch your clit, fuck you harder and finally to make you come. I rest my case," I end smugly.

"Examining the evidence I'd have to say Sir is one very virile, sexy, hotter than hot fuckable man. I'd rather have you fuck me than eat chocolate."

"I'm more desirable than chocolate?" I feign shock. I have a weakness for chocolate.

"Put Sir beside a mound of chocolates equal to his weight and I'll choose Sir every time. I know how you love chocolate. Which would you choose? Me or a mountain of chocolate?"

"A mountain? I'd say you're more of a small mound. Speaking of mound, have I told you lately how I love your breasts? One day I'm going to fuck those luscious twin mounds. The idea has been driving me crazy for some time."

She sits up shocked. Her mouth is opening and closing. How could the idea of me fucking her breasts shock her so much? Does she still not know how deeply depraved my mind is, in a good way, not in the depraved way her bastard parent was depraved.

"Hey, we've gotten off track. As much as I enjoy exchanging sexual banter with you I feel we should finish with our original conversation. And in case you don't know, I'd choose you over anything My Beautiful Siren. Now back on topic."

"Oh, that. I was hoping to distract you. It isn't that I don't want to tell you it's just…it's just that it's so sordid. Let's see. I got as far as my period then you went off topic leading me down the sex garden path. Okay, so, when I became a woman in his eyes he told me now I was ready for him to take me like a woman. I didn't like what he did before and I knew I sure as hell wanted no part of his making me into a woman. Lucky for me the factory needed everyone to work mandatory overtime. Between that and staying at friend's houses I managed to hold him off for a while."

She looks up at me pleadingly, "Don't hate me when I tell you this next part. Don't think I'm a wicked sinner even though I am I suppose. I just would hate for you to find me less than worthy of you because of what I did. The last night I was home my father came to my room, I managed to fight him off and make it to the kitchen. I grabbed a butcher knife. When he came at me I stabbed him. I couldn't reach his heart so I stuck it in his disgustingly fat stomach. To this day I don't know if I killed him. I left and never looked back. I won't say it was easy or my life improved beyond not having him pawing me whenever he felt the urge. If not for Libby and the others I don't think I'd be here right now. If not for you, I wouldn't be here now either. I think God smiled on me for once in my miserable life. I look at it like the pain before the pleasure, just like before we make love. It's fucking when we talk dirty but we both know in our hearts we're making love, at least I know I am."

"Oh baby, I love you so much. All that crap from your past means nothing to me other than it upsets you. Sweetheart, you were a virgin that first time. Shit, you're still as tight as a virgin. I like feeling you wrapped around me squeezing my cock as you come. How about we make love right now?"

"Judging by the size of your cock I'd say I'm in for some kinky fuckery. Maybe that boob fuck you were so intent on telling me about."

Without warning I flip her over and say half playfully, "I think Miss Donatella I need to remind you who is in charge when it comes to fucking. You've been awfully bossy lately about how and when we fuck. I think a good ten swats are in order."

"But…but..."

Bending down I whisper in her ear, "Yes, I agree, your butt needs to feel the weight of my hand. Spread your legs and raise your butt in the air woman. Prepare to be disciplined then fucked fast and hard then we'll make love then after that for my pleasure alone I'll fuck your luscious mounds. Your master commands it. Count as my hand connects with your sweet ass my siren."

Swat, "One." Swat, "Two." Swat, "Three." By the time we get to six I've hit her clit enough she's biting her tongue so no demands are forthcoming. I know she wants to demand I fuck her now. I doubt I could last until ten so I give in and fuck her hard and fast. A half hour later we make love just as I promised.

When I'm ready to fuck between her breasts, I hand a bottle of lotion to her to lubricate her skin. Damn if she doesn't make that so fucking erotic I nearly come just watching her. Man, am I glad I held off coming until I slide between those soft mounds of flesh. Her lips on the head of my cock felt like nothing I've experienced before.

What I have planned for our next time using my cross will have to wait. Right now I'm drained but so happy I'm afraid. When things are this good that's when fate steps in dealing a death blow. That's been my experience. God, please don't take Sonja away from me. Don't let anything happen to her. My guts twists and I pull her tight against me as if I'm trying to hold back some imminent threat. Since I've not been a very good person I can't depend on my prayer reaching God's ears. Maybe that's not how it works. It's been so long since I've had any religious teachings I might well be classified as demon like some of my competitors call me.

I can't lose Sonja. I couldn't live in a world without her in it. I might as well be dead as I'd have no life.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Getting harder to make regular updates. I am now having to write each chapter as I post it. In the process of trying to pack up and move. Not easy by myself being partially disabled. I'll get it done, I have to, no choice in the matter. Sure have high hopes for the upcoming year. **

**Warning: Death, violence. We are now getting into the beef of the story. Now the real action starts. **

**Chapter Twenty-six**

**No Honor Among Thieves **

**Sonja's Pov**

The last couple of days have been like a dream, a wonderful, impossible dream. Marcus is so sweet and tender with me. Since I told him about what my father did I feel like a different person. A heavy burden has been lifted from my soul. My outlook on life in general has taken an upward turn ever since Marcus brought me into his life. Maybe his motives weren't pure in the beginning but we are both different people than we were back then. We know how to love and how to let others love us.

Marcus made the telling of that horrible time in my life easier by not letting me go too far into the darkness that is my past life. He made sure to turn the conversation to lighter content if he felt me beginning to slip to far into my past. I needed to tell him about it not slip back into that nightmare.

I won't say all the horror of that time is completely put to rest but with Marcus giving me support any time I have a flashback I won't be alone. Neither of us will be alone again.

I got up early this morning so I could shower before he woke up. Goodness, if I'm not pregnant yet it certainly isn't from lack of trying. Rosario smiles on mornings like today when I tell her Marcus is still sleeping. I think she's implying without saying it out loud that I'm wearing Marcus out. Since I won't go into details with her I can't let her know it is Marcus doing the wearing out. That man is insatiable, not that I mind. What woman wouldn't want such a handsome man being so attentive and demanding of her time?

The phone rings dragging me away from gazing at Marcus while he sleeps. I love how his tousled hair fans across his forehead. When if falls down when he's awake he brushes it aside irritated it dares to disobey his command it stay in place. He wanted to get it cut but I like him a little long and shaggy. I like how his hair feels when I run my fingers through the soft strands. It is so erotic to wash his hair in the shower. His moans are a pleasure to hear.

Picking up the phone I say, "Hello, Marcus Devlin residence."

There is silence for a heartbeat then, "You bitch! I told you to stay away from him. Now it is going to cost you. Do you honestly think he cares for you? You're just another willing fuck to him, a willing cunt."

"I'm afraid you have the wrong number." I know who this is but I don't want to speak to her or let Marcus be exposed to her vile character again. I take the phone and step out of the room so I won't wake Marcus.

"Don't you hang up on me you fucking whore. Don't forget, I know where those little shit kids are and I can get to them anytime I want. How'd you like the fireworks on Thanksgiving? That was close, we can get closer."

"What do you want Miss Reynolds?" I want to tell her what I think of her but will hold my tongue.

"Well, aren't you the sly bitch? How'd you figure out it was me? Doesn't matter. If you know who I am I suppose you know who everyone else is. Or maybe not. I think there is one big surprise in store for Marcus if he ever learns the whole truth about all of this. All this came about because…well, I won't give away any more. Some things are best left to be discovered."

"Why did you call? What new demands are you making? We know about everyone involved in this scheme. They are looking for you as we speak." I try to keep the tremor from my voice. It is better if I sound confident.

"Oh, I daresay we have a surprise no one is expecting but like I said it's better left to discovery at a later date. As to why I called, initially I called to speak to my sweet Marcus. I thought we could get together but now since I've spoken to you I have a better idea. That bitch Elena won't fork over a dime so I can keep body and soul together. Stingy bitch. So, maybe you can help me out. Let's say a hundred thousand to start? I'm sure a smart whore like you can figure a way to lay your hands on that kind of money. I'll give you three hours. When I call back I'll give you directions where to meet me. Bring anyone with you and that little redheaded boy will have an accident. Think how his momma and poppa will feel if somehow he got hurt or worse? Give me your cell number. Don't do something stupid like leave your phone off. Wouldn't want something to happen because of a stupid mistake."

Giving her my number seconds later I hear the dial tone. She's hung up. I feel sick. Sinking down into a chair I try to calm myself. Should I risk telling anyone? This Carrie Reynolds is a wildcard. Obviously she's doing this without her coconspirators knowing anything about it. That alone poses a danger. What if they find out and take it out on Christian's family or Marcus? Shit! What do I do?

Glancing at my watch I decide whatever I do I'll get the money just in case I need it. Maybe after having the cash my mind will be better able to find a solution to this dangerous dilemma I find myself facing.

My next problem is how to leave without being followed by the man hired to keep me safe. Every step I took Donald Hawke was only a few steps behind. If I took a cab he sat in the front seat. If I had someone drive me he rode shotgun. If not for his physical presence I wouldn't know he was here. We don't exchange conversation. Smiling a greeting is as close to a crack in the man's dent proof armor that I can see. He scares the crap out of Libby and Matt. Truth is, he scares me too but I get the feeling he'd take a bullet for me because Marcus hired him to keep me safe and the man has a strict code of values. Those same values I admire are now a hindrance.

Racking my brain I finally hit on the perfect plan, or as near to perfect as I can come up with on the fly. I know the stairway fairly well. I know how to go to the roof. On the opposite side I used to sit, there is a rickety iron ladder that goes down the side of the building. Since Donald and several other security men are in the lobby waiting to be needed I just have to take the stairs up then the ladder down. I sure as heck hope that ladder is sturdier than it looks.

I don't have much time. Marcus will be waking soon. I'd like to kiss him goodbye just in…well I just want to kiss him. Of course I can't as naturally he will wake up. If I move in bed that man knows it. If he wasn't so tired this morning I am pretty sure I wouldn't have showered alone. He woke only long enough to kiss me good morning then rolled back over and went back to sleep.

My account will be wiped out taking out the money I need and I'll still be short around $30,000. Crap! Withdrawing a large amount like that will draw attention, attention I don't want. Pacing several minutes I finally decide my car is the answer. I'll take it to a dealer. I have my permit but don't have a license yet. I don't suppose the dealer will ask to see anything but the title.

I have a few things in my apartment I can sell. I won't get full value selling to a pawn shop but I don't have any other options. The value of the car added to what I think I can get for my diamond earrings and necklace will be just about enough. I can withdraw $10,000 from my account. I really hate getting rid of my jewelry. Marcus surprised me with it Thanksgiving night before we left for Christian's parent's house. I think he waited until we going out the door to give it to me so I wouldn't have time to argue about such expensive gifts. I'm pretty sure I might have made a token refusal if I had the time. Later other events had my full attention.

I have such fond memories of Marcus giving them to me as well as wearing such exquisite pieces. Marcus likes me to wear them and nothing else sometimes when I perform on the stripper pole. If it's a choice between material things and the safety of people I care about there isn't really any doubt which I'll choose. I'll choose loved ones every time. Surely Marcus will understand. I will treasure the memory of him giving them to me even if I no longer have them.

I haven't been on these stairs since I last climbed them when my world looked totally black and hopeless. I take a quick look over the edge. Shuddering I hurry over to the other side. Later I'll be sure to thank Marcus again for saving me, that's if he's still speaking to me after he finds out what I've done.

Time is slipping by so fast. There isn't time to haggle over price at the pawn shop. I must have had an aura of desperation as I only got about a third what my jewelry is worth. At least it is enough to meet Miss Fuck a Lot's demand.

It only takes a few minutes to withdraw the money from my account. I brought a backpack instead of bringing my purse. As I wait for the call I see a villain in ever passerby. $100,000 is a large sum of money to carry around. If I'm here loitering in front of the bank much longer the guard in the bank may take steps to find out what my business is at the bank. Already he's walked in front of the doors three times giving me suspicious glances.

When my phone rings I nearly jump out of my skin. I'm so nervous in case something goes wrong. "Hello. This is Sonja Donatella."

"Fucking bitch I'm not stupid. I know who you are. Do you have it? Do you have my money? Better not try shorting me by so much as a dollar," she threatens me with a boatload of malice toward me.

"I have it. Just tell me where to go. I want this over with. I don't like carrying this much cash around."

"Remember the place your friend used to stay? Go to the block of warehouses down the street Marcus and Mr. Grey are going to level for development. Enter the green building. Since there isn't anything worth stealing they only do drive bys to check on the property. Be there at five sharp," she demands then abruptly hangs up.

Since I don't want anyone to know I am involved in this I have the cab drop me off a block from where I need to go. There is a smaller door beside the large doors leading to the loading dock. Of course it's open. There is very little light. I step further in. Every hair on my body is standing on end. All around there are shelves stacked with wooden pallets. Piles of discarded trash are stacked everywhere on the concrete floor. Most of the windows have been broken out by vandals. I can see why hiring a watchman to guard the place is pointless.

I'm standing almost in the center slowly turning around trying to see if Miss Fucks a Lot is hiding in a darkened corner. Feeling a hand grasp my shoulder once again I jump in fright. Roughly I'm spun around.

Without preamble she asks, "Well do you have it? Is it in that backpack? Give it to me."

Jerking at the strap my shoulder is nearly dislocated as she pulls at the strap trying to get the backpack off of me. Shaking my shoulder the strap works its way down my arm. As soon as she has it she steps away raising her hand which is filled with a gun. Well, shit! If I'd known that when I left I wouldn't be seeing Marcus again I would have chanced kissing him goodbye.

"You don't have to kill me. You have the money. I didn't tell anyone and no one followed me. You can get away Scott free." I'm nearly pleading.

"No, I don't have to kill you, that's what makes it so fucking exciting. I want to do it. I want Marcus to hurt. That little shit left me without thinking how I'd make my living. We had a good thing going. If he'd stayed we could have really cleaned up and I could have taught him a thing or two. But did he think of me? Fuck no. He only thought of himself. Well now I'll give him something to think about, finding your bloody body. I do intend to call him with the happy news of your death. Shame I won't be able to console him but I'll have the last laugh," she gloats as she begins to back up as she levels the gun at my chest.

Any moment I expect to hear the gun firing and feel the bullet rip through my chest. I do hear the loud echo of a gun firing. The first bullet hits Carrie Reynolds in the chest. She drops her gun then clutches her chest with a pained surprised look on her face. The second bullet hits the center of her forehead. She falls to her knees then onto her front. A pool of blood starts spreading out in a river of red. I am frozen in place until I feel the whiz of a bullet passing by my left ear. Galvanized into movement I rush toward the inert body grabbing her gun and my backpack. Turning I make for the nearest stack of shelves. If I keep going toward the back I'm sure I'll find a back door.

Hearing voices I slow then stop. They are talking about me. A woman's voice says, "Damn it. I let my anger get the better of me. I had her in my sights and could have got her with one shot. Shit. We can't let her get away. I killed that bitch this morning after learning she was going straight to Marcus with what she learned. This bitch won't be talking to anyone. She shouldn't have tried to double-cross me. That leaves Marcus's new whore. I'd like to take my time with her. Let her look in my face as I kill her. If she hadn't come along Marcus would be mine."

"Well, you have your agenda, I have mine. I just wish it could have been that son of a bitch Grey's cunt of a woman lying here. That more than anything we can do will gut him," a man's gruff voice says filled with hatred.

"Yeah, yeah, you'll get your moment later. For now let's find this bitch and put her down like a rabid dog. I want Marcus to hurt like he hurt me. If not for his fucking whore he could have come to love me."

"Elena isn't going to like this," the man says.

"You think I care what that pathetic old child molester wants? If I didn't need her to front for me I'd do both of us a favor and kill the stupid bitch."

"Hey, the fucker stuck it to her for over six years. If she's a sick fuck what does that make Grey? They were into some really sick shit. That Devlin fucker is just like Grey. I don't see what you people get out of that shit. Fuck, I'll kick the shit out of all of you and enjoy every second of rearranging your pretty faces. I have no sympathy for him. He cuckolded me in my own house. Fucked my wife every day, took money from her that came from me. If he hadn't been so eager to do all that torture crap with her she'd have cut him loose after she got tired of fucking an inexperienced kid," his voice now is even angrier than before. He really hates Christian. I'm almost certain this is Mr. Lincoln. I wish I could chance getting a look at him.

"Let's just agree we both got the royal shaft by people we cared about. Now it's time to even the score," the female voice says.

They have been walking slowly along the rows of shelving as they talked. I can tell they are getting closer to me. I can't let them find me. Tuning them out I focus on getting to the back and finding a way out. I have the gun but I'm not sure if I can shoot it or even if I know how to shoot it.

Mercifully I hear sirens. They sound like they are headed this way. I hear voices calling out identifying themselves as police. Next there is a flurry of gunfire being exchanged. I hear running footsteps coming toward me right before I am pushed down hard into the floor. The rough texture of the floor scratches my face. I hear the sounds of engine's starting, motorcycle engines.

I am grabbed by my waist and pulled up roughly against a hard male chest then a familiar voice says in a strained voice, "Right at the moment I'm so grateful your alive and unharmed. Later I'm going to set your ass on fire for pulling a stunt like this. You could have been killed."

Marcus turns me around with the intention of shaking me until my teeth rattle but a policeman instructs him to let me go. He hesitates then releases me with a dark look that is a bit scary.

"Mr. Devlin, we'll be taking her down to the precinct for questioning. Until this is resolved to our satisfaction she'll be in our custody. Here's my card so it will be easier once you get to the house. Mason speaks highly of you. I'll do all I can to get this sorted out as quickly as I can," the officer says politely. It's clear he respects Marcus. Right at the moment I'm torn between wanting to be close to Marcus and wanting to avoid him until his anger has a chance to cool.

I am put into the back of a squad car. At least I'm spared the humiliation of being cuffed. The last I see of Marcus his face is set in stone. There doesn't appear to be anything remotely resembling love coming from him to me. If I didn't know that he loved me more than even himself I'd be worried about having a place to go after I'm released.

When we arrive at the station I'm taken to a room that is sparsely furnished. There is a table, four chairs and one wall with a mirror I assume is one of those two way mirrors. The table has a ring that they use to handcuff prisoners. This is a case where wearing cuffs has no sexual connotation. If they cuffed me in here I might keel over from a heart attack or at the very least faint.

Two detectives come in, Detective Bradford and Detective Carlton. Both men are middle aged with similar builds. There isn't anything about them that would draw anything more than a cursory glance. I guess that laid back nondescript air is a good cover for the hard as nails cops underneath. I don't feel threatened. Later I'm less disposed to think kindly of them as they grill me until I'm about to confess to whatever they want just to get a little peace.

They are polite but strictly down to business. They ask questions, I answer them truthfully. I try to recall as much of the conversation as I can trying to reword what they said as what they said wasn't nice. Detective Bradford told me to relay the context exactly as I heard it. I was trying to spare me and Ana but I guess they need an accurate account.

I don't know how long I'm kept in that room answering the same questions over and over. They ask the same questions only worded slightly different in intervals around fifteen minutes. I suppose they are trying to trip me up. When they are satisfied with what I tell them I then have to write it out and sign my statement. It is a relief to not have any more questions fired at me. I suppose they were trying to trip me up in case I was the culprit or involved more than just delivering the money. The truth is the truth and it's a lot easier to remember than a lie.

Detective Carlton takes me to the desk out front so I can retrieve my cell phone. They're keeping the money and backpack as evidence. I'll get it back when they find those responsible for this heinous crime. Marcus and Christian have given statements too. Detective Carlton shows me where to wait for Marcus.

An hour of sitting on this hard bench gives me too much time to imagine what form my punishment will take. If it's a spanking I don't imagine it will be one of those sorts of spankings that lead to some very intense sex.

I'm looking down at my shoes when another pair stop in front of me attached to a pair of long male legs. I recognize Marcus's cologne. Looking up into his face I am greeted by Mr. Stoneface. No smile, no hint he's happy I'm alive and well.

"Marcus I…"

"Save it. Get up. We're going home. You'll be quiet until we get home, understood?" His voice sounds different. He sounds mean, mad, like someone looking to find a way to get rid of some anger. Oh, man, I'm in for it now.

Marcus drives fast but not recklessly. He takes the lesser travelled streets. My heart is pounding in my chest like a drum when we park in the underground garage. The elevator ride up is silent. He stands as far away from me as possible. Is he afraid if he lays a hand on me now he might hurt me more than he means to?

Entering the apartment Rosario hurriedly stands up from the couch where she sat watching television. With a sob she runs to me wrapping her arms around me as she cries. In a tearful voice she says, "I'm glad you're home safe. We were all so worried."

Grabbing hold of my upper arms she pushes me away from her then shakes me as she loudly exclaims, "Don't you ever do something so foolish again. Poor Marcus was beside himself with worry. Good thing the GPS on your phone could be tracked. Well, I'll leave the two of you to discuss this in private. I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."

As she passes Marcus she pats his arm and says softly, "Let her explain. We don't know why she did this. She must have had good reason."

Marcus folds his arms across his chest. Is that so he won't be tempted to hit me? No, he wouldn't hit me anywhere other than my butt or my back and thighs if I'm on the cross and never to hurt me. That I do know. I think that's why he's not touched me yet. He's waiting until he has his anger under control.

"Come," he commands as he stretches his hand out to me. I'm almost a hundred percent sure he won't do anything other than smack my behind so I take his hand and let him lead me to the playroom. Oh boy. So he's not going to have me across his lap.

"Strip." He folds his arms waiting for me to comply. In his present mood I'm sure he doesn't mean for me to strip like I do when I use the pole. In his present frame of mind I'd rather have a layer of clothing between me and his hand. Fearfully I catch sight of the wall where several items hang meant for whipping. The only one I find acceptable as a device for punishment or pleasure is the soft flogger I bought.

I remove my clothes then stand in front of him refusing to cover myself. He swallows a couple of times then points to the red table and says, "Lean over on the table with your legs spread out. I'm going to use the crop on you. It will sting maybe even hurt. I want you to remember why I'm doing this, why I need to do this. You scared the shit out of me Sonja. I…I thought I'd never see you again. You left without even saying goodbye. Do you know how much that hurt? Damn it woman, what does it take to get you to understand you're my whole fucking world?"

Sweeping his hand around to indicate the room he says, "None of this shit means anything to me if I don't have you. I could lose every penny but still feel like a rich man because I have you. If I have to give you pain to drive it home to you that I can't live without you then I'll damn well strip the hide off your ass. Now get the fuck over there and lean down. Do it now or so help me I'll drag you there myself."

This isn't something he can force me to do and I don't think he really would if I refuse. He needs this. It isn't normal but it's something he needs to do. I have to remember he's like Christian in many ways. Ana has told me Christian's head is screwed up even after three years. Often pain is equated to pleasure. Add love into the mix and sometimes the wires get crossed. I can do this. My love for him is stronger than any urge to avoid pain.

As I walk to the table I see him out of the corner of my eye reaching to take down a thin riding crop from the wall. That cane next to it looks wickedly painful. That beaded flogger doesn't look as if it is something I'd like either. The soft flogger I bought is still hanging on the wall. He really wants me to feel some pain. He said this wouldn't be for any pleasurable reasons.

Bending over, I ready myself for the first sting of the crop. Marcus stands behind me. I can hear his harsh breathing. I'm wondering if Marcus believes he won't get turned on by doing this. He won't be able to control his reaction. I just hope he doesn't feel shamed afterward.

Without warning the crop hits my butt. Damn, that motherfucker hurts. I'll be lucky if I don't come out of this with welts. The next one hits lower down just where my upper thigh begins. Holy shit, I want to cry uncle. In all I get twelve lashes. My backside feels like it's on fire. All I want to do is go and soak in a cool soothing bath far away from Marcus. I want to go to my own apartment. I don't think I can be in the same bed with him just now.

Marcus has other ideas as he drops the crop then I hear him unzip his pants. The next thing I know he's ramming into me almost brutally. I'd be fucking mad if I didn't hear sobs coming from him. Suddenly the rhythm of his thrusts changes. His movement is slower, gentler. I feel him lean down working his arms beneath me. His weight on my back is welcome as I can absorb his sobs. After a tight hug that lasts a couple of minutes her frees his hands so he can grip my hair.

He fists his hands in my hair as he moans distressfully, "I'm so fucking sorry Sonja. I never should have taken the crop to you when I felt so angry with you. I was just so fucking scared when I woke up and you weren't in the apartment anywhere. No one knew where you were. I called everyone. I must have sounded like a crazy man."

He moves away so I can get up. As soon as I am upright his arms engulf me in an embrace born of fear and desperation. I can feel the thunderous beat of his heart. His kiss is hungry, demanding and giving.

"Let me take you to bed. I want to make love to you vanilla. I want that more than I want my next breath." How can I refuse him especially with him kissing me in all the right spots that make me putty in his hands?

"Yes, please make love to me Master Marcus."

He puts his fingers over my mouth then says, "For tonight, let us be just Sonja and Marcus."

He lifts me up to carry me to his bed, no, our bed. He lays me down like I am something fragile or precious. I thought he would join me in bed but he stands up to stare at me for a few searching seconds. I can see his erection as he hasn't bothered to zip his pants.

When he turns away at first I think I've misread things but he only goes to remove something from the box on top of his dresser where he puts everything from his pockets and his watch when he goes to bed at night. I can see a small box in his hand. My heart skips a beat when I see it is a signature red box, Cartier.

He's disheveled, has a just fucked look but to me he's better than wimpy old Prince Charming. I'd rather have my diamond in the rough Cobra any day. Opening up the ring box he offers it to me with an apologetic smile. "This isn't how I wanted to do this but I'm not putting this off another day. I want you to be wearing my ring. Will you Sonja Donatella accept this ring as a token of my love, my promise to love you always, keep you and only you in my heart? All I have is yours. Please put me out of my misery and marry me soon."

Sitting up I offer him my hand so he can put the ring on my finger as I whisper through my tears, "Yes Marcus I will marry you. I loved what you said but maybe you should have kept some of it back in case we decide to write our own vows. You've used most of the good stuff."

Scooping me up he says, "Oh baby, I haven't used any of my good stuff. I didn't mention it before but I minored in creative writing in college. I'll whisper some more of the good stuff as I make love to you."

All his earlier anger is gone replaced by such tenderness I want to cry. His hand moves over me as if for the first time. His kisses are unhurried. I sigh as he parts my knees then enters me with a slow gentle glide in then out. This journey is taken with a leisurely pace.

Our mouths touch speaking in a silent language of desire. Our tongues mesh and explore. Hands touch bringing our bodies closer to fulfillment. A slow gentle glide of his hand along my thigh detours to find the place where with only a few caresses he can bring me to the edge of insanity. Marcus speaks about there being no pleasure without pain. What he makes me feel is both painful and pleasurable.

Slick with my passion he brings me to my peak. Moaning and thrashing our bodies dance with erotic purpose. Faster now he thrusts with sweet friction against my clit. My hips thrusting to meet his, we are in unison in both body and mind.

The first spasm of my climax rips through me just as Marcus groans as he too goes over the edge.

"I love you Marcus," I moan needing to say the words out loud.

"And I love you my sweet Siren." He does not separate us. I understand this need for continued closeness as I feel it too. Seeing someone shot right before your eyes gives a person a new perspective on life. That bullet that whizzed past my ear could have taken me out if it had been a centimeter further to the left. I'd be lying on a cold slab in the morgue instead of being warmed by his hard body after being made love to so thoroughly.

Basking in the afterglow I explain what happened today. Marcus still thinks I should have told him and maybe I should have. I'm just not used to all this cloak and dagger crap. There are still at least three people out to do as much damage as they can and extract their own twisted sense of justice.

Marcus rolls over carrying me with him. We need to shower but right at this moment I am too boneless to support myself. Mr. Magic Fingers is a very demanding lover. A smile pulls at my lips as I recall a certain siren being very demanding at times. We are a well matched pair.

Now, if all the crazies will return to the asylum we can get on with our life. And darn it my period just started. I can't decide if I'm relieved or disappointed. A niggle of worry begins to grow. What if I am unable to conceive? With all our sexual activities without using any form of birth control shouldn't the odds be in favor of me getting pregnant? Snuggling deeper into Marcus's arms I have to fight tears wondering if I won't be able to give him the children he wants.

Shit! Shit! Shit!


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Sorry folks but there is another death in this chapter. Our blackmailers are getting rid of witnesses and dead weight. No pun intended. **

**Chapter Twenty-seven**

**Dark Menace **

**Marcus's Pov**

Waking slowly, I feel the weight of Sonja's body draped over mine. Her leg is settled between mine. No matter how we fall asleep we always find one another in our sleep. If she's not with me when I go to bed I can't fall asleep until I'm so tired my body just gives out.

I wish last night had been more romantic but with all I went through all I wanted was to lay claim to Sonja in a tangible way. I'm not into branding so my ring will have to suffice. I'm sure Sonja prefers that too.

Last night I did something I swore I never would, I hit someone in anger. I used the crop on Sonja while my anger still burned hot in my belly. I wanted to hurt her. When I couldn't find her I nearly lost my mind. All I could think of when she was in the wind was how much I loved her and how I'd feel if I didn't get her back safe and sound.

When we got her location pinned down all my anger over my current situation coupled with what I thought of as Sonja's disregard for her safety or my feelings tipped the scales so I felt enraged by the time I laid eyes on her in that warehouse. I felt torn between taking her there and then to show her how much I loved her and beating the shit out of her. Setting her ass on fire won out as my relief at finding her turned to savage anger the likes of which I haven't felt since I was a helpless child.

Christian came at once to give his support when he heard about Sonja. Ana came with him more to keep Christian calm than for me. When I learned Sonja had deliberately avoided Donald I felt helpless and that fed my anger. I'm used to giving an order and having it followed to the letter. It's only Sonja who bucks against my control of things. I need control to feel, for lack of a better word, safe. Needless to say I didn't handle the situation very well. I'm not used to caring for anyone beyond normal consideration for other human beings. Having someone as the sole focus of your existence sure is an eye-opener.

Sonja stretches then moans as her hand trails down my chest, over my stomach then on down to grasp my hardening cock. "Watch it unless you're willing to suffer the consequences woman."

"Oh, I think I like that kind of suffering. My butt still hurts, now_ that_ I can do without. I think I might need your magic fingers and a few kisses to make me feel better. And no, before you ask, I'm not mad. Maybe you have an unorthodox method to get your point across but it did get my attention."

I move my hand down to caress her butt and ask, "Does it hurt very bad?"

"Only when I sit on it."

"Well then, I'll kiss your butt better then you will fuck me from on top. You topping me is becoming a habit and something I shouldn't encourage but I do find your Amazon tendencies to be arousing. I might just have to give you lessons about how to be a proper Top. That might be interesting."

"Amazon? Don't you mean amazing? Hmmm, I could get into controlling you, in sexual situations of course."

"Baby, you control me more than I like in and out of the bedroom. I'm putty in your hands. Maybe I just gave you a dangerous weapon to use against me. Ah well, I'll have to hone some of my more intimate skills so I can maintain a balance."

"Marcus, my love, if you get any more skilled we'll have to keep a defibrillator by the bed so you can revive me."

"Why Miss Donatella, are you implying I'm a killer lover? I think we should test the veracity of your claim. I am certified in CPR by the American Red Cross. So, we're good to go." I like this teasing banter after being so terrified yesterday and everything around me out of control.

"I seem to remember promises of kisses to soothe my butt," she pouts her pretty lips. Damn, she's so fucking beautiful it's hard to breath.

Just as I'm ready to give her a taste of my magic fingers and talented lips the phone rings. It's eight o'clock, not late enough for any crisis at the office. I'd better answer it in case it's the police with news about yesterday.

"Hello, Marcus Devlin here."

It is the police and they do have news, just not any I want to hear. "Mr. Devlin, this is Detective Carlton. Sorry to disturb you but we have some news concerning the case, at least we think it's related to yesterday's incident."

"What have you found out?" I ask grimly.

"We found a body. A woman. Her purse and jewelry were stolen but she did have her phone. We got her name and yours from that. Her name is Rebecca Sanders. Your phone number came up as the last number she called the day before yesterday. Did you speak to her?" he asks in a suspicious tone. Naturally everyone connected to her will be scrutinized but it's unsettling to know I'm placed in a situation where my moral code is in question.

There is a stab of regret over hearing Rebecca is dead. I pray she didn't suffer. Her death, coming now as I'm being blackmailed and her calling me is too much of a coincidence not to be connected. I just don't know how.

"Detective, I haven't checked my messages. Give me a minute and I'll see if there is anything in my voicemail." I motion for Sonja to stay put and send her a look that I hope will keep her silent for now.

Punching in the number for my voicemail I listen until Rebecca's voice comes on. _"Marcus, this is Rebecca. I came upon some disturbing information concerning a blackmail scheme. Listen, I can't talk now. I risked calling you now so we could set up a time to meet. Please call me as soon as you get this. I don't know if she suspects anything but I'd really like to meet with you soon so you can deal with her and the others. Bye Marcus. They mentioned blackmail and revenge. Please call soon. She's coming back. I've got to go."_

Hanging up I stand frozen for a moment. Damn it. Rebecca had nothing to do with this mess and yet she's dead because she stumbled upon some information and wanted to pass it on to me. Now more than ever I want these fuckers to pay. I bet if I spoke to Christian he'd agree to us taking care of those assholes permanently once we find them. I don't want to chance them beating the system on a technicality or being able to terrorize us if they make bail. Christian went through that once already. It didn't end well. My hands hurt from clenching them so tightly. I'd like to have them wrapped around my adversaries strangling the life out of them. We could turn Christian's playroom into a torture chamber. Mines not as well equipped.

Realizing I still have Detective Carlton on the phone I press the hold button to reconnect us. "Detective Carlton?"

"Yes, I'm still here."

"There was a message from Rebecca. She said she had some important information for me. There wasn't anything in it that will help. I'll have my people forward the call to you. If you need anything further just let me know. I…Rebecca was a good person and didn't deserve this. I want to see the bastard who did this rotting behind bars. I'd like to get my hands on them first and I'm sure Christian feels the same way," my threat is obvious in my words if not my voice.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that comment. I advise you not to take the law into your own hands. Let the system take care of these…uh…people," he says clearly wanting to use stronger language but being in law enforcement and being on duty I suppose a certain decorum is expected. I wouldn't mind if he cursed until the air turned blue. It won't change anything but it sure as hell makes a person feel a bit better to use language that expresses their anger more forcefully.

"I'd prefer to have you come down so our techs can begin immediately analyzing the call. They might pick up some background noise that might give us a clue where Miss Sanders was when she made the call. You'd be surprised how many cases are solved using today's technology. If it's convenient how about coming down to the station say, two o'clock?" The words are in question form but his tone is a command. It goes against the grain to be told what to do but if it will help end this nightmare I'll not stand in the way of the investigation.

"Two will be fine Detective. I'll see you then." Hanging up I turn back to Sonja. She's heard everything from my end so I suppose she has a good idea what is going on. Going back to my bed I sit down and fill in the blanks.

"Oh dear God Marcus, these people are insane, heartless. Now more than ever I believe they are capable of hurting Christian's innocent children. It may have been wrong of me not to tell you about meeting with that Reynolds woman but I believe I made the right choice and even if it makes you mad I'd do it again even if I'd have to face being punished again."

Pulling her into my arms I bury my face in her fragrant hair. I want to take in every particle of her essence. I have to touch her, claim her to believe she's really here and alright. What I want to do is build an impenetrable wall around us keeping the world away.

"Sonja, my beautiful siren, I want you. I must have you. I'm not sure I can be gentle as I feel so desperate. I feel like I'll wake up and find everything has been a dream and you won't be real. Don't ever leave me. I couldn't stand it."

"Take me. Take me hard. I'm here, I'll never leave. There is no place I'd rather be than wherever you are. Show me, show me how much you want me," she says in a voice filled with desire.

"Baby, right now I want to fuck you so bad. I need to sink into you so deep we will almost be one. Get ready baby, this won't be soft or slow."

Settling between her thighs I push into her hard going all the way in. Her gasp in my ear is like a match to gasoline. It is as if I combust. Pulling out I can feel the wet glide along my shaft. I'm glad I warned her how brutal my possession would be because I lost all control.

She met every thrust taking me in, encouraging me with words so lusty they inflamed me even more. My siren can talk dirty when I bring out her lusty side. We aren't making love, we are fucking, pure unadulterated lust, desire and a need to couple for pure carnal pleasure.

Wanting to go deeper I say, "Lift up. I want to put a pillow beneath you." It's a wonder I can articulate. I'm feeling so much I might overload my senses. My heart is beating so fast and so hard against my chest it's a wonder Sonja can't hear it.

Watching her face I can see every emotion. I hear her panting as lust steals her breath, I steal her breath. One stroke of my finger over her clit and she nearly comes apart. I feel her inner wall tightening around me.

"Marcus you feel so good. You make me feel so much. If…if you want…if you'd like to you can fuck my…Damn it. What I want is for you to fuck me in the ass while finger fucking my pussy and stroking my clit," she stammers out then ends with an implied so there at the end.

Shit! My siren sure knows how to get my cock to pay attention. I feel a surge of blood in my cock as I feel it harden even more. I'm a man satisfied with the size of my cock and not into bragging about size but Sonja makes me harder quicker than anyone ever has with very little effort on her part.

Pulling out I place my cock at the puckered opening. Slowly I push forward. There is a look of utter bliss on Sonja's face. I feel her relaxing as I ease in. Damn she's tight.

Inserting two fingers into her pussy I curl them upward moving them against her sweet spot. Using my thumb I stroke over her clit. She moans and pushes against me. My siren wants more. She wants me to fuck her. I want that too. I'll fuck her so good it will feel like she's dying from the pleasure.

"Fuck, fuck me. Fuck me hard Marcus. Make your siren come. I want to come."

"Baby, I plan to make you come so fucking hard it will be almost unbearable." I'm not bragging I'm just stating a fact as I know what makes her climb the walls.

No more talk, only fucking, feeling, climbing higher and higher toward that end where we forget to breathe for brief seconds. I'm slick with sweat, driving into her so hard every thrust vibrates through her body. It isn't pretty romantic or anything sweet. It's all lust and carnal gratification.

It's dirty, sweaty, a euphoric sexual release bringing moans from our mouths as we writhe against one another seeking that final climatic explosion of our senses. This experience feels like an out of body moment. Pumping and grinding, we explode together, calling out to one another.

Breathing erratically, I slump down for a second then roll away from her. She snuggles up to me finally settling as my arm wraps around her body. We lay silent and content for a few blissful minutes. I am reluctant to bring reality back after such an otherworldly experience.

Sighing regretfully I say, "I have to call Christian. He needs to know about Rebecca."

"Marcus, I'm sorry for what happened to her. I can tell you felt something for her by the way you say her name. I just wanted you to know it's okay if you want to mourn her or talk about her."

"I don't know much about her. We didn't have that kind of relationship. I did care for her though. She was a good person. She was amusing. She could make me laugh when my mood was gloomy. I didn't love her but I did like her even admired her for the volunteer work she did." Despite saying I knew very little I am now able to recall various conversations we had while dining. If I had been willing to take things further I'm sure she would have welcomed me. I feel sort of ashamed for how I treated her. She gave and I took without giving anything back. I won't mourn her like I would if I lost Sonja but I will feel and do feel sad about how she died as killing her was so senseless. It shouldn't have happened. Just one more thing these bastards will have to pay for.

We shower together but for once there is only washing of our bodies going on in there. Dressing is in a similar solemn mood. I'm thinking on the way to the police station so Sonja sits quietly in her seat with her own thoughts.

While I'm waiting I make a call to Christian. "Hello, Ana Grey."

"This is Marcus, is Christian around? If he isn't busy I'd like to speak to him. It's important." I try not to sound as grim as I feel. There's no need to worry Ana until the last minute. She has enough on her plate.

"Uh oh. What's happened? You didn't make a single crack about our love life or any snide remarks about Christian in general. Something is definitely up. Spill." I should have known she wouldn't let me get away with anything. She has the nose of a blood hound and snoops like a P.I.

I sigh loudly letting her know I'm not happy with her. It doesn't faze her. "That heavy breathing may sound sexy in some young girl's ear but to me it only sounds like a pervert. I have Christian, what do I need another pervert for?"

"I have an errand to run then I'll come by. Tell him I'll be there around three. I'll bring Sonja and you two can talk weddings and shit."

My eardrum nearly breaks when Ana lets out a loud squeal. Pulling the phone away from my now damaged ear I scold her sternly, "That's my ear you just screamed into. I've probably lost fifty percent of my hearing. One hour. Christian. Now Ana."

I hang up before she can do any more damage. Sonja is smiling as she comes toward me. I get a very deep kiss that has ideas of going back to bed running around inside my head. "What's that for, not that I don't appreciate it. It was just more than a simple "I love you Marcus" kiss."

"You told her we could plan a wedding. I guess that makes it official. I was still only half believing I could be so lucky to have someone like you."

"Hey, I'm the lucky one. I finally believe I can have a normal life. You put up with all my shit and didn't run away when it got tough. All this crap that's going on now would have any other woman heading away from me as fast as they could. In case you don't believe it yet I'll tell you again, I love you Sonja Donatella. You are my life, my reason to want more and not settle for just what I thought I deserved. With you I want it all baby."

"I guess we're both lucky and terribly smart to have found one another." She's teary-eyed. My own eyes may be tearing up.

"Baby, let's go before we start crying a river or end up back in bed. I want to stop by Mason's office so he can make a copy of Rebecca's message. It won't hurt to have extra people on this."

Mason is worried about me. Jack comes in while I'm still with Mason. I tell him what has happened. He's shocked and asks, "Marcus is there anything I can do? Of course I'll help Mason but if you need me for anything let me know. Man, Rebecca was a super nice person. She's one of the few good ones. Not like that bitch Honey. Now that woman is a piece of work. She came to my apartment shortly after you broke things off. Wanted me to talk to you about giving her a second chance. As if I'd encourage you to bring that she-devil back into your life. Say, have you looked into her as a possibility?"

"Mason's going back and checking everyone. I don't think it could be Honey. I don't mean to be cruel but if they had to have a poster child for dumb blonds she'd be a good candidate. All Honey cares about is Honey and how the world affects her. Breaking a nail is a major catastrophe. I don't recall her mentioning ever going to college or even a trade school. I can't imagine her having the skills required to carry off this blackmail scheme or being proficient in using weapons," I say convinced I'm right.

"Boss, don't discount anyone. Aren't you the one who sometimes goes into a boardroom acting like you only know half what's going on to throw your competitors off?" Mason has a valid point. I guess I can't rule anybody out until all the evidence is in.

"Hey man, don't worry. We have your back here. Mason and I will keep at it until something pops. I don't want to sound greedy or insensitive but all this espionage is wreaking havoc on my potential bonus besides the killing I foresee making partnering with you and Christian.

"It's because you and Mason will be making several times what the blackmailers demanded that I excluded the two of you from my list of suspects. I hope neither of you will be offended when I tell you I had an outside firm looking into your personal life and a couple of men following you around." Sonja looks shocked, Mason and Jack do not.

"Hey man, they're coming after family and friends. You have to do what needs to be done to protect what's yours. I expected no less of you Marcus." Jack is matter of fact. I don't think I ever consciously thought about what amazing friends and colleagues these two men are. I took them for granted. After this mess is over I'll have to see about changing that.

I leave but not before promising we'd raise some hell after our lives got back on track. After leaving Mason and Jack I call a Chinese place that is located on the way to Christian's. I also called in to a pizza place to order a cheese pizza for Teddy and Phoebe. Those two love their pizza. Phoebe eats the melted cheese off then licks the sauce and discards the crust. She always offers the crust to me. I'd like to refuse as by the time she's done with it the crust is a soggy unappetizing mess. Somehow I've managed to stuff them down without gagging them back up. Teddy gobbles it all down leaving only sauce behind on his face. Thank God. I don't think I could manage sharing with both of them. This will be a new experience for Sonja, seeing me get topped by a little up and coming Dominatrix. Only two and she already knows what she wants and how to get it. When she starts dating I can see her and Christian butting heads.

The station house is only a few minutes from my building. I leave her in the car as it will only take me a few minutes to drop off my phone so they can do what they need to do to get the call off my phone. They'll keep me up to date with any new developments. I don't give them the same promise from my end. Christian and I may want to deal with these bastards ourselves.

Arriving at Christian's I must conclude Ana waited for us while looking out a window. As soon as I braked the door flew open and she pulled Sonja's door open. Grabbing a hand she half led half dragged a bewildered Sonja behind her.

Christian and I were more circumspect. Looking on as Ana engulfed Sonja while babbling about dresses, cakes and weddings we men headed for Christian's study.

Without preamble Christian states, "When you called asking to come over you sounded less than happy which I concluded means your news isn't very pleasant. So, do I need to sit, put my valuables away to protect them from any outburst I might make or maybe have a stiff drink before you tell me anything?"

"I think this is a stiff drink situation, in fact, maybe half a bottle apiece might be a good idea." I'm serious about the alcohol. It might take the edge off.

Christian pours us both a stiff one then we take seats in the chairs by the fireplace. Gathering my thoughts I take a long swallow then say, "The police called me this morning. They found Rebecca's body, shot in the head, execution style. Whoever did this took her purse and valuables to make it look like a robbery but the police and I think it's our blackmailers. Her phone showed the last call she made as my number. I hadn't listened to my messages. She left me a warning about someone we both know. Apparently she couldn't talk as whoever she wanted to warn me about was with her. The last I heard she asked me to call her back. The person was coming back into the room and she couldn't talk anymore."

"Rebecca, Rebecca Sanders, your Rebecca, that's who you're talking about? Are they sure it's her?" he asks in disbelief. I'm still reeling from my own shock. It's hard to wrap my head around someone I know going to these lengths for money or some petty revenge.

"Yes, that Rebecca. And yes, they're sure, her sister identified the body. Christian, I didn't want to believe anyone would go this far. I thought we'd give them the money and it would be over, now this. I was angry with Sonja for pulling that stunt yesterday but now I'm thinking maybe she made the right choice. They've proven murder isn't a hard limit with them." I speak in a term we both understand. Hard limits are things a person won't do or have others do to them. In our world we strictly adhere to a partner's hard limits.

"Jesus, Marcus, what more can we do? I'm seriously thinking of leaving the country. The only problem with that is how do I know they won't follow or just patiently wait for me to return? We still aren't even sure who is doing this. We can make all the educated guesses in the world but that isn't going to keep us safe."

I stood up and paced around. I'm so fucking angry and feel helpless it is driving me crazy. Throwing myself back down into a chair I just abandoned I run my fingers through my hair in frustration as I angrily say, "Fuck, I have no fucking idea. They seem to know everything about us. They have access to things we thought inaccessible by anyone from the outside. I had sweeps done of every inch of The Devlin Towers. Mason had my techs go over every computer check every phone. He came up with nothing. How can we fight against a ghost?"

Christian sits down opposite me. He may seem calmer but this is the eye before the storm. Closing his eyes he leans back then begins to speak quietly, "When Ana left me I thought I'd die. When she was in danger from Hyde I nearly lost my mind. Marcus, I know if anything happened to one of my children the world would be a dark and terrible place. I know I'd sell my soul to be able to see justice done. I can't bear it Marcus; I can't bear going through that type of agony again. I have to do something. Tell what the hell I can do?"

"Fuck if I know Christian but believe me, I don't plan on any of us losing one more fucking thing. I have a plan. You won't like it, shit it's my plan and I don't like it but it's our best option I think. Hear me out then we can discuss it."

Laying everything out as expected Christian is against it at first. In the end he agrees reluctantly with a few stipulations of his own. God help us if this doesn't work.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long. Got a wonderful present from my daughter and my son-in-law. They gave me enough money to make the trip to visit my disabled sister. I haven't seen her in about 2 years. We talk weekly but seeing and talking in person is so much better. Since everyone had other places to go and I'd be alone I spent Christmas with her. Just got back late Friday afternoon. **

**Think I edited this but if you find mistakes please overlook them and quietly let me know about them. Thanks for all who are reading and reviewing. You have been a blessing in my time of need. So glad I can share what my mind creates. Love, peace and happiness to all in the New Year. Yep, I jumped the gun. **

**Chapter Twenty-eight**

**Desperate Times Desperate Measures **

**Sonja's Pov**

Two days after learning about the murder of Rebecca Sanders Ana called to invite me to go shopping with her. She wanted to take me to a few shops Christian had invested in. Since she dressed like a woman who knew fashion I am willing to take her advice. Jokingly or maybe not, she corrected me when I made a comment about her dress sense.

"Oh, I'd love to take credit for my elegant look but it's all due to Christian. Well Christian and his personal shopper. I expect between the two of us we can manage to find something that won't look like you're headed to a Goth concert instead of going to a wedding where you'll be marrying one of the richest men in the country."

Of course he couldn't give over complete control so gave very explicit orders what he preferred. Maybe I should consult Christian although I think Marcus might have something to say about that. Lord, my face heats up just imagining what sort of things Marcus would like for me to wear. The things he already picked out are just short of being indecent. He has made comments to the effect perhaps I should only wear certain items around the apartment for his pleasure alone.

My heart takes a nosedive as I take in the words about how rich Marcus is. I'm not stupid so I knew on some level he had money, lots of money. Now I'm faced with the reality. How can I come close to being worthy of him? What do I have to offer other than some damn hot sex? Will that be enough to hold him? My mind goes to a baby. That would hold him or at least give me a permanent connection to him. No, I can't get pregnant just so I'll have a weapon to use so Marcus will be forced to keep in contact with me. That wouldn't be fair to any of us. We've dodged that bullet so far by the grace of God.

Damn it! I'm letting my insecurities get the best of me. Marcus loves me. He's shown me over and over and told me many times how much I mean to him. Thinking about how far we've come I can't help but feel the warmth of his love surrounding me like a warm embrace. I feel better already.

So what if what I buy today will be paid for by my lover and future fiancé? What difference does it make? He isn't buying me, I'm giving myself to him, of my own free will just as he is giving himself to me. What he has is mine and what I have belongs to him too. I don't have much but it's enough. Love doesn't need material trappings to flourish. Sure material things make life easier but only love, respecting and staying true to the bond we have will get us through anything.

Now, I'm ready to shop until we drop. "Lead the way Madame. Let's set Marcus's card on fire. He gave me one with no spending limit. Does that mean I could buy a yacht?"

Ana laughed with me. "Yeah, you could buy a yacht, whatever your heart desires. I have a similar card. So far I've only been brave enough to buy clothing, shoes and purses. I even buy things for Phoebe and Teddy. The things I buy for Christian I buy using the money I earn from working. Silly I suppose but it seems odd to buy a present or anything for him when it's his own money."

"I know how you feel. I was just thinking along those lines. It's hard to believe someone like Marcus can be happy with someone like me. I'm nothing special."

"Hello, wife of billionaire Christian Grey. Him rich, me, not so much. Money is irrelevant to how we feel. It's only a side benefit. I don't know about you but Christian and I are like gas and a match whenever we're in the same room. I know over time the sex will taper off but not anytime soon. Our love on the other hand will last on into the afterlife."

Ana links arms with me and we continue on down the street with our shadows following a few steps behind. Ana picked me up in her car. Calling ahead we arranged for our Donald and her bodyguard to drive in the same car. Arrangements have been made to park in one of the downtown garages near the shopping district.

"We're here to have a good time and find you the perfect wedding dress and all that goes with being a bride. Let's get to it."

With arms linked we say in unison, "Charge it." Laughing, my mood is lighter as we begin a marathon day of shopping.

We are lunching at an outdoor café when a young woman approaches us. I don't know her but Ana seems to know her.

"Hey Ana. Long time no see. How long has it been, a year? Man, it seems like only a few days ago I was hustling to meet a deadline. I don't regret quitting when I married Roger. I like helping in his sporting goods store. We're doing pretty good. How are things going with you and that sexy warm from the oven ginger snap?"

Ana laughs as she replies, "Sarah, he's gone from warm ginger snap to smoking hot caramel poured over vanilla ice cream." Ana's eyes take on a secretive look. I think I know why. It's the vanilla ice cream. I get the meaning even if Sarah doesn't. That description pretty well describes me and Marcus only he's melted chocolate fudge poured over his vanilla ice cream.

Our conversation turns to everyday things. Ana is sure the topics are those that will include me. If something is mentioned that happened before we met she takes the time to fill me in. When the conversation turns to my shopping for a wedding dress Sarah mentions a shop a couple blocks down. Ana hasn't ever been there but Sarah assures us it's an up and coming hot spot for the elite.

Getting the address we leave Sarah and decide to walk the short distance to the shop. I tell Donald where we're going and Ana does the same with her own bodyguard just in case we get separated in the crowd. Ana shivered when she told me how upset Christian can get when his orders aren't followed to the letter. I can relate to that. My butt was tender for days after Marcus took his anger out on my behind. Of course it did help that Marcus felt so quilty he had to kiss both cheeks every night before going to bed.

The boutique is very elegant. When we go in there doesn't seem to be anyone around. Ana goes to a rack of dresses and I go to another. They're all so beautiful it will be hard to pick one. Now I wish I'd asked Libby to come along. I didn't want to push her on Ana since this was Ana's suggestion we go shopping. Well, there will be other days I'm sure as there is so much that goes into planning a wedding. Marcus put his foot down when I suggested we only have our immediate friends and do something simple. Arrangements are already in the works to have the ceremony and reception at Christian and Ana's. Christian's parents offered their home but Marcus spoke to Christian and he and Ana were insistent about opening their house to us.

With Donald and Ana's man, Robert, sitting close by we feel able to relax. A door opening in the back draws our attention. At first I don't recognize the woman coming out but as she got closer I could see she is one of Marcus's old Ponies.

Ready to stand my ground and ask 'What the hell is the meaning of this', I'm shocked as she raises her arm and shoots both Donald and Robert. She didn't blink, hesitate or even act as if this was not something normal. The silencer on the gun prevents any sound that could alert someone on the street. She rummages in their pockets until she finds their phones. She opens them up and takes out a tiny object. I suppose it is one of Marcus's and Christian's tracking devices. I hear the crunch as she grinds them under her feet. Turning to us she puts her hand out waiting for us to hand over our phones. Her supercilious smile is enough to make me want to smack that smile right off her face. The tracking devices in our phones suffer a similar fate as Donald's and Robert's phones.

"It's done," she shouts over her shoulder as she goes to the front of the store and pulls the blinds down then turns the sign on the door to closed. The clicking of the lock sounds as sharp and loud as a gunshot thanks to my rising fear and near hysteria.

The door in the back opens again and out comes Mrs. Lincoln and a big burly man. He's carrying a gun too. Mrs. Lincoln looks a bit green when she sees the two men with blood all over their chests. The stains are spreading. Blood is still being pumped out so that means they are still alive. Risking being shot I go to Donald and press on his wound. Grabbing a garment from a rack I roll it into a tight ball then push it under his suit jacket. It's then I feel his gun. Slowly I put my hand beneath his jacket. His eyes open filled with pain but he still conveys with a look encouragement to chance getting the gun in my hands.

His eyes focus on something behind me just before I feel a crack to my skull. My lights go out. How long I was out and what happened during my forced nap remained a mystery only for a few seconds after my head cleared. We are now in the back of the store.

Moving my head slowly I find Ana. The look on her face is one of terror and something else. It is only when I see the two tiny bodies lying on the floor that my heart plummets to my stomach. I feel sick. Little Teddy and Phoebe are lying so still they look…I can't even think such a horrible thing.

"Ah, so the little whore is awake. Good. Wouldn't want you to miss anything. In case you don't know who I am I'll introduce myself. I'm Cassandra Templeton or better known as Honey, one of Marcus's goodtime fucks."

"Why…" I have to stop and swallow then clear my throat so my voice isn't a low rough sound. "Why are you doing this? I know you asked for money but why not just take it then go? Marcus and Christian were ready to pay and let you go."

"Hmmm, let me think. It could be because some little tramp came along and whored her way into Marcus's bed. It could be because he humiliated me and took everything from me without so much as a twinge of regret when he brushed me off."

She comes to squat down in front of me leaning in to say venomously, "It could be because I hate you but I hate him more and want to see you both suffer. This thing with Christian isn't my deal. It's the old broads and her ex's thing. Funny how two like men found one another in a city with hundreds of thousands of people. Fate is a nasty bitch sometimes. Christian fucked poor old Linc's wife and took his company then gutted it a piece at a time. That Elena, now there's a piece of work. You know she hates Ana's guts. That I can relate to. Ana stole Christian from her, you stole Marcus from me. Now it's payback time."

"Why bring the children into this? They have nothing to do with any of this," I asked with a plea in my voice.

"Insurance. Plain and simple. They're drugged so they'll be easily managed. The two of you won't try anything stupid if you know one of us will put a bullet in them just as easily as if they were an animal we were hunting," she says coldly. Her eyes are a soulless black pit. There's nothing but hatred there. No mercy, no pity and certainly no motherly instinct to protect the young.

"What is it you want us to do?" Ana asks her eyes never leaving her children's bodies lying so still. I can see her hands gripping tightly with the urge to go to her young and tend to them just as any normal woman would. This woman, Honey had no such instincts.

Cassandra laughs, "What do I want? Why, I want everything. I'd have settled for Marcus but I finally got that idiotic notion out of my head. I'll settle for $100,000,000. I've already sent the account number to my offshore bank. Once I confirm it's been sent then I'll decide who gets to go home and who doesn't."

"I say we fucking kill them all. We can't leave any witnesses. Right now all they have is speculation, no real proof we committed any crime. I'd like to keep it that way," Linc says as he stands over Ana's children with his gun pointed down at them. I hear Ana's quick intake of air. I'm not their mother and I want to attack that fucker. Ana has to keep a clear head. If she moves now she and her children will end up dead for sure.

"Ana," I call softly. She looks at me. I shake my head almost imperceptibly. I hope she knows what I'm trying to convey to her. When she settles back down I relax, or as much as one can relax when crazy people are pointing guns and threatening to kill small innocent children just to protect their identity.

Thinking hard I try to come up with something that will give us time to find a way out of this or maybe give Marcus and Christian time to find us.

"That woman, Sarah, is she in on this?" I ask the person I now know as Cassandra.

"Sarah? No, she's just an unwitting pawn. I'm so clever it scares me. Everyone, including Marcus thinks I'm some brainless blond airhead. I worked hard to dumb down. Would you believe me if I told you I'm a member of Mensa? It's true. From an early age my I.Q. has tested off the charts. What did that get me? Nothing. My looks on the other hand got me a lot. No one pays attention to what they say around a pretty blond. Little did they know I soaked up all that information like a sponge," she ends gloatingly.

"If I'd had more time with Marcus I could have owned him. Shit, I still could. I had fun messing with him and that Grey stiff dick. A few strokes of the keys and I could have wiped them out, destroyed them in a few seconds. This way though, hits them harder. They'll feel this loss a lot longer than losing their money. I might even go in for mass marketing the programs I created to worm my way into supposedly two of the best guarded systems in the world. Shit, after that it was a cakewalk to input the information that allowed me to send the message to the detail watching over the little kiddies. They brought them right to my door. I don't know if those two men are dead. Who knows, it may be their lucky day and someone will find them before their ticket gets punched." She has the look of how I imagine pure evil looks.

No matter what she says I believe she has no intention of letting any of us go. Already she's shot and possibly killed four men. That's not even counting kidnapping four people, two of them small children. I am praying that either or both Marcus and Christian made use of their controlling tendencies and placed tracking devices on Ana and me. I want to check my shoes and purse but can't draw attention like that. Our only other option is if one of us can somehow overpower one of our captors which is highly unlikely. Damn it, now I wish I had made use of those self defense classes I bargained for in the contract.

I'm looking down at my shoes willing them to contain a tracking device. As if Cassandra is reading my thoughts, I see a pair of women's boots come into my line of sight. "In case you're counting on one of your heroes to come and rescue you by tracking you put that out of your mind. I'm sure both of you have something. I'm counting on that. By the time either of your white knights gets here, we'll be gone." There is a crazed look in her eye that is disturbing.

"If Marcus had only taken the time to get to really know me we could have set the world on fire. As it is the technology I invented to jam what I am sure is the newest and most efficient of devices on the market will now be used to temporarily disable whatever it is you have on you." My heart is sinking further as hope of rescue is beginning to fade while despair is creeping in.

"To up the ante I'm sending a photo of the little kiddies. I'll include a message to the effect that if they want to see them alive again they shouldn't alert the authorities. I might as well send them a photo of the two of you. Maybe we should make it a group photo, the two of you naked and shackled with Linc towering over you about to unzip his pants. Wouldn't those too horny control freaks have a coronary?"

At her suggestion Ana and I cast fearful glances at each other. Being raped is every woman's nightmare. I suffered too much at the hands of my father to allow another man to touch me without my consent. He'll have to kill me.

Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln haven't said too much but Linc is steadily keeping his eyes glued to me and Ana, more on Ana than me. The hatred is almost a tangible thing. Even though I get his anger he's directing it at the wrong people and in an inappropriate way. He's too blinded by his need for vengeance to see that. That Bitch Troll is plain and simple jealous as hell that Christian is totally devoted to Ana. From the looks of her wrinkled forehead I'd say she's gotten in over her head. She's worried. That could work to our advantage.

After taking the picture of the unconscious children and sending it on with a message Cassandra says, "Up on your feet. Each of you grab a kid. Carry them out the back door. Put them in the back of the van parked there. Inside there are handcuffs connected to the wall. Put them on and make sure they lock. I'll be checking so no funny business. Both of you should feel right at home in cuffs. Maybe Linc will oblige one of you by giving you a quick fuck. Wouldn't want the handcuff thing to be a wasted opportunity."

Linc goes over to where Ana is standing and goes behind her. Wrapping his arm around from behind he pushes his hand down beneath the waistband of her jeans. When he touches a very personal spot Ana stomps on his foot.

Howling a loud, "Fuck you bitch. I was only going to touch now I think I will fuck you. You might even find you like it."

Ana and I are about to scoop up the children when Cassandra says, "Hold up. I've changed my mind. Can't have the two of you getting any ideas about running to try and save the ankle biters. Better to keep you away from them. Easier to control you if you know they'll be the first to take a bullet."

I swear this woman has ESP or something. Maybe it's having such a high intelligence quotient that gives her this edge over us.

"Remember, fight back and one of your mutts will pay."

"Linc, get them in the back of the van first. After we're on our way you can fuck her all you want. Shit, I'll even give you an extra hundred grand to fuck Marcus's whore," Cassandra says eyeing me in a way that sends shivers up and down my spine and not in a good way.

"Elena, help Linc keep an eye on the bitches. Be useful for once. I'm starting to think you're excess baggage. You know how I deal with things I don't need," Cassandra threatens.

Elena hustles to lift the smaller Phoebe into her arms. Linc carries Teddy. Ana bits her lip in an effort not to scream for them to get their filthy hands off her children. I could see the toll this is taking on her. Seeing your child in danger and not be able to do a damn thing to protect them has to be one of the most horrible things a parent can suffer other than watching your child die. I don't like thinking about them dying but it is in the forefront of my mind as I am sure it is in Ana's.

True to her word Cassandra checked to make sure we couldn't escape our cuffs. The floor in the back doesn't have any covering to prevent the ridged metal digging into us. We suffer being tossed around banging against the sides with bruising force. Linc sits on a milk crate so Elena could sit in the passenger seat with Cassandra driving.

Perhaps fifteen to twenty minutes passes before our speed slows then we stop altogether. First the children are taken out. I am sure Ana died a thousand deaths to see her children in the arms of these people then lose sight even if it is only for a minute. The only way I can imagine how she is feeling is to put Marcus or one of my friends in the place of the children. My heart stills then begins to hammer in my chest. It hurts just thinking about anything happening to them. I don't want to know it firsthand.

Linc is getting antsy after half an hour. His quick pacing is worrisome. Every so often he stops in front of Ana. The flush on his cheeks as well as the tightening at the fly of his jeans is evidence he is aroused and getting more so with each passing second.

Frantically I begin looking around for something to use as a weapon. We are saved by Cassandra cursing loudly, incensed by something she is reading on her phone.

"Those fuckers. They want to play games? Well, I'll play along and I'll play dirty. They think because I'm a woman I won't harm children? They don't know who the fuck they're dealing with." She fires off a couple rounds in the air. Everyone jumps at the sudden noise.

Shoving the phone in Ana's face Cassandra angrily grits out, "You see how little they care? Those assholes are refusing to transfer my money. I'll teach those bastards not to fuck with me. Elena, shoot the cunts offspring. Linc, you can fuck one or both of them. I'll even take pictures to foreward on so everyone will have a keepsake of this glorious day when Christian Grey and Marcus Devlin chose money over the safety of their loved ones."

"No," Elena whispers as the gun in her hand shakes with the trembling of her hand.

"What the fuck do you mean no?" Cassandra is holding her weapon with both hands as if trying hard not to use it. I don't think that's the case. I think she is just trying to calm herself so if she does fire she won't miss.

"I…I didn't sign on to kill children. I may be a lot of things but I haven't sunk that low yet." She's backing away as Cassandra looks from her to Ana's children.

"Fuck Cassandra, I'll do it. I'm not squeamish about doing them. Serves that fucker Christian's right for taking everything from me. Now it's payback." Linc goes over to stand by the small inert forms.

Gauging the distance I pray I can make it. Rising to my feet I lunge forward tackling Linc from behind. He rolls to the side then is standing over me before I can catch my breath. With a diabolical smile he moves his gun from my direction to point it at Teddy and Phoebe again. If he's going down he's taking Christian's children with him. I guess his hatred is so strong it doesn't bother him the children are the only innocents in all of this.

Lunging over I throw myself across the two small bodies trying to cover as much of them as I can. God in his mercy has kept them out of this living hell in peaceful sleep. Whatever drug they used is something very strong. I worry it might be too strong since they have been out for so long.

The last things I see before all hell breaks loose are Linc pointing the gun at me, a flash, then I hear gunfire coming from everywhere. I feel a burning in my side. A moan escapes my mouth as I press my hand to my side. Feeling the wetness coating my hand I raise it up to see red, blood, my blood. Am I going to die?


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Still stuck in limbo. Haven't received my final walking papers from the bank. I'm digging in until I do. It's nice and toasty here and freaking cold over at that other house. Like a refrigerator.**

**Chapter Twenty-nine**

**Too Little Too Late? **

**Marcus's Pov**

Looking at Christian no one could guess how angry he is by his calm demeanor. One look into those steel grey eyes and you can see the storm brewing there. Those of us who really know him know to be wary when he is this calm during a crisis at least one involving those he cares about. His control is likely to snap at any moment.

I am much easier to read right now. I'm desperate and don't care who knows it. I take that back, I wouldn't want our adversaries to see me in this weakened condition. All this fucking technology and we still don't know who is doing this or where the fuck Sonja and Ana are. We can have all the theories we can imagine but they are of little help until we know exactly who we are dealing with and where the fuck they are.

We had Sonja and Ana on screen then nothing. Everything went dead. If Christian's man Taylor hadn't restrained him and Mason and Jack hadn't held me back likely we'd have torn the place apart in angry frustration. What do these fuckers want? We've agreed to all of their terms up to now, not gone to the police and still we are being tormented.

My phone signals I have a text. Grabbing it off the conference table I hit the button so I see who dares to contact me at a time like this. It won't be either Sonja or Ana as it is to be assumed their phones were disabled when the GPS was disabled. Everyone in the building has been told not to call my office unless they wanted to find new employment.

"Fuck. Shit. Christian, take a look at this." I signal with my head for Taylor to follow close behind Christian. He'll need to be sedated after looking at what is on my phone.

"Oh God no. You fucking cowards. Come after me, not my wife and children." He's shouting at the picture on the phone as if there is someone on the phone to hear him. Calm now deserts him as with a sweep of his hand he clears everything within striking distance from the table. Picking up a chair he hurls it into the glass on the street side windows. Luckily they are made to take a heavy impact without breaking.

Taylor whispers something to Christian while holding him still with only a hand on the distraught husband and father's shoulder. Christian becomes boneless as he sinks into a chair. Dropping his head down he places it on folded arms. He is a defeated man. One believing all he holds dear is lost to him.

This is painful to see. Christian is such a powerful, prideful man and yet now he looks utterly defeated and broken. Taylor gives him a moment then whispers something else into Christian's ear that startles him into activity. He's back, Fifty Shades of Fucked Up and ready to decimate some assholes daring to threaten his woman and children. Now this, this is the Christian I know, the Christian I try very hard to stay on the right side of at all times. He's one dangerous motherfucker when crossed. Put his family in danger and all societal restraints are removed. This man is the man we've needed all along.

"Okay, I'm over it. I'm still so fucking mad I can't see straight but as Taylor reminded me we still have to find and rescue our loved ones. Thanks Taylor. As ever you're the voice of calm reason."

"You'd have come to your senses soon enough but as time is of the essence I felt it necessary to push you a little." For one brief moment they share a twist of the lips that passes for a smile then it's all down to business.

"Taylor, that chip I had injected into Ana, activate it."

What? He put a GPS tracking device in Ana? I'll bet they had a hell of a fight over that unless…Christian can be sneaky when it comes to stalking. I wouldn't put it past him to inject Ana while she slept. Damn it. I wish I had thought to do something like that, with Sonja's permission of course. I think I could have persuaded her, especially after recent events.

I'm still eyeing Christian as he follows Taylor to a bank of monitors connected to dozens of computers. Catching me eyeing him speculatively he growls defensively, "Ana and I discussed it. She agreed to letting me inject the device so long as I didn't activate it until needed during an emergency." As an aside for my ears only he says quietly, "She didn't consider needing to fuck her desperately as an emergency so I had to turn it back off."

"Hey man, I make no judgments. In fact, let me know where you got the damn thing so I can get one in Sonja." I'm frowning wondering why this technology didn't occur to me.

As if reading my mind he says, "This isn't on the market yet. There are similar devices but this one is special. It's something our foreign office is testing. It can't be disabled by any devices on the market as it has a frequency disrupter. I'm toying with developing it for government use. At least it isn't a bigger deadlier bomb."

Several seconds go by with all of us focused on the screens. Finally there is a blip. Now all we have to do is use satellite imaging to find a location. Within seconds we have a location. The blip is stationary. That is both good and bad. Good because we have the location and it isn't likely to change, bad because that could also mean…oh fuck! It could mean we may find only bodies.

Every man from Christian's security and mine are gathered ready to move at a moment's notice. We have some thirty men in all. It says a lot for their loyalty to have even those men off duty coming in without being ordered to do so. They are volunteering without bargaining for hazardous pay.

We pile into three vehicles. Since we're pretty sure they will expect us we must be even more cautious than usual. A nighttime operation would maybe be more amenable for our mission but we can't sit around on our asses waiting for dark.

Christian and I are both given a bulletproof vest and a glock. I've shot a gun before but not at a person. Christian is firmly against them so as a safety precaution I pull him aside to ask, "Christian, do you know how to shoot without taking your finger off or shooting yourself in the foot?"

"Fuck no I don't know how to shoot a gun. I meant to learn after the last Jack Hyde incident but what with having the kids it sort of went out of my mind. Guns and kids don't correlate in my book."

Standing in front of him so no one can see I give him a few quick tips. The first is how to take the safety off and put it on. The second is how to eject the clip then put it back in. With luck he won't need to reload. I show him how to chamber a round. He's holding the gun up sideways like in the movies. I take his wrist and tell him, "It works better this way. That sideways crap is only for the movies. It might look cool but it doesn't give you any better aim."

We've parked on the backside of the building across from where our quarry is. Fanning out we use abandoned machinery parked in the lot as cover. Mason and Taylor are in charge of our movements. Everyone is watching them for directions. I can tell Christian hates not being in charge just as I do. It doesn't feel right to place the safety of loved ones in the hands of someone else but in this case the other two men are more qualified for what needs to be done.

It feels like a long time before we are close enough to move in but it is actually only minutes. Mason is wearing a Bluetooth as is Taylor. The men all have them too. Christian and I share a disgusted look as neither of us thought to ask for one. Some heroes we are. I suppose we have the excuse of being distraught. I'm not afraid to admit I'm fucking terrified.

We get the signal to move in. A few men take hold of the doors. On a signal from Mason they open the doors then the rest move in quickly. Christian and I follow close on their heels. We are anxious to find our loved ones. My heart is in my mouth as the first spray of bullets starts being exchanged.

Oh God! My heart stops beating as I see a man standing over a pile on the floor that I assume are the children as it is so small and I see both Ana and Sonja. Sonja lunges forward tackling the man. He rolls then comes to his feet. Turning around he sends an evil glance over his shoulder I know is directed toward Christian. He then turns back to the pile on the floor raising his gun aiming it directly at Teddy's red hair.

Christian shouts, "You motherfucker Lincoln. I should have killed you the last time you fucked with my family. I'll rectify that mistake right now."

On the other side about twenty feet away is Honey, standing there with gun raised firing not at the men coming toward her but at another woman. From the description Christian and Ana have given me I'd say this was none other than Elena Lincoln, Christian's Mrs. Robinson.

The older woman falls to the floor. Honey then turns her gun in the direction of Sonja. Snarling something unintelligible she moves aiming her gun directly at Sonja. I see at least one bullet hit it's mark as Sonja gives a loud moan then is quiet. Mrs. Lincoln raises her arm holding a gun. Holding it with both hands to steady her shaking hand she fires, emptying the clip. Honey goes down. I don't know if she's only wounded or dead. God help me, I hope she's dead.

My attention turns back to Sonja. I only have time to see her throwing herself across the bodies lying amongst the pile of rags on the floor. Linc fires. I see Sonja's body jerking. I know she's been hit a second time. Linc jerks, I see a red stain growing on his shirt. He's been hit in the back twice.

Shots continue to hit him even after he's down. Turning I see Christian still clicking away even though he's emptied his gun as he walked toward Linc. He doesn't have a permit, this operation might not be totally legal, so, the last thing he needs is to be caught holding the gun that shot and likely killed a man. Shooting him in the back is not a justifiable shooting in the eyes of the law. With everyone here there is no problem seeing that Christian had a righteous shoot.

I want to go to Sonja but there are medics tending to her. Not being sure what we'd find we brought along several EMT specialists. Sirens are now reaching our ears. The police will be here in a matter of minutes. I need to work fast. Christian saved me committing murder. The least I can do is make sure it looks like Honey shot and killed Linc.

Removing the gun from Christian's slack hand I take it with me over to where Honey is lying. Feeling no pulse I remove her gun and replace it with Christian's after wiping the fingerprints. I then place it in Honey's hand making sure to place her fingers properly on the stock of the gun and the trigger. I put the other gun in the waistband of my jeans. I'll drop it down into the drainage ditch then retrieve it later when it's safe. Unless Christian confesses no one will know he killed a man in cold blood. If he hadn't I damn well would have.

Walking over to Mrs. Lincoln I feel her pulse. She is dead also. At least there won't be anyone left alive to dispute the story we'll tell about how things went down.

All of this sounded like it took a long time when we repeated events to the police later, but it all happened in a matter of a few minutes. Only a few minutes and three people are dead, two women traumatized and one, the woman I care about above all others lies still covered in blood while two men work to stabilize her so she can be transported to a hospital. The children didn't witness the carnage and we all agreed to keep it that way. No sense in giving them nightmares.

Christian has gone into shock. They are checking him out. He keeps staring down at his open palms. I'm wondering if he's imagining Linc's blood covering them. Ana is speaking to him quietly as they stand nearby watching as Teddy and Phoebe are checked out.

"They appear not to have suffered any from being drugged. It should start to wear off. We'll go ahead and hook them up to an iv just as a precaution. When we get them to the hospital they can give you a more precise diagnosis," one of the techs says. Seeing that Christian looks as if he's out of it he says to Ana, "Maybe we should have a look at your husband. He's not looking too steady. He might be suffering from shock. Can't say as I blame him after what the two of you have gone through."

"Christian, these men want to check you out just to be safe. They won't touch you. I'll hold anything that needs to go on your chest or back." Noting the puzzled looks from the techs Ana explains, "My husband suffered a trauma as a child and doesn't like to be touched on his torso."

"Fuck. Pardon ma'am but we're going to need another ambulance. We can't transport this many people in just two. It isn't safe plus, we couldn't move as freely as we need to if we're overcrowded. We'll take the kids and the woman. Your husband can ride in the ambulance that's on its way."

Christian stirs hearing them mention removing his children from his sight again. "No!" he shouts forcefully. "Please Ana." He sounds so beaten, so on the edge of a complete breakdown. Damn it, I've yet to speak to or touch Sonja and now I have to deal with this. Shit!

"Ana, why don't you let Christian ride with me. I'll follow the ambulances to the hospital. That way you can go with Teddy and Phoebe." It's the best I can do. I want to ride with Sonja but I owe Christian.

"No!" Christian shouts again this time raising pleading eyes to Ana. There is a shimmer of tears in his eyes. Fuck. To see this proud man in this shape is humbling. I want to let go and howl like a baby but I am needed by Christian and my sweet Sonja.

"Christian, look at me." When he turns his head to me I say with passion, "You know you can trust Ana and I hope you know you can trust me. Let us do what is best for everyone. I promise I'll stick right on the tail of the ambulance carrying your family, whatever it takes. I give you my solemn vow."

He stares into my eyes as if digging through all my crap down to the meat and bone of my soul. Whatever he finally sees must be convincing for he nods his head and stands ready to hand over his trust to me. Having settled this I now am able to focus on getting everyone where they are supposed to be and still find a few seconds to drop the gun Christian killed Mr. Lincoln with down the drainage grate out back. I had to make certain no one saw me as that would bring scrutiny I didn't want or need.

When I've made sure Sonja and everyone else is going to be alright I'll come back to deal with the gun. Dropping it in the deepest part of the ocean is preferrable to what I must do with it. Taking a boat out far enough would take more time than I feel comfortable with being away from Sonja. I suppose I'll take the thing apart and drop pieces along some lonely stretch of roadways over time. Certainly I won't keep the pieces in the same place until I can dispose of them. Better to go the extra mile than end up in prison because I got lazy.

All the way to the hospital Christian is quiet. Just as we pull into the emergency parking lot he stirs and says, "I won't forget what you and Sonja have done for my family Marcus. I can't get the picture out of my mind of him falling to the cold floor and yet I couldn't stop firing. If I had more bullets I'd have shredded that bastard. I hate what I had to do but I'd do it again without hesitation to save those I love."

"Christian, what you did, it...it will stay with you always. I won't lie about that. What I can say is it will fade and when things return to normal you can look at it all with calmer eyes. None of us could have done anything differently. They gave us no choice. Hell, if you hadn't shot the bastard I would have. I'm a better shot. I'd have taken his head off. Every round would have hit its mark. Go in, get checked out, then go be with your family. They need you and I know for damn sure you need them."

Unbuckling his seatbelt Christian opens the door then pauses. "Anything, anything you ever need, ask and it's yours."

With that we head into the emergency room. I have to find my Siren, by beloved Sonja.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Just a short chapter for now. I'm trying to get down to writing in earnest not just putting something out there just so it's done. I want the last chapter or two to be meaningful not just some rushed ending. Bare with me. **

**Chapter Thirty**

**Long Road Home **

**Sonja's Pov**

Did my life flash before my eyes when I knew I was going to die? I don't know, all I know is I have never felt such fear or such searing pain as I did in the moments before throwing myself over those two precious children. I didn't even have time to think whether I should do it or not, my mind, body and instincts worked as one entity while my conscious self acted on autopilot.

I feel myself getting weaker so I know I've been hit. The pain in my side and shoulder hurt enough so that I'm convinced I've been hit at least two times. The way my head hurts must mean I've either hit it on something or taken a bullet. Can someone survive being shot in the head? I think maybe I've heard of cases like that. I make this assessment sort of from outside my body. I don't feel frightened or worried. It's as if I'm on the outside looking in at some high drama happening to someone else. Maybe it isn't me at all. Surely I'd hear Marcus sobbing or showing some emotion if anything life threatening happened to me?

Where is everyone? Is everyone alright? Did I save…hmm…I am not clear on the details anymore. Everything is getting foggier and foggier. Maybe this is only a dream, whatever _this_ is and I'll wake soon.

Did something significant happen? Funny but a while ago I thought I felt pain, now I don't feel anything. Should that worry me? I don't feel worried. In fact like I said, I don't feel anything more than a mild curiosity. Something is nagging at me trying to get my mind to focus but this gentle wave of floating nothingness feels too nice to abandon just yet. Fear of what is beyond this peace keeps me from wanting to draw back the curtain hiding something unpleasant I'm sure. Staying here seems like the wise choice for now.

The sounds I hear are muffled as if my ears are plugged. Is this one of Marcus's games? Will I soar to some unknown plateau of pleasure then drift softly back and find myself cradled in his strong embrace? Is that the dream? Marcus…he's fading, this man I feel is important to me. With great effort I keep his face and voice with me. If I let go I don't know if I can get him back. Do I want to? Urgency to see and hear him lets me know he is the one person I can cling to, the one person who will keep me here. Here? Where is here? Oh this is confusing.

Hearing intrusive noises I try to focus on them. "Bleeding out…stabilizing…one through and through the other…Gotta go now…"

Who are they talking about? Oh, I do hope they will be alright. My eyes, why can't I open my eyes? Trying to speak I find my lips won't work either. I don't like this game Marcus is playing. I want to shout the safe word and end this but I can't open my mouth or even make a moaning sound.

Now I begin to panic. "bp spiking…heart racing…oh shit! She's crashing."

I'm in a world of dark silence. Did Marcus put me in a room without light or sound? Am I being punished for disobeying him? I can't recall doing anything that would earn such a cruel punishment. Marcus, why does that name keep coming to me? Is he someone important?

The peace I felt earlier is gone. I want to demand to be let out of this dark cold room. I feel frightened without knowing why. "Oh please," I silently beg whoever will listen, "let me out." I'm getting colder and colder as if I am being engulfed in ice. I want the warmth of Marcus's arms, yes, now I remember. I love him and he loves me. Why can't I hear him? I think he was here a moment ago. A moment, an hour, how much time has passed since…?

I feel a sensation of being lifted, jostled, poked and prodded. Someone calls out a name, Sonja, that's it, Sonja. Is that me? Thinking hard only makes the dark mist swirl faster and close in more depressingly close.

Now I'm in a well lit room with people dressed in green scrubs with masks over their faces. On the table is a body. Poor thing, she looks so helpless, so pale, and almost lifeless. There are so many tubes, lines and machines attached she could be a Frankenstein monster ready to be brought to life.

Urgency in the movements from everyone signals something happening to the woman on the table. Paddles are brought out. When placed on the woman's chest a current shoots through her stiffening her body. Holding my breath as I am sure everyone else is, we wait and listen for that constant beeping showing us a heart is beating. With a sigh of relief it finally does.

Feeling a pull on me I panic for a moment. I feel safe here looking on. Where I was before in the dark mist frightened me. I don't want to go back there.

Now I am in a room. The patient, the woman from the operating room is lying with several people around her. The poor man holding her hand as he gently caresses her face has tears running down his face. I want to touch him, tell him not to cry. His pain is my pain. I don't understand it but I just know I must find a way to comfort him.

There is a tall red haired man with a small brown haired woman standing beside him. The man places his hand on the shoulder of the crying man trying to give what comfort he can.

Suddenly there is the sound of beeping, alarms going off, shouts from the hallway, the distraught man jumps to his feet bending down to engulf the figure in the bed within his strong embrace. Body shaking from the force of his sobbing, he pleads for something, no, he is asking her by name not to leave him. Sonja, I've heard that name. I believe I know that name. She…she…she is me. I am the one causing this man, Marcus, yes, Marcus is his name, I am causing him this awful agony of the heart. I am Sonja and I love this man more than anyone. It is because of me he is suffering.

I don't want the safety of this place any longer. I want to return to my beloved Marcus. To touch his face, kiss his lips, hear him say he loves me and for me to say those words to him, are what I want most in the world at this moment.

Closing my eyes I pray. I ask for mercy for both Marcus and myself. We have only just begun to really live. It isn't fair to rip us apart now, not when we are healing, coming to repair one another's broken souls. What will he do without me? To find your other half then lose them has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.

I won't let that happen. I will fight as hard as I can. Closing my eyes I pray and will myself to stay grounded in my body. In all the stories I've heard about out of body experiences during a life crisis, the people get a choice. They mention light, hearing soft welcoming voices, recognizing loved ones. I have none of that. Am I in purgatory, neither here nor there?

Trying so hard to go back is exhausting or whatever it is on this side when one is reaching the limit of their endurance.

Looking down my eyes travel from one to another of the people lending me their strength, willing me to come back. Dread fills me as I feel the doctor and the nurses' sadness creeping into my mind. I see lips set in grim lines and eyes already accepting another loss. How many do they see in a day? Am I to be just another statistic?

Turning my head I see Marcus struggling with Ana and Christian. He wants to be near me, hold me, give what he can to bring me back to him. He shouts over the noise of the machines alarms, "Baby, come back to me. Don't leave me Sonja. I can't lose you now not when I just found you. Please baby, fight for me, fight for us."

His sobbing is breaking my heart. Ana is blubbering openly while Christian sets his mouth into hard grim lines not willing to let go while Marcus needs him to be strong.

Another worrying thought hits me as I see Ana and Christian not merely as friends to us but as parents to Teddy and Phoebe. Now I remember, they were there. Vaguely I had a fleeting thought of them earlier but more pressing issues drove everything from my mind except survival.

Trying to will Ana to look at me does nothing. Tell, me, please tell me both of your children are unharmed. Don't let my death be for nothing. My life for theirs, it seems a fair trade. Where are they? How do I find them?

I feel that pull again. There is a change in the atmosphere of the people hovering over my body. The machine showing my heartbeat makes a blipping sound. The straight line now has a spike. Another and another spike come followed by many more. Relieved sighs depress from breathes held waiting for some result due to their efforts.

That constant blip is proof of life. I let go my hold I have in this place between heaven and earth. I have made my choice. Living with Marcus isn't a choice for me, it is a necessity. Now that I've had him to live without him would be impossible. I think the same can be said for him. That kind of connection doesn't come along very often. From now on I shall live every day to the fullest. Appreciating each moment spent with Marcus will be a priority. I'll show him in every way I can how much he means to me. If left to me we will never part. He owns my heart, my soul, my body, in short he owns me. I'm glad he won't take advantage of that.

I can hear voices, feel the hospital bed beneath me, hear the sounds of a busy ICU. Although relieved to be back where I know I belong I can't help but feel there is something left to be revealed, something that might break me.

"She's stabile. For a second there I thought we lost her for good but she rallied. She's a fighter. We'll get her through this then deal with the matter of her losing…"

"Doctor, please, may we step away from Sonja's room. I know it sounds ridiculous but I don't want to chance her hearing anything before she's ready. Once she wakes then we'll deal with everything else," Marcus says softly casting a glance at me.

"It isn't ridiculous at all. There are schools of thought that believe people in an unconscious state can hear and understand what is going on around them. Some even claim to see events as they happen as they look on from above their earthly body. I'm not sure if I believe any of it but whatever makes you feel comfortable is okay as long as it doesn't jeopardize my patient's recovery," the man's voice says sternly. I assume he's the doctor.

I want to tell them I can hear but I can't make my mouth move. It only then sinks in that there is a tube stuck in my mouth and it continues on down my throat. I begin to gag. Those darn beeping alarms start going off again.

I feel my hand lifted then being pressed to a cheek rough with stubble. "Oh baby. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left. I'm so sorry."

"Mr. Devlin, please step aside and let us do our job. She's just waking and having a normal gag reflex to the tubing. Nothing to be alarmed about. In fact this is a good sign. She's regaining consciousness."

"Baby, it's me Marcus. Open your eyes for me. I need to see your lovely eyes Sonja." What a wonderful sound. For a while I thought I might never hear than warm lush tone again. Every part of me warms s Marcus's words reach my ears. Trying with all my might to open my eyes tires me and I soon must give up. Sinking back into the dark abyss I promise him it will only be for a while. I'll rest then come back stronger than ever.

"Only for a while. I'll be gone only for a while. I promise my love." Is that reedy sound coming from me? Just speaking hurts my cracked lips not to mention what it does to my throat so recently abused by having a large tube rammed down it.

A weight comes to rest on the bed beside me. A strong hand takes mine. I hear a muffled sob then, "Sonja, I am keeping you to your word. You promised and a promise is meant to be honored. I'll wait for as long as it takes."

Wishing I could give him something more I feel a tear slip out the corner of my eye. At least he doesn't have to do this alone. Ana and Christian are with him. That must mean the children are okay. If they weren't neither Ana nor Christian could be so calm. Christian would need sedation I'm sure. I feel easier knowing everyone I care about is not hurt or worse. Now I can give my full attention to getting well so I can be with Marcus again. It hurts me to know he is in pain. It shouldn't have happened like this. I thought our lives would now at last be safe and we could go about beginning to discover one another and build a strong bond and think of bringing children into our world.

I feel a warm glow just imagining our children. How beautiful they will be. How lucky they will be. Something is trying to rip a hole in my peaceful bubble but I don't know what and I feel it isn't something I want to face or know. I won't let it in. I am not ready to let it in.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: A thousand pardons to all my readers. I've had a hard time of it lately. Both my health and my finances are stressing me. I'm almost at my limit. Began writing again. Forget sometimes just how much solace I get from living vicariously through my characters. It's an escape I need and enjoy. Hope I'm back on track. Only one more chapter after this I think. Should be able to wrap everything up. **

**I have another Fifty story in the works but only have a few chapters. Won't post until I'm at least halfway finished. I'm going back to my old standard of having a story almost finished before posting the first chapter. Works better for me, less pressure. **

**Read, enjoy and review. **

**Chapter Thirty-one**

**Shattered**

**Marcus's Pov**

This is the third day since Sonja had the tube removed from her throat. Her eyes still remain closed, we still keep a watchful eye and our ears tuned to every blip from various machines, every sound she makes. I won't leave her for more than a few minutes, time to take care of bodily functions. I begrudge every second I must spend away from her bedside.

Libby and the rest of Sonja's friends come every day. Sonja will need Libby once she rejoins us. There is nothing I can do to prevent Sonja from experiencing the deep down agony that awaits her. I've had time to deal with my own pain. That's not to say it still doesn't hurt but worry about Sonja gave me something else to focus on.

I made a promise that if she survived I'd never leave her again. The logical part of my brain knows keeping such a bargain is nearly impossible in the long term but for now it is a promise I feel I must honor faithfully until Sonja opens her eyes and tells me to stop obsessing and leave her the hell alone.

Hearing a sound behind me I don't have to look to know Christian or Ana or both have entered the room. There has been a steady stream of visitors hoping to find Sonja wide awake and complaining about hospital food, not that she would complain. Living so long from one meal to the next has given her an appreciation for food, even the less palatable sort.

"How is she Marcus?" Ana whispers. She still speaks in hushed tones whenever first coming into the room. I've often told her to speak normally as Sonja needs to hear and recognize those keeping vigil by her bedside. God may not pick and choose who to save or take but I do feel the strength from our combined prayers helped keep Sonja with us. I have a new respect for spiritual things. I'm not saying I've become a bible thumping Christian but I do feel strongly now more than ever that there are more powerful things beyond our understanding.

"She hasn't opened her eyes. The doctor says she is still only in a deep natural sleep and will come around whenever her mind and body are ready to face the world. At least they did the test and no damage was done by the bullet that lodged in her skull. Funny how such a powerful weapon capable of so much destruction managed only to penetrate the outer layer of Sonja's skin. The doctors say the chance of that are astronomical. They can't even begin to guess what slowed the bullet so it lost most of its power before it hit her. I don't care what it was, I'm just damn grateful for whatever phenomenon took place."

"Sonja's a good person. The powers that be didn't feel it was her time yet to die. She came awful close but lucky for her she had someone worth fighting for, someone strong enough to fight for her too. I am sure she could feel you and hear you Marcus. It was you that brought her back from the brink," Ana stated positively. I think she gives me too much credit but I'll take all the accolade I can because for a while my faith in myself got pretty shaky. I suppose Ana and Christian know about the power of prayer and the power of a person's will over death. Ana fought and won her battle with death. I now believe Christian played a bit part in her survival. He's a strong minded man. He for sure gave me strength when I needed it.

I've had nightmares reliving that day all hell broke loose. I've had to relive those moments when I witnessed Christian loose his humanity for a few split seconds. I'm sure I'd have done the same but it makes me feel less of a bastard not to have someone's death on my conscience. They'll have to put the screws to me before I'll say one word about what actually happened that day. The gun is long gone, all criminal elements have been buried, Christian is safe, his children are safe, most importantly to me Sonja is safe and on the mend. Now if she will just open her gorgeous green eyes I can let myself get some much needed sleep. I won't let on but I'm about to crack under the strain of staying alert in case Sonja makes the slightest sound. At every little sound I start and wake from where I rest my head either on her bed or on the back of a very uncomfortable chair. I don't want them to bring in a cot as that would feel like I'm digging in for a long siege and it is my hope soon Sonja will awake and rejoin us in the land of the living.

When she does awake then my real test will begin. How do I tell her what she lost, what we both lost that day? She's strong but is she strong enough to deal with something so devastating especially knowing her desires? Hell, it hurts me and I'm a hardened bastard whereas she's tenderhearted. I hope this won't break her.

A moan coming from Sonja brings me head whipping back to her. Slowly her eyes begin to blink then stay open searching the room before they come to rest on me. "Marcus?" she asks in a cracked voice. Her throat has to be dry. Reaching for the pitcher of water I pour out a glassful for her. Raising the bed up I lean in offering her the glass with a straw. Her lips clamp eagerly around the straw. Removing her mouth from the straw she licks her lips then asks, "Tell me everything. I know I was shot. Did...were...are the children okay?"

Cupping her face with my hand I reassure her, "Hey baby, you're a hero. Teddy and Phoebe are fine. They're already home. Ana says they're asking about you. I guess you're their new favorite person since Ana and Christian can't stop talking about you. You've usurped my place. Lucky for you I can share the adoration."

Taking my hand in hers she says, "You'll always be my hero. I'll always adore you."

For the first time in what feels like forever I kiss her lips with all the pent-up passion and love I feel for her. We are breathless when our lips finally part. Maybe I overdid it but she doesn't seem to mind if that smile spread across her face is any indication.

"Tell me everything. I don't know if I dreamed some things or if I actually had an out of body experience. I feel so very lucky to be here with you. If I lost you I'd want to die, or if one of those precious kids were hurt, I don't know how Ana and Christian would survive that. Losing a child has to be one of the worst things that can happen to anyone."

Oh God, how do I tell her? I knew this moment would come and yet I pushed aside thinking how I'd break the news to Sonja once she finally came around. Now the time is here and I have no fucking idea how to approach this. My throat feels like I swallowed a bucket of sand. My eyes are burning with tears I won't let fall. I have to be strong for Sonja. I can't be weak. "For once in your life be a man. Face what has to be said head on. Get it out then give all the comfort you can," I mentally chastise myself.

Taking her hand I swallow the lump lodged in my throat. Sonja's smile gradually changes as I continue to hold her hands tightly while I know my face has gone somber. I wanted to ease into this while trying not to get too maudlin but hell, I wish those fuckers were alive that did this to Sonja and killed my unborn child so I could have the pleasure of torturing them in ways no human should even know about.

My child, I still haven't fully grasped completely what we lost and I've had lots of time to relive it all. Sonja has been unconscious so hasn't been told about the baby. Now I have to hit her with the news that a bullet in her abdomen took the life of the child she was carrying. The doctor said she was about two months along. I suppose what with everything that happened the last few months Sonja didn't realize she might be pregnant.

Taking a deep sustaining breath I say, "Baby, I have something to tell you that is hard for me to say. I don't know any other way to say it but to just come straight out and tell you what happened. You were shot several times. Once in the head, once in the shoulder and one bullet went through your back lodging in your abdomen. It…it…shit. Baby, the bullet hit your lower abdomen damaging your uterus. The doctor repaired everything and believes you will still be able to conceive but the thing is…Oh baby, what I'm trying to say is they couldn't save the baby."

I could feel the tears rolling down my face. My hands gripped Sonja's hands so tight I worried I might fracture her bones. Forcibly I loosen my hold. I'm waiting for some reaction from her. I have to be ready to give her what she needs.

"Baby? I…there was a baby? Oh God, it's my fault. I killed our baby. I must have done something wrong. Get away from me! Let me go! Get out! I ruin everything I touch. I killed my baby. I killed my baby."

Sonja's voice went from screeching to barely making a sound. The nurses rushed in forcing me to leave. Sonja fought against them screaming out such horrible things about herself they finally sedated her.

I knew it would be bad but this…This was not how I thought things would turn out. How can she blame herself? If it's anyone's fault it's mine. Believe me I've gone over and over every scenario since the first night I spent praying over Sonja's inert body. If not for my past, how I treated Honey, maybe none of this would have happened. In my logical mind I know what Honey did had more to do with her warped mind than anything she imagined I did to her.

Ana and Christian are just getting off the elevator. I've never been so glad to see anyone as I am those two people. They've been my rock. I couldn't have made it through the last few days without their support.

"What's happened Marcus? What's going on?" Christian asks in a worried tone.

"I told her. I told her about the baby." Running my hands through my hair I try to compose myself. I hate letting them see me weak with tears crying like a baby. I'm supposed to be strong damn it. "She started screaming about it being her fault. She isn't thinking straight. At the moment I think she hates me. She told me to get away from her, not to touch her. God, what do I do if she won't let me get close to her? What if she won't let me help her?"

"Marcus, it can't be easy to lose a child. To wake from a trauma only to learn you survived but your child didn't, a child you didn't even know about. Well, I think that gives Sonja the right to go a little crazy. Don't worry. I know the two of you love each other enough to weather this. Look what all shit Christian and I got through. You aren't alone in this. Libby and the others will be here later. If anyone can get through to Sonja it's Libby," Ana spoke in a confident tone, a confidence I am not able to share at the moment. All I can see is my newfound happiness slipping through my fingers.

At least Sonja is quiet now. Her anguished screams nearly tore my heart out. I wanted to wail and scream right along with her. Maybe I'm not handling my grief as well as I thought. It feels like someone reached in and stripped me of all my vital organs. I know they're still in my chest because it hurts like hell. I need a good strong drink. Hell, I need a whole bottle, maybe two.

The hours waiting for Libby to come or hear that Sonja is awake and asking for me felt like a lifetime. Whatever they gave her is still keeping her under. She looks so peaceful, not crazed and in agony like she was earlier.

The ping of the elevator draws my eyes. Seeing Libby I stand up. Without hesitation she comes to me wrapping her arms around my waist. At any other time in my life I'd consider this an assault worthy of harsh retaliation. Now, her small frame against mine felt comforting. I get it now more than ever the bond between Sonja and the ragtag assortment of humanity she collected over the years. They are in their own strange way family. Returning her hug with a tight squeeze of my own I think it is safe to say I'm now an official part of Sonja's family.

"Tell me. Tell me what I can do?" Without me saying a word Libby offered her help. She didn't need to be told Sonja broke down when I told her about the baby. Everyone knew it would be hard for Sonja, we just weren't prepared for a complete breakdown.

"She…she thinks it's her fault she lost the baby. Nothing I said got through to her. They had to sedate her. She's still under. If you don't mind, could you go in so you're the first thing she sees when she wakes? I think seeing you will keep her calm. Maybe she'll talk to you. I don't know what else to do."

"Marcus you don't have to ask for my help. I'd do anything for the two of you. Sonja's never been as happy as she is with you. At the moment she has to blame someone. Now it is her, later it will be you. Not rational but it's a process. Once she's able to reason again she'll come to the right conclusion on her own. Just don't give up on her or take her attacks at face value. It will all come out right, you'll see. We'll get through this together." She patted my arm then went into Sonja's room.

Damn, I wish I'd been a better person. Maybe then none of this would have happened. Libby said not to worry, not to take it to heart if Sonja blames me. How can I not take it to heart when deep down I have a niggling doubt? Maybe it is my fault. Maybe I should walk away now to save both Sonja and I some grief.

Fuck that! Sonja will have to forcibly push me out of her life. Even then I'm likely to become her very own stalker. I can't live without her. I won't live without her. She's the center of my universe.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. My desktop crashed and with the help of my dear friend I was able to take it to Best Buy for repairs. They've had it for almost three weeks.**

**Since the last chapter of TSOD was on that computer and I hadn't backed it up. I decided to do a rewrite. Before I finished the chapter I got my computer back. I liked some of the dialog and other paragraphs in the older version of the chapter so I merged them. I'm not good at rewrites. First out is always the best in my case.**

**Excuse any places where I repeat myself or if it doesn't flow properly. I did my best. After this chapter there will be a prologue.**

**So folks, here goes nothing.**

**Chapter Thirty-two**

**Hard Road**

As the drugs they gave me begin to wear off I am wracked with pain both mental and physical. The deep down emptiness hurts the worst. I think maybe on some level I knew or suspected I might be pregnant but what with all the drama I suppose I held off doing anything about facing that until things were sorted out with all the danger we were in.

I can deal with the pain from my injuries. I'm beginning to deal with the loss of the baby in my own way, retreat. Retreat into my own desensitized world. What is harder to deal with is the shame, the shame of how I reacted to Marcus telling me about the baby.

I've been listening to Libby tell me over and over not to give into my grief this way. I have to hang on and use Marcus's strength instead of pushing him away. I'm not ready yet to face any reality. I feel better staying firmly behind my wall of stony silence for now.

As hard as I try I can't seem to get past blaming someone I can actually scream at and accuse since the real culprits are all dead. Marcus just happened to be the only other person available in that instant.

Hollow, I feel hollow. Shame is mixed in there somewhere. I feel horrible about how I treated Marcus. At first I felt a wave of anger toward me then it quickly turned to anger toward Marcus. I lashed out so cruelly toward him.

Even as I said those hurtful words condemning him, accusing him, I knew they weren't the truth but I couldn't seem to stop them. Sending him away hurt me as much if not more than it did him. Without his strong presence to prop me up my old insecurities returned with a vengeance. For long periods of time I castigated me then returned to ripping Marcus apart.

I'm not sure in what moment I temporarily lost my sanity. Sedation kept me from feeling anything. A part of me, the cowardly part, wanted to stay in that drugged haven for eternity. Lucky for me the people who love me won't let me wallow in my misery alone. I refuse to speak or acknowledge anyone's presence. In this way I can begin to separate myself from all I am feeling.

Libby is now sitting beside my bed quietly waiting for me to turn over thereby acknowledging her. So far we've been in this standoff for a good half hour. Libby has the patience of a saint. Throw in a good measure of compassion, stubbornness and love and you have a formidable opponent if you're in the mood to shut the world out.

Hearing another deep sigh I think Libby has reached even the end of her abundant forbearance. "Sonja, when did we all start calling you Sonja instead of Sonny? I've been sitting here ready to roll my sleeves up for a good old fashioned dressing down and it came to me we are all now calling you Sonja. Marcus must be rubbing off on us more than I thought."

Well, that certainly isn't what I expected to hear. In fact I expected to hear a list of my recent errors in judgment, starting with me hurling hateful untruths at Marcus. Before I can gear my mind in this new direction Libby tosses out another curveball.

"You know, I've been thinking. I like working at Christian's company but I think I'll take him up on his offer to pay for me to go to college. I'm in the mood to learn. After all, if Matt and I have children, I don't want them growing up thinking their mother is ignorant. Yep, I do believe I've found my calling, perpetual learning. Now if I can only find a way to make it pay for all the comforts I've become used to."

Cold silence is her only answer. I've still got some fight in me. I know what waits for me when I leave this self-imposed near catatonic state. The real world is waiting with all the pain and disappointment ready to rip away at my once wonderful life. It's all too new and I fear I'm losing it, losing Marcus.

How can he forgive me for what I've said to him? I couldn't even give him a child, the one thing he wanted most from me. Born a failure I'm likely to die a failure.

More thoughts in this vein send me down a road into a place where nothing can touch me. Better this silent world than what awaits me if I let go of my control over my emotions. If ever I begin to let out my grief in tears I may never stop.

Time, I need time to heal my body and my mind. Right now I'm not fit to speak to anyone. It's as if I hate the world, I hate me most of all. I'm jealous of what everyone else has that I lost. The real world is a cold and vicious place. Yes, it's better to stay in my own world. Here, I control what and how much I feel.

With a discontented sigh I hear Libby leave. A few seconds later Matt comes in. I tune him out. I'm getting better at shutting everyone out. It gets easier with every passing day. One by one they traipse in hoping to get some reaction. My shields are well and truly drawn up.

How many days pass I don't know or care. Marcus and the others come and go droning on and on about things that do not matter to me. Nothing matters except to maintain this wall I'm building between me and the outside world. Day by day, brick by brick the wall gets higher and thicker. Soon I'll be unreachable. Every day I sink further away from reality. I do believe I'm slowly disappearing. My thoughts are becoming less clear. There are times I can barely string two thoughts together. There is a reason I should mind this state of affairs but it escapes me.

Again Libby has come. She waits for me to blink an eyelid. I've learned to keep my eyes closed when someone comes in my room. "Okay, have it your way. I hate exploiting children this way but it's for a good cause. Remember Sonja, you made me do this."

Damn, it isn't fair. Libby brought in the big guns. She pops in a dvd of Teddy and Phoebe. I can hear Ana and Libby coaxing them to speak to me. Hearing their sweet childish voices is like a wrecking ball battering against my wall of separation.

I hang on with the last few threads of control I have.

Taking another tact she says, "I never thought you were cruel or a coward Sonja. What you did to Marcus while being understandable is also very cruel. Do you know he's out in the waiting room bawling like a baby? Do you know how emasculating that is for a man like him? Talk to me please. Talk to someone. I know you. The longer you pull away the deeper you'll get entrenched in the safe world you are building behind your silence. I can't let you stay there Sonja which is why I'm going to pour this pitcher of ice water over you if you don't turn around and talk to me before I reach the count of three. Okay, here goes. One…two…and…"

Libby is relentless. Not unkind just a sweet bulldog with a juicy bone. Turning around I see her calmly sitting in the chair nowhere near my pitcher of water. If I'd have thought about it I've have realized Libby wouldn't actually pour iced water over anyone already suffering.

"Well, that worked. Now, sweety let's talk. You talk, I'll listen, even if it's just about the weather. You need to communicate not shut yourself off from those who care about you."

"I hate you Libby. It hurts too much. I don't want to hurt like this anymore."

"Ah, so you can speak. I thought maybe they botoxed your lips by accident." I can't help the soft almost laugh that escapes me. This is so like Libby to not go all soft and mushy on me just when I need a kick in the butt. It's what I need but it still stings thus giving me an excuse to let the waterworks loose in earnest.

Suddenly I'm sobbing so hard my body is shaking. The dam has broken. Through gasps for air and sniffling the dripping snot running from my nose, I begin the cathartic verbal expulsion of anger, blame, loathing for those three monsters who caused so much needless pain to innocent children and to all of us who may have committed some sin but nothing that warranted the vicious deadly plan they tried to carry out to an evil end.

"Come on Sonny. Come back to us. I miss you so much. We all do. You heard Teddy and Phoebe, they miss you too and sent a big hug and kiss."

"I know, I know. It's just easier now not to deal with anything. If I don't talk about it maybe it didn't happen." God I sound like an idiot, a selfish idiot. Marcus has to be suffering too. He has Christian and Ana but I should be the one giving him solace. We should be holding onto each other not pushing further apart, me doing all the pushing.

"Everything you've been saying isn't something I didn't already know. I suppose it just took someone bulldozing down my wall to make me listen to a truth I already knew. I couldn't yell at the people responsible for what happened and I needed a punching bag. First it was me then Marcus. Neither of us is responsible for any of this, I know that."

"He loves you Sonja. We all love you. Come back to us." Now Libby's voice is soft and coaxing.

"I'm sorry…didn't mean…" Hiccup, sniffle, wipe dripping snot from my upper lip. "Marcus…I blamed him…called him horrible hurtful names. At first I blamed me but then something snapped inside of me. I…I…" Hiccup, sniffle, wipe dripping snot. "I blamed Marcus. I sent him away. I don't think he can ever forgive me. Oh Libby, what am I going to do? If I lose Marcus I think I won't want to live."

Libby grabbed me by my upper arms and shook me, not hard enough to rattle my brains but enough to get my attention. "Stop that kind of talk right now. Do you think Marcus cares so little for you that something said during a breakdown can't be forgiven? That man spent hours by your bedside. Many nights he slept with his head on the side of the bed holding your hand in case you woke. He cried Sonja. He cried like no person should cry, especially a man like Marcus."

Sitting down on the edge of my bed Libby takes my hand in one of hers while brushing the hair away from my face with the other. For a few seconds we simply look at one another. She looking her usual sweet self and me probably looking like something the cat dragged in after pulling me through the hedges backwards.

"Sonja, don't let this go on any longer. I know it hurts, will probably hurt for a long time but it will get better, I promise. I'm going to tell you something I never told you before. When I was fourteen, I got pregnant. It doesn't matter who, it just matters that when I lost it at five months I nearly went out of my mind but gradually it hurt less. What helped was fighting for a better life. You have that better life, hang on to it for all you're worth. Love, love like you and Marcus have doesn't come along very often. Do you know how lucky you are to have found the one person in the world who is your other half? Just think how many people there are in the world and how astronomical it is to find that one person."

Sniffling I say, "I know Libby. Even when I was yelling at Marcus, blaming him, I knew it wasn't true. I just couldn't seem to stop and then I just shut down. It hurt too much to think. I didn't want to feel anything. Stupidly I thought if I pushed him away then I wouldn't have to hear him say goodbye or tell me he didn't love me. All sorts of crazy things went through my head."

Sitting up straighter I say, "Please, would you help make me presentable so I don't have to face Marcus looking like a washed out dishrag?"

"Sonja, you never look anything but beautiful even with snot bubbles coming out of your nose. Now that hair is another story. It looks like a crows nest. I do think I hear the chirping of little birdies." For a few seconds I look doubtfully at Libby then see the sparkle in her eyes and the tug at the side of her lips. She is trying to suppress a smile. When she loses the battle we both hug while giggling like school girls. The worst has passed. I know it won't be easy facing Marcus but I also know he won't condemn me or make it harder than it has to be. That's what love does; it makes the hard to do things easier because there is another person beside you giving encouragement and support. I just wish I'd given mine when Marcus needed it. Well, if Libby's right, now it's my turn. I'm ready, willing and able.

"Libby, what would I do without you're calming influence and sound advice?"

"Well, let's hope you never have to find out. Now, I bet you'd sell your left pinky toe for a shower. Want me to get an aide?"

"Pinky toe? I'd sell the whole foot." It feels wonderful to be able to joke and feel something other than a permanent ache in my chest. I want to see Marcus but not the way I look now. He's seen me looking like a camp refugee long enough. Time to face the world. First thing I need to do is apologize for shouting such awful things at him. I didn't mean them when I said them. I knew they weren't true at the time but couldn't seem to stop the words from spewing out.

Twenty minutes later I'm showered with a clean hospital gown and freshly shampooed hair. I'd rather have one of my sexy nightgowns but this hospital gown will have to do. I'm hoping Marcus won't care what I'm wearing so long as I am wearing a smile.

All my bruises are fading into yellowish patches. I'll have scars where the bullets entered my body. Libby told me the doctor is optimistic that a plastic surgeon can lessen the ugliness of the puckered skin. She assures me Marcus won't give a hoot about a few blemishes as long as I cut off the head of the fire breathing dragon perched on my shoulder. She need not worry. I'm in a saner frame of mind thanks to her stubborn never say die attitude.

Marcus may not care how I look but as a woman I do. There is also the fact that looking at my scars will be a constant reminder of all we lost. The other side of that coin is they will also remind us what we have. As bad as the scars are no amount of surgery will likely remove them completely. I'll be happy with just faded memories.

I'm nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof waiting for Marcus. I've shifted around so many times my once straightened sheets are now a tangled mess. My heart begins to hammer against my chest when I first clamp eyes on Marcus since I spewed my venom toward him.

Lip quivering, eyes welling with tears, I'm about to lose my control when Marcus rushes forward to wrap me in his arms. This more than any words tells me all I need to know. Sure the words will need to be spoken asking for his forgiveness and apologizing for every vitriolic word I hurled at him but at the moment we are content to absorb the heat from one another.

He begins to kiss my face then kisses me with a passion meant to burn all doubts away. I want him, I want to feel him inside of me, surrounding me with his masculine strength. That will have to wait. We have time. I know this now so I can be happy with just his lips and arms for now.

"Marcus…" He stops my words with a finger over my lips.

"Shhh, later. There will be plenty of time later for this conversation."

Smiling I wrap my fingers gently around his wrist as I kiss his finger. Pulling it away I say, "I was just going to tell you I love you and miss having you in bed beside me. I wanted to ask if you'd sleep with me tonight. I don't want to be alone for one night longer. I know you've been here but there is nothing better than falling asleep with your warmth pressed against me or waking to feel the evidence of your need pressing into me."

Gently he lifts me up against his chest so he can nuzzle my neck. Kissing the place he knows drives me wild he huskily says, "Whatever my Siren wants, my Siren shall have. I aim to please. When you're feeling more up to the task, I intend to please you good and proper. You won't be able to walk for a week."

With a happy sigh I lean away from him taking his face between my hands. I want to commit every line of his face to memory if I haven't done so already. Libby said it, he's my other half. Without him I'd only be half alive. The reality of how close we came to losing each other brings my happiness to a halt. We came so close to losing everything. What we did lose is bad enough, but if anything had happened to him I…

"Oh baby, don't cry. It's over. I'm here, you're here. Everyone is safe. If I could take all the bad memories away I would. I can't but I can be here with you to share your pain and to let you lean on me, take in some of my strength. Take from me what you need. I'm here for you Sonja. I'll always be here for you if I have any say in the matter."

Wrapping my arms around his neck in a stranglehold I cry into his neck. "I love you so much Marcus. It scares me to love you so much. In my heart I know neither of us did anything wrong. I just needed to deflect some of the pain and you were an easy target. Again, I'm sorry."

"Hey baby, loving someone with your whole heart is scary. It's also the most wonderful thing in the world. Until you came along I wasn't living, I was just moving through life without experiencing any real emotion other than hate, loathing and the need to control everything. I wasn't unhappy. Hell, I wasn't anything. I just went through the motions. Now, now that I have you it's like the clouds parted and the sun is shining every day. I love you the same way you love me, completely. You're my world too."

A not so discreet cough from the doorway draws our attention. Reluctantly we pull further away from one another, not that our friends would mind us having an intimate moment. I think Marcus and I would rather our intimate moments be private for a while. We don't want to shut the world out entirely, just for short periods until we've made up for lost time.

"Well now, I see we agree on flouting hospital rules where our women are concerned. When I slept with Ana I expected to wake up one morning with Nurse Ratchet trying to skewer me with a syringe," Christian said with an unusual hint of playfulness in his voice. Christian didn't do playful, at least not with the general populace and not before Ana from what I've been told.

"Christian Grey! My nurse was perfectly fine. It is only because you're such a bad influence on me that we got into trouble."

"Ana, who begged who to sleep in their hospital bed? Who begged who to do vile things to them before the doctor gave the okay? Me bad? Ana, you have that backwards. Remind me later to take you to task," Christian said with a look not quite proper in a hospital room.

"Oh Christian, I think you can count on me reminding you. Maybe we won't even make it out of the underground parking lot." Turning to look at Ana I saw she seemed to find Christian's lack of decorum sexy as hell if that glint in her eye means anything. Her reply all but sealed her fate after they leave here. I can't say I blame either of them. Just thinking of such naughty things has me ready to invite Marcus in my bed for more than sleeping and I'm still sore as hell from my wounds.

"Hey you two, am I going to have to toss a bucket of cold water on you? Need I remind you we have an injured person in here? All this innuendo and hot glances isn't good for her recovery. Cool down or out you go," Marcus said teasingly as he shoves against Christian's unmoving body.

"Who is going to make me move? Surely not you Marcus. Need I remind you my dear friend the last time we sparred I kicked your ass."

"And need I remind you my dear _friend_, I had just returned from a six hour mother of all mother meetings then had to catch the red eye? I wasn't in any shape to whip a puppy let alone you." By now the two men were standing facing each other with their arms crossed across their chests. If they were any other men I'd be worried a fist fight was about to break out in my room. A few seconds standing toe to toe and they both break out laughing slapping each other's shoulders. Their easy camaraderie mixed with male laughter, made everything seem more normal.

Placing her hand on Christian's shoulder Ana says, "Why don't we leave Marcus and Sonja alone so they can get some _sleep_?" I swear Ana giggled at the end of that sentence. "You and I Mr. Grey have some disciplining to do. Someone has been very bad and needs to be shown the error of her ways."

"Baby, let's go." Christian grabbed Ana's hand pulling her toward the door. He had a look of anticipation on his face. Ana blushed skipping along behind as he tugged her out the door. Before she was lost to sight Ana called out, "I'm glad you're better Sonja. I'll come back tomorrow without the caveman. We can have a talk then." She let go of the door frame allowing Christian to pull her away. I could hear her giggles all the way to the elevator. Lucky Ana.

Alone again we avoid looking directly at one another. Ridiculously I feel nervous. Why I'm not certain. Incredibly Marcus looks uncomfortable too. Maybe our nervousness has to do with the recent conversation and implied imminent sexual encounter Ana and Christian were going to have and the fact that we couldn't very well do much in this hospital room.

Calculating my last visit by the nurse's aid I'm pretty sure we have about another hour before anyone will be coming in. There are things we can do that doesn't require for us to both be in the bed or for our clothes to be off. Marcus is a very good teacher and I'm an apt student.

"Marcus, we're alone, no one will be coming in for an hour or so. I need you. I know we can't make love but…"

"Hell no baby. Like hell am I going to make love to you in a hospital bed while you're recuperating from bullet wounds and various other injuries. I want to baby, I really do but just this once I'm going to put someone else's needs or wants above my own. I'll hold you all night long if that's what you want but no hanky-panky. Got it?"

Since he ended his rejection speech with a kiss that curled my toes I don't take any offence to his words. That kiss told me all I need to know. He wants me bad, real bad. Just to prove it he guided my hand to the front of his jeans.

"That's how much I want you Sonja. I ache for you. There isn't a minute that goes by that I don't want you in some way. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Sometimes I'm content just to look at you, listen to your voice. When you're with me the world is a brighter happier place."

"I don't think there can ever be a sweeter rejection Marcus. Come to bed and let's cuddle. Imagine that, a man who likes to cuddle and without the expectation of sex. You my love are a man among men."

"And don't you forget it my lovely Siren. You are mine. Now and forever."


End file.
